Chapter Twenty Eight: Going Home

The ride home took longer than Harry had expected, and by the time he climbed out of the back of the car and up the steps of Grimmauld place, he was exhausted. All the same, as he walked through the door into the odd, ancient home, he breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't sure when he had started seeing it as home, but it felt good to be there.

He turned towards the stairs, expecting to head straight to his room, when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

Remus was standing behind him holding the small bag of things that they hadn't sent home magically. "Oh, I guess we forgot to tell you" He said a bit hesitantly. "We've set up a room down here for you, just for now. The doctors thought it would be best if you didn't have to do stairs all the time."

Harry gulped, turning back to the long staircase in the hallway, thinking of his room. It doesn't matter, he's right, you can't make it up those stairs anyway, he told himself rationally. But it still hurt. It's my room…

Unable to find words, he just nodded and followed the werewolf down the hall to a small room near the kitchen that he had never noticed before.

"It used to be servant quarters, according to Sirius" Remus told him as they walked. "But we've been working all week to make it nice for you." He opened the door to his right and walked in, the room magically lighting as they entered.

It was smaller than his regular room, that was for sure, comparable to his room on Privet drive, but immediately Harry could see the differences. This room is cosy, he thought to himself, a small smile on his lips. There was a twin sized bed along the far wall, with a large picture window that he could only assume was magical alongside it. The bed was piled high with quilts and pillows, which made it look perfect for resting during the day as well as sleeping at night. To his right was a small desk with a bookcase topper, and a cosy chair tucked in the corner, and to his left a door to what he guessed was a closet, with his trunk sitting beside it.

They had hung posters, a Gryffindor flag, a chudley cannons poster, and a few that Harry vaguely recognized as wizarding bands that Sirius liked. They had filled his bookshelf with a combination of muggle and magical books. And best of all, dotted throughout the room, were hanging pictures of his parents; in school, on their wedding day, and with him as a baby.

"We can work on unpacking your trunk tomorrow" Remus was saying as they surveyed the room, "Then we can put it in storage upstairs and get it out of your way."

Harry bit his lip, trying to hold back the annoyingly present tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Even over the summer, his trunk had stayed in his (much larger) room. Remus had probably suggested putting it in storage, but Harry had refused to unpack all the way. Now though, it was just expected, because he was coming home. Because this is home…

Remus tilted his head to the side, "Is everything okay?" He asked, misinterpreting Harry's silence.

Harry nodded quickly "It's great," he said hoarsely, his voice betraying him. "You guys didn't have to go to all this trouble though…" He trailed off as Remus enveloped him in a hug.

"We wanted to, Harry,." The older man released him and stood back, knowing that the younger wizard was not one for physical affection. "We should have done more with your room over the summer, but there was so much going on, and I guess we didn't think of it."

Harry smiled and nodded "It's fine Remus, seriously thank you for doing all this, I love it." Remus nodded and started walking towards the door. Harry stepped further into the room, yawning. "If it's alright with you guys I think I'll just head straight to bed" He said as he started looking through his trunk for a pair of PJs.

Remus paused at the door "Yeah sure," He said easily "But you need to have your evening snack first."

Harry froze, he had forgotten about that, or maybe he hadn't, and had been hoping that they would, he honestly wasn't sure. "It's been a really long day…" He complained "Can't we start all of that tomorrow? One snack won't make a difference."

Remus sighed, looking tired himself, and for a moment Harry thought he had won. "Harry, you know the plan, and we've talked about how we are going to stick to the plan. That's the only way that this works. There won't be any skipping, I'm sorry but this is how it has to be." He looked towards the kitchen "Sirius is getting a snack out now, do you want to change into your pyjamas before you eat, or after?"

Harry scowled "It's one stupid snack, I don't see how it's going to make a difference. Lots of people don't eat a snack before bed. It's not like I'm skipping a meal!" He muttered angrily.

Remus ran a hand over his face "Come on kid," He said as gently as he could "Let's just get it over with and then you can get some sleep."

Harry stood by his trunk for a moment, unsure what to do next. He didn't want to go eat the snack, it was the last thing he wanted to do. But he was so tired… No, I've got to set the precedent now… they can't just boss me around like this, he thought determinedly. "No," he practically whispered it, realizing as he said it that if they followed 'the plan' he was backing himself into a corner he didn't want to be in.

Remus took a long, deep breath, Harry wondered if he was weighing his options, or praying for patience. Eventually he looked back at Harry, his tone serious. "Harry, if you won't eat, then being here isn't going to work. So if you don't want to eat your snack tonight, the other option is to go to the center to have it tube fed, then talk to your team tomorrow about alternative treatment plans."

Harry gulped, he means inpatient… He thought nervously. Shit, I really thought they would cave… This sucks, they're giving me no choice!

Remus spoke again before Harry had formulated a reply. "So before we go down that whole path, let's try again; do you want to put on PJ's before or after our evening snack?"

Harry bit his lip, not meeting Remus' eyes as he mumbled "I'll change after" and followed him to the kitchen.

Sirius was bustling about when they walked in, but Harry got the feeling he had been listening at the door the whole time. He plopped down into the seat at the large kitchen table closest to the door and prayed that the snack wouldn't be too horrible to eat.

Remus sat next to him quietly, Harry knew he was doing his best to be supportive, but it didn't feel very helpful. He resisted the urge to snap at him and storm off. That won't do you any good, you need to convince them that you're fine so that they drop this whole stupid thing.

Soon enough Sirius joined them with three bowls of chocolate pudding, topped with a small amount of whipped cream. It was actually a dish that Harry liked, but it still turned his stomach. All those calories and fat he thought in disgust. And it's already so late, no one should be eating this late at night! But he didn't have a choice. Next to his dish was a small paper cup with three pills in it. He looked at them skeptically, in the hospital all of his medications had been given through his feeding tube or IV, so he hadn't bothered to think about the medications that they were sending him home with.

"What are these for?" He asked warily.

Sirius rolled his eyes ``Will you just take them, we're all too tired for this." He didn't exactly snap, but Harry could see his godfather was wearing thin.

Remus jumped in before Harry could snap back. "That's alright Harry, it's good to want to know what you are taking. I know we're all tired but we can get through this and then we will all get a good night's sleep." His guardian took the paper cup and carefully poured the medications out onto the table. Then, pointing to each one he told Harry what the medications were for. "Let's see, you're taking one for your heart at night, I think it's that one" He pointed to a small yellow pill. "And one of these is what they call a mood stabilizer, Lucy said it's a maintenance medication to help with depression and anxiety." Now he pointed to a larger capsule that was white and blue. "It's different from the one that you were on before. They wanted to try something else, I guess there are a lot of options out there and not all of them work for everyone. So we're supposed to give this one a few weeks and see how you feel on it." Last he pointed to a small white half tablet. "And this one is that the as needed medication that Lucy said works sort of like a calming draft. You won't take that one every night, but they suggested that it might help you to get through this first evening and help you sleep better tonight."

Harry nodded "Thanks Remus" He practically whispered as he swallowed the medications one by one. He knew he should probably be more offended by the last one, it wasn't like he was a two year old having a tantrum. But that thought made Harry blush, the stand off back in his bedroom may not have seemed like a tantrum, but that's basically what it was. And at this point I'm not getting out of eating tonight, so if they have something to make it more bearable, why not, he thought glumly.

The rest of the evening went by without incident, Harry managed to eat all of his pudding, to his own surprise, and then immediately went to bed. He heard Sirius follow him in, and looked back to find his godfather in dog form wagging his tail slightly. "I'm not going to make myself throw up" He muttered half to himself and half to the dog. "But if you want to waste your time watching me sleep, be my guest."

At that 'invitation' Snuffles leapt onto Harry's bed, settling at the foot of the bed and thumping his tail loudly against the wall.

Harry chuckled to himself as he gathered his pajamas and headed for the bath down the hall. When he came back he puttered about his room making sure that he had everything he needed before collapsing into bed. "You guys are crazy, you know that right?" He muttered more to himself than the dog. "I know they set up this whole program and everything, but I don't think they meant for you to take it so literally."

Snuffles just thumped his tail again, a little more sorrowfully this time, and laid his head in Harry's lap. Harry sighed and leaned into the soft mountain of pillows behind him. "I know you're trying to help, I really do. And I get it, I don't want to do damage to my heart… I want to be like a normal person, I really do…" He sighed and gazed out the magical window, showing a beautiful starscape he was sure wasn't outside of Grimuald. "I don't want to gain weight… I don't know why, I know they said I need to, and that I'm underweight and all that… But I don't want to… It just feels… safer… not eating."

Snuffles licked his hand comfortingly, and Harry laid his head back and closed his eyes, the medication that they had given him seemed to be kicking in, or maybe the day was catching up with him. Either way he fell asleep almost instantly.

Sirius and Remus sat in the kitchen, lit only by the fire, each nursing a glass of fire whiskey. Remus had tried to argue that they shouldn't drink because Harry might wake up, but Sirius had ignored him. "I do know how to drink without getting drunk Mooney" He joked as he poured them each a glass of the amber liquid. "Just because you've never seen it doesn't mean I haven't done it."

Remus shook his head and chuckled, then took a long sip of the drink. It did taste good, and after the week they had had, he supposed a little release wasn't a bad thing. "How are we going to do this Sirius?" He finally dared to ask, his voice quiet. The animagus had already related his one-sided conversation with Harry before the boy had fallen asleep.

Sirius shrugged, taking another sip before answering. "I don't know Mooney, I really don't. I think we just have to keep being there for him, like Lou said, it's about consistency."

Remus nodded, that made sense, but the thought of doing this evening over again, never wavering or giving in, "For how long?"

Sirius shrugged "I have no idea…" He was about to say more when he was interrupted by their kitchen floo, which was only accessible to order members, sputtered out green sparks. They both turned in surprise as their childhood nemesis stumbled into their dark kitchen unannounced.

"Is everything okay?" Remus asked, jumping up.

Snape nodded quickly, still catching his breath. "Yes, yes everything is fine. I'm sorry to barge in like this… I didn't look at the time… It's been a long couple of days…"