Chapter Seventeen: Finding Friends

The first week of school didn't go horribly. There were still stares and whispers from other students in the hallways, and a lot of his friends didn't seem to know what to say to him. But there were no more incidents. Harry was still nervous about talking in class, but he honestly tried his best in his written work, and his professors were beginning to notice.

The woman they had sent from the ministry to teach DADA was awful, but Harry didn't let it bother him, she mostly picked on Draco. She seemed to take every opportunity that she could to give him a hard time, or take points away from him. Harry gave Draco sympathetic glances throughout class, he even tried to speak up for him at one point, but it only seemed to make things worse.

He was even doing well not cutting, Hermione and Ron seemed to follow him everywhere, constantly asking if he was okay. It drove him insane, but he appreciated seeing how much they cared. Somehow, he could only guess that the others had planned it, the whole group managed to sit together to eat breakfast every morning. He had his suspicions that someone had told them that breakfast was his hardest meal.

It was hard to eat in the great Hall, with everyone watching them, but Harry did his best to eat at every meal. By Thursday afternoon he was actually feeling good, classes were in full swing and keeping him busy, and this afternoon he got to spend some time in the lab with Severus and the other advanced students. It was the first time he really had a chance to talk with Draco since the train.

Harry was grinding down roots into a fine powder, while Draco chopped a strange looking nut that seemed to be moving. Two other students had come in a few minutes after them, and Snape had set them to the task of going through his old stores and sorting out the potions that were too old to use. Harry couldn't help but notice that Snape had given him a task that kept him away from sharp objects, and that there was a magical lock fixed to the front of the cabinet where he kept his dreamless sleep now. But he didn't complain. It felt really good to be back in the lab, and after the first hour he was starting to feel a bit more comfortable around the other two students.

Draco had introduced them when they came in, Eliza and Ava. Eliza was a sixth year with dirty blonde hair who looked as though she should be a Hufflepuff. Harry must have looked shocked at her green robes because she laughed and explained. " Not all Slytherins are as obviously evil as Draco here is, some of us know how to be subtle."

Draco rolled his eyes, but let her continue. She gave Harry a mischievous look "Declaring world domination from the rooftops has its place, but you usually attract more flies with honey."

Draco rolled his eyes "Yeah but who is trying to attract flies" he asked sarcastically.

Ava was only in her second year, she was very quiet, and her long, jet black hair hung down past her waist. She was slender, and her skin seemed almost translucent. She didn't say anything when Draco introduced her, but just nodded and hurried to start the task Snape had assigned her. But before she darted away Harry caught a glimpse of the green on her robes. So I'm the only one here who isn't in Slytherin, he observed. It didn't really bother him, he was finding more and more that the sorting hat had been on to him, and perhaps he had more friends in the house of snakes that anyone ever could have guessed.

He and Draco were working across from each other, so once everyone had settled at their tasks he smiled at his friend. "How's your first week of classes been?" Obviously, Harry had seen Draco every day, but without revealing their summer adventures, they couldn't risk talking much in the open. Harry glanced nervously at the girls, but he figured they couldn't spend the entire two hours in silence.

"It's been okay" Draco said vaguely "My classes are more work than I was expecting. I'll have a lot to get done this weekend, and we have Quidditch tryouts on Saturday… So, I need to get a jump on it."

Harry nodded, he too had noticed that the workload had increased significantly since last year. He had promised Remus he would do his best, but he had been quietly stressing about getting it all done. He was entirely too aware that for the first time since he came to Hogwarts, there were people paying attention to his grades, people who cared.

He and Draco spent two hours in casual conversation. After a bit the girls came out and joined them at the workbench, laughing as Draco chased after his jumping nuts. It wasn't until they were cleaning up to leave that Harry finally heard Ava speak. He was at a sink in a nook at the back of the lab, and when he turned around, holding the freshly cleaned beakers he had been using, she was blocking his path.

Her eyes locked with his, she seemed to be searching for something in him. It was the first time Harry had gotten a good look at her face, and he was surprised to see that her eyes were a dark purple color, almost black. She seemed to have a very magical air about her, and Harry briefly wondered if her appearance had been influenced by magic, or if she was even fully human.

TW: Sexual abuse talk (non graphic)

But he didn't have time to wonder, because she was speaking to him in an urgent, low voice. "What they wrote about you in the papers" She hissed, her voice thick with a Scottish burr. "Is it true?"

Harry just stared at her for a moment, unsure what to say. He hated that everyone at this school knew about his past, but she didn't seem to be asking in a mocking or nosey way. In fact, she seemed desperate to know, as if his answer was something she had been waiting for for years. Unable to muster up his voice, he just nodded. He had wanted to lie, but he couldn't… not when it seemed so important to her.

At his nod, her face became clouded. She didn't look as though she would cry, but Harry could see she was distressed. "Are you alright, should I go get Snape?" Harry was extremely out of his depth with crying girls.

She shook her head, forcing a smile that Harry recognized, an expression he had used many times. "I'm fine, please don't get anyone I'm fine. I just… I always thought I was the only one… Here I mean… the only kid at Hogwarts who had… been through that sort of thing… A lot of Slytherins have been through bad stuff, but no one likes to talk about it that much… and no one ever talks about this kind of thing… It just means a lot, knowing I'm not the only one…"

Harry was dumbfounded "You… You… some-someone…"

Ava nodded "A neighbor boy, when I was younger. It only happened once… nothing like what you've been through but…."

Harry shook his head "It's not a competition, once is enough." He offered her a small smile, unsure what to say next. "The neighbor… did you ever…"

Ava shook her head, "They moved pretty soon after, but I didn't get up the courage to tell my mum until we saw your story in the paper this summer… so, thanks I guess…"

Harry nodded, and they both moved back into the room as if nothing had happened. He wasn't sure what to think of what Ava had told him, but like she had said, it was nice to know you weren't alone.

End TW

The next day when he met with Lou they had a nice chat about his first week. He had made it almost ten minutes into the session before she finally brought up the fight on the train. He blushed and sighed "I was kind of hoping they hadn't told you about that…" He said sheepishly.

She gave him a disbelieving smile "Come on Harry, you know better than that."

He shrugged "It wasn't a big deal…"

Now she rolled her eyes "Harry you got into a riot on the Hogwarts train, that is a big deal!"

They spent most of the rest of the session talking about what had happened. After the session Harry floo'ed back home for dinner with Remus and Sirius, but he called it an early night, so he could get started on his homework. The weekend flew by, and before he knew it he was attending detention with Draco. Harry had been hoping that Snape would let them work on something cool, but instead they were scrubbing cauldrons.

Snape smirked at their faces "Oh come on, you two are here for detention, you didn't expect to be making fire whiskey did you?" Harry and Draco rolled their eyes, but set to work anyway. Snape said he had some papers to grade and slipped into his office.

Once they were alone Harry paused in his scrubbing "Draco" He asked hesitantly "You didn't get into too much trouble for defending me on the train… did you?" It was something he had been worrying about all week, but he hadn't had a chance to talk to Draco alone until now.

Draco scowled playfully as he scrubbed "I'm here with you, aren't I?"

But Harry hadn't gone back to scrubbing, "No, I mean… with your parents, with your dad…"

Draco started scrubbing harder, "Don't worry about it Harry, I made the choice to fight."

Harry sighed, he wanted to say more… but he couldn't think of what to say, so he started scrubbing again. For a while they worked in silence, then Draco paused between cauldrons "How are you doing Harry? Have you been… okay this week?"

Harry shrugged "I'm fine… I just wish people would stop hovering… I feel like everyone is watching me, waiting for me to fall apart."

Draco shrugged "They just care about you, eventually they will see that you are okay and leave you alone."

Harry nodded silently. He's right… they just need to see that I'm okay…. I just… just need to be okay. All evening he thought about what Draco had said, and eventually a plan started to form in his mind.

Monday morning Harry ate almost all of his breakfast. He ate all his meals that day. He threw himself into his school work, and quidditch. When people asked him how he was doing, instead of saying 'fine' he told them he was great, and told them how great his life was going. He said it so often, he was almost starting to believe it.

The only thing he couldn't seem to pretend away was his dreams. When he was in the hospital Dr. Taylor had started him on some drug to help him sleep, it was supposed to keep him from having nightmares too, but a few weeks into school it stopped working. And because the drug was helping him stay asleep he had a hard time waking himself up.

He would jolt awake, screaming, in the middle of the night, completely unable to move. He would lie there paralyzed for what seemed like hours before he finally was able to move again and curl up into a ball until morning. After the first few nights of this, he realized that he must not really be screaming, because he never woke anyone else up. At least that was something to be thankful for.

He needed to stop taking those stupid pills, but he knew if he told anyone about the nightmares they would get worried. So, he came up with a plan. That night when he showed up at the hospital wing he practiced in his head what he was going to say as he waited his turn. He had been surprised to learn at the start of the year that he was not the only Hogwarts student who had to come get medications from Poppy each morning and night. Apparently, Hogwarts had a rule against students managing their own medications, so there were about twenty students who made the trek to the hospital wing each night before bed.

When it was Harry's turn he took a deep breath as Poppy handed him a small paper cup with three pills in it. "Poppy," he tried not to sound nervous, and failed expertly. "Which one is the one that helps me sleep?"

Poppy pointed to it "Why Harry, is something wrong?"

Harry shook his head quickly "No, it's just… I have a test to study for… So I'm not really ready to go to sleep yet. Would it be alright if I save it and take it later?"

Poppy nodded so casually that Harry almost couldn't believe it. He thanked her and hurried away before she could change her mind.

Harry couldn't bring himself to throw out the pill, so he stashed it in a small sack at the bottom of his trunk. That night after everyone else had gone to bed he stayed up late reading a potions book Severus had given him. He thought that if he stayed up late enough, he might be able to sleep through the night. Boy was he wrong.

He woke up screaming again, or at least, at the sound of a scream. He had figured out by now that he wasn't actually screaming, the screaming was a part of the dream. But whenever he woke, he couldn't remember for the life of him what he had been dreaming about.

To his dismay, even without taking the sleeping pill, he still lay in a frozen terror for what seemed like ages. But unlike previous times, when he was finally able to move, he was wide awake. He got up and paced the room for a bit, finally taking shelter in the bathroom with his book, so as not to wake his roommates. It was only two am, it was going to be a long night.