Chapter Thirty Five: Christmas Present

Remus walked his ward and friend to the door, and watched them drive away to Harry's therapy session. With a sigh, he turned back towards the house. I guess I should go check on Draco… He thought with a bit of trepidation. Sirius seemed to be adapting to having another teen in the home rather quickly. Draco's sullen looks and smart alec responses didn't phase the other wizard. But Remus had a harder time with him.

He wandered down the side hall, to the room they had given the Malfoy heir, and knocked gently on the closed door. Keeping the door open was one of Snape's rules, and Remus' heart sank at the sight of it closed. He had been hoping to have a positive interaction with the boy, but he knew from experience, both with Harry and teaching, that kids often tested boundaries in a new setting. And if he let it go uncorrected this time, that would only reinforce for Draco that the rules were optional.

When his knock went unanswered, Remus called out 'Hey Draco, I'm coming in." He didn't need to make a big fuss about it, but he wasn't about to let the boy hole himself away unsupervised. As he opened the door, Remus saw the blonde standing by his window, which overlooked the street, with his trunk open at the foot of his bed. "Hey there," Remus said in a friendly tone, "Are you starting to unpack? I'd be happy to help."

Draco scowled, the expression heard more than seen, by Remus since he still had his back to him. "Severus already searched my things and took away the blades, there's no need to do it again." He paused and folded his arms across his chest. "Unless of course you just enjoy humiliating others, then be my guest… seems par for the course today anyway." The second statement was uttered quietly, Remus wasn't sure he was even meant to hear it. Being a werewolf had very few advantages, but enhanced hearing happened to be one of them, although it wasn't always an advantage.

"If you'd rather unpack on your own, that's fine too of course." Remus tried to sound casual, choosing to ignore the obvious bait. It seemed to him that Draco was determined to fight with any adult he interacted with, and Remus was just as determined not to let him. He was sure there were several psychologically based explanations for the behavior, and probably more theories on how to deal with it. But his determination was more simple than that, they had enough arguing in the house getting Harry to eat, and he was sure Draco would contribute his own protests to being made to follow his treatment plan. Remus had no energy for needless arguing or fighting.

Draco finally turned around, staring at him with a mixture of annoyance and perplexion in his eyes. "Why should I bother?" He challenged "My father will have me out of this hell hole and back home by new year. It's all a stupid misunderstanding anyway."

Remus chewed his lip, considering the most helpful way to reply. They had dealt with a lot of different issues with Harry, including denying that his abuse had happened. But he had never had to deal with his pseudo nephew wanting to go back to his abusers. "Severus said you'll be here until the trial next month," He said as neutrally as possible, "But if you'd rather keep your things in your trunk, that's okay." Remus tried to put himself in Draco's shoes, if he had been taken away from his parents, and stuck in a home with adults he barely knew, just before Christmas, he probably wouldn't have been happy about it either.

The younger wizard stared at him for a moment, then gave a half nod. It wasn't much, as far as peace offerings go, but Remus took what he could get. "Well then, if you need me I'll be in the parlor. Please remember to keep this door open." And he made his exit.

But once in the parlor, settled down with a good book and a steaming cup of tea, Remus found he couldn't focus. His mind kept wandering back to the question he had posed to himself; how would he have felt if he was in Draco's shoes? It was a ridiculous question of course, his parents were kind and loving people, they had done their best while raising a child with a complicated illness.

But of course, Draco seemed to think that there was nothing wrong with the way his parents treated him. So perhaps, even if the boy was wrong, the comparison was not all that far off. I would have been terrified, oh goodness, if it had been during a full moon? Even if it hadn't… I would have worried. Hogwarts had been challenging enough, but to have lived in someone's house, with adults watching me, trying to parent me? Remus shook his head, I don't know what I would have done.

He wished he could tell himself he would have simply been polite, probably anxiety ridden and fearful, but kind and considerate as well. But he couldn't lie to himself like that. Having been bitten at such a young age, he had struggled with the side effects, both of the bite and the trauma inflicted during the experience. He could blame his attitude as a teen on either of those things, but if he was honest he knew that it had been his way of coping. Not exactly a choice, but neither something beyond his control.

His parents had learned how to cope with his temper eventually, and by the time he got to Hogwarts he had learned how to control himself in public at least. But that control came at a price, self destructive thoughts and habits had followed him for years. Angry, sullen moods could only stay hidden behind an anxious, courteous exterior for so long. Even his best friends hadn't really known what he could be like. He had been careful to step away, find a secluded classroom, or even the room of requirement, in which to scream and destroy things, to let his anger loose. If he had been forced to stay with the Potters, the way Sirius had, he shuddered to think how he would have acted.

Remus continued down this train of thought until he heard the door open, announcing the return of Sirius and Harry. He stood and walked towards the hall, arriving in time to see an exhausted looking Harry head straight to his room.

"Lunch is in an hour, pup," Sirius called after the dark haired teen.

Remus raised an eyebrow as he glanced at his watch "Lunch should be now," He corrected quietly.

Sirius shook his head slightly, then gestured towards the sitting room. Remus followed him back into the warm room, and conjured another cup of tea for his friend. "I take it therapy didn't go well?" He asked with a bit of trepidation.

Sirius sighed, "Depends on how you look at it. Lou said she thinks the session was productive, and that this might actually have been a big breakthrough for him. But it sounds like it was pretty rough on Harry…"

Remus took a sip of his forgotten tea, and silently thanked Merlin for warming charms. "So what happened?"

Sirius shrugged "She didn't give me much detail, privacy and all, but she said that she has reason to believe Harry has some repressed memories. Apparently she asked him a question that triggered a panic attack. They spent most of the session recovering from that, but eventually she got him talking again, and it became clear to both of them that he has some gaps in his memory. Something like that anyway… She wasn't surprised by it, given what we do know about Harry's childhood. It's possible that his brain has decided to process those memories now, or that he will never recover them… Either way it sounds bloody miserable."

Remus nodded in agreement "Poor Harry, he just can't catch a break. Did Lou have any suggestions for how we can help?"

Sirius gave a half shrug "Basically just what we're already doing. She said something about dissociating, and that he might seem a bit 'out of it' sometimes. We're supposed to try and help him remain grounded, but also give him a bit of space and let him rest. I figured he's not going to eat if we try and do lunch right now. I know we're supposed to stick to the schedule, but he was just curled up in a ball the whole ride home… maybe if we give him some time to collect himself…" Remus nodded, and they sat in silence for a while. Eventually Remus stood and made his way to the kitchen to make lunch.

The rest of the afternoon passed by quietly, Harry came to the table without argument, but barely finished half of his meal. Thankfully he accepted the meal shake wordlessly. Draco sat at the table sullenly and didn't so much as lift a fork. After lunch Sirius corralled them all to the parlor to watch Christmas movies as planned. Harry spent most of the day under a blanket in a state of half sleep, refusing to interact with them, and Draco slipped off to his room twenty minutes into the first film, after informing them all that muggle christmas was "dumb".

As he and Sirius sat up drinking fire whiskey and wrapping the last of their Christmas presents, he observed that they had made it through their first day with two traumatized teens without a significant incident. Silently, he couldn't help but add, I doubt we'll be able to say that tomorrow.

Harry woke to the sound of Sirius barreling into his room, decked out in bright red footie pajamas, and singing "Joy to the World" at the top of his lungs. He tried to groan and roll back into bed, but his godfather simply transformed and he had a furry mass on top of him trying to lick his face. "Alright, alright," He protested, "Fine I'm up." The dog gave him a triumphant look, then raced out of the room, knocking into a sleepy and annoyed looking Draco as he ran towards the kitchen.

"Watch it!" Draco yelled angrily, "that dog is a menace." He paused at the door to Harry's room and watched as Harry rolled out of bed, sliding his feet into slippers and pulling a large sweatshirt over his head. "You could have warned me that they're morning people," he complained.

Harry chuckled, "Sirius isn't usually… I guess he's just really into the holiday spirit." They walked to the kitchen together, where Harry was relieved to see that they were having a relatively normal breakfast; eggs, sausage, and toast, with just hot cocoa to make it festive. He wasn't sure he could stomach a big holiday breakfast right now. Even just the talk of the day, of presents and celebrations, was wracking on his nerves. Halfway through his plate, with Sirius chattering on endlessly, he snapped. "Could we just have some QUIET?" He yelled over the radio someone had charmed to play Christmas carols.

Sirius snapped his mouth shut, looking quite literally like a kicked puppy. And Remus wordlessly stopped the music. "Sure Harry," the werewolf said in a low tone. "I know holidays can be a bit complicated… there's no pressure on you today, okay? If you need a break, just say so. Same goes for you Draco."

The sullen blonde flickered his eyes up at Remus in disdain, but didn't comment.

After a few minutes of silence, Harry pushed his plate away. "I can't," he said, his voice close to panic, betraying him. "I'm sorry I just can't."

Sirius nodded, quickly standing to fetch a shake. "It's okay Harry," he said quietly as he handed it to him, already opened. His voice was subdued now, the jubilance gone. "Holidays are hard, let's just take things one step at a time."

They sat in silence while Harry drank his shake, and Draco stubbornly ignored his plate. Once the shake was gone, Sirius vanished the food from the table with a tired wave of his hand. His eyes stayed fixed on his godson. "Harry, if this is too hard, we can skip it. One wave of a wand and we can get rid of all the decorations, forget that it's Christmas, and go watch a movie or something. If that's what you want."

Harry chewed his lip, glancing at his two guardians, and Draco. It would be kind of nice to just forget it all… all morning he had been plagued with memories of Christmases with the Dursleys, but suddenly images of his last three Christmases came to mind instead. Christmas at Hogwarts had been so different, that it hadn't been as hard for him. But they were also his only happy Christmas memories. The jumper Mrs. Weasley knit him, and gifts from his friends. The delicious food at Hogwarts… his stomach turned uncomfortably at the thought of food, but the rest of it had been nice. I don't want to just forget it's Christmas… I want happy Christmas memories.

"No," he said in a quiet, but firm voice. "No, I want to do it… I want to have Christmas… Can we just keep it quiet? Go slowly?"

Remus and Sirius beamed, nodding and giving him quick hugs, as they knew how much he disliked them. "Of course we can pup! Are you two ready for presents? Or shall we wait a bit?"

Harry's eyes lit up, "presents?" He asked eagerly. "Wait, let me go get mine!" He hadn't been able to get his guardians much, with everything going on Christmas had almost slipped his mind. But with a quick owl to Mrs. Weasley, he had been able to scrounge up a little something for them.

They all stood and started moving towards the parlor, Draco lagging behind the rest of the group, looking especially sullen.

Sirius and Remus were grinning ear to ear as they watched the boys round the corner into the parlor and take in the tree. They had worked late into the night, wrapping gifts and stuffing stockings, doing anything they could think of to make the day special.

Harry's face was priceless as he took it all in. After a moment he rushed forward, looking much younger than his fifteen years, and dropped to his knees by the tree. "Who are these all for?" He asked with glee as he set down the presents he had brought in, and stared in wonder at the many gifts already piled under the tree.

"Mostly you!" Sirius said with a laugh, bounding over to his godson and plucking a gift out of the stack. "And Draco of course. Open this one first!"

Remus smiled and walked over to Draco, "There are quite a few under there with your name on them. Severus sent a few by floo last night, and several from Sirius and I." He paused a bit awkwardly "Your parents sent some as well, through the ministry." He left out that they had been magically examined, including unwrapping and rewrapping them to make sure that they did not contain anything dangerous or harmful.

Draco nodded curtly, and made his way over to the tree with an air of disinterest. He sat sullenly on his side of the tree. But Remus couldn't help noticing that he started picking through the pile and opening some of the gifts. He also noticed that the ones from his parents were being carefully avoided.

The morning rushed by in a lovely content sort of way. Once they had opened presents and had their mid morning snack, they all settled down on the couches and watched a movie. Draco even stayed through the whole thing. His gifts from the Malfoys and Snape sat under the tree, untouched. Draco seemed determined to ignore them, so Remus and Sirius decided not to press. The boys both drifted off during the film, so after a slightly late lunch, they started to gather themselves and get ready to head to the Weasleys for Christmas dinner.

I know it's been a while, sorry for the delay! I'm having trouble finding motivation to write, but I am not abandoning this project! Please review and help me motivate myself!