Chapter 4

TW's: Implied Marital Rape, and there's some violence in this chapter. If this triggers you, I suggest you stop reading or make sure you skip this part of the story.

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First Class Library:

Ruth recalled her own childhood, and how unhappy she had been.

"It was 1882, I was fifteen years old, and I had everything I could've wished for.

Money, clothes, a four-poster bed. It all came with the benefits of being born rich.

But I wasn't happy. Not in the slightest. I was one out of four, and the oldest. Therefore I had to set the right examples for my younger brothers and sister. So, I would be set to marry a rich man,"

She looked at Rose, "your father. The thing is, I didn't want a business transaction. I wanted love, I wanted someone to love me. But my parents would have none of it. One must always go up on the social ladder and not down. Not to mention that I was the oldest, so what kind of example would I be setting for my brothers and sister, if I married a simple factory worker? You see, I was quite a free-spirited young woman, and one day I begged my father to take me with him to the local factory he owned. I had met one of the workers, he was a year older than I was, but he made me feel free. If only for a few hours. Of course, afterwards, I had to go back home for my 'lady lessons', but he was my best friend, and we snuck around for a while. That is, until he one day showed up at the mansion. My father was none to pleased. Fired the boy, my best friend, and I was grounded for months to come. And when finally I was no longer grounded, I still was followed around every single moment of the day. And then my sixteenth birthday came, and my parents told me they had a wonderful 'gift' for me. It was a white dress, my Mother's wedding dress. So I asked them why they had given me my Mother's wedding dress. They said everything would be clear soon, and that we would go out for luncheon with the Dewitt's. I didn't like them, but our parents were friends. I didn't quite like their oldest son either, and neither did he like me. So, as we were having luncheon with the DeWitt's, you can imagine my surprise when said oldest son, told me he would be giving me my gift. He went down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

I had no choice but to say 'yes' of course. Later it turned out that it didn't matter what I said. The deal was already made. We married two months later. It grated on my nerves that he was around all the time during our engagement. I had nowhere to go without being watched. So I found that perhaps it was better to just steel myself. If I was to survive in a world I didn't want to live in, then I better find a way to fit in. Our marriage was no more than a farce, of course. He didn't love me, and I didn't love him. He would often go out with his business friends, and I would be forced to be the pretty lady on his arm. Sometimes, I was relieved to find that he went out on his own. But when he would come home, stumbling through the door, and so drunk that he couldn't see top from bottom, he would be angry and frustrated. He would slam the doors, and often he would order me around, and if I wasn't quick enough, he wouldn't hesitate to hit me.

Sometimes he would go as far as to force himself on me. And I let him, because, what else could I do? It was common practice. He wanted a child, but it wasn't until my 28th that I could give him one. That's when you were born, shortly after my 29th birthday. I hoped it would give us some sort of connection, to care for a child. And it did, but during the years of our marriage, I could only despise him more for the way he behaved. Which is why you never got to see your father and I have a loving marriage. Because it wasn't, never had been, and never would be.

But I could tolerate him. Because he did care about you, just as much as I did. We never wanted to have to be married to each other, but neither of us had gotten a choice in the matter. I was so happy when you came into my life, my darling Rose. I had never planned to force you into the same kind of life I was forced into. Until your father died, and left us in enormous debts. I couldn't give you the life you deserved, if I had to work for every penny and had to give it away again to pay off his debts. And then the Hockley's came, and they told me that they would pay off the debts and give you a good life if I gave Caledon your hand in marriage.

I didn't want to, but I had no choice. It's not like they would listen to my protests anyway, because I was a woman. And what do women understand of the way the world works? So I agreed, hoping that Caledon would be a bit nicer than Clarence ever was to me. But now I can see how trapped you are, the both of you, really. And I just can't handle seeing it. Around him, I will need to be your cold and indifferent mother, Rose, we cannot let him suspect anything. Not until we've docked in New York anyway. When the ship docks in New York, you have my permission to leave him, Rose. Your happiness is what matters, and I must not try and squeeze you into a life you don't want to have. A life you don't deserve, because it is nothing else but a prison. You must watch out though, he won't want to let you go."

Rose swallowed heavily as she looked at her mother. Tears stinging in the back of her eyes. So her mother did love her, and did care about how she felt. But she had also said things about her dad, and she wondered why her mother had never told her about her own story before. Whenever she asked about her grandparents her mother would always act indifferent, but now she understood why. "But Mother, why didn't you ever tell me about the way Father treated you?"

Now it was Ruth's turn to swallow, "well darling Rose, for one simple reason. I didn't want to smear your memory of your father. He was a good man, just like I, he was forced into something he didn't want. It was you, my sweetheart, that softened him. You had him wrapped around your little fingers from the start. He loved you more than life itself, and I didn't want you to remember him as someone that kept me trapped in a life I never wanted..."

Rose nodded, "I understand, Mother. And you must know that I love you, I just do not like being trapped. That's all." Ruth nodded in return. "Now, as for your friend, it must have been horrid to have to listen to the tale of my life. I can't imagine it was of particular interest to you, was it, Ms. Mills?"

Regina just sighed. "Honestly, I just don't know what I'm supposed to feel right about now. I just found out I am to be a mere trophy wife while behind the screens he'll be screwing his love. My handmaiden of all people. And the worst thing, is that my Mother won't believe a word I say. She thinks that I am trying to shame his name to get out of this arrangement.

Trust me, in comparison to my Mother, you're nothing short of an amazing mother. Most of the time I don't even know if my mother truly cares about me. She expects perfection, but she never gets it. And every time I have stood up to her, it ended up badly for me. So I stopped fighting, I just gave up. The only thing I have to hold on to is the idea that I will be reunited with my father when we get to New York, the only person in the world that truly cares about what happens to me. But he isn't, and never will be strong enough to stand up to my mother. This whole farce is going to happen, and nothing in the world is going to stop it..."

Rose and Ruth both nodded empathetically. "Well, we'll do anything we can to help you, won't we Mother?" Ruth smiled softly, "I'll do whatever I can to make Mrs. Mills to see reason. I won't make any promises, because I have already tried talking to her earlier, and from what I can see she is a very stubborn and determined woman."

Regina sighed, "yes, that is my Mother in a nutshell. Stubborn, determined, and above all convinced that love is a weakness and that one must never show another that they care about them. I am supposed to be a proper lady, and show myself off on the arm of my husband-to-be. Cold to each and everyone else who even dares to look at me. It's not who I am, but I don't think she'll let me off the hook this time. She'll do everything she can to get me where she wants me to be. And whoever gets in her way, she will eliminate. I'm just a mere chess-piece, and that's what I always will be, in her eyes, that is. I just... I need to go and get some fresh air." She got up, and left the Library.

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First Class Promenade:

Regina walked over the promenade deck, and it was hard not to cry. She was completely broken inside, and nothing and no one would help heal her. She was all alone. Everyone would be much better off without her, wouldn't they? No, she chastised herself, she could not think that way. She was worth everything and more, and she would get what she wanted no matter what her Mother wanted. She had promised her friends that she would show her inner 'Evil Queen' as ridiculous as the title sounded. And today was the day she would start. It was time to teach her mother a lesson about who Regina Mills really was.

She didn't notice that she almost walked into someone, she was about to say 'I'm sorry', but thought better of it, and straightened her back, her head held high. "Watch where you're going!"

Then she sped past the man, and walked down the different decks, until she came to the Well Deck, where she saw Robin and Jack sitting on a bench. "Hello again. Enjoying the weather, are you?"

They both nodded in response. "Well, it is nice out today, after all. Not that my day has been going so well, so far, but at least the weather makes it a bit more bearable."

Just then, Henry came their way. "Regina!" he jumped into her unsuspecting arms and she had to do her best to keep standing. "Hello Henry" she greeted him. It was then that Emma came walking up to them as well. "Henry..." Emma wanted to scold him, but Regina cut her off, "it's fine, Emma. Let him be happy, I quite like having him around. He brings a bit of sunshine to my clouded day." Emma nodded slowly, "so what has soured your day so badly?"

Regina sighed, "you still have to ask?" At Emma's confused look, she continued, "I found out my dear husband-to-be is indeed sleeping with my handmaiden. Has been for a while, I suspect. Behind my back even. I am just supposed to be the pretty rich girl on his arm, while behind the screens he's sleeping with another." Emma nodded, "and does your mother know about this? Surely she wouldn't go through with this farce?" Regina could only sigh, "you don't know my Mother, Miss Swan. When I told her of what was going on, she accused me of lying. Saying that I only said that to her so that I could get out of this wretched arrangement..."

Emma frowned, "She didn't believe you? What kind of mother doesn't believe her child?"

Regina sighed, "Mine, Emma dear. Mine. You don't know Cora Mills. If you thought she would give me a hug and call of this farce of an engagement, you're very wrong. Leopold Blanchard has a lot of power in 'our world', and a lot of money. That's what matters to her. She doesn't care about love. There's a reason that her motto in life is 'Love is Weakness'. I'm not even sure she cares about me. She says she does, but if she loves me? I wouldn't know. See this scar on my upper lip? I got it when I was seven. I had been playing with my set of porcelain dolls, and asked her to play with me, she got angry that I asked. Because one should never rely on another. Yes, I'm aware that she has double standards, which is why it is so impossible to please her. Either way, she smashed my favorite doll, then pushed me into the shards face forward. I split my lip on a shard, and she called me foolish and weak. My face was filled with cuts, but most of them were only on the surface and didn't scar. Honestly, if she ever finds out I have been talking with you, well, then I am doomed. Really Miss Swan, being an upperclass girl is not all that it seems. Most of our marriages are arranged, and we are only ever needed to produce heirs to the fortunes of our husband. I would much rather be free, able to go out riding, I've always loved horses, I would much rather work for my pennies than get them but live in a golden prison. Most of us get sent to finishing school, and if our parents haven't found a husband for us then, we will get sent to University to find one. But one should never hope for love in our world. It just doesn't exist."

Tears streamed down her face at that admission. Her whole life she had hoped that Cora Mills cared about her, and how she felt. But to her mother she was nothing but a disappointment, no matter how hard she tried to be good. She would never be good enough.

Before anything else could be said, despite her friend's pitying gazes, she heard the bell ring. Announcing that it was time for supper. They would have dinner with the group again, including the DeWitt-Bukaters and that awful Hockley man. How was she ever going to escape from this prison?

She crossed a look with Robin, he was the only one that didn't look at her with pity in his eyes, but rather with genuine sympathy. She felt like she drowned in his blue-eyed gaze, and she was tempted to let herself, but snapped herself back to the present before anything could happen. She would only endanger his life if she brought him into this, besides, he probably didn't feel the same way about her anyway. She was only a first class girl, and nothing like him...

She cleared her throat, "would you excuse me? it appears it is time for supper, and it would be awfully rude to let my mother and fiancé wait for me." With those words, she got up and went to leave. Until she got a better idea, "Mr. Locksley, would you care to escort me to my part of the ship?" He smiles softly, "of course. But you really should just call me Robin. I don't really like formalities." She nodded, "But of course, Robin."

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WARNING: VIOLENCE/RAPE.

Skip this part if that makes you uncomfortable!

Rooms B51/53/55:

As soon as she stepped through the door, she could feel the tension in the air.

She looked between the three other occupants of the room, she saw Eva, whom she had always considered her best friend, looking indifferent. Her Mother's face was like a storm cloud and she shivered inwardly at the thought of what her mother had in store for her. Then there was Leopold, who looked stoic, but she knew that he was raging with anger by the way he was clenching his fists at his side. She didn't dare move an inch, she knew he would take his anger out on her, as would her mother. Regina was no fool, she knew exactly what was to happen next.

So, it wasn't at all unexpected when she suddenly felt her legs being kicked out from under her, and she toppled to the ground. "How dare you lie to your mother about such things?!" He started, as he roughly picked her up from the ground by the back of her collar. She couldn't even bring out a word, and because he held her so tightly that she could barely breathe.

He quickly dismissed Eva, telling her that she wasn't needed and that if she ever spoke a word about what she'd seen, he'd make sure she'd be 'taken care of' by his manservant Sidney Glass.

Eva nodded quickly and ran out of the room.

Then it was Cora's turn to strike, and Regina would feel it, as her Mother struck her right on the place where her lip scarred. The diamond of her ring reopening the wound. She screamed out from the pain, but knew no one would come help her. And even if they did, they wouldn't believe her.

After Cora's hard slap, she felt herself being kicked down to the ground yet again, but this time when she got dragged up, she got slammed into the nearest wall, her face smacking into it first.

She tried to hold back tears, but it was of no use. She felt it as he stripped her bare until her very last layer of protection was gone. "Perhaps," he whispered in her ear, "you should learn how to properly please your husband, so that he won't have to seek out whores to do it for you."

So that was the story he had told her mother then. She was such a disappointment that he sought relief in Eva because she wasn't good enough. And of course Mother had believed him over her. How predictable. There was no more time for her to react after those few seconds, before he thrust himself into her, and all she knew was pain.

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When they went to dinner afterwards, she could barely walk straight. The only thing on her mind was how he had abused her for his own sickening pleasure. And her Mother? Well, she'd just watched, never helping Regina. Only afterwards did her Mother tie her corset much too tight, and had cleaned her visible wounds so that she would look presentable. Her Mother had also told her never to behave like that again, because right now she may be the only one present for him to take his anger out on, but when they got to America, her mother had assured her that Regina herself would not be the only one to suffer if she misbehaved. She had nodded numbly. Perhaps she would have to shut her feelings off after all, because there was no way out of this prison. She would only hurt and endanger people if she tried.

Of course everyone had noticed her silence, how she listened absentmindedly to their conversation and how she barely ate anything at all. It was Ruby who asked her if she was okay, to which Regina had responded with a simple 'I'm fine', of course Ruby already knew that the opposite was true. She seemed to have a silent conversation with Ruth and Rose, and it was making Regina uncomfortable. Not that she disliked them caring for her, but rather that her mother or Leopold would notice...

Thank goodness they were smart enough to wait until after dinner, when Cora had retired to her bedroom, and Leopold had joined the other men for brandy and cigars in the smoking room.

"Regina darling, are you alright?" The question was asked again, but this time by Rose.

Regina wanted to say 'I'm fine', but the words wouldn't come.

She simply shook her head no, which was the truth. This time Ruth spoke up, "Oh dear, what happened?"

Regina hung her head, "well... when I went back to my room to get ready for supper, my Mother and Leopold were there, the lying bitch too. A-and..." she broke down in uncontrollable sobs, "then he hurt me. Over and over and over again. I remember nothing but pain. A-and... my Mother... she just..." she paused, sniffing, "she just stood there, and did nothing at all. She just watched as he hurt me... and wh-when she went to help me get ready for supper, after she had cleaned my wounds, she told me that next time I misbehave, I won't be the only one to suffer. I wanted to fight back so hard, but... it's no use. I'm never going to break free of this prison. I guess..." she broke down again, "I guess I'll just have to suffer for eternity..."

The three women looked at her in sympathy. "Oh my... Regina... please don't think like that. We will all help you to break free, we promise. You don't deserve to be hurt like this, especially not by your own mother... can we do anything to help you right now?"

Regina nodded slowly, "I want to go down to third class... to see my friends, and Henry... I know I'm not supposed to hang around there, but I really want to see them right now..." Ruby nodded along with Rose, "Of course we'll take you there. We'll come get you when the men are about to return from their cigars and brandy... can you walk?" Regina looked up at them, "I can walk, but it really hurts.. I don't think I can go down the stairs without help.." Ruby and Rose nodded yet again, "alright, let us help you then."

Together they walked down to third class, where Regina joined her friends, and had to tell the story all over again. While Henry was present she only told the child-friendly story, because Henry didn't need to know the worst of it. After Emma had put him to bed, however, her friends urged her to tell them the whole story. She almost broke down yet again, but managed to stay fairly calm. Not long after, Ruby came to tell her that she had to go now, before Leopold got back to their rooms.

When Regina went to sleep that night, she fell into a deep frightful sleep.

Her last thought before she fell asleep, was one of fear.

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Author's Note:

Well, that was chapter 4.

Please leave a review if you liked the story, even if it tends to get (quite a bit) angsty...

I hope to see you next chapter!