Part 8

HUMAN TOUCH

"Merry Christmas, mom!"
"Merry Christmas to you, dear!"

It was Christmas morning and Kim was phoning home. Peg was on the phone first, and then Bill.
"Hey Kimba, Merry Christmas! How's Hollywood? You see any movie stars yet?"
Kim laughed. "No dad, not yet but Merry Christmas!"
As she talked with Bill, he launched into a sonorous rendition of "Go Tell It On The Mountain". Then he gave the phone to Kevin.

"Merry Christmas, you little booger."
"Merry Christmas, dorkface."
"…Love you.
"Love you too."
Kim and Kevin knew that the best sibling interactions involved insulting one another at some point. Then the phone returned to Peg.
"Sweetie, can we talk to Edward?"
Kim, who was standing in the living room, glanced back towards the bedroom door.
"…well when you called me, he was still asleep. I'm not sure if he's up yet. Actually, I should probably be quieter." She hushed a bit. "But I can have him call you when he wakes up. We wish you were here."
"Oh, soon we'll all be back together! Not to worry."

Kim certainly agreed. She was something of a natural optimist, even though this was muted during her separation from Edward, so it was easy to believe in happy endings for the Boggs family.

Christmas Eve had been a night like no other. Yet, the morning always comes, and with it a much-needed rest. Kim planned to make today into a low-key, relaxing affair. A cozy blanket, perhaps some chamomile tea, a radio station tuned into piano ballads, and the good company of Edward. In a pleasant mood, she walked back into the bedroom. Yet upon entering, she was startled.

Edward was awake. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes intensely boring into hers. His face seemed even paler than usual, if that were possible. His mouth was shut and seemed to be holding back great discontent.

Moving past the startle, Kim wished him a merry Christmas. He didn't respond with a greeting, but with a question:

"Why did it take you so long to come back?"

His voice was calm but firm. He seemed to have been preparing for quite some time to ask this to her.

The question reverberated through Kim, instantly making her uncomfortable. There were answers to Edward's question, but how would he react to them? She hesitated, trying to form unpleasant realities into words, fearful of how the explanation would go. Finally, she managed to clumsily mutter: "Edward…there…are alot of…reasons why."
"What are they?" The directness of his speech contrasted greatly with hers.

"After Jim fell through the window, you looked at me and said 'goodbye'. Like you thought we couldn't be together anymore after that."
"That's true", Edward commented. "I already told you that I overreacted. It was an awful night for everyone. But I got over what happened. Just like I got over my father's death." Then he insisted, "I love you and I wanted you to visit."
"Edward...do you know why no one hurt you after that night? It's because I told our neighbors that Jim killed you. My family thought you were dead."

That would explain, Edward reckoned, why Peg, Bill and Kevin had seemed so fraught with emotion when he'd spoken to them two nights ago.

"I really think that mob might have torn you to pieces if they didn't think you were already dead. If I went back to visit and someone saw me…well…you remember how quick word gets around my neighborhood. They might seek revenge. Or put you through the legal system."
"The legal system doesn't scare me. We can prove it was self-defense."
"How? We're the only witnesses and they're not going to just take our word for it."
"The injuries on my back."

Edward, who was wearing a white T-shirt, turned his back to Kim. He carefully poked the rear neck of his shirt with a blade, and stretched it down to reveal an ugly chain of scar tissue on his upper back, where Jim had brutalized him with an iron rod. Kim winced.

"The restaurant owner took me to a trauma center. There was a broken bone. I have the X-Ray photos."

Edward had seemed fine to Kim at the time, but it occurred to her that he could've been playing stoic so she wouldn't worry about him.

"Well, they could still try to press charges against you. Just keep that in mind."
She continued down her list: "Another thing is, everyone was in shock for awhile after that night. With Jim dead and all. I mean, I didn't even love him anymore and it still shocked me."
"How long did that last?"
"A month, or maybe two months."
"If it lasted two months, then why not come back after two months?" Edward wasn't relenting at all. He was driven to challenge events until he'd reached their core.

Kim was dreading this. Her eyes were darting around the room, as if looking for a way to escape. An unpleasant heat was filling her neck, and her mouth felt dry.

"Things were complicated. But I'm here now, right? Better late than never? And…anyways, it's Christmas Day, this isn't the most appropriate time to ask about things like-"
"I don't care." Edward cut her off sharply. The silence in the room was tense, like a cloud-blackened sky anticipating its first lightning strike. "It bothered me so much."

I found a fox caught by dogs
He let me take him in my hands
His little heart, it beat so fast
And I'm ashamed of running away from nothing real
I just can't deal with this
I'm still afraid to be there.
-Kate Bush

Stress poured through Kim. She knew there were aspects of her behavior that were flawed, she was all too human. She'd tried to avoid talking about them, but now that she was realizing how they had hurt Edward, she began coming clean.

"When you ran away after Jim yelled at you, my mom and I were sitting on the couch. She mentioned that maybe it would be best if you stayed up in the mansion because you'd be safe there."
"You didn't come back because of Peg?"
"It made sense to me, after how bad things got. We wanted what was best for you, we really did."
"What would be best is to tell the truth, and you didn't." Edward raised his voice slightly. He usually spoke so gently that an increase in volume was much more impactful than when Jim had raised his voice, which had occurred frequently.

He continued: "Can I depend on you, or are you going to leave again whenever things get bad?"

Kim felt like her emotions were getting hijacked. It was making her nauseous. Their first argument as a couple, only two days after making it official. Before venturing to Los Angeles, Kim had mentioned marrying Edward to her parents. Were they not actually as compatible as she'd perceived?

Not wanting to be reduced to a shaking, tear-stained mess, or to vomit, Kim summoned the strength to gain mastery over herself and remain calm. She tilted her head down, bowing slightly to Edward, closed her eyes, and spoke in a flat monotone, trying to get the shame to numb her instead of overwhelming her.

"I did the wrong thing. I've…always been sort of a people-pleaser. Since I was a little kid. I've always been concerned with making the people around me happy. And I've always wanted harmony. I was willing to just go along with what other people wanted so there'd be peace. Not rocking the boat. That's how I've been with family, friends, the neighborhood…that's why I went along with Jim when he wanted to rob his father, even though it was crazy. And…that's why I wasn't brave enough to tell anyone that Jim was the real thief. I thought he'd go ballistic. It's a big reason why I didn't come back for so long. Even when I knew you were innocent. I feared what our neighbors might do."

Edward's voice quieted again: "Why care so much about what they think? Sometimes you have to ignore other people and do what your heart knows is right."
"You and I are really different people in some ways. You're daring enough to be a unique individual. I'm pretty much a coward when it comes to that. I'm ashamed of what I've done and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

Edward slowly raised his right arm towards her and lowered his hand, bit by bit, until the blades were caressing, ever so slightly, the strands of her blonde hair atop her head.

"I forgive you. But…" he continued in the same calm, stern tone. "Don't ever do that again. You made me so happy. And when you left…"

Edward felt a deep sadness welling up to his eyes, suddenly and out of nowhere. His eyes watered and his voice quivered. "I felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart. I was all alone again."

These were his first tears, and it took him a few seconds to keep going because of the surging intensity of the emotion. "Regardless of what the people around you are doing, you have to do the right thing and share your true feelings. I need to trust you if we're going to be boyfriend and girlfriend."
Kim nodded. "I'll do it. I mean, it's going to be a challenge but I accept that. We all have work to do, improving ourselves. I can take on a challenge."
"Great!", Edward smiled. Wanting to lighten her mood a bit and rebuild her self-esteem, he added: "I'm proud of you for visiting me. You weren't a coward when you did that, you were brave." He sighed as his discontent began to dissolve. "It was good that we had this talk."
"Yeah", Kim smiled weakly, still trying to keep herself in one piece. "Edward? You were in a really good mood last night. I was so happy for you. I get the feeling something happened that made you start thinking about all this." She lifted her head back up and her doe eyes stared into his. "Tell me what's wrong."

Edward sat on the edge of his bed and stared out the window, where the leaves were brown, the sky was grey and snow blanketed a well-manicured, yet empty yard.

"I thought that if I had hands, I would be finished." He said. "But I don't think that anymore. Last night I started thinking. I don't even know what being finished means. I felt lost and confused. It felt like there was no point to anything. That's why I woke up in a bad mood."

Kim sat on the edge of the bed, next to him. He turned to her.

"I want to know what it really means to be a complete human, Kim."
"Okay."
"And I would love it if you helped me."
"I'd be honored to."

What does it mean to truly be human? This was a question that religious mystics, philosophers, scientists, seemingly everyone, had devoted time to explaining, in various ways. What would Edward find when he delved into the questions of life? He wasn't sure, but he knew he was going to do it. Everything inside him was crying out to embark on the quest. Especially since Kim had committed to supporting him.

"I still feel a little lost and confused." Edward admitted.
"…do you want to cuddle for a while?" Kim asked

Edward moved from the edge of the bed to lying down on his pillow. He noticed how easy it was to forgive her when she made suggestions like that. Kim moved in to lay beside him and they wrapped their arms around one another. Words were not needed. The room was silent. The world was still.

Cuddling was exactly the balm each of them needed after the soreness and rawness of their conflict. To feel one another as they breathed gently, totally supported, wholly secure. A couple times, each of them fell back asleep and reawoke to the sight of the other. Awakenings mingled with dreams 'till each became the other.

They stayed that way for hours as morning became afternoon. To Edward, it seemed almost like living inside a painting. Paintings don't move because they don't need to. Their beauty lies not in any sort of action, but in their ability to preserve the moments of our existence worth preserving.

"I'm getting hungry.", Edward broke the spell. Not needing to eat as often as most people was a quirk of his Inventor's handiwork, but even he had his limits. Ironically for a chef, his pantry didn't even have enough spare ingredients to build a single meal. The desire for lunch was solved by the classic Christmas Day solution: a nearby Chinese restaurant. They ordered a big delivery of noodles, vegetables, beef and chicken, eggrolls, coconut cake, etc. and had themselves a feast on this day of feasts. After the feast was over, Edward called the Boggs' home and wished them all a Merry Christmas. They mentioned travelling west in the spring to visit him, giving him another hopeful milestone to look forward to.

"I'm going to make friends somewhere Kim.", Edward declared late that night in bed, as Kim listened. "Not just acquaintances. That's the next thing I'm going to learn about being human."
"That's a great idea. Do you know where you're going to look?"
"Yes. I'm going to be doing research. I'll tell you what I find out."

Content to let the fruits of this research be a surprise, Kim nodded. They bid each other goodnight and laid down to slumber. Having come to a place of redemption and reconciliation, Christmas Day ended with a very human touch.