The insane tales of MLP
chapter 34
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A old abandoned house, with a lawn full of dandy lions who had Space Dandy's personality stood in front of the terrified pony.
Despite the scary house and the dandelions, that didn't scare Derpy away, as she took a handful of grass! "I got more grass Berry!"
"Woop de doo Derp."
"Why are we selling grass? The ponies can just eat it off of their lawns." Pointed out Moondancer.
"I told you, we're selling grass as grass!"
"Berry, we don't live in the hood, we really shouldn't be selling weed."
"Don't question me!" Then she pulled out something.
"What...is...that?"
"The secret ingredient to such good weed!"
"Ooh!" Said Derpy.
She mixed it together while Derpy stood beside her. And then, after finishing making the special weed, they all tested it, even someone as smart as Moondancer, against her better judgment.
"Mmm, not bad."
"Told yah my ni..."
That's when they were broken by their trance after hearing someone screaming in terror!
"Oh my, a shriek in terror!" Moondancer said.
"My creepy uncle's back from the dead!" Derpy shouted.
"Riiiiiight..."
All of them ran over and saw a small crowd.
"Lily, what happened?" Asked Sweetie Bot.
"A silhouette appeared in the window!"
"Stay back! Who knows what hides in the house of the haunted!" Derpy warned!
"Ahhh!" Screamed Lily!
"It's the house of the Mad Stallion who hunts for houses to blow up on Jackass!"
"Aaaaaaah!" Lily screamed twice! Getting an annoyed grunt from Berry Punch.
"No, this is from the nympho mare who lured young colts and mares to her home for pleasure!"
Then Lily was quickly silenced.
"Grow-up everyone! It's just a house!"
"Go check it out then, I dare ya." spoke Diamond Tiara.
"Yeah...but I gotta help Derpy with her marriage."
"No you don't, me & the doctor are doing amazing, why last night during sex, he took me right there on the balcony!"
"Uh, I need to help Moondancer get laid!"
"Nope, Spike took my virginity...as well as Starlight's...and Trixie's..."
"Ummmmmm."
"I'll give you fools access to my parent's cellars, if you walk inside." Said Diamond Tiara.
Berry Punch pondered that before grinning. "Come-on girls, let's go-in!"
"But Berry..."
She grabbed them and started pushing them thought the dandy lions. Then Derpy decimated them all in a huge sneeze!
"Dandelions."
Then they all walked in. They looked around at the empty and dusty house.
"Oooh...this reminds me of that scary movie we saw last night."
"Which one?"
"Phantom of the Back Acne!"
"Bleh! Don't remind me." grimaced Moondancer.
"Moondancer, let me poke your mane! Mwahahaha!" laughed Berry Punch while holding up a candle and doing a dark voice.
"Oh ha, ha, very funny! Who do you think I am? Edd who's afraid of phantoms despite being a man of science?"
"Well no, but then again, I didn't wanna freak you out by mentioning the giant spider behind you."
"Ha, nice tr.."
Then Derpy poked her. "Boo!"
"AH!" Moondancer jumped making both mares laugh. "Grrr..."
"Alright Derpy, let's make them think we're in trouble!"
"I'm on it!"
And so they began making loud noises!
"Oh-my, that is horrible!" Said Fluttershy!
"They're toast!" Shouted Big Mac!
"I take back everything I said about them!" Said Diamond Tiara.
Then we see Derpy getting strangled.
"Someone help my idiot mother!" Shouted Dinky!
Then Derpy moved over a little to show she was strangling herself.
"Huh?" Said an unimpressed Diamond Tiara. "Celestia Dammit, we got April Fooled!"
"Of all the lousy tricks." frowned Big Mac.
"Okay girls, enough torture, let's go get Spike & the doctor then get drunk!" Then Berry tried opening the door. But it didn't budge.
"It's stuck." Said Derpy.
"Okay, let me use my magic." But something was blocking it. "Ok, nevermind."
"Hooray! We're gonna go on a Spoooooky adventure through this old abandoned house, perfect for a criminal to hide in."
"Derpy! Please stop scaring me more than usual!" said Moondancer.
"You mean that one time I came home with no head and you hid in the bathroom till the next day?" snickered Berry Punch.
"Stop it! Let's just find a way out now before I stab you 2 with my horn!"
"Fine, let's head up those stairs." Berry pointed out.
All of them walked up the steps. They then met with a hallway.
"Hmm...where shall we go 1st?" Berry asked before a trapdoor opened below them. "Uh oh."
Then they all fell, even Derpy despite being a pegasus.
"Ow."
"Wowee, my head hurts more than any hangover." Said Berry Punch.
"Good thing my glasses didn't crack."
Then they all found themselves in the basement.
"Oh great." groaned Moondancer.
"On the bright side, we have all these funhouse mirrors, teehee, my flank is as big as Harold's from Bunnicula."
"Derpy, you're a grown mare, stop watching cartoons with your daughter."
"You're one to talk with your plans to watch My Hero Academia, the Ace Attorney anime, and Final Fantasy XV Brotherhood." Derpy shot back. "Besides, I'm doing family bonding with my kid. Where's your kid? Still in Spike's dragon balls?"
"BUUUUUUURN OH SNAP!" Shouted Berry Punch.
That's when they started fighting.
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Quit it girls, we need to escape this place and we won't unless we do it as a team and if you don't, I'm beating your ears in and you know how superior I am in strength." Said Berry Punch.
"You're right, guess we should stop."
"Yeah, I really rather be fighting someone outside of this scary place."
"Good, now let's split up, if one of us finds a way out of the basement, whinny."
They nodded and then went their separate ways.
"Tee-hee, big flank so what?" Then a basket of muffins appeared from a dumbwaiter. "Muffins, yeah!" Then Derpy rode the dumbwaiter up.
"Man is this place creeping me out." Then a ball of light flew by."Oh...an orb, th-that means ghosts really do live here...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Then Moondancer ran away as a Boo chuckled.
Then she stopped after seeing a book on the floor. "What?! A book, left on the floor like it was trash, despite it being in very good condition?! Come here poor CLANNAD vol.1." Then she saw another manga. "Berserk Vol.14, Pokemon ReBURST Vol.8, Mario-Kun vol.37, wow it's the official MLP manga where a talking tree falls in love with the Golden Oaks Library."
She kept grabbing each book with her hooves. "So disrespectful, this is Astro Boy, the God of Manga! Don't these ponies..." Her mouth dropped as she found a huge library filled with manga. "Paradise."
"Walls upon walls of...hello?" She then saw a manga volume sticking out, so she got on a ladder and pushed it back in. "How dare they do that to the Skullman, this guy was the fucking inspiration of Kamen Rider Ichigo, the very 1st Kamen Rider." She said as she climbed down the ladder. But didn't notice the hole beneath her and kept climbing down.
Meanwhile...
"Huh? Derpy? Moondancer?" Berry Punch looked around in confusion. "Where'd you girls go?" Then she saw a huge bottle of beer. "Nevermind, that bottle is all I need."
She grabbed it and tried taking the top off with her teeth. That's when she was launched by a spring trap!
"Me?"
No, not you Purple Guy! I mean an actual Springtrap where it sent her flying with the bottle in hoof.
"Ok, open up." she tugged on the top. That's when she hit a wall, with the bottle breaking open and all of it's contents spilling on her. "Wow, haven't been this sticky since that night with Zecora's cousin."
She licked some of it off her lips with a smile. She found herself upside down in a trash can. Then Moondancer appeared.
"Gah!"
"Moondancer?"
"Berry?"
"Bout time you two got here." spoke Derpy.
That's when they all found themselves in a strange makeshift roller coaster.
"How'd we get here?"
"I don't know, but it seems we're not done yet." Said Derpy as the ride began. "Wee, it's like a haunted house ride, I love it when Dinky clings to me when we go on these, it's so fun."
"But who put this here anyway?" spoke Moondancer.
"What the?" Said Berry Punch. "Well whomever it is, must like us, I mean...is that me holding a baby and a bottle?" She said as she saw the figurine.
"Is that me nursing?" blushed Moondancer.
"Haha...but why is it a figurine of you nursing a pony dragon hybrid?" Berry questioned.
"Aww, look, me and doc are attending Dinky's college graduation."
"This is getting weird." spoke Berry.
And then the ride stopped and they all ended up in front of 3 rooms, which had their names on each.
"Is the ride over?" asked Derpy.
Then the doors opened.
"Oh dear, I fear it has only just begun." Moondancer said.
"Hey girls." Said Spike.
"Spike, Doctor Whooves, Thunderlane? What are you guys doing here?" Berry asked.
"Well we kinda had this whole thing set up." spoke Thunderlane.
"You did?"
"Thunderlane is really horny for Berry Punch, meanwhile Spike here just really likes Moondancer and bas decided he wants you bare his children."
"Aha! I knew it, your kids are still stuck in Spike's balls."
"Shut up." blushed Moondancer.
"So girls, it's just us, alone in this abandoned mansion, wanna do it?" Asked Thunderlane.
"Yeah!" cheered Derpy before tackling Doctor Whooves into the room.
"Well...I guess it couldn't hurt, you have seen my private areas before after all." Moondancer blushed before going in with Spike.
"Before we do it, I'm gonna need some hard stuff to really get me horny." spoke Berry.
"Filthy Rich is a bar buddy of mine, he gave me beers he recommended."
"Haha! Fuck you Diamond Tiara!" She said before victoriously trotting in.
All the doors shut and the rooms were filled with moans.
A few months later, we see Moondancer hugging her belly and Berry Punch rubbing hers.
"*giggle* Only one more month."
"Yay!" cheered Derpy with her own belly.
"Well, guess this is where our slapstick adventures come to an end, for we all now have kids to raise."
"Yeah, but when these guys finally move out, the craziness resumes, right?" Asked Berry.
"Yep."
"Totally."