A/N: Thank you so much for the new reviews, favs and follows, I really appreciate it. Thanks to DreamingGalaxies as always for doing beta for me for this.
A Welcome Rest
Esme's POV
Esme stepped out onto the front porch, the sun was just beginning to rise and it gave a faint orange glow to everything around her. It wasn't yet warm enough for it to have chased away the chill of the night before so she pulled the blanket she had draped over her shoulders tighter around her. Taking a seat on a large bench that was on the porch she continued to sip the chamomile and lavender tea that Oin had been insisting she drink since their arrival at Beorn's three days ago. Three days and still Jenna had not woken. Oin promised that she was doing well, her wound was healing well and the colour had returned to her face somewhat but why then was she still unconscious?
Looking out over the sprawling lands that surrounded Beorn's home Esme sighed. It looked so beautiful and peaceful but she knew now that it was anything but. What was she doing? She didn't belong out here. She knew nothing of this world and even less about how to protect herself in it. When she had first arrived here she'd been consumed by the thoughts of finding her mother. Chasing ghosts again, she'd spent her whole life doing it. Here she was continuing on the very path she had been in counselling for years to try and avoid. This was different though. This time she had put the only person who had always been there for her in danger because of it. Jenna could have died. What would she have done then? Esme could feel the panic starting to swell up inside of her just thinking about it but this time she wouldn't let it take over. She pushed it back down and sipped on her tea again. This had to stop. Her mother had been gone since she was a child. She needed to let her go. Maybe she was alive out there somewhere and maybe she wasn't but either way she needed to move on with her life and stop letting the guilt control her. She couldn't continue on this destructive path and she couldn't follow the dwarves any further. There was no chance she was going to put Jenna in danger again, even though she knew it would mean saying goodbye to Dwalin. A tear slipped down her cheek at the thought of it.
Suddenly she felt aware of someone watching her and looking up she saw the large figure of Beorn standing on the front steps of the porch staring at her. Beorn had come back the morning after he had gone to search for the truth behind their story. He had been in a jovial mood and had put on a large feast for them in celebration of the death of the great goblin king. He didn't like dwarves as such but apparently he liked goblins even less. Thankful as she was for the large man's hospitality Esme still found herself getting irrationally angry that he had disturbed her moment of peace and reflection.
"It's rude to stare!" she found herself snapping at him.
Much to her chagrin the large man simply laughed at her. "I am sorry little one. I did not mean to make you angry."
Esme sighed heavily. "I'm sorry; I really didn't mean to snap. I was just thinking about something and you disturbed me. Is there something I can help you with?"
Beorn continued to stare at her for a moment before he took a seat beside her on the bench. "Something you can help me with? No. I simply wanted to have a closer look at you."
"Why?" Esme couldn't think of any reason anyone would want to have a closer look at her, let alone Beorn.
"You aren't from this world, are you little one?"
Suddenly Esme felt herself getting illogically angry again. She didn't feel like telling him where she was from, why she was here, or that she was currently feeling more lost than she ever had in her entire life. So instead she reverted to acting like a spoiled child.
"I'm not little!" She pouted.
Again the large male merely laughed at her. "You are to me. Though most creatures are I suppose. You are avoiding the question. It makes no matter. I know you are not from here." Beorn paused for a long moment, staring at her thoughtfully. "This is not the first time I have had dwarves come calling. I met one once, a long time ago. He was searching for his daughter. Her mother had taken her from her cradle in the dead of night, he said and he feared she had returned with her to her own world."
Esme was stunned. She had so many questions but all she could manage was a meek. "How did you know it was me?"
Beorn smiled down at her. "Eyes more beautiful than the brightest emeralds he said she had. He was not wrong. I had forgotten all about it until I saw you in my halls the other day. 157 years is a long time and it..."
"I'm sorry, what did you say? 157 years? That's impossible! I'm only 28."
Beorn looked thoughtful for a moment. "Time perhaps passes differently in your world than it does here."
Esme was too stunned to even speak. It just couldn't be possible, could it? She couldn't really be 157! If she was, then would she suddenly start to age rapidly now that she was back in this world? If she was 157 and Thorin remembered her being taken then what age did that make Thorin or the rest of the dwarves for that matter? Her head was spinning. Beorn though seemed oblivious to her inner turmoil and continued on.
"You are sad because you mean not to follow them and yet you do not wish to say goodbye."
Esme looked down at her tea again forcing herself to take another sip, though she doubted even the tea would calm her racing mind now. This skin changer was far too observant. How had he known what she'd been thinking? Was she that obvious? She thought about denying it but what would be the point? If she was to remain here then it would have to be with Beorn's permission anyway. In the end she settled for just nodding. She wished that remaining behind was an easier decision but she knew it was a decision she had to make regardless. The door of the house of healing opened suddenly and Thorin and Dwalin emerged from it in deep conversation. Esme could feel her stomach tighten immediately when she looked at them. How was she going to tell them?
Beorn took the dwarves' arrival as his sign to leave, standing and walking back towards the door of the main house. When he reached it, he looked back at her with a small smile. "You are welcome to stay here if it is your wish, little one. Think more on it before you make your decision though. Regret can be hard to live with."
Regret can be hard to live with, well if that wasn't the story of her life then nothing was. Nodding again at the large male, Esme finished the end of her tea and watched Thorin and Dwalin as they approached her.
Dwalin's POV
Dwalin stopped to lean on the side of the porch when they got to the house. Thorin nodded to Esme and then disappeared inside to ask their host about the supplies they would need for their journey through Mirkwood.
"What did the skin changer want?" he grunted.
Esme rolled her eyes at him. "Not much and his name is Beorn."
Dwalin stood for a moment just looking at his one. She was still staring into the cup of tea she had been drinking even though it was now empty. Her usual smile was missing and as he watched her she sighed heavily. His forehead creased into a frown, she didn't seem herself this morning. He wondered what Beorn could have said to her to have left her so despondent.
"Are you ok amrâlimê? Has he said something to upset you?"
She looked up then, her emerald eyes meeting his at last. They were full of unshed tears. She opened her mouth as if to speak and then seemed to think better of it instead just shaking her head.
"Talk to me."
Looking down at her cup again Esme finally whispered. "I feel so guilty. If she just hadn't followed me then Jenna would be alright."
Dwalin moved closer, taking a seat on the bench and wrapping his strong arms around her. "You can't make her decisions for her. It was her choice. Actually that's why we came over here, she's awake."
Esme instantly jumped up from her seat taking off in the direction of the house of healing. "Why didn't you tell me!?" she shouted back over her shoulder.
Dwalin let her go. He knew he would have to have a conversation with her about her staying here eventually but for now he wanted her to be happy even if it was just for a short while. Truth be told he hadn't the slightest idea of how he was meant to tell her anyway. Would she hate him? She probably would, he knew if it was the other way around he would be furious. Looking about to make sure he was still alone he pulled a small bead out of his pocket. It had once been his mother's. She had given it to him on her deathbed, telling him that it was for his one and making him promise he would give it to her when they married. He hadn't wanted to tell her that he didn't plan on ever marrying so he had accepted it but he hadn't really given much thought to it since. Yet he had carried it with him all these long years. He wondered now if he gave it to Esme would she accept it? Or was he throwing away his one chance of happiness by making this decision to keep her safe? Frowning he returned the bead to his pocket. The only way he would know is to ask her and for the first time in his entire life, he didn't feel brave enough.
"Mother would have loved her."
Dwalin would forever deny that he jumped at the sound of his brother's voice. "Don't you know you shouldn't sneak up on people!?"
Balin simply chuckled as he sat down beside his younger brother. "She would have loved her almost as much as you do. Just ask her brother."
Dwalin was going to argue that he hadn't been planning on asking Esme but really what was the point? Balin knew him better than anyone and he knew that at the back of it all Dwalin wasn't nearly as tough as he wanted people to believe. Instead he simply nodded and the two of them fell silent. Soon the front door opened again and Thorin nodded at them briefly before making his way back to the house of healing with a cup of steaming tea in hand.
"What do you make of that then? He hasn't left her side for more than a minute." asked Balin.
Dwalin rolled his eyes. "I asked him if he had feelings for her, he denied it."
Balin chuckled. "What a shame, it would have been nice to have a queen."
"We need a kingdom first."
Balin nodded and the two of them fell into companionable silence.
Jenna's POV
Jenna had been having the strangest dream. She had been in a weird world where there had been dwarves, elves, giants and goblins. There were large wolves and even larger eagles. It had reminded her of some weird warped version of Alice in Wonderland only that she had followed Esme into this peculiar world instead of a white rabbit. Her bed felt extra comfortable this morning and she hated the thought of getting up and going to work. Forcing herself to blink her eyes open she tried to stretch only to find that her shoulder and neck hurt badly when she did so. Maybe she'd slept on it wrong? Suddenly she remembered the dream again, that goblin leaning over her, had it bitten her? She was nearly sure it had. Gradually she realised that the ceiling that she was looking up at wasn't her own ceiling. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach. It couldn't have been real, could it? As soon as this thought popped in her head she heard a male voice from somewhere to her right.
"She's awake! Jenna, are you alright?"
Thorin's face swam into view and with it everything came flooding back to her. The dwarf had saved her, he had carried her out of the tunnels, lifted her into the trees to get away from the wolves. The memory of her crying and clinging to his hand, scared she was going to die, came rushing back to her. She hated how weak that memory made her feel now.
"Are you alright?"
Thorin was looking down at her with a worried expression on his face. Hadn't she answered him? He looked tired, like he hadn't slept in days. Maybe he hadn't. She didn't know how long they had been in those tunnels or where they were now either. How long had she been sleeping?
"Jenna please, answer me!"
Oh right, she still hadn't answered had she? "I'm fine. You look like shit though."
She had really just meant to say she was fine but the rest had spilled out before she had even thought about it. Great way to start yet another argument Jenna! Why was she always like that with him? Something about him just rubbed her up the wrong way. The dwarf's wide smile wasn't exactly the response she had been expecting.
"Why are you smiling? I just insulted you."
Thorin smiled again at her. "I'm just glad to see you awake. Can I get you anything?"
Jenna sighed. "My mouth feels like sandpaper. A drink would be good. Where is Ez?" she questioned as she propped herself up on her elbows.
"We'll go and get her for you now and I'll grab some tea." Thorin smiled.
She didn't know how it was possible but he annoyed her even more when he was smiling. It was only when he had said "We'll go'' that she realised that Dwalin was also in the room with them. Of course he was; he followed Thorin around like a little lap dog at the best of times. They'd probably be inseparable now after the debacle in the goblin tunnels. Poor Ez would probably always be second fiddle to Thorin. Her friend deserved better. Jenna tried really hard not to frown at Dwalin and simply nodded to Thorin and lay back down.
The door closed behind the two dwarves and she breathed a sigh of relief. She needed a minute alone to process everything. One near death experience was enough for anyone but two? It seemed she attracted these kinds of things. The memory of the first time came flooding back unbidden. Her eyes stung as she fought the tears back. Suddenly she was very aware of the sound of her heart beating, her breathing quickened and her head started to spin as the tears started flowing. Catching the sheets in her clenched fists she forced herself to take a long deep breath. She wouldn't do this. She wouldn't go back there. There was no need to start thinking about it all over again. She was not weak and she would NOT break. Another deep breath and her heart started to slow down a bit. She rubbed the tears away angrily. Another deep breath, she looked around the room for something to distract her, something to ground her, bring her back into this moment and out of the past. Suddenly the door flung open and Esme ran in, tears cascading down her cheeks before she ever reached the bed. Turns out an arm full of blubbering Esme was exactly what she needed to distract her.
"Oh Jen, you're awake! Are you ok?" Esme sobbed.
Jenna grinned. "Jeez Ez I'm fine, quit the whinging yeh?"
Esme pulled back and looked at her. "I was so worried."
"I know." Jenna admitted. She felt her heart start to speed up a bit again as she tried to forget why Esme had been worried. "Ez I need you to change the subject ok? Like right now. Tell me anything!"
Esme seemed momentarily confused but as her eyes settled on the tear streaks on Jenna's face she instantly sat up straight and eyed her knowingly. They'd known each other for years and she knew how Jenna dealt with things that were stressing her out. She always knew when she needed help even when she wouldn't directly ask for it. Immediately Esme plastered a smile onto her face.
"He's hardly left your side, you know. Thorin I mean."
Jenna rolled her eyes, of all the things Esme could have picked to distract her. "I kind of figured as much. He was here when I woke up, and didn't look like he'd slept much. I told him he looked like shit."
Esme burst out laughing. "You did not! Jenna, he's a king! I've never met a king before but I would imagine you aren't meant to tell them that they look like shit."
Jenna grinned. "Yeh, you probably aren't. He isn't my king though and he really did look like shit."
Esme giggled at her again. "Do you think the two of you could ever be..."
"Do not even finish that sentence! I know what you're going to say and the answer is NO! Not ever!" Jenna scowled.
"Well that was a very definite no. I'm deeply hurt!" Jenna immediately looked towards the door where Thorin was standing holding a cup of steaming hot tea. That fact that he was grinning like the Cheshire cat, honestly this whole thing had serious Alice in Wonderland vibes, took away any doubt she may have had about whether or not she had genuinely hurt his feelings. Honestly, happy Thorin was far more irritating to her than grumpy Thorin. Who would have known!?
"Yeh you look it and all!" Jenna deadpanned.
"Right well that's my queue to leave." Esme stood up to leave. "I have to talk to Dwalin about something anyway. I'll check in on you later. I'm sure you're in very capable hands."
Winking back at her, Esme smiled broadly at Thorin as he stepped out of her way to let her leave the room. Jenna rolled her eyes again. Apparently everyone was being annoying today, not just Thorin.
"Are you going to stand there all day letting all the heat out or are you going to come in and close the door?" she scowled at Thorin but there was no real heat in it. Judging by the grin he had on his face as he closed the door behind him, he knew it too.
Walking over he waited for her to sit up properly before handing her the tea. She eyed it suspiciously and he laughed. "Oin didn't make it if that's what you're wondering. Dori sent it over; it's just green tea with a little honey."
Jenna smiled at him gratefully and took a sip. Her mouth was so dry; it felt like forever since she had drank anything.
"How long have I been asleep?"
"Three days."
Well that explained why Esme had looked so worried. It also explained why Thorin was currently yawning into his sleeve. Had he honestly stayed awake for three whole days looking after her?
"You need to sleep!" she pointed out.
He smiled back at her. "Aye, I will, I just wanted to bring you your tea and check on you again before I do. I'm glad you're ok."
"Thank you." Jenna stretched her hand out and took hold of his, giving it a gentle squeeze. He looked up at her clearly surprised by the sudden contact. "Now don't you go getting any ideas! That was just a friendly thank you!"
Thorin smiled as he rose from the chair and walked towards the door. "If I thought for a second that it was anything more then you wouldn't see me for dust! You're too much of a handful, even for me."
Jenna laughed. "Good to know."
Thorin smiled back at her one last time then left, closing the door behind him. Finishing off her tea she placed the cup on the table beside the bed and lay back down. How was it even possible to be tired again after sleeping for three whole days? Closing her eyes she drifted off to sleep feeling safe and comfortable for the first time since Rivendell.
TBC