All people are marked by who they were before. It is a mark that follows you for the rest of your miserable life.
I had been a lonely, naïve child. I'd play at fighting evildoers in the forests by chopping off the heads of smugglers, villains, Sith. The type of games that children played where the right was always right and the wrong—always wrong. Years later, I lived for the cash that flowed through my hands and the quick words I would use to trade my earnings into spices and stolen kolto. I was marked by the crimes of my past.
Sometimes that mark is a shadow—behind you, unseen. You're tricked into believing that a mask is a mark instead. A mask of flimsy flesh. The faintest scratch, a slight cut, a single swipe from a dagger, makes you turn around and see the end. Reveals the lie. Reveals the true mark—the shadow. The true curse. The mark that imprisoned you all along.
And when that happens, when you see the destruction hurling towards you...everything changes.
The halls near the bridge to the Leviathan flashed a bright red. Steam from grenades, blaster bolts, and lightsabers smoked on the walls. Canderous' voice was faint in the comms we'd stolen.
"We took care of the guards and those insane droids cleared out everything within the hanger. We're all inside the Ebon Hawk and all systems are go. As soon as you guys join us we can get out of here."
"Kriff." Carth kicked the elevator control panel. He'd been trying to gain access to it for the last minute using Saul's keycard. "It's locked down."
I moved towards the controls.
"Here, let me—"
He flinched. That terror. It appeared on his face again. I stopped at his strange reaction then chose to ignore it as I continued to the panel. There was no way we could slice into it. The thing was broken—someone had jammed it.
Bastila answered the comm. "We're stuck, Canderous. The elevator that leads down to the hangar is jammed. Is there a way you can unjam it from your side?"
"I…"
Canderous' voice was cut off—the Sith must have taken back control of the signal. Great. It meant we didn't have much time. Something...change in the air. I glanced back at Carth.
"There has to be a less direct way down."
He spoke to Bastila. Acted as if he hadn't kriffing heard me.
"There is an elevator that leads behind the docking bay to the hangar controls and the airlocks. It'll…just take more time."
Bastila nodded. "We don't have a choice then. Let's go."
We rushed down the silver halls, down ramps, past fallen Sith that the crew and the droids had taken out. The entire ship had gone into lockdown. No Sith tried to stop us. No droids. No dark Jedi. I had a bad feeling about this. There should have been some left.
I rushed to Bastila's side. Bastila. I spoke to her over the bond. Why are you both acting like I have the Iridian Plague? What did I do? She didn't answer me. Just…kept running. It felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest. She was ignoring me like she had when we arrived at Ahto City.
Wes. Her voice was smooth over the bond. We stopped and she cupped my cheek—I ignored the sting as she touched the burn. You didn't do anything. It's not your fault. It's mine—
"Come on!"
Carth interrupted Bastila's thoughts as he shouted back at us. His face twisted in disgust when he saw her holding my face. I pulled away and decided to not speak to him as I ran towards the elevator.
The ride down was…tense. Carth's glare stabbed into my back. He'd taken a clear step away from me as I walked in the elevator with him. I decided to glare back at him. After all that I did? After everything we've been through, he was going to listen to…whatever Saul said and not trust me anymore? Was there literally nothing that I could do to make him trust me?
The doors opened and immediately, I sensed it. A cold—frigid, familiar. I hesitated before I followed the others—I kept my hand on my lightsaber as we traveled down the eerily dark, empty halls.
Carth approached the door to the airlocks.
"It should be through—"
It happened in an instant. The door hissed as it opened and a red lightsaber ignited. I reacted quickly and pulled Carth back using a burst of the Force. Too quickly. He collided into the elevator door and slid to the ground. I ignited my lightsaber and turned to face the dark Jedi—
A tall figure with metal encasing his chin stood before me. The room was dark yet I could see this tall man clear as day. His yellow eyes smiled. His laugh reverberated through the metal that replaced his chin. He was more machine than man—programmed to continue the chaos.
Deja vu. It hit me with tremendous force. My head throbbed with so much pain that I took a step back. I rubbed the side of my face.
Darth Malak.
A low rumble that was a laugh boomed from the metal encasing Malak's chin. I stopped stepping backward and raised my lightsaber with both hands. Bastila also ignited hers, both of her yellow blades twirled at my side. The Dark Lord towered over us yet didn't move after his initial attack. His yellow sickly eyes trained onto me. There was a deep, ancient hatred within those eyes. My grip on my lightsaber tightened as I sensed the hatred. Sensed the unease through the Force.
Bastila had shut down. I could no longer sense the bond.
We stared at each other for a long time. So long, Carth groaned as he regained consciousness. He must have been...disoriented.
"Down you go!"
A blaster bolt jumped past me. Malak deflected the bolt then raised a hand—shoving Carth against the wall. Quickly, I slashed my lightsaber at the Dark Lord before he could harm the pilot further. Focus broken, Carth slid to the ground. Malak dodged the blow and paced around the room beyond. He pointed his lightsaber at us and spoke with a metallic timbre.
"Going somewhere, Bastila?" He stopped walking, his yellow gaze moved to her. "You've avoided this confrontation for too long…almost as if you fear the result. I think it's time you stopped running."
He strode forward. I walked with him, raising my lightsaber underhand, blocking his path to Bastila. I tried to calm my fear as I faced him. There is no emotion, there is peace. His gaze moved over me as if he was…puzzled.
"When I heard from that bounty hunter, I almost killed him for mocking me. Yet, he gave me proof that you survived. I still cannot believe it." It was my turn to be puzzled. I opened my mouth but I was too confused to speak. "Why did the Jedi spare you? You didn't actually join their side because they saved your life, did you? You were manipulating their compassion in order for us to have this reunion. I'm sure you want to take your vengeance against me. As I would expect."
What?
My lightsaber lowered. I couldn't put together words or follow Malak's. My mind pieced together the strange words enough to only say one stupid thing.
"Reunion?"
Malak nodded. "Yes. Reunion."
"I don't…" My jaw tightened. I regripped my lightsaber. "That's impossible. We've never met."
never met i've never met him before
"What?" A light grew in Malak's eyes. It was a sickly light. Then, the mechanical laughs vibrated the mask on his chin. "You mean...you don't know?"
know what
"...and you haven't figured it out? After all this time?"
no i didn't figure out anything when there is nothing to figure out
"...I wonder how long you would have stayed blind to the truth?"
there is no truth
"...Surely some of what you once were must have surfaced by now."
who
"The Jedi Council wouldn't have had the power to keep you locked away forever."
In a way, I knew from the beginning that the mark wasn't real. The mask was flimsy—cut into a million pieces. I'd seen the shadow before. Only—I told myself that it wasn't there. A fragile lie is more comfortable than the terrible truth.
The truth that I was a disgusting, vile monster.
A breeze brushed over my face. It was a gentle breeze. Warm. I winced as the sun bore down. Light. Too bright. It hurt. I sat in front of an endless lake. The dark lake I'd almost drowned in. Mists danced across the still waters. I peered down and saw nothing. No reflection. I appreciated that. I didn't want to see my face. I didn't want to know anything anymore. Calm. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay in front of that lake that I almost drowned in, the lake without reflections, that endless lake. I wanted to stay there forever.
Something took my hand.
"You can't stay here forever." A stranger's voice. It echoed. Smooth. "You need to wake up."
My hand. It was shaking. Water splashed my knees.
"But I want to stay," I said. "I want to stay here. There isn't anything left for me anymore."
"You have plenty of things to live for. We don't want you to die. You need to hold on. Don't give up. Don't let go. Wake up."
My face felt numb as the water consumed my legs. I felt something lift in my mind. The haze cleared and I turned to look at the intruder. A stranger sat beside me. Her face was masked with a red-gray Mandalorian helm. It was familiar. Ghost-like. The red helm tilted.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I'm your mentor." She nodded. "And you are Wesley Gale."
"I'm Wes," I said. "Not Wesley."
"Ah, I see." She chuckled. "You don't like the name. Sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?" I asked.
"You'll be Wesley Gale. You can call yourself Wes if you want. It's close enough. Your name should feel familiar. Comforting. Any name that puts you off…well, neither of us want that."
"Wes is my name," I said. "Why wouldn't it be comfortable?"
"Exactly." The water rose to my hips. Before I could try to argue with my mentor, she continued. "Where are you from?"
"I don't know."
"You do know. It's some nowhere planet."
"Deralia."
"Deralia. Yes." I smiled. It felt nice to get the answers right. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-nine."
"Hmm…no." It hurt when I got the answers wrong. "You look much older than that."
"I...I'm thirty-two."
"Correct. And your father?"
I shook my head.
"I...I don't know."
"He was a farmer. He died. With your mother."
"…yes."
"You've been wounded—"
The lake disappeared with the light. Replacing it was a dark cell. A cold cell. A kolto tank sat in the corner. Pain. Unimaginable pain. I wanted to die just to make this pain stop.
My body was propped up so that I could sit in the medical bed. A breathing mask had been affixed to my face. The wind and suction of the apparatus as I breathed quickly in and out was the only sound in the room. My entire body was cold. Hair stuck to my forehead. Wet with kolto. Exposed. The pain in my chest was unbearable. Hard to breathe. I couldn't move or…
My mentor no longer wore the helm. An older woman sat next to me in her place. Her wrinkled eyes were soft. Soothing. She shushed me like one would with a child.
"I know. You're in pain." She rubbed my hand with wrinkled fingers. "Calm your breathing. Breath in. Breath out. It will help." I listened to my mentor's advice. I took a deep breath then let it go. The struggling sound from the breathing apparatus quieted. She nodded. "Yes. Like that. Good. You will be able to rest again in a moment. I promise. We just need to talk for a little bit."
My dry lips parted. My voice stuck in my throat and it was unrecognizable.
"Where…am I?"
"You've been hospitalized."
"Hospital?"
"Do you remember what happened?"
"I…" A bitterness crawled up my tongue. I took another deep breath as I tried to suppress a panic. "There was…an attack."
"Yes. An attack. You're a Republic soldier. The Sith attacked your ship over Corellia. You were the only one who made it out alive."
"…"
The older woman stopped rubbing my hand. She lowered my left arm. "It's okay." She smiled then rubbed my shoulder. I closed my eyes. It felt so…nice. Soothing. "Take your time. You've experienced…a traumatic event."
It's wrong.
"I'm not a soldier," I muttered.
The woman's grip on my shoulder tensed.
"Wesley…"
"No." The pain consumed my body as my breathing hitched. It was wrong. "No. You're wrong."
"Why would I lie to you, Wesley? You're a soldier. You fight for the Republic."
My voice darkened and the pain fueled me. Anger twisted my face.
"Never."
Beeping. Heart rate. The breathing apparatus hissed over and over in a fast rhythm. Pain overcame my mind along with the panic.
A rush of robed figures ran into the room. They pushed me down with an unknown force. Someone—a needle. They stuck it in my wrist. I tried to push them away. I tried. Yet. Everything blurred. I didn't feel anything after that.
Nothing.
"..."
When I awoke next, the pain had numbed. Numbed so much that…I couldn't feel. Move. The older woman sat beside me again. I took a shaking breath as I saw her. She didn't touch me this time. The warmth was gone. I felt that…I'd awoken already before. Over and over. Yet, I couldn't remember what happened. Days or weeks had passed. The pain didn't feel so severe.
"Do you remember who I am?" she asked.
"Yes." I smacked my lips. My voice was clogged. "You're my mentor."
"And you are Wesley Gale."
No.
"I'm Wes. No one calls me Wesley."
"Where are you from, Wes?"
"Deralia."
"How old are you?"
"Thirty-two."
"Your parents. Do you remember them?"
"They died."
"Do you know how you were wounded?" Her eyes moved—as if she feared the question. "Do you remember what happened?"
I paused. What happened? What…why had I ended up here? The fragmented memories came together. Formed an unclear…picture.
"I was attacked over Corellia." My voice stuttered. "The Republic…ambushed my ship."
"Your ship?"
I smiled. "You gave it to me. It's gone now. They…betrayed me. Kriffing…bastards."
Her face scrunched. As if I'd said something wrong. I hated it when I got the answers wrong.
"What happened after they betrayed you, Wes?"
"I needed to escape so I…" I thought. The pieces. It had to make sense. "I made the stupidest decision in my career. I crashed my ship onto the planet's surface."
Had I?
My mentor didn't say anything. She only stared at me as if thinking. Hard. She almost looked…frustrated.
"You didn't. You're not—"
The door hissed open. An unfamiliar doctor with a mustache walked in with flowing robes. He sat on the other side of me and grabbed my numb hand with a rough hold.
"Yes." He nodded—face serious. "You were grievously injured because you put people's lives at risk. For that, you are going to be placed under arrest."
I sneered. I wanted to move my hand out of this doctor's grip. Yet I couldn't move.
"I won't talk without an Arbiter."
My mentor glanced over at the doctor. "You need to tell us, Wes." Her voice was wavering. "Why did you do this? Why did you attack?"
"No." I shivered. "No. Not you. An Arbiter."
"It's been a month. He's still not cooperating." My mentor sighed after she spoke to the doctor. "He keeps...making things up. They'll need to try again."
The doctor lifted a hand over my eyes. An invasive sensation brushed my mind. It was uncomfortable. It burned. It hurts. Stop. Please. The hand yanked away at the thought and my head drooped. I shivered. Sweat and tears dripped off my face.
"He...he's shielding his mind." His voice wavered. He sounded guilty. "The Council has done this too many times. It's hurting him. It'll have to do. He believes most of it anyway."
"It's too dangerous. We need to know all of what he knows or else he will return."
"We'll know. I'll tell them that we need to make a change in the plan—"
I awoke under the willow tree. Peace. Calm. Around my arm, close to me, was Bastila. It was the dream I shared with her many times before when Saul Karath tried to torture us.
Eventually, she turned. That look of desire I expected to see on her face…was pained.
"Our mission was to capture Revan if possible. It was Malak who turned on his master by firing upon his ship. It was his desire to kill me and Revan both. We were fortunate enough to escape alive."
"I know," I said. "I remember. You told me."
"The Jedi do not believe in killing their prisoners. No one deserves execution, no matter what their crimes."
My vision blurred and I was in the practice room again. Sitting on the mat. Feeling frustrated. I'd been tricked into this. Lied to. Became a Jedi because I was trapped in a Force bond with a woman that hated my guts.
Master Zhar looked down at me patiently.
"To connect with the Force requires great concentration and focus. You see I or Bastila or any other Jedi use the Force with ease, yet that is because we have practiced honing our concentration for years to make it appear effortless."
Then why? Why had it been so easy?
"You are a special case. You have been using the Force instinctively. So, again, concentrate. There is no emotion, there is peace. Clear your mind and move the datapad."
And I did. I felt the Force as if…I'd felt it for years. I had felt it for years. The rocks skipped across the lake and it felt exhilarating. Comforting. Having this control, this power…I hated whoever took it away from me.
Carth walked up to my side. He watched the rocks glide across the water with a sneer. He sneered at me. He hated me. He hated the Force.
"Why do you hate the Force?" I asked.
"The Force can do terrible things to a mind," he spat. "It could wipe out your memory and destroy your very identity."
Tatooine.
The shadow of a boot sank into the dune. Heat. Death. Power. The Star Map. It was close. Very close.
The red lightsaber hummed.
"It's not too late, Revan." The Jedi smiled with pain. "You can go back—"
The lightsaber bit the Jedi's neck. His head bounced twice before rolling beside the severed hand.
A tinge of pain drifted from me, thick, heavy.
Kashyyyk.
"Error. List of access attempts prior to these is corrupted. Likelihood of removal by user, 100 percent."
"User?" I gripped the interface tight. "What user?"
"Error. Information about the identity of user is corrupted. Likelihood of removal by user, 100 percent."
So, I couldn't circumvent the programming. Figures. And I highly doubted Jolee built this interface or was this "user." Maybe…
"Did Revan ever access this installation?"
"Error. Data regarding subject 'Revan' corrupted."
"Corrupted? So, the subject 'Revan' was removed?"
"Error. Data on 'Revan' unavailable."
"..."
Impossible. Revan had to have run across this installation. The only way he could erase himself is if he…gained access to the console. Like I had.
"…"
How exactly was I able to access this machine, anyway? Sure, Jolee could have struggled with the technology, and he was a stubborn old man, but he didn't give off the impression of being blatantly stupid. So, then, how was I able to use a machine that was only able to be accessed by Revan? He'd need to have my brain signatures, or—
No.
No, that wasn't…possible.
"..."
Well, guess that was a dead end.
Manaan.
The memory and thoughts blurred back to the landscape of the interrogation room. I took a step back. The Selkath shivered and heaved once I left his mind.
"You…" The doctor coughed again. "You got what you wanted. Now...let me go, please—"
Crack.
I raced away as a strange sickness boiled within my gut. I ran for a long time, getting lost within the endless maze of Ahto City's halls. A few bodies collided with mine. Some shouted at me. But I kept running.
Eventually, I stopped and leaned on a metal rail—out of breath. The rain hit me once more. I...must have found my way back to the surface. The images from the vision had disappeared, yes, but that sick sensation still cloyed on me. Like the stench of death. I covered my mouth.
Sick. What Revan did. Was sick. Made me sick.
Korriban.
Ancient memories cloyed at the corpses surrounding me. Interred with their failures. The Star Map was bright, a million stars glimmered with the ghosts of the past. This was the end. The final map.
I sat on the bench in the main hold on the Ebon Hawk, holding a glass of Twi'lek liquor. I smiled as I watched Canderous and Verena fight on the mat. Mission was playing a round of pazaak with Juhani who didn't know the rules. Carth spoke to Admiral Dodonna over the holo with a serious look on his face. Jolee snored on the floor. And Bastila…sat at my side.
Canderous huffed. "I noticed it when you fought the clan on Dantooine. You have the walk of a warrior. Did you fight in any battles during the war with my people?"
No. I hadn't.
Verena sneered. "Don't you dare repeat that butcher's words back to me."
Who's?
Mission turned away from her game. "Are you a genius or something? It took me two years to understand Big Z! And you learned it 'one day!' How!?"
I don't know.
"Despite the...crimes they later committed, I always secretly looked up to them—what they accomplished and sacrificed." Juhani smiled. "By that river, you...well, to put it bluntly, you reminded me of those Jedi."
I was being compared to Sith.
Carth sighed. "How did you gain the ability to use the Force in the first place? Does it really just sprout up randomly? That...that's not natural."
It doesn't.
Jolee sat up. His sad eyes met mine.
"Everything about you that I can see is odd. Slightly off, as if my eyes are trying to trick me. You seem like a good kid. A bit confused, but a good kid. Yet there are times where you switch. Flip. Like a coin. There is something...something very dark about you…"
Dark how?
Bastila grabbed my hand and led me to the dorms. When we arrived, she pressed a kiss to my lips. Our mouths moved clumsily as we took off each other's clothes. I pushed her against the wall when we were bare. Felt her breasts. Needed her. We fell onto the bed and she wrapped her legs around me. After I pushed in, she grabbed my face.
Tears streamed down her cheeks.
"It wasn't supposed to be this way." She whispered then took a breath as I thrusted. "I'm not supposed to feel this way." She gasped with pleasure. "About you. It's not...right." I touched her as I sunk deeper in. She smiled. Laughed. "Yet it feels right. It feels so good."
We lost control.
"I'm sorry," I said with a whisper. She laid on top of me when we finished. "This is my fault."
"No." She looked down at me. "It's mine."
"How?"
"I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"It…" Her lip quivered. "It would destroy you. Hurt you. And I can't...I won't let that happen."
"How would it hurt me?"
"They will hate you." Her voice had become dark. Distorted. Her voice whispered. "I will hate you."
We jumped back to the main hold. Fully clothed again. As if time had rewound. Mission glared at me from the pazaak table with her blaster raised. Juhani joined as well, taking out her lightsaber. Carth switched off the holo and grabbed his blasters. Both Canderous and Verena stopped fighting each other to prepare their weapons. Jolee pounced onto his heels and drew his green blade.
They all hated me.
Bastila held my face. Rubbed my cheek. Until she scratched it. I winced as I felt blood on my face.
"And you will hate yourself."
I ran before her lightsaber slammed into me. I ran to the exit ramp down into the Dantooine enclave. A million lightsabers brandished. I turned, twisted in terror. There was no escape. No way out. They hated me. They all hated me.
Once we go through this door...we can never go back.
Vrook Lamar stepped out of the shadows with his blue lightsaber ignited. His wrinkled face creased.
"The lure of the dark side is difficult to resist. I fear this quest for the Star Forge will lead you down an all too familiar path."
That hadn't been me. The Wes who talked about his prissy little emotions like a whiny child? The one that "opened up?" Yeah, that Wes was an idiot. That Wes should have learned to stop talking. Maybe that Wes would have been able to sleep at night if he didn't reveal these worthless feelings in the first place.
The Revenant loomed over Corellia and with the large ship, millions of dark fighters twisted in space around the Republic ships that were defending the planet below. There was something off about this battle. Suspicious. We'd intercepted info from our spies that Corellia would be defended by a measly fleet. The Republic was an easy opponent, yet, they'd never made a grave error like this. Leaving an important Core World planet undefended wasn't in character. Quite the opposite. They always spread themselves thin...
This was a trap. A stupid one. The Republic was getting desperate. Clumsy. It was almost disappointing. Boring really. Only fools would risk Corellia to bait us out. I'd spring the trap. Take it. Take Corellia, then Duro, then Coruscant.
I felt a touch on my mind. It was a familiar touch. Bastila Shan. Her battle meditation was unforeseen. Unpredictable yet it would be manageable. The woman was weak-willed. She could be turned under the right circumstances. The pressures of war made a Jedi vulnerable to the dark side. And one so entwined with the lives of her soldiers...
I ignored Bastila and focused on the battle below. I ordered for the Leviathan to bomb one of the unimportant cities on Corellia's surface. Some casualties were expected. The Jedi would be weakened if she sensed their deaths. It would take care of the problem.
Darth Malak heeded my order. He turned the Leviathan around and the turbo blasters streaked across space into Corellia's surface. I sensed…distaste from my apprentice. He wanted to bomb the entire planet like he did on Telos. Yet he knew what would happen if he didn't listen to my orders again.
A second later, the bombing stopped. Bastila Shan's meditation stopped with it. As expected.
It's like a game of dejarik. A careful, dangerous, game of dejarik. With death. So much death. Their deaths fueled that small, dark part of my mind that relished at it. It felt good. So good. Too good. Their deaths will be worth it in the end.
"My Lord." One of my lieutenants stepped to my side. "There has been a breach in the shields. A ship is coming in to land."
Oh?
I crossed my arms. "Let them."
"But—"
I raised a hand and cut off the air from his lungs.
"You weren't questioning me, were you?"
"N-No, my Lord—"
"Let them land." I squeezed—I really wanted to break his neck. Not today. "Let them board. I'm bored."
I released the lieutenant and he ran off to see to my orders. You'd think they'd know not to question me by now. I shook my head, looking out the window. A fighter exploded nearby. A life sniffed out. Bored. Boring. This battle was boring. Rather take care of the Jedi myself than watch this boring nothing of a battle.
"Master."
Great. What did Malak want now? I didn't bother facing the holo of my annoying apprentice.
"What?"
"You…do realize a Republic ship has boarded you," he said. "Why were they not destroyed?"
"Do you need a reason?"
"No, Master."
"Then why are you interrupting me?"
"I…"
"I'll give you a reason anyway. We have won the battle. If you are worried for my safety, which I doubt you do, then you have grossly misread the situation."
I swiped the holo away and refocused on the fighters before me. Red lights streamed with green. There was another reason why I allowed them to board. Bastila Shan. I could sense her close by. She was with the Jedi. If I could capture her, twist her to our side…then the war would be won within the week.
And I'll finally have a replacement.
When I sensed their arrival, I waited. Some of the dark Jedi that stayed with me attacked. I lifted my fist when they fell dead. A Republic soldier that got too cocky was stopped with a burst of the Force. I ignited my lightsaber. Red crackled and danced in the reflections of the window. I turned. Bastila's face…fear. She feared me. Good.
The others didn't matter. I snapped the soldier's neck with a thought then twirled my blade—unclasping my robe. He collapsed. Without a second passing, I gripped the Jedi on the left tight with the Force. He shouted in pain as I crushed his bones and threw him into the wall. Neck—broken. Dead.
The next one screamed. Anger. Pain. I'd killed her Master. This one would have been useful. Not as useful as Bastila. With a flick from my lightsaber, her head bounced to the ground.
Bastila pointed at me. Eyes narrowed. Foolishly brave still.
"You cannot win, Revan!"
Her hands shook as the fear consumed her. I twirled my blade around once. Then we clashed, golden sparks rained on us both. Through the Force, I sent a spike of pain into her mind. She yelped, yet she somehow had enough strength and fortitude to stumble away from my blade.
We faced each other again. I sensed her anger. She wanted to kill me. She wanted to destroy me. Good. I waited for her first angry strike.
But it never came.
I sensed…something. I turned. The Leviathan. It—
Boom!
"What greater weapon is there than to turn an enemy to your cause? To use their own knowledge against them?"
The smoke cleared. I coughed as I awoke. A headache…pounded. Blood poured down my scalp. I glanced to the side…and saw…
Darth Revan.
Debris from the turbos littered the bridge around us. With the blast, the Dark Lord had been tossed to the ground. A sharp shard of metal had cut through his armor. Piercing a lung. Blood pooled around him. Dead. He was dead.
Good.
I didn't have much time. I took a step back…
A gasp. Darth Revan jumped awake and grabbed the metal shard. Pulling it out. It rang as it clattered to the ground. I unleashed my lightsaber. Ready to fight again. Yet, he didn't do anything. Didn't attack. Couldn't. He collapsed in the pool of his own blood. Darkness pooled with him. Pain. So much pain. He was engulfed in it.
I couldn't just…leave him to die like that. I ran over to his prone body and raised my blade to his face. Anger. Hatred. I should have suppressed those emotions, but they came out anyway as I stared down at the Dark Lord. If I...put him out of his misery...
"..."
My lightsaber lowered.
I sank to my knees at his side. There were techniques I could use. I focused. The Force pulsed as I sensed Revan's mind. Nothing. No matter what I did, I couldn't sense the Dark Lord. A dark glove grabbed my arm. I flinched away. The hand fell into the pool of blood. The red-gray Mandalorian mask was still—unconscious. Dying. The mask. That was it. The infernal mask. I couldn't focus with the mask.
My fingers gripped the edge of the mask. I yanked it off—
The girl frowned at me. The girl—my daughter. That's right.
Bastila looked down at me with concern. "Do you remember now?" Yes. I did. A tear fell down my face. When I nodded, Bastila sighed with relief. "I'm surprised she still remembers you. You left when she was so young."
"Yeah, well…" My daughter looked at me as I spoke. Her familiar gray eyes were filled with tears. "I never wanted to…to go to war."
"But you had to."
Another tear fell down my face.
"I had to."
"It was a sacrifice."
"Yes."
"Then, after, when there was nothing left…war became your only purpose."
I'd forgotten why I'd gone to war in the first place.
Corpses. Burnt corpses. So many. So many dead—
My daughter wiped my tears away crudely with her little fingers. Then, she jumped off and when I stood she tried to pull my arm.
"Can we play in the lake? Please, Mummy, please!"
Bastila laughed. "Not now. Later. Let your father rest. He's come a long way..." She pulled my arm, pulling me down the hill to the house. My daughter skipped at my side. Before we entered, I stopped moving. Couldn't move. Bastila gave one last tug before she gave up with a huff. "Come on. What are—"
"This isn't real."
The sky became black. A night without stars.
"What do you mean?"
I didn't look at her.
"This isn't real. You lied to me."
I remembered now.
"Lied…? Wes—"
"I'm not Wes!"
My lips quivered as those words ripped out of my throat. A mask. It slammed over my face. Hurt. It twisted her eyes.
"No, you are!" She repeated this again, whispering under rapid breaths. "You are! You—"
"This isn't real. I'm not Wes."
"Please!" Bastila shouted over flowing tears. She pulled me again. "Forget it. Let's just go inside. Forget this ever happened—"
"You should have left me to die."
A small hand grabbed then tugged my dark robe.
"Daddy…?"
"No." She shook her head, her hand tightened on my arm. "No, I couldn't. You were in so much pain. I couldn't—"
"I deserved it."
"No, you—"
"I deserved to die in agony. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve peace."
"If you don't deserve peace then I don't either!" Bastila rubbed the mask then tried to pull it off. It didn't budge. Tears fell out of her eyes. "You deserve peace, love, happiness, compassion and so much more."
I raised a shaking hand—a black glove—then rubbed Bastila's cheek. Blood smeared on her. My blood. The tears dried. Then my hand stopped shaking and I spoke without emotion.
"Peace is a lie."
My red lightsaber hissed awake into Bastila's stomach. Her gray eyes dulled before she collapsed to the ground. Dead. A scream. A piercing scream. The girl cried. Screaming daddy. Again and again. The screams stopped, cut off by the swing, the hum of the lightsaber.
Fire. Burning. Heat. All around me.
The farmhouse burned. Dantooine burned. Bastila burned. The metal bridge of the ship was caked with blood. The bridge I died on. It was burning.
All of it burned to the ground.
The Leviathan flew deep into the edges of an unknown system. Unaware of the monster that had awakened within.
Darth Malak looked down at Wes as if he was a speck of machine dust.
"You cannot hide from what you once were, Revan. Recognize that you were once the Dark Lord and know that I have taken your place!"
"..."
Lies.
"You're lying." His voice. It was shaking. His body. Shaking. "You're lying. You…you're getting into my head. This is a trick."
"You do not remember, Revan? The Jedi set a trap. They lured us into battle against a small Republic fleet. During the attack, a team of Jedi knights boarded your ship. The Jedi strike team must have captured you and the Council used the Force to reprogram your mind. They wiped away your identity and turned you against your own followers."
No.
No.
That wasn't true.
"No."
"You must have seen flashes of your old life in your dreams, Revan. Memories bubbling up to the surface? Surely you must remember the battle in which you were captured?"
"No."
Those were visions. Bastila wouldn't have lied.
"How you survived the final battle is a mystery to me. I sensed that you'd died that day."
It wasn't true. None of it. He turned. Bastila was a statue. Frozen. Tears had fallen down her face. It wasn't true. None of it. It wasn't true.
"He's lying." His words were droid-like. "Bastila. He's lying."
Her lips shook. More tears fell from her eyes. He didn't dare sense the bond. He didn't dare. Eventually, a word formed on those lips.
"Wes."
The name sounded strange on her lips. It wasn't right. None of this was right.
Anger. Rage. Grief. Fear.
I didn't let Bastila speak again.
My shout burned my throat as I swung my lightsaber down onto Darth Malak. I moved instinctually. Malak blocked my wild attacks easily. No reason. Everything had become a blur of motion. His eyes smiled. He took calm steps back into the depths of the airlocks in response to my flurries. It only made me angrier.
The Force came and went in powerful, fragile waves. My lightsaber had been so wild I cut into a pipe in the wall. Oxygen steam hissed out. The blade skidded on the floor as I ran at him, heating the metal orange. I shouted again as I tried to aim for Malak this time. Everything was a blur. None of my actions made sense.
Malak laughed—batted me away. He was toying with me.
A yellow blade stopped my blue one before it hit Malak's lightsaber overhead.
"Please, stop!" Bastila shouted. "You're going to get yourself killed!"
"Go on, Bastila. Tell him. Tell him the truth." Darth Malak loomed over me. "Tell Revan what you and your Jedi Council did to him."
I turned—our lightsabers were still locked. More tears clouded her eyes.
"I…" Her words were detached. "I was part of the team sent to capture Revan...to capture you. When Malak fired on the ship you were badly injured. I thought you were dead. I used the Force to preserve the flicker of life in your body then brought you to the Jedi Council. They told me your mind had been destroyed. They were the ones who healed you…"
"Healed me?" I couldn't control my breathing anymore. "It can't be—I have memories. I can't be—it's not possible—I don't remember that."
"The Jedi Council programmed you with a new identity. They tried to make you their slave," Malak said.
"Your mind was destroyed after the attack! We couldn't simply restore your true identity—Revan was too dangerous." Bastila's shoulders fell. "When I used my Force powers to keep you alive on that bridge it created our bond. I convinced the Council that I could use that bond to draw out your memories and lead us to the Star Forge."
"I said to tell him the truth, Bastila." Malak's mechanical voice boomed. "Revan's mind wasn't destroyed. The Council feared him and wiped his memories. You didn't want to help him. You made him your puppet. You were using him. You wanted to taste the dark side for yourself!"
"N-No—that isn't…!" She shook her head—her pained gaze met mine. "I wanted to help you, Revan. I thought this mission would redeem you—that it would atone for your past crimes. How else could you be saved?"
Lies.
I took my lightsaber off Bastila's and pushed her away with the Force. She collided into the wall—I felt pain in my back and head. I went on the attack again. Pounding. Over and over and over. My arms burned as I didn't let up. Darth Malak grunted as my hits became harder. Heavier. He took a few steps back at my barraging attacks. The doors behind us shut closed as we traveled fast through the endless airlocks.
A large foot collided with my chest. I staggered back—winded as the burn wounds on my torso shot pain into my joints. I growled. Malak lifted his hand and I sensed the heat rising in his fingers. I dodged the spray of lightning before it hit me. Cold washed froze my arm as I lifted my hand and focused. The Dark Lord raised his pale hand with mine—blocking the powerful Force wave. I pushed—felt cold—strong. Eventually, my strength won out.
Malak slammed far down the hall. The doors opened then closed behind him as he was thrown. I staggered back—drug-like adrenaline pumped within my veins. I'd never felt…hadn't felt this powerful.
No. You've felt this powerful before.
I was alone. The red emergency lights flickered. Flickered until I was left in darkness. The blue light from my blade cast shadows.
A mechanical voice spoke from far away.
"A small part of me has regretted betraying you from afar, Revan." I moved my lightsaber around the room—facing each of the four doors. Any one of them could have been where Darth Malak would attack. He chuckled. "I always knew there were some who would think I acted out of fear, that I did not want to face you. But now fate has given me a second chance to prove myself. Once I defeat you in combat no one will question my claim to the Sith throne."
The door to my side hissed open. I swung—a yellow blade blocked me. The red lights flickered back on. Bastila appeared with Carth at her side. I stepped away and ignored them. Focusing, I searched through the Force again at the other doors. Searched for Malak. Hunting.
A sharp voice came from within.
I sense your anger. The dark side. You remember it, don't you? Not enough to regain the power you once had. Before you fought with clinical precision—each blow had a purpose. You were absolutely terrifying. That's why I hesitated to face you directly. But now? I don't fear you anymore, Revan. The Jedi turned you into a shadow of yourself. Now you're so…clumsy. Like a child.
"Face me, coward!" A hand grabbed my shoulder. I flinched away, waving my lightsaber at Bastila who took two steps back. "Don't touch me."
"I'm sorry." She took a deep, shaking breath, tears fell down her face. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to—"
"Stop lying to me."
"I should have told you!" Her shout echoed—tears ran down l her face. "But you were happy. So happy. I…I didn't want to be the one to take that happiness away from you. I was selfish. I should have told you."
My mind cleared. My body felt detached—my lightsaber fell to my side. The hot anger fled my chest. Replacing it was cold. Pain. Emptiness.
"It never should have come to that." Numbness took over. "You should have let me die."
I want to die.
"No! Don't—please don't think that. I couldn't…" She walked up to me and rubbed my numb face—trying to bring it back to life. It did nothing. "Even if you were a Sith Lord, I couldn't. You deserve a second chance—"
"Bastila—kriff that!" Carth grabbed and pulled her away from me. His voice broke. "Let's get out of here. Let them kill each other. We have to warn the Republic—"
"No! You can't!" She took Carth's jacket by the fistful. "Revan…his unconscious memories were leading us to the Star Forge! Without him, there is no mission! Without him, the war is lost!"
"It already looks lost to me!"
Voices. My voice. It boomed in my head.
They tricked you. Tricked you. Lied to you. Lied. Used you. She only wanted the Star Forge. She didn't love you. She manipulated you. She fucked you for the mission. What an idiot. Her love was a lie. This entire time. A lie.
"You never loved me."
She turned. "No. Wes—"
"Stop calling me that!"
A thundering boom. A haze shrouded my mind. My hand lifted. She grabbed her throat. She was choking. Stop. Stop hurting her. A rumbling laugh echoed down the halls. Succumb to the dark side. Kill her. Feed on your anger, Revan.
A blaster bolt hit my leg. The burning pain only fueled me. A flash of orange. My lightsaber skidded away as Carth tackled then pinned me to the ground. Without looking, I threw him off with a wave. He collided with the wall. Bastila took a deep breath and coughed on the floor beside me. I blinked, confused as the dark haze faded from my mind. I crawled then limped back onto my feet. Pain. There was pain. From Bastila.
I looked down at my shaking hand.
What have I done?
You hurt her. Monster. Why do you care if she loved you? She shouldn't. You don't deserve it. You're a monster.
I clenched my fist. I called my lightsaber into my hand and limped into the red halls—ignoring Carth's weak shouts for me to stop.
Darth Malak. He was close.
After limping for what seemed like an eternity, I found him in the hanger control room. He was waiting for me. The humming from the engine cylinder and pit pulsed and crackled behind the Dark Lord. Darth Malak watched me with yellow eyes.
I lifted my lightsaber into an upright stance. His red lightsaber hummed at his side.
"How disappointing. I thought you would have killed them. You've become soft, Revan." I didn't say a word back. "No matter." The door behind me shut, then I heard something lock. Malak lowered his hand after he used the Force on the controls. "The Jedi Council were foolish to let you live. I won't make the same mistake. We shall finish this alone in the ancient Sith tradition—master versus apprentice, as it was meant to be."
I paced to the right around the circular pit—around the engine cylinder—keeping my lightsaber in the stance. The blaster burn in my leg made me limp. My voice was stoic. Emotionless.
"Why did you betray Revan?"
Malak followed—stance lax—lightsaber loose at his side.
"You mean…why did I betray you?"
I slammed my blade down and Malak caught it with a strong block. I pounded into his blade—left, right, over—my hits thrummed with power.
His yellow gaze met mine after we locked blades. "You are the one who taught me the ways of the Sith, Revan. The strongest must rule if we are to survive!" He shoved me away with the Force—my back stung as I collided into the wall. I hurried onto my feet then weaved away from Malak's blade, parrying it. Eventually, I was forced to block each of his pounding hits. Pain shot in my leg as he pushed down on his last strike. I hissed.
Malak laughed. "You knew I would one day challenge you for supremacy, but you underestimated me. I acted sooner than you expected and seized the Sith throne with a single brilliant stroke."
I let out a pained gasp as he held me down with the Force. He was inches away—his metal jaw showed a distorted reflection of my face.
He challenged you before.
Something grabbed my injured leg. Malak gripped it with a dark pulse. I ignored it. I had to or else the blade would split me in half.
Malak paced around me with a sneer. I held my ground as he circled me like a kath hound.
"You aren't fit to rule!"
He shouted as he dove with his red lightsaber.
I moved out of the lightsaber's path before it cut me in two. Malak hissed with frustration as I staggered back around the circular room. The vision was as unrelenting as his strikes—intertwining with the present.
"The Dark Lord of the Sith should be merciless! You said to destroy the enclave to instill fear into the Jedi—I destroyed it! Who cares how I destroyed it, Revan?"
I paced around my apprentice. Frustration. It was a taint in my mind.
"I ordered you to destroy the enclave, Malak. The enclave. Not Telos."
"With Telos' destruction, the Jedi enclave was eradicated." Malak growled. "You disagree with my actions because you wanted the glory of destroying Telos yourself! You taught me to take any opportunity if the moment arises. After Saul defected, I saw an opportunity!"
We'd gone too far.
There was a break in the fight.
"I'd thought you'd be proud, Master."
He shouldn't have destroyed it.
He hit me again.
"You always speak with a purpose, Master."
He shouldn't have listened.
Another slash deflected.
"Did you lie? Do your words mean nothing?"
Death. Burning. Chaos. Destroying worlds. It was what the Mandalorians had done.
Our lightsabers clashed.
"Have nothing else to say, Master?" Malak smirked past the red light. "Oh. I see." He chuckled. "You condemn me for destroying Telos because you didn't actually want to do it. Weak. Pathetic. Your words mean nothing. A Sith Lord would have done what I did to get at the Jedi. A Sith Lord regrets nothing. I regret nothing. I should be—!"
Quick. It had been quick. Precise. A stab. Pull. Flick. His chin detached like a branch from a tree. There were no screams. No words. Nothing but a pained strangled breath. Darth Malak collapsed to the floor beside his steaming jaw. His yellow eyes gleamed up at me.
The pain. He was in pain.
Kill me.
Malak begged.
Please.
My lightsaber hummed near Malak's face. He stared up at me with half of a face. Begging. Begging for me to finish it. It is a death sentence to challenge a Sith Lord. A Sith had no mercy.
But—
I extinguished my blade.
"I told you, Malak, that if you defied me again then I'd carve that smirk from your face." I stepped away—didn't look down. "And I am a man of my word."
A wave. My lightsaber fell from my hand. With a flick, Malak split the weapon in half. The fragmented remains of my lightsaber hissed near his boots.
Choking. I lifted. He held me in the air. My feet kicked as I struggled to breathe.
"You remember—don't you? You remember your moment of weakness. You remember when you damned me to this life of pain." His yellow eyes glowed, they were piercing. "You remember what you did to me."
I struggled. Struggled to breathe. I could escape if I wanted to. If I wanted to. I didn't want to. The red blade hummed in my ear as Malak held it up to my face.
"This is fitting." The mechanical voice hissed. "I'll carve your face until there is nothing left. Your eyes, your ears, your nose, your mouth. I'll carve until your face is unrecognizable. You'll feel the pain I felt a million times over. And you'll fall to the ground and beg for me to kill you. I won't. You'll lay there on the ground dying like I did. Begging. You'll die begging." I could feel the heat from the lightsaber. It warmed my chin. "No one needs to hear you scream, Master. So, let's start…with your jaw—"
A push. I felt the grip on me release as I was thrown away to the ground—past the door that opened behind me. I coughed—pain shot through my limbs. Then a hand grabbed my tunic and pulled me onto my feet.
Bastila. She'd locked blades with Malak. Her wide gray eyes met mine once. Then—with a raised hand—
"No, Bastila—!"
Carth's shout was interrupted by a wave of the Force. The door slammed closed with a hiss. He ran to the door and tried to hit the button to open it. Nothing he tried worked.
He turned. He avoided looking me in the eye.
"We…we have to leave. Go. Get out of here."
I stared—blankly—at the door. Cold.
"Did you hear what I fucking said?!" Carth grabbed my arm. "We have to go!"
He dragged me past the airlock doors. Down a ramp into the cold space of the docking bay. My limbs moved without prompt as he dragged me towards the Ebon Hawk. All sounds. The sounds were gone. Just ringing. Carth shouted something as we climbed up the ramp into the ship. He let go of me as he ran to the cockpit. I stopped moving. My limbs. My legs couldn't hold me up anymore. The blaster burn on my leg beat hot. I collapsed onto my hands and knees.
The Ebon Hawk jostled. We'd left the port. Left the Leviathan. Boots. Canderous bent down next to me—he grabbed my shoulder and shook it. Saying words I didn't understand. He eventually gave up and climbed into the gunner station.
A boom. A shudder. The ship groaned—taking hits from Sith assailants. Then—after some time—the shaking stopped. We'd jumped into hyperspace. We'd escaped. But not all of us.
Why?
Why did she save me?
Why did Bastila save me?
Waaah! Yay, I finally got to the reveal! :D
This was...honestly an emotional roller coaster to write. I'm going to miss writing "Old" Wes... I hope you liked my rendition of the reveal!
There is one more chapter before act two is done. It'll take a little longer to come out than these last three chapters (you can thank post-Leviathan angst lol). So, I will see you next time!