The insane tales of MLP
chapter 33
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"3 Weeks, 3 Freakin weeks since you Two Assholes made another Chapter. I should be Upset, but I'm not." Deadpool said.
Do you wanna bitch or do you wanna piss other people off?
"Both, why?"
One word: Princesses.
"Go on."
You've messed with the mane six, so who else is there very much known to annoy?
"Don't you mean Mane 7?"
Yeah, but some people will be pissed cause they don't like Spike, so we'll just use mane six to keep them calm.
I think he was Talking about Starlight.
"Yeah little Miss Sarah Conner."
HEY! I for one am eager to see how this ends up! DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME!
"Fine we'll end it, but if the readers want me to Annoy the Shit out of Starlight, we give it to em!"
Duly noted.
"Good." Deadpool turned and ran to the nearest train station and took it to Canterlot.
On the train he had gorged himself on sweets while looking through his phone. "Let's see Porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn and more Porn hey Porn! Nope that's just more Porn." he said Tossing his Phone out the window. "Man, it's like all they have on the internet is porn."
That and Stupid cat Videos.
Soon the train stopped and Deadpool jumped out of the window.
"Ahhh Canterlot!" He looked around with a few unicorns looking at him in confusion for his attire. "Now if I were Luna, where would I be?"
He looked at the castle and grinned. "B.E.A-utiful!"
He ran to it and stopped in front of the guards. "Hello, I'm here to see the Princesses."
"No one may enter the castle."
"Why?"
"Any strangers are prohibited from enter without permission."
"Why?"
"Because it's the law."
"Why?"
"Because." frowned the guard.
"Why?"
"Because we said so!"
"Why?"
"Stop saying that!"
"Why?"
"Just use the taser spell on him!"
"Why?"
The other guard's horn glowed before zapping the merc.
It had no effect. "Ooh, tingly."
They blasted him Again.
"I think that made my head feel funny."
They kept blasting him.
"Think my second head is really liking this. Keep going."
The guard rolled his eyes. "Okay go In."
"You sure? Another one of those zaps and I think I'm ready to go."
"YES! JUST GO!"
Deadpool walked by as the guards sighed. "Works everytime."
As he walked up the stairs, he spotted a room with a moon on it. "Gotcha!" He pulled out His 3Ds and Started to Play it as he got connected to the Internet.
Inside the room Luna had a headset on while her hooves tapped away at the controller. She was playing against some Newbies at Smash and thought she couldn't be beaten.
"Fall at my hands!" she laughed.
She was Victorious until a Mii that Resembled a Certain Merc appeared to Challenge her.
"I shall accept thy challenge."
With Luna controlling Robin and Deadpool controlling pooled, their Fight began.
"Begin!"
Luna smirked but was Quickly defeated. Her jaw dropped before frowning. "Mere Luck!"
Then the merc offered a rematch.
"Of Course!"
Then the match was on again. And Once again She lost.
"Curses!"
She demanded another rematch. And again lost.
She gritted her teeth.
Deadpool chuckled to himself.
She growled and Put in A Copy of Splatoon. "Try this on."
Deadpool smirked.
They kept playing with Deadpool winning each time.
"INCONCEIVABLE!" She shouted.
"Not really!" Deadpool shouted in the room.
"What the!?" She turned and saw the merc wave at her. "Who are You?" She demanded.
"The guy who whooped your butt." he chuckled.
She grumbled and Looked away .
"Anyways, I'm off to bug your sister."
Luna said nothing.
He walked off with a spring in his step.
Meanwhile with Celestia.
She smiled and looked left and right while looking at a silver plate with a piece of cake on it.
"I know what you want!" She told the Cake. She leaned in. "You want to be inside me, don't you?"
"WELL YOU CAN'T AND YOU KNOW WHY!?" She said using her magic to grab it. "STOP GIVING ME THAT LOOK!"
"Wow, and I thought I was nuts."
She turned and Saw Deadpool.
"Are you gonna eat it or have sex with it? Either way, I'm videotaping it."
"Begone! This is between me and the Cake...STOP MOCKING ME!" She yelled.
"Inside recording of Celestia going nuts." whispered Deadpool with the camera.
"FINE BE THAT WAY! BUT JUST KNOW YOU FORCED ME TO DO THIS!" She started to Devour the Cake.
"This is gold." snickered the merc.
"AND IIIIIIIIIIIII HOLY SHIT! WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME GOD DAMMIT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?" She sang out as she hugged the Plate.
"Wonder if I can retire with the bits from this."
Celestia stopped and refined herself. "Now, who are you?"
"Names Deadpool!"
"And what are you doing here?"
"Just curious."
It got silent.
"..."
Awkward.
Very much yes.
"I NOTICED!"
"Would you mind please Leaving?"
"Sure, I got enough footage anyway."
He left out as She was trying to figure out what happened. "Alright, two down, one more to go."
He made his way down the hall when he heard typing. 'Hmm?'
He put his ear up to the door.
"Just gotta finish this last piece."
He opened the door and saw Cadence typing something.
"And done!"
"Ooooh can I read?" He Asked.
"GAH!" she jumped.
"S'up."
"Who are you?!"
"Names Deadpool."
"Were you eavesdropping?" she glared at him.
"All I heard was some typing." then he looked at her computer. "Oooh whatcha got there?"
"It' nothing!" she tried covering it with her hooves.
"Too Late, I'm interested!" He moved them aside and saw she was on fimfic. "No Way!" And saw she was writing a smut fic. "HAHAHAHA! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!"
"I SAID DON'T LOOK!"
"Let's see what you wrote!"
Cadence's horn lit up before he was thrown against the wall.
"Ooh someone's feisty!"
"It's nothing!"
"Suuuure." He ran over and kicked her aside before reading it. "Spike was stroking Rarity's beautiful mane."
"Stop!"
"Oh spikey your claws feel Wonderful!" He read in Rarity's voice.
Cadence ran over to try and tackle him. But he held his foot out.
"I just know where to touch." Deadpool mimicked Spike's voice as Cadence rolled onto the ground.
"Stop!"
"Wow, and you gave Rarity a chest of toys? Damn. I wonder if the real Rarity is into bondage?"
She blushed.
"And what's this? Including Sweetie Belle?"
"STOP IT!" She fired a spell at him. He held up a Mirror and reflects back at her.
She bounced back as he kept reading. This kept going on for about a Good 4 Hours.
And by the end, Deadpool was jotting down notes from some of the fetishes she put in the story.
"Thanks for all that!" He said.
"Don't you dare say a word!"
"Word!" He finished and put the notebook in his pants. Maybe that's why he tries to compensate for a tiny-
"SHUT UP!"
See? Clearly he's trying to keep it a secret. Don't you know Wade, the truth will set you free? Be honest with yourself!
"Why don't you Suck my Ass! And be like Jax-naut, he doesn't make fun of me!"
Suuuuuure he doesn't.
I don't seriously.
Is that why you say Wolverine could kick his ass any day of the week?
THAT IS NOT TRUE!...mostly.
See?
"I hate you Both."
Love ya too.
He left out the room and headed for the exit. "Oh man, the press are gonna go nuts over this stuff."
He made his Way out of the Castle. But saw a spell blast near his feet.
"Whoa!"
"DEADPOOL!" shouted Celestia flying down at him.
"Uh oh looks like someone's Mad!" He turned and bolted away.
"GET BACK HERE!"
"GOTTA GO FAST!"
She kept firing at him.
He jumped into the train and took a seat before grabbing a paper and hiding his face behind it.
She smashed through the Roof. She looked around at the scared ponies. She walked down the Aisle looking for Deadpool.
Then stopped at someone with a newspaper.
"Excuse me, have you seen anyone by the Name of Deadpool?"
"Oh no, never seen him, so sorry." they spoke in a stereotypical japanese voice.
"Okay sorry to Trouble you...Hey wait a minute!" She turned and saw the paper on the floor with a fake mustache and buck teeth. Celestia let out a Loud Primal Roar as well as a Large burst of Power. She was about to smash through the Roof again till she calmly went over to the Hole she made and Flew through it.
Meanwhile Deadpool had just ducked under the seat and snickered. He popped out and looked around. 'Safe.'
That's when he jumped out the window. Luckily the train had stopped so he took off running to Ponyville.
"I'm Home Free!" And as he ran, he spotted Spike with BonBon and Lyra, all looking happy as they stumbled a little. "I'm so Proud of Him!"
Then he saw Pinkie and Derpy waving to him. He waved Back. Then he spotted a certain shy pegasus running at him.
"Oh boy!"
"MORE!"
He held out his foot causing her to Trip.
"Sorry!" He ran off.
A portal opens up in front of Deadpool. "And that's my ticket out of here." He jumped in the Portal. It closed just as Celestia made it to the town.
"Darn!"
"Princess what's wrong?" Pinkie asked.
"That man broke into our castle!"
"He Beat me in Smash bros!" Luna said.
"He read my fanfic!"
"He Poisoned our Water Supply, Burned down our Crops, and set Fire to the Whole town!" Big Mac said.
"Uh, Big Mac? The town's still in one piece." spoke Twilight.
"Sorry I thought we were Just sayin stuff."
"On the upside, I got lucky." spoke the dragon.
"Nice!" Rainbow said hi-Fiving Spike.
"Us two!" called Pinkie and Derpy.
They Hi-Five each other. That's when another Portal Opened up. "Huh?"
Three figures walked out resembling Pinkie, Derpy, and Fluttershy.
"What the-?"
"Girls get in Formation and Introduce yourselves!" The Pinkie one said.
"Derp-Pool!"
"Flutter-Pool!"
"Pinkie-Pool!"
"AND WE ARE THE MERC SISTERS!"
"AH! They're multiplying!" shrieked Cadence.
Man YF, I Bet ol' Wade Wilson is Happy he's a Dad, huh?
"Hello voices!" called Derp-Pool.
"Ooooh you hear em Too?" Pinkie said.
"Hi mom!" waved Pinkie-Pool.
"YEAH! I HAVE A DAUGHTER!"
Fluttershy and her daughter shared a hug.
"So what's it like in the future?" Derpy asked her Daughter.
"Boring."
"Well we're here so we Might as well Stay!" Pinkie-Pool said.
"AHH!" screamed the princesses.