Sparks hissed out from Suvam's hydroelectric cutter—he set up shop beneath the Ebon Hawk in order to repair the drives and landing gears. Periodically, the smuggler let out curses in his language and then waved his hand. That's when he would nervously glance back at me and HK who eternally stood at my side.

The Trandoshans' ship stalled beside the rust bucket of a ship that was Suvam's. After five minutes of the Rodian's terrified glances, I decided to at least try to make amends.

"Who were they?"

Suvam hissed after a spark got loose then glanced nervously at me again. This time, he noticed that I was pointing at the lizard corpse pile that Canderous and Carth had put together.

"Them?" Suvam let out a Rodian echoey laugh. "Oh, they're a gang, of course. They wanted me to give them my inventions...stuff that I haven't even finished working on yet!"

"Inventions?"

"Stealth units, shields, weapons—" He interrupted himself. "Err…weapons like blasters, nothing too dangerous. Promise."

Yeah. Sure.

"So you just build these 'inventions' on that station for no reason?"

"No, I…" Suvam stopped his repairs with a watery sigh. "I built things for many people over the years."

"People? You mean for the Exchange."

"No, no! Republic citizens too—I don't discriminate or at least before I got forced to. A few years back there was an Iridonian engineer that always came by for parts. I could tell he worked for the Republic—no one that well mannered is out here."

"Parts? For what?"

Suvam shrugged. "No idea. I never asked but I feel like he wouldn't have told me anyway. Based on what I sold him it must have been for something big. Something dangerous." I waited for him to continue and he did when he noticed I was giving him an impatient look. "That stopped after the Mandalorian Wars and when Davik paid me off. And when the Exchange on Taris went down, they became a non-factor in these parts. The Trandoshan gangs used to work under Davik and now they're trying to muscle in on all the old Exchange businesses. It's hopeless really…"

I rubbed my bearded chin. "Well, why not work something out with them?"

"Impossible. You saw how they acted today. They can't be reasoned with."

"I've faced a Trandoshan gang before and their desire to appease their 'Scorekeeper' makes them denser than rat roaches. When I was a smuggler…"

No. Wes was a smuggler. Wes wasn't real. So, it never happened. I'd never faced the Trandoshans until today. I took a deep breath in order to steady my mind. Suvam stared up at me with curiosity in his bug eyes. Thankfully, he didn't ask for me to elaborate. Nor did he question why my hand was gripping the Ebon Hawk's landing stilts hard.

"Then what should I do?" he asked. "Thanks to you and your friends, the Trandoshans found me. If you hadn't started broadcasting across this system—"

"Pile their corpses in their ship, mark the ship with Exchange symbols, and send it into space. When they find it, they'll get the message to stay away for a while. Trust me."

Suvam blinked slowly at me before his eyes lit up.

"Ha…ha, ha! Right. Of course." The Rodian muttered to himself. "Of course…"

After that, he worked twice as hard on the ship with fewer nervous glances in my direction. Though, I still felt a slight discordance within me after that...mistake. How could I have believed in those lies so easily? Bastila said Revan's mind had been completely destroyed, so it must have meant the memories of Wesley Gale were easier to implant. That I didn't question. But why did Wes' memories feel so real? Still?

An hour of this troubled thinking passed and I sensed Carth approaching before I heard his voice.

"Are the repairs almost done?"

Suvam answered. "Almost."

Awkward silence—punctuated by Rodian cursing. I turned to the side once I realized that Carth was still standing there staring at me.

"What?"

"There's something different about you,"

I sighed—Carth. Always so observant.

"Different?"

"You're certain of something. Last time we spoke you were…"

"You were right." My shoulders dropped as I met Carth's intense stare. "I do have a choice here. And I've made my choice. I'm not running anymore. I'm going to save Bastila. She doesn't deserve this." I stopped leaning against the ship. My body felt heavy without the support. "It doesn't matter how I feel about who I am. All that matters is the mission. We'll use these demented memories to save the galaxy, alright?"

I didn't let the pilot answer despite his gaping mouth moving to speak. I walked away with HK trailing behind me.

Inside the Ebon Hawk, everyone except for Canderous, Jolee, and Carth gathered in the main hold. Verena kept her silver eyes on me as I walked in while Mission and Juhani watched with obvious concern. I ignored their concerns as I messed with the holoprojector and brought up the planet Korriban. It wasn't far from here—only a day away. The Sith would be on high alert after the Leviathan. Which meant we had to prepare.

"Verena." The Echani flinched at the sound of my voice. When she didn't answer me, I continued as if she had. "What should we expect when we land on Korriban?"

"Why don't you tell us?" Her cocky gaze finally met mine. "You're the one who created the Sith Academy in the first place."

My face remained still although I felt a sprig of guilt.

"Well, I seemed to have forgotten how I did that, so any information about it could be useful."

"Why should I help you, Revan?" Verena said. "The last time I gave you advice, you used it to kill Yusanis."

"Don't you want to take down the Sith?" I asked the Echani. "I thought that was your purpose now."

"Don't you dare talk to me about my purpose." She stood and walked until she was across from the holoprojector. "You were once my purpose, Revan. I did…terrible things for you. My loyalty to your cause enslaved me. And now you're asking me to be loyal to you again?"

She laughed.

"But…" Mission's voice was quiet. "But he's not a Sith anymore, and neither are you—"

"My only purpose now, Revan, is to wait." Verena encircled the projector until she was mere feet away from me. "I'm waiting until you remember Yusanis' last words so that you can finish what you started. In the meantime—" She spat in my face. "Fuck off."

With that, the Echani left the main hold back towards the engine room. I wiped the spit off before it ran down into my eye. Her departure caused a stir with both Mission and Juhani. I could tell that they had already had a few arguments with the Echani.

"It's fine. I…deserved that." Probably shouldn't ask too much from her. I took a deep breath and then leaned onto the holoprojector. "We can figure out a way on our own."

"How?" Juhani asked. "Korriban is crawling with Sith."

I leaned back while staring at the desolate world.

"I'll think of something. I…always think of something."

Yet would it be enough? What would stop the Dark Lord from posting thousands of soldiers in front of the last Map? By now, he's probably already set up an ambush. We didn't have a choice though. We had to face Korriban. So, I won't let him stop us. I would do…anything.

When the Ebon Hawk finally lifted off the ground, the weight from the weeks spent on the surface fell away along with it. Carth piloted the Ebon Hawk into the depths of the system and moments later, we were in hyperspace. An hour later, I couldn't stop thinking about the Sith world. In a way, it was like…anxiety. Something I rarely felt before—Wes had always been so sure. And maybe Revan had been too. What I needed was more information.

Carth had remained in the cockpit since we finished jumping into hyperspace, so that is where I went now. He jumped at my appearance and then pretended to switch something on.

"What?" he asked, tone sharp.

"How much of the Republic has been taken since…"

Carth twisted in his seat—face strained. "Since you were gone? Malak disappeared. He hasn't been seen since we last ran into him."

Yes, that made sense. Darth Malak didn't know what I was going to do now that I realized who I was. For all the stupidity the Sith Lord displayed, there was one trait I vaguely remembered about him. He feared Revan—once. For good reason. If I really wanted to, I could go to Korriban and prove to the Sith that I was Revan. The Sith would splinter once they realized I was alive, their loyalties divided. Malak's power was already being contested—it wouldn't take much for me to take over.

It wouldn't be a bad plan if I was desperate, that is. The last thing I wanted to do was fall to the dark side and become Darth Revan. The last thing Malak wanted me to be was desperate enough to become Darth Revan. So, the safest plan for him was to lay low and wait for me to come to him.

It was a deadly game…of Dejarik.

"He's at the Star Forge." I stared out into the blues of hyperspace. "He knows I'm trying to find the Star Maps so he's waiting for me there. Revan is the only thing standing in his way. He can't destroy the Republic without him dead."

This meant that maybe we had a chance on Korriban if Malak's fear could be relied upon. Carth pursed his lips. He didn't comment on my certainty. Instead, he changed the subject.

"I comm'd Admiral Dodonna."

I raised a brow.

"Oh?"

"I told her."

My chest became cold. My face tightened as anger and fear dominated my mind.

"You told… Carth, if the Republic knows, then they'll—"

"It doesn't matter. She already knew." He laughed without humor then shook his head. "That's why she put me on this mission in the first place. The Admiral wanted you to be watched. She didn't trust that the Jedi knew what they were doing. She trusted me…not enough to tell me the details, of course." Carth leaned on his knees, defeated. "I was unknowingly Darth Revan's kriffing babysitter."

I sneered. "Oh. Well. So sorry you were lied to. I didn't exactly know either."

That caused him to look up at me. That look melted into a stoic stare. He stood from the pilot's chair with a scrutinizing demeanor.

"I've been doing some thinking of my own while you were gone and…no matter how hard I try, I can't imagine Wes doing the things that Revan did. Sure, you are a cocky son of a bitch but…" His body froze. "Wes wasn't evil. Revan was."

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not Wes though."

"No, your body is Revan's. But your mind? That's more important, isn't it? Revan died that day on his ship."

"Revan isn't dead."

Carth huffed. "I mean, look—you keep talking about Revan in the third person so I don't even think you believe it."

"That…" I blinked as my ears grew hot. "It's a slip of the tongue. I'm Revan."

"I doubt Revan would care to save a Jedi."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…" His voice trailed and he didn't look me in the eyes. "You are Wes right now. Because if you were Revan…Revan wouldn't have chosen to continue this mission. You would have killed us like those Trandoshans."

A chill coursed down my spine.

"I…" I took a hurried breath. "Are you saying you want me to pretend that I'm not Revan?"

"No, of course not!" Carth groaned. "You're not pretending though. You're acting like you were before. You're not the same person—only the visions are what's left of Revan. That's a good thing, right?"

Was it a good thing? I glanced to the ground in thought. Maybe that was the solution to this discordance. This anxiety. Act as I did before…at least until the end of the mission. Then, after…who knew what would come after. If there even was an after for me.

Yet, also, I wanted to deny what he was saying. It was lying and lying meant I was running away. I wanted it to be true—I wanted to be Wes. I would have preferred it if I never knew that I was Revan. Preferred if I continued living the lie. And that is why Bastila never told me. She didn't want to take that small comfort away.

So, then, how could I do the same to Carth?

"I don't care." My chest chilled from the red hot anger that had grown within my body. I raised my brows. "If it makes you feel better, call me Wes if you want…Orangy."

I left without another word and I didn't bother asking why I sensed a pang of bitter guilt clouding his mind.

The day slowly ticked along. Verena had locked herself in the engine room. Canderous took to drinking alone in the canteen. Mission had gone off somewhere. Jolee was meditating in the med bay. I ordered HK to stay in the garage (without much of a stink, thankfully). Juhani…I found her practicing with a staff in the main hold. I decided that I needed to apologize for running off—to everyone really.

She gave me a patient smile as I apologized. I wasn't surprised that she forgave me. Yet…

"If I were a better Jedi, I would have been able to help you." Her head hung low. "My failings continue to harm those I care about, it seems. And now we need you more than ever. I wish that you didn't have this burden. I know it puts a strain on you."

I sighed. "Look, you're doing fine and it doesn't matter how I feel. All that matters now is saving Bastila." I paused then added. "…and the galaxy."

Juhani's yellow eyes softened.

"You care for her, don't you?"

"Of course I care for her."

"Be careful."

I blinked.

"Huh?"

This was a first. Juhani was giving me advice?

"My love for Belaya pushed her away." Juhani's sad gaze darted away from me. "Our love made her fall to the dark side."

My chest grew bitter.

"You don't know that."

"If Belaya hadn't fallen for me, Darth Bandon wouldn't have been able to manipulate her. Master Koth would still be alive. So much pain…and for what?"

"It's because she ran away from you that she ended up captured in the first place."

"If I hadn't pushed her to take her lightsaber, she wouldn't have been captured either." Juhani stabbed the staff onto the floor with a sigh. "And it's a part of the code. Attachments…it doesn't end well for a Jedi."

My lips pursed. For once, Juhani refused to listen to me. It was odd yet refreshing that she had become independent. I thought she would never back down from looking up to me like a Master.

"It doesn't matter." I crossed my arms. "We need to save Bastila to save the galaxy anyway."

"If it was Bastila or the galaxy…" Juhani finally looked me in the eye. "What would you choose?"

I froze.

"I won't have to choose."

"That wasn't an answer."

I groaned. "When did you become so annoyingly sagacious? You've been hanging out with Jolee, haven't you?"

Juhani blinked. Then, a small grin curved her lips.

"Perhaps. He is quite wise—though he would not admit it." Then her smile dropped as if it hadn't been there. "In any case, wherever your path leads, I want to help you as much as I can, Revan. If only to repay my debt to you."

And I only hoped that this debt of hers didn't end with her doing something foolish.

The canteen had been lifeless before when I had been alone on Yavin IV. Now, a pair sat at the table. Canderous drank out of a sturdy mug and I felt a slight itch to join him, but... Mission sat at the table beside him kicking her feet. They didn't notice that I was there.

Mission slapped a pazaak card down lazily.

"Stand."

"On a twelve?" Canderous asked. "Really?"

"Stand."

The Mando snorted. "You're not even trying, kid."

Mission let out a loud sigh.

"I wish I could be more like you, Candy." She kicked the table which accidentally moved the cards as well. "It…it didn't even phase you."

"Okay, first of all, don't call me that. Second of all…what didn't phase me?"

"You know…"

Her voice broke slightly as if she hadn't had anything to drink. Even though she had a mug beside her… I glared at the Mandalorian as I stomped into the canteen and grabbed the mug before Mission could drink out of it.

"Why are you letting her drink this?"

Canderous raised his brow. "What, that?" He chuckled. "Ease up, pipsqueak, it's just water."

Oh. I looked into the depths and sniffed. What I had thought to be tihaar was, in fact, water. Mission looked up at me with slightly hurt eyes. Kriff. I put the water back down and decided to sit with them.

"Deal in?"

Canderous nodded and gave me a side deck then dealt two cards to each of us. Mission pouted beside me. I couldn't muster up the words to form an apology, mostly because of how down Mission looked, so I instead focused on the game at hand. And the game went...poorly. I had never played a worse game of pazaak in my life. Eventually, Canderous offered me a drink. I wanted to refuse—the last time I touched alcohol it...hadn't ended well for me—yet one drink shouldn't hurt. The tihaar was bitter on my tongue as I once again lost a round to the Mandalorian.

"So, you can't fly."

I raised a brow at Canderous statement after collecting my cards.

"What?"

"I mean…well, I would have thought Revan would at least know how to land a ship."

My face warmed.

"I know how to land a ship, Mando."

"Huh, didn't look like it—you missed an entire swath of flat land there, pipsqueak." Canderous chuckled. "Didn't even use the landing gears—"

I interrupted him with a groan. "Okay, I thought I knew how to land a ship."

"I suppose you got flyboys to do the flying for you, huh?"

I sat back and crossed my arms.

"Well, I tried to fly a starfighter once…was sick for days after. I forced myself to learn since I needed to, but Alen didn't stop calling me Chunks for years…" I froze. No. Alen wasn't real. So then, what had that been? Wes' memory? But why did it feel real? I cursed then slammed my cards down. "Nevermind."

"Who's Alen?"

That was Mission. Her blue, curious eyes wavered. I shook my head.

"No one. He's a figment of my imagination."

That answer hadn't satisfied Mission.

"I don't care. Who do you think he was?"

Canderous raised a brow at me—I could tell he was just as curious. I didn't see the point.

"He was my first mate. We…" Did I dare continue? It was a story that wasn't worth telling anymore seeing that it didn't actually happen. "We hated each other at first. I was the favorite in our smuggling band and Alen he, well, he always wanted to impress. One day, we fought over something stupid. I can't even remember what it was anymore. We came at each other with fists swinging, feet kicking—the absolute worst places too…" My hands shook. I could remember…remember Alen's fist connecting with my face. Why? Why would the Jedi make me remember something so vividly like that? I took a shaking breath. "In the end, I won, of course, so I…I told him…"

Keep practicing, idiot.

A hand grabbed my shoulder and squeezed. I flinched and saw Mission staring up at me with a guilty expression. That's when I noticed tears had run down my face…and I hadn't stopped them.

"I'm sorry." A tear ran down Mission's blue skin. "I…I shouldn't have asked…"

"The past is the past." Canderous didn't look at me as he shuffled the cards. "What matters is today."

I sighed and wiped my face as I leaned on the table. Right. I needed to focus on the now. Any more introspection…and I'd spiral again.

Bastila didn't need that right now.

There was a lesson Master Zhar taught me early in my training as a Jedi.

"The Force always seeks balance." He paced around me as I had been forced to sit on the mat. Kriff...I needed a drink. "The dark side taints the Force in ways that upset that balance."

I never left one of my Master's statements go unquestioned.

"How?"

Master Zhar raised his brow. "By not following the code. By not controlling your emotions. By being selfish—putting others first over the Force."

"Could someone unbalance the Force to balance it again?"

Zhar sighed. "When I say balance, I do not mean balanced like a scale with two sides of equal weight. A Jedi is on one foot at all times. If you lean too far in one direction, all balance is lost. When a Jedi falls, they fall to the dark side."

"But…what if a Jedi tripped so that they could save a child from a wild speeder? If the fall is done on purpose to save someone, that isn't selfish, is it?"

Zhar's eyes grew dark. "Yes, it is. You place one child's life above the balance of the Force."

"You're seriously telling me that I would have to just stand there and let a child die to protect myself from falling? How the hell is that not selfish?"

Zhar rubbed his forehead—I was being a pain. On purpose, of course, since this lesson was getting old. And pedantic.

"Apparently, this concept is too nebulous for you to understand at this time."

Instead of making me understand then, he made me meditate for two hours.

During my training, I thought the Masters despised me due to my ignorance. Now I knew it was because of who I was. That was probably one of the many lessons Master Zhar filed away in his "signs of Darth Revan returning" notes. These memories…these real memories came to the forefront of my mind as I tried to distract myself.

Sweat beaded down my forehead as I pulled myself up on the overhanging bar in the dorm. I took a deep breath as I felt my body groan from disuse. It had been weeks since I did hard physical activity besides walking and running. I only had a day to get back into shape before…Korriban.

I took another deep breath and pulled myself up till my chin touched the bar.

"Gave us all a scare there, kid, running off like that."

I should have sensed Jolee's approach. Should have. Instead, I slammed my head into the ceiling and cursed at my distracted brooding. I released my grip on the bar and stumbled back—thankfully I regained my balance before I fell on my ass like a moron. Jolee looked at me with that amused expression. I sighed then grabbed a towel and wiped my brow.

"What do you want, old man?"

"Nothing, nothing. Just…checking in on you."

"Checking in? Why…?" No. I knew why. Other real memories surfaced. Dark memories from a drunken…haze. I pushed those memories out of my head and used the Force to jump back onto the pole. "I'm fine, Jolee. Just…" I struggled as I pulled myself up. "Preparing."

"Yes, that's good. Lots to prepare for." In the corner of my eye, Jolee sat on one of the bunks. "I'm curious. What exactly were you up to down there?"

Breath in. Out. Pull up.

"You wouldn't believe me."

"Ha! Oh, I have stories like that. So, do tell."

Of course he did.

"Turns out Exar Kun found a way to live forever. Probably not in the way he intended though."

"Huh, really?" Jolee rubbed his goatee. "Did he…give you any trouble then?"

Breath in. Out. Pull up.

"Of course. He was invading my mind. He wanted to possess me."

"Ah, Sith possession. Never gets old."

I hung by my arms.

"That happen often?"

"Too often."

I returned to pulling my body up to the bar.

"He tried to make me think he was Revan. Saying he knew why…I fell to the dark side. I believed him at first but then I realized…Revan wouldn't have cared to tell me how he fell. Kun shouldn't bother anyone anymore though."

"Oh?"

"I destroyed an altar. That's what he was using to manifest as a spirit apparition. He more than likely used the lives of the corpses surrounding that altar to tie himself down."

"Hmm, you seem to know a lot about this."

"It's obvious." Was it? I let myself hang again. Or had Revan known that and I just…spat it out like it was nothing? I caught Jolee's gaze. "He wanted me to spill my blood on it in some ritual, so it had to be important."

"Sith rituals…" Jolee's eyes became dark. "I saw some during the war with Kun. Nasty things—the Sith would sacrifice children to try to enhance their strength, heal their wounds, prolong life. It failed, thankfully, but..."

My breath ramped up as reality hit me. Revan had used some rituals like that, I'm sure. What sort of rituals? Who had he sacrificed to strengthen himself? Had he killed innocents? Worse, children? My fingers felt slippery on the bar. I regripped the cold metal. Was the strength I was using now…had it been at the cost of others?

"Kid?"

I shook awake then pulled myself up again.

"I'm fine."

That was the past. What matters is now.

"I hadn't asked…" Jolee sighed. "It's hard facing your past but you will face it. You will see your worst on Korriban. You can't push us away now—you'll need our support to pull through. Our help."

"I know." I finally dropped to the ground. No longer distracted. "I know…I…" I met his worried gaze. "Thank you, Jolee. It's…you're right. It's hard. Revan wasn't…I'm not a good person."

"Hmm, well, you weren't a good person, I would agree with you on that. But here's the thing, kid." He smiled. "People change."

I shook my head. "I changed because of what the Jedi did to me, Jolee."

"Huh. I vaguely remember you killed a Czerka troop in cold blood when we first met. Not very Jedi-like—I wouldn't think the Council would want you to do that. Oh, and were the Jedi around when you helped the Wookiees? Helped Sunry? Saved the kolto? It seemed to me like you made the choice to help yourself."

"I only helped Sunry because he was going to trial without an Arbiter. Wes never had an Arbiter."

"Neither did Revan."

My mouth snapped shut. What he said was true. I doubted they put Revan on trial…they couldn't since they wanted to keep his survival a secret. Then what had been that feeling? Had it been Wes? Or Revan?

"Sorry. Didn't mean to make you go back to thinking." The old man huffed. "What the Jedi did was dubious, of course, but…your choices have been your own after that. After all, if they really wanted to enslave you to them, well, they would have brainwashed you to be a loyal Jedi or a soldier. Someone they could control."

"They tried." A piercing headache. I blinked away the pain as I held my forehead. "T-They wanted…they tried to make me a soldier." The memories of my mentor, from the brief flash of what they did, pierced my brain. "I wouldn't…couldn't let them control me."

Jolee didn't speak for a long time.

"So then, perhaps, maybe, a little bit of Revan has been with us all along." I took my hand off my forehead so that I could stare at the old man again. "And maybe that means a little bit of Revan has changed."

I frowned then stared down at my feet.

"That almost sounded…optimistic."

"Huh, it did, didn't it?" Jolee chuckled. "Who knows maybe even an old man like me can change…" He stood while cracking his bones with a groan. "Come on—let's eat. Need to be in good health before we arrive on Korriban tomorrow."

I sunk back at the thought. Korriban. The Sith world. There I would be tested for sure. If Revan did come back, either if something triggered my memory or worse, I hoped that he would at least care about everyone on the Ebon Hawk. Enough to...not kill them. Because I couldn't stand the thought of them dying. If there was a piece, a small fragment of Revan in me still, then I had to believe he would know that.