CHAPTER TWELVE – THE PROBLEM WITH RELATIONSHIPS…

Monday had ended as quickly as it had begun, Tuesday disappeared just the same and in what seemed like a blink of an eye the end of the week had arrived. Shigaraki wasn't sure how the days had passed by so quickly - wasn't the age old saying "time flies when you are having fun?" He was not having fun; his week had been miserable - what was the deal?

Sighing, Shigaraki planted his elbow on his desk and dropped his chin into the palm of his hand.

Aizawa was droning on about trigonometric ratios, the thales theorem and fucking right triangles - or something - words that were merging together into something that made absolutely no sense to Shigaraki because he was just staring forward and wondering just how angry Dabi was with him.

Though maybe angry was the wrong word. Disappointed? Yes, probably. Either way, Shigaraki knew he had royally screwed up. Dabi had been giving him the cold shoulder all week and the distance had been eating away at him, dooming Shigaraki into a depressive funk.

"I want to go out with you. Like officially." Dabi had said - and for once - utterly serious.

Shigaraki shifted his lazy gaze to the front of the room where Dabi sat by the window. He wanted to believe Dabi was kidding. And Shigaraki had wanted him to take it back. But Dabi wanted an answer, and it felt like if Shigaraki couldn't give him the right one - the answer that he wanted - well it appeared they weren't going to be friends any longer.

Would everything just go back to the way it was?

Was that what Shigaraki wanted?

No. He hated the idea!

Habitually, he scratched at his neck, like it would give him some sense of comfort. It didn't, of course. He still felt like the worst person in the world. A complete ass. And a coward - all of which were very likely deserving.

Ugh.

When had their simple, and, often at times, affectionate friendship become so complicated? They were just supposed to get along - to stop fighting and maybe not try to kill each other during training or exams. Now he was contemplating if he could grow the balls to be Dabi's boyfriend.

Boyfriend. Why was that label so damn scary?

Logically, it was just a word - and it wasn't really the title that unnerved him but instead the physical aspect that came along with it. What kind of relationship could they have if Shigaraki couldn't even touch him properly? It's not like Shigaraki hadn't thought about it before, he knew that they were headed in that direction, but he was so anxious about hurting Dabi that he automatically pushed even just the idea of a relationship aside.

Until now. Now, he was actually considering what he was prepared to do. He couldn't deny that Dabi's absence in his day-to-day life hadn't affected him, but could he make that one big important step? Years of dissociation and reservation were not easy habits to break but, he had to start somewhere, right?

With a groan, he closed his eyes and then brought his face down to the desk. Aizawa was going on about fractions or altitudes or some shit now. Shigaraki was trying to suffocate himself with his class notes and the fold of his arm. Maybe some unconsciousness would bring him some clarity.

He almost succeeded in his asphyxiation when Kurogiri kicked him in the shin.

Shigaraki looked up with a scowl, glaring at his best friend.

"Stop sleeping." He said with a snicker.

"Shut up." Shigaraki mumbled in return.

"Do you ever think that maybe if you actually slept at night you wouldn't be so pissy during the day?"

Shigaraki wasn't going to dignify that with an answer. Kurogiri knew that insomnia was just another part of his sparkling personality. It couldn't be helped - and it wasn't like he chose it to be like that, he just never could sleep for consecutive hours. Not, for as long as he could remember anyway.

He lowered his chin back against his folded arms and resumed staring at the back of Dabi's head, wondering if he could convince the other boy to talk to him - to give Shigaraki a chance to explain his… misgivings.

The bell rang interrupting Shigaraki's thoughts, and then Mr. Aizawa was yelling at the more eager students who were already getting up from their desk, reminding them of the homework due after the weekend. And, of course, the consequences of not handing it on time.

Of their little trio, Kurogiri was the first to get up and then Kai.

"So, what are we doing tonight?" Kuorgiri asked, slinging his bag over his shoulders.

Shigaraki wasn't paying attention, he was too preoccupied with trying to track Dabi as everyone rushed to leave the classroom and get their Friday nights started. He hadn't heard a word Kurogiri said.

"Please tell me it's not another video game night."

Kai chuckled and appropriately began to chatter in response. Blah, blah, blah. Again, Shigaraki wasn't listening.

"I'll ah… I'll meet up with you guys later. I've got… some things." Shigaraki chewed on his lower lip, distractedly grabbing his bag and sliding out of the desk.

"What things?" Kurogiri questioned, curious.

"Things." Shigaraki added, and then he was walking absently towards the door.

The classroom emptied out and Shigaraki turned out into the hall, searching for just one student among many. That particular someone just so happened to knock him in the shoulder.

"Careful, Mop Head."

Dabi loomed, reaching out one hand to prevent Shigaraki from toppling off balance.

Shigaraki flushed uncomfortably, looking up at the slightly taller boy expectantly - but Dabi only offered him a quick apology for almost knocking him over, and then continued walking, following the flow of students down the hall.

What the fuck?

Shigaraki was momentarily stunned, so much so that he froze on the spot. He swallowed with difficulty, and then spun around, staring at the back of Dabi's retreating figure. He really wasn;t going to talk to him!

"Hey!" He called out, jogging to catch up to Dabi. "Wait." Shigaraki pleaded and when he was within grabbing distance, he carefully seized Dabi's forearm, willing him to stop. "Please don't ignore me."

Dabi slowly turned.

Almost toe-to-toe, he looked down at Shigaraki, smiling affably before lifting his hand to brush the light hair away from Shigaraki's eyes - just like he always did.

"You really need a haircut." His fingertips brushed Shigaraki's cheek, then swept along his jawline before his hand fell away.

"That's it?" Shigaraki said, dismayed. He breathed in and Dabi waited, clearly expecting an explanation or an apology or some reason why Shigaraki was holding him up from whatever Friday night plans he had.

"Look. I'm sorry about earlier this week and how I… reacted."

Dabi didn't say anything, watching Shigaraki with what seemed to be an equal amount of hope and regret. Shigaraki could only assume Dabi had a similarly rough week.

"I was just… I got a little freaked out. But I've had a chance to think about it now."

Still no response.

"I feel really fucking shitty you know." He admitted, falling back to lean against a row of lockers and pushing his fingers roughly back through his hair.

"I do too." Dabi admitted. "You don't have to feel guilty, Shigaraki. I get it."

"No, you don't get it. If you understood why I reacted the way I did then you wouldn't have ignored me all week." Shigaraki replied shaking his head. "I should have explained. I didn't say anything because I couldn't think straight at the time. But all week I've been thinking about it and feeling like a complete idiot."

"You are an idiot." Dabi drawled, lip twitching. Shigaraki couldn't help smiling back, appreciative of Dabi's smart mouth - even during a difficult conversation. It made it a lot easier for him.

"But I think, maybe, I was being a bit unreasonable. I put you on the spot and in my mind, I already knew how I wanted it to play out. When it didn't go as I planned, well, I got pretty bummed out. I shouldn't have ignored you."

Shigaraki half grinned.

"You're not scared of anything, are you?" He said softly, almost whispering it to himself, and then shook his head. That's not really what he meant but he was going with it. "I mean, you're so much braver than I am. I wish… I want to be more like that - to be able to do things without worrying about…" Shigaraki paused and his chin dropped. He turned his hands over, so he could look down at his cursed palms. "It would be so much easier if I wasn't so fucking afraid."

"What are you afraid of?" Dabi asked, head tilting slightly.

"Of hurting someone." Shigaraki swallowed and then raised his head, adding, "Of hurting you."

"Do you think that's really going to happen?"

Shigaraki nodded his head and stuffed his hands deep into the pouch pocket of his hoodie. He was absolutely convinced that as soon as he got too comfortable something would go wrong, something terrible would happen. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before. Even to that day, he sometimes destroyed things that he didn't mean to. Just the other night, when he had finally been able to fall asleep, he relaxed his hand for only a moment and almost decayed one of the pillows on his bed.

"I know you would never hurt me. Not on purpose."

"Well, I don't want to accidently do it either." Shigaraki stressed, attempting a shaky smile. He was incredibly relieved that Dabi still had some faith in him - all things considered, even if he lacked the same faith in himself.

"And to think, just a couple of months ago you wouldn't have hesitated." Dabi chuckled low. "Daily threats of death were not uncommon. I kind of got used to it."

Shigaraki scoffed. "Shut up." He joked, glancing away and then back again. Dabi was watching him intently, "They were empty threats."

He nodded with a knowing grin, "I know."

For a moment both boys went quiet, silently regarding the other – more optimistic but still unsure.

Shigaraki was the first to speak again.

"Dabi?"

"Yeah?"

Now that Shigaraki had gotten some of his worries off his chest and out into the open he was feeling a lot more confident. And encouraged. Dabi hadn't flinched, none of the things Shigaraki had explained seemed to bother or discourage him.

"Do you still want to go ou-"

Wrapped up in their own little world, both boys startled at the sound of a door being forcefully pushed open and then slamming shut – interrupting their "moment". They reeled back at the voice that followed, Dabi exceptionally rattled.

"Toya!"

This was no ordinary voice - it didn't come from a student or from one of the faculty members. No, this commanding presence was not someone you expected to hear or see in the halls of UA High.

This was Endeavor! This was Dabi's Father!

Holy shit. What was Endeavor doing at UA?

"Fuck me." Dabi audibly sighed and stepped away from Shigaraki, crossing his arms defiantly over his chest.

Shigaraki immediately flicked his hood up over his head, glad to have the cover to hide his face behind as Endeavor stomped towards them.

He glanced over at Dabi before returning his wary gaze back to the number two Hero. Shigaraki had never met the man in person, just seen him from afar, but up this close - well Shigaraki immediately understood why he had a reputation of being so formidable. Endeavor was extremely tall, and sturdily built - his biceps alone were probably thicker than Shigaraki's entire body.

"Hello, Father." Dabi greeted as he approached.

"You were supposed to be outside five minutes ago." Endeavor grumbled, shifting his steely blue eyes briefly over to Shigaraki.

"Yeah. It's just five minutes." Dabi replied snidely.

"Get moving. Your brother is already outside waiting in the car." He continued to walk, heading in the wrong direction of the great outdoors, and the entrance he had just come through. Shigaraki could only assume he was going to visit the teachers while he was on school grounds. Seemed likely. He was very familiar with the school and the faculty.

"Yes, Father." Dabi chirped, rolling his eyes.

Shigaraki smiled tentatively and then lowered his lashes - unsure what to do from this point. He still had some things he wanted to talk to Dabi about, and more importantly something he needed to ask him, but it sounded like Dabi had somewhere he had to be.

"I have to go."

"Are you coming back to the dorms tonight?"

Dabi sighed again, like the brief interaction with his dad had exhausted him. "Regrettably, no. My mother wanted to have a family… thing tonight. For my birthday."

"Oh."

"Sorry. I know we were kinda in the middle of… something. But hey, I'll see you at the party tomorrow, right? We can talk."

Out of habit Shigaraki scrunched up his nose. Admittedly, he had almost forgotten about Dabi's party - what with all the turmoil surrounding the week. He felt like he had lost so much time. Where had the days even gone? The party had been the farthest thing on his mind. Or maybe he had simply forced himself to forget about it.

"I should be there."

"Good." He grinned and then stepped into Shigaraki, curling his fingers beneath his chin and angling his face up for a kiss – but not before a subtle glance down the hall to ensure Endeavor was not paying them any attention. Their lips lightly met before that same voice interrupted them for a second time.

"Oh, fuck." Dabi groaned. Shigaraki made a small sound in protest.

"Toya. Let's go." Endeavor called out. Dabi still had a very healthy level of respect for his dad and slowly started to back away, though he did so reluctantly.

"I'm coming." He replied, and then muttered under his breath, still staring at Shigaraki. "Sorry."

"You should probably go, I don't really feel like getting yelled at by Endeavor today for making you late to your… thing."

Dabi snickered. "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

Shigaraki nodded and watched as Dabi walked off, sullen, following his dad and leaving Shigaraki to his racing thoughts.