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To Stay Or Go
Esme's POV
Esme woke before the sun rose the following morning. She had hoped to have time the night before to think about her mother and father and decide what to do but instead she had fallen asleep listening to the dwarves singing about their homeland. Their melodic voices had reverberated around the small room and she couldn't help but wish to go with them on their quest and forget about trying to find a way home at all. The bed their host had given her had been a little small but comfortable all the same and she was especially glad of it after sleeping outside the night before. She had expected to get a good night's sleep but found that instead she was plagued by dreams that had left her tossing and turning and feeling far less rested than she had hoped for. She had dreamt of her mother, of the father she had never known existed until last night, of Jenna and her home, a world she had been brought up in, all she had ever known and most surprisingly, she had dreamt of Dwalin. The latter had left her feeling rather confused. Esme certainly had enough going on and enough to think about and worry about without adding the strange warrior dwarf into the mix. Why was she even thinking about him? The evening before, he had been gruff, arrogant and extremely rude, not to mention his disgusting table manners. Had he been concerned for her? Yes but it was the only thing about the previous evening that she could even think may have endeared her to him. Maybe it was the fact that he had rescued her, that he was the first person she met in this new strange world or that he made her feel safe. Whatever it was she couldn't completely deny the fact that her stomach filled with butterflies now when she thought of him. Esme wasn't sure that she had a type when it came to men but she knew that if she did then the burly dwarf most certainly wasn't it. So why did she feel excited to see him again this morning? Why did the butterflies refuse to go away? Why, when she had so many things to sort out, did her mind keep going back to Dwalin?
"Great, I've finally lost it altogether." She thought.
After another few minutes of trying to chase away her unwanted thoughts and feelings and failing miserably, Esme forced herself out of bed. She dressed quickly and made her way out of her room and towards the kitchen. The dwarves were already milling about and the smell of bacon greeted her as she walked in. A rather rotund dwarf handed her a plate of bacon, sausages and scrambled eggs as soon as she reached the table. Thanking him she realised that she hadn't in fact asked any of them their names the previous evening, if she was going to go on this quest with them she would have to make an effort to get to know them all. Was she going to go with them? She really wasn't sure, after she was done eating she was planning to find the wizard to ask him about her mother, she would make her decision then. As she tucked into her breakfast she looked around at the rest of the dwarves. They seemed like a nice bunch to go travelling with, they were jovial and friendly, though she noted their table manners were unfortunately much the same as Dwalin's. Where was Dwalin? She looked around trying to find him but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Looking for something in particular lass? Or perhaps you're looking for a particular someone?" The dwarf with the strange hat that had been sitting across from her, winked when he said this.
Esme was sure she turned the colour of a tomato then and the fact that the dwarf burst out laughing told her she was right. Were her new found feelings so obvious? Would Dwalin know what she was thinking just by looking at her as this dwarf had? The thoughts of this had her more embarrassed than ever. She wasn't sure what her feelings even were and she highly doubted the gruff dwarf would return them either way. The last thing she wanted was for Dwalin to know how she was feeling before she had time to sort it out for herself.
"Oh don't you mind him he's only joking lass, just not often we see Mr. Dwalin in the company of a lady is all. Bofur you leave her alone. I'm Dori; it's nice to make your acquaintance."
Relief flooding through her, Esme simply smiled at the silver haired dwarf and quickly finished her food and excused herself from the table. It was time she found the wizard. Before she agreed to go on this quest she had to know if he knew where her mother was. If he didn't then she wasn't sure what she was going to do.
Dwalin's POV
Dwalin had slept little. Their meeting had gone on until late and he had found it hard to drift off to sleep afterwards. He awoke with thoughts of Erebor racing around his head. Would their quest be successful? Perhaps they were all marching to their deaths. It wasn't an idea that bothered Dwalin too much, he was a seasoned warrior, had always expected his life was going to end in battle some day. It was something he had made peace with a long time ago. The fact that they may not be able to reclaim their home bothered him more. How could Dain have abandoned Thorin? He'd expected an army from the Iron Hills to be marching with them to Erebor but now it was left to just the 13 of them. The hobbit was soft and weak, regardless of what Gandalf said. Dwalin had no faith that he would come with them. Of course it was better that way, the wild was no place for hobbits, nor was it a place for women. Dwalin's thoughts immediately went to Esme. Would the wizard be able to send her back home? What would happen to her if he couldn't? There was no way she could travel with them, it would be too dangerous and he wouldn't have it. It occurred to him then that this wasn't his decision to make and this grated on his nerves. Surely Esme wasn't so foolish as to decide to come with them. She didn't belong here regardless of what Thorin said. She may have been born here but she wasn't like any of them, she was far too gentle for this world. She was far to gentle for him. Not that it mattered he reminded himself, she would never be his. Deciding that all these thoughts weren't helping him to get back to sleep, Dwalin rose to prepare the ponies for their journey.
Making his way towards the front door, he stopped momentarily outside Esme's room. He could hear her tossing and turning in her bed, probably dreaming, she'd been through a lot the last couple of days. Dwalin couldn't begin to imagine how unsettling it must have been for her to be pulled away from everything she had ever known and thrown into a world she knew nothing about. He thought about how upset she had been the day before and how worried he had been about her. Even now, though he hated to admit it, all Dwalin wanted to do was to make sure she was ok. He longed to hold her and comfort her. He leaned his head against the door, wishing he could just forget about her and get on with what he had come here to do. Forgetting about her seemed impossible though. He was drawn to her for some reason. All he wanted was to be near her and the thoughts of her returning to her other world made him feel physically sick. Groaning lowly he pushed himself away from the door and was about to walk away when he heard Esme speak in her sleep. His heart leapt as he realised she had said his name. A flutter of hope rose in his chest. Maybe she felt the same way that he did. Maybe he had a chance after all. Just as hope was starting to fill him, Dwalin thought of Thorin the night before and how broken his friend had looked. Even if there was a chance, would it last? Or would he be left as heartbroken as his friend had been? It was a very real possibility, after all she was young and beautiful and he was an aging battle worn dwarf who was quick to anger and hard to love. How long would it be before she tired of him? Frowning, Dwalin turned towards the front door, walking away now was the best option he had.
Closing the door quietly behind him as he left, he failed to notice he had been watched.
"Do you think he'll ever admit how he feels about her?" Bofur looked over at where Balin stood. The elderly dwarf was deep in thought.
"Aye laddie, I think he will, eventually. I just hope it won't be too late."
Smiling at Bofur, Balin followed his brother out into the hobbit's garden, hoping to talk some sense into him before they left on their journey. Though knowing his brother as he did, he knew this would be no easy feat.
Esme's POV
With all the fantasy books Esme had read over the years she really thought a wizard would be far more helpful. The elderly man in the grey robes hummed and looked at her from under his big bushy eyebrows as she told him about her mother and her own world and what had happened but if she thought that he was going to give her even some idea of what to do then she was sadly mistaken. He had taken a puff of his pipe and told her that he didn't do that kind of magic, had never met her mother and couldn't tell her which wizard, if any, could be the one that sent them from this world. She asked him if they would meet any other wizards if she went on the quest with them and again he said he didn't know. When asked if he thought she should come with them he smiled at her and said it wasn't his decision to make but that if she were to come with them she would need some appropriate travelling clothes and then abruptly walked out muttering something about sleeping hobbits and having to leave a note for their host. For someone that was supposed to be wise and all knowing, the wizard didn't seem to know a whole lot at all. Maybe he wasn't even a wizard, just some deluded old man in grey robes with a pointy stick. Whatever he was, Esme realised that she was going to have to make this decision without his guidance. Weighing her options up it was, in the end, an obvious choice. Wherever her mother was she wasn't here in their host's home but maybe going with them would provide her with the opportunity to find her. She didn't know this world, the only people she had met here were the dwarfs and the more she thought about it what would she do if she were to stay behind? She would be alone, in a world where she knew nothing about the people and the customs. The idea of that didn't sit well with her. The fact that Dwalin was going with them and she would get a chance to know him a bit better also influenced her decision. Smiling, she stood up and left the room to go and find Thorin. She would go with the dwarves.
Thorin had smiled when she told him she would be joining them, pushing her towards Dori and barking orders to the silver haired dwarf about making sure she had adequate provisions for their trip and quickly. The rest of the morning was spent packing a bag for her and finding her something to wear on the road. Apologising profusely for having to dress her in male attire, Dori had given her a few tunics and some loose fitting trousers. He also gave her a heavy cloak, gloves and a pair of boots which Esme thought were far too heavy but the dwarf had insisted she would be glad of on the road. As soon as she was dressed Thorin was shouting at everyone to get ready to leave and she found herself rushed out the door towards the waiting ponies. Spotting Dwalin talking to Balin at his pony, she was just about to make her way towards him when he began to shout at his brother.
"How many times do I have to say it? That lass has been nothing but a hindrance to me since I found her. She's the last thing we need on this quest. The sooner she returns to her own world the better."
Esme stopped in her tracks. She couldn't believe how awful she felt over Dwalin's harsh words. She was shocked, saddened and angry all at once. Had she really been a hindrance to him? She had kept pace with him on their journey here; she hadn't even asked him for anything. In fact he was the one that had insisted she should come with him in the first place not the other way around. She hadn't really expected him to ever return her feelings but she had thought the dwarf had genuinely cared about her. He had seemed concerned about her last night if nothing else. Now she felt foolish for even entertaining the idea that he felt anything for her apart from contempt. It upset her to think that he saw her that way. She felt like crying, could feel the tears building up inside her, but she refused to allow him to see how much his comments had hurt her. Taking a deep breath, she pushed past the warrior and carried on towards her own pony speaking to him over her shoulder.
"Actually Mr. Dwalin I am coming on this quest, whether you like it or not, but not to worry I won't trouble you with my company! In fact I won't even speak to you. After all, I would hate to be a hindrance."
TBC