Chapter 4

AN: Hi! I'm not dead, but I ~completely~ lost the motivation for this story for over three years, and it's just now, nine months into a global pandemic, that I feel up to writing again. Here's another chapter for anyone who's still into this, and hopefully I won't abandon it for another three years!

I felt like I got hit by a truck. Literally. In addition to the all-over ache, I felt groggy, like I was waking up after a very long and very disorienting nap, not knowing what day it was, let alone what time.

I groaned loudly and tried to roll over. Instead of meeting more of my comfy double bed, my exposed limbs hit bare metal. I squealed in surprise, jolting upright. Almost immediately I was enveloped by something even harder and colder than the cold metal.

I gradually became aware that the substance surrounding me was murmuring. "…thought you were dead – car hit you too fast – Alice didn't see – so sorry –"

It was Edward's cold, hard body that was currently occupied with gently holding my – oh holy god, naked body. I'm not a very self-conscious person generally, but I do like to choose the circumstances in which a person (also of my choosing) gets to look at my naked body. And Edward Cullen in what looked like a morgue was definitely not my first choice at the moment.

Quite suddenly, the achiness and grogginess was gone, and I ineffectually tried to shove Edward off of me. "Get out!" I said shrilly. "I'm naked!"

The scandal of cradling a naked young woman in his arms seemed to get to Edward, and he sprung away in a hurry. Turning around he muttered "But you were dead. And now you're alive. Not a vampire."

I tried to appreciate the confusion he was feeling, but I couldn't help myself. I rolled my eyes and scoffed "Obviously I'm not a vampire, unless that car wasn't telling us something."

Edward whirled around, heedless of my surprised squeal. I hadn't actually seen him move that fast before and it was a little disorienting. "How can you be so cavalier? I – we thought you'd died! You were hit by a car going 25 miles per hour. You were dead on arrival! Both your legs were broken and your spinal cord severed on impact! Look at you now, there's not a scratch on you!"

I sighed. I hadn't wanted to tell any of the Cullens that I wasn't exactly Bella Swan, but apparently not dying in car crashes was becoming something of a theme in my life.

"Ok, so, don't freak out, ok?" I started, hesitantly.

Edward gave me a look. You know, the look that said nothing-you-could-say-could-possibly-surprise-me-the-worldly-vampire. That look.

"This isn't exactly the first time I've died."

Edward's eyes narrowing were the only indication that my words had had any effect on him.

"Explain." He said it tightly, mouth barely moving.

"So, ok, this is gonna sound really crazy, but you have to listen to the end, ok?" I said, throwing caution to the winds. "I'm not actually Bella Swan."

Edward's frown melted into the type of smile you reserve for crazy people.

"Bella, are you sure you're ok? You hit your head pretty hard…"

He trailed off as I interrupted him – shouting over his words. "Oh my God, shut up! Just listen to me. I know this sounds insane, but I promise, it isn't."

He shut up really quick after that. I don't think it's that I'm that scary of a person, especially wrapped in a sheet on a metal slab in a morgue, but I do think that he wasn't used to being interrupted and yelled at. I'm sure the Cullens, for the most part, managed to keep it pretty civil and I can't imagine that he got shouted at by humans all that often.

"I literally know everything about you. It's not because I'm clairvoyant, I couldn't tell you shit about anyone else in this freaky world. I – just – where I come from you're not real, ok?" Probably not my most graceful moment, and probably I shouldn't have just burst out that he and his whole family weren't real people, but I wasn't at my best that day.

"What do you mean?" he asked, voice full of concern.

"I mean," I said, quieter this time, "That in the place I come from, Bella's life is a book. I was in a car accident and I thought I died, but when I woke up I was on the side of the road with Bella's father in Bella's body. And then I met Carlisle, and then I met all of you, and I just don't know what to do. I don't know how this happened and it's freaking me out and now I apparently can't die? Or, I can die, and then I come back to life? I'm just so confused." I didn't mean to, but a tear or two slipped out at the end of my speech.

Edward just continued to stand there awkwardly. I didn't know if it was because he didn't believe my story, or he thought I was crazy, or if he just didn't know what to do about crying girls. It's not like vampires could cry.

I sniffed massively and wiped my eyes. "We have to leave," I said to Edward, trying to inject authority into my voice since it didn't seem like he was going to be making any decisions anytime soon. "I don't really want anyone to find me down here when I'm clearly still alive. Could you please get me some clothes?"

He seemed to snap out of it when I gave him a specific task, and he nodded before swiftly leaving the room. He came back maybe four minutes later, with clothes that I recognized from Bella's closet, and realized that he must've gone back to Charlie's house to get them for me.

"How is Charlie doing?" I asked hesitantly, as I pushed through the heavy morgue door to join Edward after I finished dressing.

He frowned at me. "I didn't see him," he said. "The patrol car wasn't home."

"What time is it? What day is it?" I said, as another thought occurred to me. I didn't actually know how long it had been since I'd gotten hit by the car.

"About 11:15pm. Same day," Edward answered, glancing down at his watch.

"Oh my God, I have to go home! Charlie must be so worried!"

Edward glanced back up at me from where he was looking at his watch. "Bella," he said slowly, and I felt myself tensing up because I thought I could see where this was going.

"What?" I asked warily, pulling my arms tighter around my body in a parody of a hug.

"Bella, you've died. You can't go back home now, you must know that, right? How will you explain it to Charlie? Besides, you'll have to come back with me. Maybe Carlisle will know something about this?"

"Excuse me?" I said, and I could hear my voice shaking, but whether it was in rage or just a stress response to everything that had happened to me over the last couple of weeks I couldn't tell you. "I will not be going home with you! I will be going home to my father, so that I can explain to him that I am okay."

"Bella, if everything you just told me is true, he isn't your dad. Why do you care so much?" Edward said, almost kindly.

"Wow," I said, backing up a little. Maybe it's the foster child in me craving love and affection, but at some point over the past week, Charlie had started to feel like my dad. And I liked him! I didn't want to be a dead girl and have to go with Edward for Carlisle to study me, and be told I needed to stay with the Cullens forever. I wanted to be a normal 17-year-old, who lived with a dad who loved her and bought her a truck, and go to school and get a (normal human) boyfriend and do my homework and go to dances, and in a year and a half I wanted to graduate and maybe go to college. Charlie and Renee seemed like the type of people who would encourage their daughter to go to college.

"Fuck you!" I spat at Edward. "You can't tell me what to do, and you can't tell me who my family is. I'm going home, and you can't stop me!"

But as I tried to brush past Edward to find my way out of the morgue and figure out how to call Charlie (my cell phone was gone, presumably squished by the van that should've squished me) Edward grabbed me.

"I'm so sorry Bella, but I can't let you do that," he said, and he seemed almost sorry about it.

"Fuck you!" I screamed again as I tried to wriggle out of his hold. But he was too strong, and as he held me to him he must've tried to force his way into my thoughts again, because suddenly an incredible pain flared in my skull, and all I could do was cry out before my vision went fuzzy.

I guess this is the point where he started to run, because the world beyond me seemed like it was moving too fast, and just as the combination of movement and my headache started to be too much, it all stopped, and I could see clearly and stand on my own again.

And let me tell you, what I saw did not make me feel any kinder towards Edward or the rest of the Cullens. I was back in their fucking snow blinding living room, staring at all seven of them. They were in the same positions they'd been in the last time I was visiting them, with Edward standing, although it was more like hovering, next to me in front of the second love seat.

"Bella," Alice stood up and started slowly towards me, and the expression on her face was one of a person approaching a feral animal that they're afraid may bite their hand off.

"What?" I snarled at her, probably resembling said feral animal.

Esme smiled at me in what she probably thought was a calming manner. "Bella, I know this is very scary for you right now. This isn't something any of us has experience with. Alice saw you coming back to life in the morgue and Edward bringing you home. I promise you, that once we have this figured out, you can leave."

Despite myself, I started to calm down at her words, even with the glance I saw Carlisle exchanging with Edward. I couldn't bring myself to dislike or distrust Esme. Even if she was only nine years older than me (physically at least) she radiated calming Mom-vibes. And, I mean, I think it's pretty obvious that I've always wanted a mom.

I took a deep breath and started talking. "I don't know if any of you have ever dealt with a person who can't die before, but this is my second time dying. And both times I've obviously come back to life so I feel safe saying this isn't a coincidence. And I'd really like to go see my dad again."

Edward scoffed and Alice glared at him, but it was Carlisle who cut him off before he could say anything else, with a calm "Can you tell us more about the first time you died? If you've been through this before it may be another manifestation of your clairvoyance and shield powers. Although it is extremely rare for a human to have such advanced powers…" he trailed off and I could tell he was thinking about how powerful I could be as a vampire.

I could barely suppress a shudder at this and couldn't believe that not even a week ago I had been trying to decide the best age to become a vampire. Now I could barely stomach the idea of spending time with vampires.

"I'm not actually clairvoyant," I muttered, deciding that since I had told Edward the truth I might as well tell the rest of the Cullens since they would hear about it either way. "I'm not even Bella Swan. I was someone else, and a couple weeks ago I was in a car crash and I guess I died, because when I woke up I was on the side of the road with Charlie. That's the same day I met you the first time." I directed the last sentence at Carlisle.

"Who were you? We can look up obituaries and see what happened to you. That might give us somewhere to start looking." This was from Jasper, his calm, take-charge manner reminding me that he used to be in the army.

Edward shifted next to me, and I grimaced. "Well. That's the thing. Um, I don't really know how to say this gently so um, I won't. I don't think I existed in the same universe as you guys because the reason I know about you isn't that I'm clairvoyant, it's that where I come from there's a book about Bella and you guys are all in it, and I read the book, and that's how I know who you are. And how you're vampires."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop, which I suppose isn't that rare when you're dealing with vampires, but it was still unnerving.

"Great!" Rosalie exclaimed suddenly, making me jump a little from my seat. "Your singer is a crazy person! A real nut!"

"Whatever, believe it or not!" I yelled, getting irrationally angry at Rosalie for her outburst. I'm sure I would've reacted the same way if someone told me my whole life was some Mormon lady's fantasy, but, oh wait! This was my life now!

"I'm going home, and I'm going to tell Charlie everything, and he'll believe me because Billy Black is his best friend and we'll see if Billy has any ideas about what's going on with me because you all are clearly no help right now!"

I stomped off to the front of the house, fully intending to walk home if I had to. I made it all the way to the front door, hearing whispered arguments behind me but not willing to slow down in case one of the vampires took it as an opportunity to keep me from going.

I nearly screamed when something cold and hard touched me. "It's just me!" Alice said, jumping back with her hands up, I guess to show she wasn't a threat.

"I'm not going to keep you here," she said, already knowing what I was about to say. "Your plan isn't bad. None of us know anything right now, although Carlisle will talk to some of his friends and see if he can figure this out. But you're right about talking to Billy - the Quileutes are supernatural creatures too, and he might know something. And, I mean, I can't see for sure, but I'm pretty sure Charlie will be more than okay with the fact that you can't die given that you'll be alive."

I must've looked like a fish, gaping at her, because she giggled, a sweet musical thing. "Do you want a ride home?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I don't know, will you actually take me home, or try and kidnap me some more?"

She just laughed again. "I think there's been enough kidnapping for one night, don't you? Let's get you home."

So I followed Alice out to the garage and got into Emmett's red Jeep Wrangler and let her drive me home.

When we pulled into Charlie's driveway, Alice turned off the car but didn't say anything, just sat patiently in the front seat, like she was waiting for something. And that power of premonition pulled through, because I was not ready to get out of the car and face my Not-Dad, and she knew it.

"What will I even say to him?" I asked her, staring at his police cruiser parked in the driveway. The truck wasn't here and I realized I didn't know what they would even do with it in a case like this. How much damage had it taken in the crash? Was it in a junkyard now, or was it still sitting in the parking lot at the high school?

She was saved from having to answer when the porch light came on, and Charlie strode out to the porch, barefoot and dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I realized I had no idea what time it was, other than late. When I woke up in the morgue it had been 11:15, but who knew how much time had passed since then.

"Any chance you know what his reaction will be?" I asked Alice.

She smiled apologetically at me. "Sorry, sweetie. His reaction is dependent on you, and if you don't know what you're gonna do, I don't know what you're gonna do."

"Super," I muttered.

"Good luck," she said, reaching out a cold hand to squeeze my shoulder. "And, I know this might not be what you want or need to hear right now, but I'll be watching. If it looks like it's going bad, you know you always have a place with us, book characters or not."

I winced a little, remembering how callously I had told the Cullen's how they weren't real, and I wasn't totally sure I'd even want to go with the Cullen's anymore, given Edward's actions tonight, but I appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

"Thanks," I said, but it sounded too brittle to be genuine. Steeling my shoulders, I opened the car door and got ready to face the chief.

"Who's that?" Charlie said, squinting at me through the dark. I could hear Alice starting the car again and driving away, but it wouldn't have surprised me if she just pulled up out of sight to wait and see what happened.

"Charlie?" I said, hesitantly. I slowly walked up the driveway, with my hands by my side.

"Bella?" he said, and his voice was broken.

Without meaning to, I started to cry. "Dad, it's me. I can explain, I promise, but I'm not dead."

And then, Charlie said the last thing I would've expected him to say in this situation. "Oh my God, you're a vampire, aren't you? Which one of them did it? Vegetarian vampires my ass, I knew that many was bad news. Should've listened to Billy-" he cut himself off abruptly and took half a step backwards as I took another step forward.

"Wh- I do- How-" I stuttered out a couple half-formed words and stopped moving. Then of course I said the next thing that popped into my brain. "Wait, you mean you knew about vampires? You told me the Cullens were good kids!"

That seemed to snap him out of something, because his face hardened, and he hastily retreated back into the house, only to emerge again with a shotgun pointed at me.

"Oh my God, I'm not a vampire, don't shoot! I can explain!"

Charlie didn't lower the gun, but he did say "Ok, I'm listening."

"Um, ok, so I died when the car hit me, but then I came back to life, and this isn't the first time it's happened! I used to be somebody else, but I was in a car accident and I think I died then because when I woke up it was on the side of the road in your car a couple weeks ago! Remember, when we went to the hospital? I was so out of it because I didn't know who I was, not because I have a concussion!"

This didn't seem to be swaying him, and I didn't really blame him that much because listening to myself talk, I sounded certifiably insane.

"Um, ok wait," I said, changing tactics. "I can show you my eyes! Newborns have red eyes, right? Mine are still brown! Also, newborns are like, really thirsty and aggressive, so if I was really a vampire I probably would've eaten you by now!"

Weirdly, this was what seemed to change Charlie's mind, because he lowered his shotgun and flipped on the porch light.

"Ok, I will give you that," he said and gestured me forward. I stepped into the light from the porch and opened my eyes as wide as possible so he could see they were still brown.

"I don't believe it," he said, peering into my eyes. Then his own crumpled and he was pulling me into a close hug, shoulders shaking as he tried to muffle his crying.

"Oh my god," he mumbled, "Bella, I thought you were dead! They told me you died as soon as the van hit you! The paramedics loaded you into the ambulance in a body bag."

I hugged him back just as tightly, and squeezed my own eyes shut to try and stave off my own tears.

"I know," I said soothingly, "I know." I also knew that I was going to have to explain myself. And it was one thing to tell the Cullens, people I guess I was sort of getting to know and like (tonight excluded!) that they weren't real and neither was Bella, but it was a totally different thing to tell Charlie that his daughter was gone and he had me instead.

"I have to tell you something," I choked out, tears finally squeezing out of my eyes. Charlie finally let go, but kept one arm around my shoulders as he led me inside the house and to the couch.

"Would it maybe have something to do with how you're still alive right now?" He asked, also through tears. "And maybe how you also know about the Cullens being vampires?"

"Yeah," I said, fully breaking down into sobs now, but through my sobs I couldn't get anything out. I was just so scared of hurting Charlie's feelings, and selfishly, of losing the only home that I'd ever felt comfortable in before.

Charlie looked worried. "Oh, Bels," he said, causing me to let loose another sob. "It can't be that bad, can it?"

"I'm not Bella," I burst out, before hiding my face in my hands so I didn't have to look at Charlie's face.

"What do you mean? If you're not Bella, who else would you be?" he said with confusion.

"I mean, a week ago I was someone else, but I was in a car crash and I think I died, but I woke up and I was in your car!" I was crying so hard at this point that I was surprised Charlie was able to understand anything.

"You mean last week? When you woke up after your head injury? Bella, you probably just hurt your head worse than you realize if you forgot some things. It's ok, you're still you."

I felt him wrap his arms around me then, and I let myself melt into the embrace. Charlie didn't prompt me for anything else and let me cry until I had no more tears.

When I could push myself up again, face swollen and with the occasional hiccup, but no more tears, I made a decision.

"You're right," I lied. "I must've hit my head and that's why I can't remember some things."

I couldn't do it. I couldn't stomach telling Charlie that Bella, his Bella, was dead and an imposter had taken her place.

"Bella," Charlie said gently, pulling me back to the present. "Why don't you go get some sleep? We'll figure out what to do in the morning."

"Ok," I sniffled, too tired to argue, or even think what I would want to do instead. Charlie hugged me goodnight, and I shuffled up to my bedroom, where I couldn't do more than kick off my shoes and pants before crawling into bed.

AN: Apparently when you google "what happens to the human body when hit by a car going 25 miles per hour" you get the National Suicide Hotline number, so that's really fun