Who would have thought it would take so long for me to get back to this story…you can thank the station 19 writers and their goal of running Surrera into the ground for sending my muse into hiatus. This was going to be one long update, but I've been stuck on the ending for months and figured I'd post the first 6500 words. Hope everyone is hanging in there – Reddixon

Head down and lost in thought, Andy barely registered, nearly colliding with Ben on her way out of the beanery. Her interaction with Robert on the roof hadn't gone anything like she was expecting and now she was at a loss of where to go from here. "Was she really out of options? Was it really too late?" She wondered to herself.

"Hey," Ben said as he and Andy almost bumped into each other.

"Warren. How are you?" Andy asked, trying to sound normal. Despite her best efforts, it was clear her mind was elsewhere.

"I'm good, but the better question is, how are you?" Ben asked with concerned eyes.

He hadn't talked with Andy one on one much these days. With her still at 23 and things with her and Robert where they were... things had felt different. He could see the younger woman had lost her way but also that she seemed to be turning the proverbial corner. He and Robert had talked a few times briefly and from what he knew Andy had apologized and was trying to make things right.

"Do I look that bad?" Andy joked dryly.

Ben offered her a gentle smile. "It looks like it's been a long day."

"How about a long year..." Andy replied quickly.

She shook her head realizing she didn't want to unload any of her problems onto Ben. No one had officially taken "sides" but she knew the friendship Robert and Ben had been developing before his surgery had grown stronger over the past year and didn't want to mess with that. She was actually grateful that he seemed to finally have people in his corner.

"Well, hopefully you're headed home to get some rest before shift tomorrow," Ben nodded a bit as he spoke.

"Yeah..." Andy nodded her head, but her reply was non-committal. The truth was, she hadn't had a good night's sleep in longer than she cared to remember.

"Have a good night," Ben replied as he began moving again towards the fridge.

"Warren," Andy questioned apprehensively as Ben turned back. "Is he...is he happy?"

Ben sighed long and deep, a bit unsure how to answer that question. He didn't want to hurt Andy, but also knew he owed her the truth. "He was pretty miserable for a long time... on the outs with most of the team, frustrated with still being just a firefighter after more than a year of heads down work... separated from you... It was hard, but he's better now. I don't know if he's all the way there yet, but yeah…I think he's getting there."

With a dejected look in her eye, Andy nodded her head at Ben's words. It was the thing she was afraid to hear. He really was moving on and happy without her. "Thanks..."

"For what it's worth... he does love you." Ben added with a sympathetic look.

"I know he loves me." Andy sighed. "He just doesn't trust me anymore and I can't really blame him for that." Shaking her head lightly. "He made a mistake, but I broke us."

"I'm sorry..." Ben replied gently. He wasn't sure what else he could say.

Andy struggled to find her words. "Do I just let him go? Is that the right thing to do?" She shrugged her shoulders a bit in confusion. "Give up? Stop fighting?"

"I think only you can answer that, Andy." Ben said gently. "You have to do what you can live with."

Andy's only response was a small nod. "Goodnight, Warren." With that, Andy headed down the station stairs and out the front door. When she made it back to her place, she had a quick bite to eat. After pouring a glass of red wine, she ran a bath and slipped in. Her head was all over the place and she had to do something to try and make sense of things.

On the one hand everything in her said to not give up. To do whatever was necessary to make Robert hear her out and change his mind. On the other hand she couldn't help but feel like she was somehow making all this worse for him and the selfless thing to do was let him go. Resting her head against the tub her mind wandered back to a memory she revisited often. The night before everything changed.

FLASHBACK...

It was a Thursday and no matter what was happening in their lives, if they weren't on shift they took a bath together. Sometimes their weekly ritual found its way to extra days of the week because they both enjoyed it, but no matter what it was consistent. With their playlist running softly in the background and candles bathing the bathroom in soft light, the married couple relaxed comfortably in their oversized soaker tub.

"I was thinking...with the world opening back up, we should get away." Robert said softly as his hands kneaded tight knots out of his wife's shoulders.

With eyes closed and her head tilted to the side, Andy's deep sighs gave away her increasingly relaxed state. "Yeah? " she questioned, gently and leaned into her husband's touch.

"Well, we didn't get a honeymoon and life went a little crazy after we got married…" Robert began but was quickly interrupted.

"That might be an understatement," Andy said with a laugh. So much life had happened in such a short period of time.

Robert's hands slid down Andy's shoulders and he placed a kiss along her neck before pulling her back against him. "My point is, we've had a lot of hell, we deserve some..."

"...happy?" Andy snuggled back into Robert's embrace as she finished his sentence.

"Yeah... you don't think so?" He questioned.

"No, I definitely agree. It's been a lot...but things are good now. Right? You're happy?" Andy's tone was neutral but she couldn't help wondering if maybe the challenges at work were keeping him from enjoying the other parts of his life going well.

"Of course I'm happy." Robert said. "I mean... I'd be happier if I wasn't mopping the floors outside my old office..."

"You'll get back there, babe." Andy said softly and squeezed his forearm under the warm sudsy water. "It'll just take time."

Robert nodded believing his wife's words and appreciating her encouragement. "In the meantime, we should take some time off. Just the two of us. Go somewhere warm and sunny. We can sleep late, go out dancing, eat good food, have lots of sex." He nuzzled Andy's neck and tightened his hold around her.

Turning to catch her husband's gaze, Andy replied. "Sold. Let's book tonight." A grin skirted across her lips just before she kissed him.

After returning his wife's affection, Robert finally said. "We probably need to check the work calendar and actually put in the furlough request, but I love your enthusiasm."

"You know..." Andy grinned, "there is something on that list we could do tonight..." Her eyes told her husband exactly what she was thinking and it wasn't long before the happy couple slipped out of the bath, dried off and made their way to bed.

BACK TO THE PRESENT...

As Andy opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling she sighed long and deep. Happy memories flooded her mind, but they were joined by Robert's words from earlier in the evening, "I've worked hard to move on and be happy again. You should too." If she loved him as much as she said she did, maybe it was time to let him go. Didn't he deserve to be happy, even if it wasn't with her.

She wished they had actually gone on that trip. Wished she had more memories to hang onto. She thought about how they'd overcome so much to be together, first work, then all the death, then Robert's injury, addiction and surgery. Nothing about the start of their relationship had been easy and their happiness seemed so fleeting at times, but when it was good…it was so good.

She wanted them to be happy together, but it was seeming more and more out of reach. Maybe Robert was right. Maybe it was too late. The longer Andy lingered in her bath, the more a bittersweet feeling washed over her. It was selfish to hold Robert hostage in a relationship he wanted to be out of. Forcing him to stay wasn't love.

Meanwhile back at the station...

"You wanna talk about it?" Ben asked Robert as he watched him sling punches into the large black bag.

"Nope," Robert replied without looking in Ben's direction or stopping his movements.

"Okay," Ben nodded and turned to walk away.

Sighing loudly, "She filed a motion to dismiss." Robert finally blurted out.

"A what?" Confusion marred Ben's face as he turned back.

Grabbing his water bottle, taking a swig and catching his breath, Robert added, "A motion to dismiss the divorce proceedings."

"Wow." Unable to control his facial expression, Ben's brow furrowed. It took a moment before he was able to find his words... "And I take it, that's a bad thing?"

Robert shook his head and shrugged his shoulders in frustration. "I just... I don't know what she wants from me. I wait a year for her to figure things out. Over and over I beg her not to throw away our marriage. I put my entire life on hold. Everything blows up, gets worse. And when I'm finally done, finally moving on she..." His voice trailed off.

"I don't know what to say, man." Ben was chagrined. He couldn't help feeling conflicted. He cared about both parties involved and understood things from both of their perspectives. At this point Robert's more than Andy's, but still. He could see where she was coming from.

"Yeah..." Robert took in Ben's face. "Sorry... I didn't mean to dump that on you." Taking another sip of water and returning to the bag.

"What are friends for?" Ben said as he took his stance on the other side of the punching bag and held it in place.

"What am I supposed to do?" Robert asked a bit rhetorically as he punched. "Fight it? Wait it out? Take her back?"

Ben shrugged his shoulders and stood firm letting Robert get his aggression out. "I don't think there is a right answer, man. I just think you do whatever you can live with." He offered Robert a sympathetic look and the same words he'd spoken to Andy just a short while ago. "You might be ready to move on, but you do still love her..."

"I'm not so…" Robert interrupted and was about to say something he knew wasn't true but before he could finish his sentence Ben continued.

"You do still love her. If you didn't, you wouldn't be in here taking your frustration out on this bag." Ben tried his best to make his next statement neutral but he knew it had to be said. "She made a lot of bad choices, broke your trust and if we're being honest… broke your heart." Robert shot him a look that said, "you're in dangerous territory", but Ben soldiered on. "You're entitled to wanna move on. Forgiveness doesn't mean keeping someone in your life or letting them back in after they hurt you."

Robert punched the bag a little while longer before his exhaustion pushed him to the showers. When he made it back to his bunk, he collapsed into bed. They hadn't gotten any calls that evening yet and he was grateful. He was tired from a long day, but more than that the mental and emotional ringer his conversation with Andy had put him through.

He felt this strange combination in his gut that he couldn't quite name. There was a sense of relief. He'd finally gotten some questions answered that had been haunting him for months. He'd spent so many sleepless nights wondering how someone could treat another person they loved the way she'd treated him. Now he knew. It wasn't him. It wasn't really her either…It was her trauma and grief that had made a mountain out of a molehill.

With that realization he also had to admit he felt guilt. He'd known something was going on. When Andy told him she was brittle and she felt like a strong wind could break her, he should have taken that more seriously. As her husband, he felt like he should have done more...pushed her to get help processing what happened with her parents, Ryan and even him. The drugs, the surgery, the cops pointing guns at him... In some ways, despite his best efforts, he hadn't protected her. He couldn't help but feel partially responsible.

There was also definitely anger. Why did she keep doing this to him? He'd waited. He'd fought. He'd done everything he knew to do and in the end Andy didn't come around. And now finally when he was starting to feel the hold she had on him loosening she was suddenly gripping on tighter. Sure it wasn't the same degree of rage he'd felt a couple months before, but it still brought up a deep desire to punch something. As he laid there, his mind wandered back to the days following the Crisis One training that had really changed everything.

FLASHBACK...

Robert approached the front door to his apartment and sidestepped his wife who was there waiting for him. Not giving Andy a second look he unlocked the door and walked inside. "I have nothing to say to you." His tone was cold and emotionless.

"I get that, but maybe you could…" Andy pleaded as she followed him into the apartment. They hadn't seen each other since he'd dropped off boxes of her things at Station 23 with the signed divorce papers on top.

Robert turned around abruptly and cut her off. "Could what?" His question, rhetorical. "Listen to you try and explain how you couldn't even wait for the divorce to be finalized before you started sleeping around? Or maybe, tell me how the hell, out of ALL the men in Seattle you wound up in bed with my asshole of a captain…" There was more he wanted to say but feeling his anger reaching a boiling point, Robert pulled himself back.

"Look. I know I hurt you and I'm trying to apologize…" Andy said determinedly despite the whirl of emotions at war within her.

Robert yelled. "Apologize for what, Andy? Which part?" His voice and body language showed how ridiculous he found her statement. "For ghosting me for 10 months, never fighting for our marriage to begin with or for cheating. Which part are you actually sorry about?" Anger, hurt and disappointment coursed through his veins.

Andy shook her head and tears welled up in her eyes. She hated to look at the man in front of her and see him so hurt. No matter how angry she had been and truthfully still felt at times, she could see the damage she'd caused and while the truth was, her intent when she'd impulsively slept with Beckett was to hurt Robert, she regretted it deeply now. "All of it…" When tears slid down her cheeks, she made no attempt to stop them. "I know I hurt you…"

"Hurt me?" Robert yelled. "Jesus, Andy you didn't just hurt me. You..." His voice faltered. "You don't get it do you?" With each word gaining volume again, he continued. "You pushed and pushed and pushed. You edged your way into my head, my heart, my life. I opened up for you, let down my guard and broke all the rules I had to…" He stopped before finishing his statement.

Andy knew without him finishing what he was going to say. He'd spent years protecting himself. Holding people at a distance to himself safe. He'd let his walls down and let her in and she'd intentionally caused him harm. What kind of person did that make her? "If I could take it back…"

Interrupting her before she could finish, Robert asked, "Maybe you can just answer me this…Was it ever real for you? Was I ever more than sex or some twisted way of dealing with your grief? 'Cuz for the life of me, I just don't get how you treat someone you really love this way." When Robert looked at Andy there was no way to hide the anguish seeping from his pores.

The feeling of Robert's words pulsed through her and she could physically feel his pain. "I don't know what to say exactly, but I'm a mess." Knowing her behavior was indefensible, Andy shrugged her shoulders. "You deserved better. It was once and it didn't mean anything. I don't even really know how…" She was rambling at this point but that seemed like the only way he'd let her get a word in.

With his shoulders reaching up towards his ears, hands motioning and voice elevated, Robert replied. "Just stop, Andy." He held her gaze before continuing. "Stop before you tell me any more lies. Stop begging and pleading because I don't wanna hear it. I don't believe you. I don't believe you're sorry. I think you're ashamed and embarrassed and maybe feel a little guilty now that you're not a few beers in." He didn't have to know the details of what happened to picture the likely scenario. He'd bet she was drinking, stewing over her anger at him and feeling the need to do something reckless.

"That's not fair." The truth of his words landed in that painful way a pinched nerve felt. He was partially right. In the light of day, with her and Beckett public knowledge she couldn't deny she was a little embarrassed. She could laugh it off, one on one with friends, but deep down, she knew the truth. And that was an ugly admission to make. "You haven't even let me… "

Andy's words fell as she watched Robert turn towards the wall in what used to be their entry. It was all happening in real time, but something about the visual in front of her seemed as if things were moving in slow motion. She saw the flex and release of Robert's muscles in the black long sleeve henley and braced herself for what she knew was coming. When his arm raised and his hand collided with the wall, it didn't matter that Andy was expecting it or that she'd seen it unfolding right before her eyes. She still jumped involuntarily. The sound of the wall decor rattling against the sheetrock vibrated through her. She wasn't afraid of him. Robert would never physically harm her, but the real, raw emotion emanating from him right now, gutted her. She'd done this. Brought him to this place.

Still facing away from Andy, Robert flexed and released his now throbbing hand. He didn't have to see the damage on the wall to know there was an indent. He'd need ice…again. Frustrated with himself for again letting his emotions get the better of him, he shut his eyes and tilted his head down. Strangely, the silence hanging in the air between them seemed louder than the crack of his fist against the wall. He hated this moment. Himself for losing it, Andy for pushing him and God for allowing them to be in this place to begin with.

He wasn't a whiny man though rightfully he could scream from the rooftops about how unfair life had been to him. But today, right now... It took everything Robert had not to shake his fist at the sky and scream, "why?" He couldn't figure out for the life of him why life just seemed hell bent on serving up a steaming pile of shit with his name on it.

As Andy watched Robert reel himself back in she took several breaths to calm herself. When he finally turned back towards her and she caught the pained expression on his face, she knew her being there was making it all worse. "Robert..." She was gonna say go, but he cut her off before she could finish.

His voice was calmer now, exhaustion evident. "I'm trying so hard not to say all the things running through my mind right now. Trying not to call you all the mean names that I know would cut because I don't wanna be that guy." He paused for a moment. "Don't make me be that guy. Please just go."

"Ok." Andy nodded and moved towards the door. The closer she got, the further towards the stairs Robert moved. Almost as if he didn't want to be near her. Turning back Andy gave him one last glance and heard his parting words as she walked out the door.

"File the papers, Andy," he said coldly. The emotion from just a few moments ago, gone. "I just wanna be done with you."

He went to the shooting range for the first time in years after that. Needing to do something, anything to release the pressure he felt building within.

BACK TO PRESENT...

In the silence of the small, dark bunk Robert knew he had to admit that along with the relief, guilt and anger swirling around Ben was right. He did still love her. That was the problem. That was the conflicting emotion causing the inner turmoil. But despite the unfortunate game of tug of war in play, he was still sure of one thing. Everything Andy had been through, the trauma and the grief didn't excuse her behavior. She'd ghosted him for nearly a year, filed for divorce and slept with his boss. All things that had a very real impact on him. As Robert succumbed to slumber he had a passing thought, "could he ever really be free of her...and is that really what he wanted?"

Meanwhile, back at Andy's place...

"Prima, if you were just gonna call me repeatedly in the middle of the night, you could've kept staying in the guest room," Michelle said with sleep thick in her voice.

"You were sick of me and we both know it," Andy replied back somberly.

They were silent for a few moments before Michelle spoke up. "Can't sleep again?"

"I think..." Andy began. "I think I really have to let him go." She sighed long and deep at the admittance.

"Yeah?" Michelle inquired gently. She'd spent many a night consoling her cousin and holding space.

More moments of silence passed between the two cousins. "Did you know there's something called a Motion to Dismiss that you can file after you start the divorce proceedings that stops it all?" Andy finally asked.

"No," Michelle replied quickly despite trying to keep the surprise out of her voice.

Andy nodded her head as she thought back to earlier in the evening. "I didn't either until I called my lawyer and asked if there was anything we could do to stop this process."

"Andy...I thought…" An uncomfortable feeling formed in her gut. "I don't know. Is all that really the best idea?" Michelle didn't want to be a Debbie downer but nothing about this sounded like a good plan. She just didn't think Robert would view her actions positively.

"Probably should have consulted you before I did it..." Andy grumbled thinking back to Robert's parting words earlier that night. "No. I spent a year living my life on your terms. I'm done. Either you fix this or I will."

Rolling over in bed and pushing herself up into a seated position against her headboard, Michelle finally said, "So I take you did it, told Robert and it didn't go well?"

"Understatement," Andy replied with a deep sigh. "I thought it would be this grand gesture you know. Some big last ditch effort that said I do love you and I wanna fight for you, but it didn't register for him at all. It just made him angry I think."

"I'm sorry, Andy, I really am." Michelle's tone was soft and understanding. Her cousin had made some mistakes, but between therapy and alot of self-reflection had grown from them over the past couple months.

After being silent for several moments, Andy finally spoke. "In my head I know that letting go is the right thing, but my heart...my heart makes me want to grip tightly to whatever little connection or shared love we have left." It was a painful confession to make, but it was true.

Michelle took a breath before speaking her next words. "You've heard the saying, if you love someone let them go and if they return, they were always yours, right?"

"Yeah," Andy said somberly, thinking she knew where Michelle was going.

"Well, I don't know if that's true... I do know that you can't force love and you can't force relationships. You have to let things unfold and make peace with what is." Michelle took a breath and continued. "It's kind of like sand."

"Sand?" Andy's voice was laced with confusion.

"When you try to hold on tightly to sand, it slips through your fingertips and the tighter you hold, the more you end up pushing it out. But... when you cup it in your hand gently, when you hold on loosely, it stays." Michelle explained.

Andy shook her head even though her cousin couldn't see her. With a muffled snort and shrug of the shoulders she finally said, "It's really annoying how good you are at all this."

Michelle busted out into a full on belly laugh. "I love you too, Prima." Hearing Andy's laughter through the phone, Michelle felt a small sense of relief. She hated to see her cousin so broken up, but knew she was strong enough to handle whatever was on the other side of this heartbreak. When their laughter subsided she added, "You're strong, Andy and I'm here. You're not in this alone."

The next morning...

"Let me ask you something?" Richard said casually as the two men walked along the wide concrete path of Elliot Bay park.

"Shoot," Robert quickly replied as he took a sip of his coffee.

"When your parents died, you loved them, right?" He was asking a question he knew the answer to. Richard and Robert had discussed his parents several times over the past couple of years.

Robert was slightly confused by the older man's line of questioning, but went with it knowing it was destined to lead somewhere. "Of course I did."

"But you were still overwhelmed with sadness and grieved them deeply, right?" Richard was aware that the questions he was asking seemed to have obvious answers. He was grateful that he and Robert had developed enough trust that he was following him versus questioning his thought process.

"Right..." Robert eventually answered still not seeing the end destination for this line of conversation.

"So all that sadness and grief didn't ever change the love you felt?" Richard inquired gently.

Shaking his head, Robert firmly replied. "No." He didn't let himself dwell on it or focus on it too deeply, but everyday he felt the ache of his parent's death.

"It was both at the same time." Richard saw Robert nod and paused briefly before continuing. "The thing is Robert... life is rarely either/or. And that's especially true when it comes to the people closest to you. It's almost always both/and. So just like you can love your parents so much and be really sad they're gone all at the same time, you can love Andy and also be angry and disappointed at the same time too. They aren't mutually exclusive."

As much as he didn't want to, Robert saw Richard's point and knew he was right. The reason he felt so conflicted, the reason he felt like they were playing this game of tug of war was because he was fighting with two competing truths. He loved Andy and he was still sometimes angry with her. It was less these days, but still there. He loved Andy and he was fairly certain he couldn't stay married to her. He loved Andy and he was still hurt by her actions. He loved her and... felt so many other things too.

"Does everyone get wiser as they get older, is this something I can expect or do you have something special?" Robert finally joked.

Richard tossed his coffee cup in the nearby trash and laughed. "Evaluated experience is the best teacher. You wanna be wise, you gotta live and reflect."

"Yeah...well, you just about summed me up," Robert said a bit dejectedly. "I do still love her AND the past year separated from her has been the hardest of my life. I feel like I'm finally in a good spot, you know. Moving forward and not stuck in a holding pattern. I love her and also wish I could just let her go, walk away. Chalk all this up to life's latest set of lessons." He'd spent a long time seething, but now he could see the light at the end of the tunnel. The anger was a lot more fleeting, it wasn't resting deep in his gut like it used to. He was feeling proud of his progress in life and looking toward the future which excited him.

"That's a confusing place to be in." Richard nodded. "And I've been there. Catherine and I have been through the worst. Arguments that lasted months on end, betrayals, wounds... all while still being very much in love." He was mindful before sharing his next words, but knew it had to be said. "It's possible that your love for Andy can be bigger than the pain you feel now and the anger you felt yesterday, just like the love you have for your parents overshadows the sadness you still feel at them being gone. But only you can decide if the risk of returning to your marriage for what it could be, is worth it."

The two men walked in silence for several moments as Robert processed his sponsor's words. Taking a breath he said, "At first all I wanted was to get back together. Be us again. But with everything that's happened now, it feels impossible. Like too much time has passed and too much damage has been done. How could we ever get back to where we were?" Robert's question was largely rhetorical, but it was the thing he'd spent so many nights tossing and turning over. At this point they had spent more time a part than together. Did they really have anything left trying to save?

"Are you sure you actually want to go back to where you were?" Richard inquired.

"What do you mean?" Robert asked, a bit confused.

"Where you were, led to where you are now." Richard said plainly. "Maybe it would be helpful to think about the lessons you could take from the past, the good that was in the relationship and build something new in the future?"

"I thought relationships were supposed to be easier than this..." Robert grumbled. He didn't typically spend much time whining or lingering in frustration, but that's what he felt now. Why did this all feel so damn hard.

It wasn't often that Richard got quite as tickled as he had in just that moment. He stopped walking and full on belly laughed while Robert stood by with a less than amused look on his face.

"Is something about my situation funny?" Robert asked in a tone that communicated his annoyance.

"You used relationships and easy in the same sentence and that was funny as hell," Richard quipped back without much of a second thought. He got his wits about him and began walking again before finally saying. "I'm sorry, son. Not laughing at you so much as the idea. Relationships are definitely not easy. Heat, passion, chemistry... that stuffs easy, but the real work in relationships is hard. The marriages you admire are between two people who have committed to going through the ups and downs together."

"I thought we had," Robert's shoulder's raised in frustration. "I thought we were both all in, but if there is anything this past year showed me is... we both had two different ideas of what that looked like."

"Well...sometimes in life, things happen. Things so unexpected, there's just no way to account for them. It sounds like that occurred with Andy," Richard mused.

"So you're saying, I should give her another shot because her trauma and grief caused her actions," Robert asked honestly. At the start of their meeting knowing he wouldn't have been able to hide it, he'd shared the conversation he had with Andy the previous day. Richard could read him like a book most days. Certainly a motion to dismiss weighing on him would be noticed.

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all." Richard insisted in a strong, firm voice. "Only you can make that call. I am saying, it's pretty jarring for your best friend to bleed out as you're trying to plug a bullet wound, your dad to sacrifice his life to save you and your entire team... your dead mom to suddenly return and for you to realize your dad lied about it for 20 years. That's a lot of lies, a lot of betrayal, a lot of emotional turmoil that can change someone forever."

"I get that, I do... but she..." Robert's voice trailed off. He had flashed back last night to him at his worst and he didn't want to do that again this morning. "I don't trust her? How do you have a relationship with someone you don't trust?" Robert asked genuinely. Underneath his collected tone, there was a desperation that he felt. If he could figure out in his head how to rebuild that. Maybe there could be hope for them?"

"I'm gonna say something hard, Robert." Richard offered the disclaimer. "In my experience… you often hurt the people you love most. They are closest to you, the ones most likely to forgive you over and over again when you make mistakes. And just like she hurt you, you did things that hurt her too. And it's not a stretch to think she is struggling with the concept of trusting you too."

Robert let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. He knew Richard was right. Over time he'd come to see how his actions with McAllister, while not intentionally harmful, had consequences. Andy felt betrayed by the one person she was always supposed to count on. "I can forgive her. In a lot of ways I feel like I have. I just don't know if I could ever open up to her like I did before."

"That's a valid concern," Richard said, knowing the younger man had been hurt deeply. "The hard truth is only you can decide if the depth of your love is greater than the pain you've felt. Will this be something you discuss in hindsight as something that brought you to your edge and broke you but like a broken bone you healed stronger or will it be the end?"

"Is that what happened with you an Catherine? You feel stronger because of everything you've been through?" Robert felt like he knew the answer Richard would give, but it didn't stop him from seeking the confirmation he was looking for.

Richard stopped walking and held Robert's gaze. "Absolutely. You don't learn from everything going right. You learn when the worst things happen, when you mess up, make mistakes and come out on the other side."

Robert left his meeting with Richard with more things to think about but no more answers than he had when he'd gone to sleep the night before.

Four weeks later...

Standing next to the engine, a bittersweet feeling flooded him as he pulled off his helmet and caught his breath. Four weeks had passed since that fateful night on the roof with Andy and this was finally his last shift as a firefighter. Robert knew with his transition back to Battalion Chief he'd have less opportunities for hot saves and he relished in the sweet sense of fulfillment that came from doing what he did best. Saving lives. Carrying an elderly woman out of a 3 alarm blaze that the team was finally getting under control was the not so subtle reminder that he was definitely meant to be on the front lines. Being incident commander was critically important, but also meant he wouldn't be the first man through the door and a part of him would miss that.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by an older gentleman's voice, "It must have been you."

Robert took in the sight of the older Black man staring back at him. He had chocolate skin, and graying hair. He wore navy colored pajamas under a dark robe with soot stains and leather slippers, "I'm sorry, Sir. Is there something I can help you with?" He asked a little concerned.

"You're the tall one right? You just carried my wife out of that building and I wanted to say thank you." The older man had eyes lined with tears and emotion was thick in his voice.

"No need to thank me, Sir. That's the job." Robert replied back with a gentle smile.

Collecting himself, the man said his next words more strongly. "When a man carries the love of your life out of a burning building, you say thank you." The look he gave was one of respect and appreciation. "We've been married 55 years and I can't imagine my life without her." He added.

Robert nodded and reached out an ungloved hand, "Mr...?"

"Peterson, Mark Peterson." He shook Robert's hand firmly and held his gaze.

"Mr. Peterson, you're very welcome, Sir. Glad to help." Robert's words were sincere as he spoke them. "She's got a little smoke inhalation, but should be fine."

"Oh yeah, Elizabeth is a firey one. She'll be back on her feet in no time," Mr. Peterson chuckled. "Are you married, son?" He looked down at Robert's hand to check for a ring but his left hand was still covered by a glove. "There is nothing like finding your person."

"Ahhh...I'm... technically..." Robert struggled to find his words.

"Complicated, huh?" Mr. Peterson smiled as he took in the uncomfortable expression on Robert's face. He didn't need the younger man in front of him to confirm, he was good at reading people.

Before Robert could respond he heard his name being called. "I've gotta get back to it. Take care of your wife, Sir." He headed back in the direction of the blaze.

"Word of advice…If she's the one, don't let her get away." Mr. Peterson spoke firmly, but genuinely and watched Robert nod before racing back towards the fire.

When Robert and the rest of 19 arrived back at the station house a few hours later, the older mans words rang in his ears. "If she's the one, don't let her get away." He had showered and was headed back to his bunk when Beckett strolled through the locker area.

"So this is it, huh..." Beckett said dryly. Robert didn't reply, only offered a firm gaze. "Look, I'm not one for apologies, but I am hoping we can call a…truce." After their exchange in the barn three months ago, the two men had only exchanged words directly related to the job. The fight wasn't put on record anywhere, Beckett knowing McAllister was old school didn't need any blow back for sleeping with the wife of one of his men. And when it was clear Robert would be moving back up the chain of command at lightning speed, he wisely kept his mouth shut despite his penchant for sarcasm and inappropriate conversation. He didn't need Robert gunning for him or his job.

"A truce?" Robert inquired with a twinge of disbelief. This man had some nerve.

"I just wanna make sure that now that you're the big man in charge," sarcasm dripped from Beckett's voice, "...you aren't unfairly distributing your focus here." He motioned to the surrounding area.

Robert laughed lightly. "Nervous, huh." Beckett said nothing, but also didn't back down from his glare. Robert put his hands in his pocket and continued. "You know if I were you, I'd be spending a lot less time concerned with how my Battalion Chief plans to do his job and a lot more time brushing up on my ah... skills as Captain." The disdain in Robert's voice was clear. "We both know you've been on easy street. Inherited an experienced team that largely runs without you. I've also personally witnessed you make multiple bad calls in the field that have endangered your people. So if you wanna know what I'll be focused on, it's that. The safety of every single firefighter under my command."

Beckett nodded in Robert's direction and that was that. Robert knew it was his intention to get rid of Beckett one way or another and it had nothing, okay mostly nothing to do with their personal issues. He was a lazy captain. The kind that got people hurt or worse, killed. He took his eye off the ball, lost track of his team, misread maps, flames and smoke. Seemed content to coast by. That isn't the type of leader 19 needed. Some houses could get away with doing less. They weren't as busy, but not 19. 19 was one of the busiest stations in the city and they needed everyone from the top down on their A-Game.

Shaking his head, putting thoughts of Beckett to the back of his mind, Robert headed towards his bunk. When he closed the door and flicked on the bedside lamp, he saw an envelope waiting for him. His name was written neatly across the front in penmanship that could only belong to one person. Sitting on the side of the twin bed, his hands shook slightly as he opened it.

Dear Robert,

Preview for the next update…

With her hair up in a messy topknot, dressed in leggings and a tank, Andy looked up at her husband. "You know, you don't actually have to learn Bachata, Robert. The next time we go out dancing, I'm sure I can find some nice man from the Dominican Republic who doesn't mind taking me for a spin around the dance floor." Andy grinned as she spoke, knowing exactly how her husband would respond.

"Over my dead body," Robert replied, not hiding his frustration. If there was any dancing to be done with his wife, he'd be the only one doing it.

"Well then bend your knees and loosen your hips," Andy instructed as she repositioned their bodies together.

"I know what to do with my hips," Robert growled in a huffy tone.

Andy had a smirk on her face, but still rolled her eyes. "No one's talking about your skills in the bedroom, babe. I'm a very satisfied wife, but you still need to relax and loosen your hips."

Okay friends – hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think and send good vibes for chapter three. It's soooo close to being done…. xx, Reddixon