Kuon remembered how his parents dragged him to church when he was little. The family had bounced around for three whole months, visiting many congregations, while his mother researched a new role.
Juliena hadn't agreed with everything she'd heard, but she had liked what she'd heard about trying to treat everyone withkindness, just as you yourself would like to be treated. Unfortunately, there was a shortage of kindness in the world, even with those who professed adherence to those very words. And definitely
in Showbiz.
Even as a child Kuon knew that the people who went to church were just like people everywhere else, incredibly flawed, and that he was only seeing the people as they presented themselves- at their best. He felt it fair to say that at least a few of the people seemed to be trying unlike the phony Hollywood types who would pretend to be kindly to your face, but couldn't wait to drive a knife into your back. Repeatedly.
Ever since, Juliena and Kuu had occasionally gone to church or other religious gatherings, just to keep it all fresh.
Today was one of those rare Sundays. Kuu and Juliena were dressed in their Sunday finest, though they were unrecognizable as Michelle and Larry Saunders- a charismatic real estate couple, complete with cheesy, sparkling grins.
Kuu's jet-black hair was slicked back and a gold necklace hung around his neck, adding to his somewhat dubious appearance. Juliena, meanwhile, was wearing a body suit to thicken her middle and a voluminous crimped, espresso brown wig. They looked like something the 80's threw up.
Kuon couldn't help but laugh. "Hey Dad," he called between chuckles. "All you're missing is a gold tooth."
Kuu grinned back. "The couple that sells together, stays together," he replied with an exaggerated wink.
They had convinced Kyoko, and thereby Kuon, to join them by appealing to Kyoko's actor's spirit, preaching the potential benefits of gaining a myriad of experiences. It hadn't taken much convincing; Kyoko was always eager to further her knowledge.
Kyoko and Kuon opted for less eye-catching guises. They each wore a nondescript modern look- slacks for both with a polo shirt for Kuon and a dressy blouse for Kyoko. Kyoko was wearing an espresso brown wig that fell just past her shoulders, while Kuon was fitted with a wig that gave him hair just like Leon S. Kennedy. They would introduce themselves as Brenda and Barry if anyone asked.
Kyoko had stared at him for so long after he donned the wig, that he'd asked if there was something on his face. Kyoko sheepishly apologized for her gawking, her face cutely warming as she admitted she'd been fantasizing about him dressed in a police uniform.
Kuon grinned. "Princess, I'll wear whatever you want, whenever you want," he promised.
"I want to hear the specifics of your fantasy later," he continued in a whisper, wiggling his eyes suggestively.
The two couples chose to arrive in Kuon's most recent purchase for Kyoko- a silver 2022 Honda Accord EX-L (Kuon had tried to get Kyoko the Touring edition, but she refused on the grounds that she wouldn't even use all the features). The car was spacious, comfortable, and most importantly to Kuon- it boasted a five-star safety rating. There were also so many silver Accords on the road that they would be just another fish in the vast sea.
They arrived at a quaint, brick building designated Church of The Way ten minutes before services were due to start. The beige double doors opened to a large foyer where another set of four doors, currently open, divided the entry from the assembly hall. As they entered the vast hall, Kuon gasped. It was beautifully constructed with natural wood beams in the architecture. Kuon noticed Kyoko gazing appreciatively around the room. A raised platform with a pulpit stood opposite the entry with the baptistery on the left and large projector screen on the right.
Camouflaged though they were, the elder Hizuri's still had an attractive quality about them, causing many heads to turn when they entered the building. A surprising number of individuals came to greet them, though some were clearly leery of Larry. By the time the conversations were finished, however, Larry could've sold them the Taj Mahal.
Kuon chuckled to himself. Leave it to Dad, he thought.
They'd agreed to sitting a bit apart so Kuon and Kyoko were seated at the end of the pew on the left side of the building with Larry and Michelle settled a few rows in front.
"Welcome, everyone," greeted a stout, balding man with warm smile. The crowd hushed as everyone took their seats. "We want to extend a special welcome to our visitors today and hope that you will stick around after services to let us meet you. My name is Bob, and if you have any questions about anything you see today, please ask me or any of the gentlemen here."
"Now then," continued Bob cheerfully. "If you will please turn your attention to either the screen up front or the song books in front of your seats, we will sing song number 225, Our God He Is Alive."
Kuon raised his eyebrows in surprise. Though he had noticed the lack of instruments on the raised platform, he assumed there would still at least be a choir or something, but this group was truly old fashioned- they sang a capella.
Kuon glanced at where his parents were sitting and winced. His mom was one of the most talented people he knew, however, no one could be good at everything, and Juliena was no exception. She sang in a perfect imitation of a dying cat. He looked pityingly at the young couple sitting on the pew ahead of her.
After a few more songs several men came forward to serve what they called the Lord's Supper, in which they remembered Jesus' life and death on the cross.
A fidgety, acne-faced teen began reading from John 1, a poetic passage that spoke of how Jesus' was light and divinity bringing grace and truth. The poor stuttering youth finally managed to finish the passage, attempting to correlate the words, and meaning, with what they were observing.
"And so we should all be grateful," he began with a solemn expression. "Every living orgasm…. Ah! Um, organism should be," the now tomato faced adolescent managed to correct himself, his voice cracking on the last word.
Pfft! Kuon could barely contain himself, his lips twitching in restrained effort. Shit, I mean shoot, he thought, I've got to focus on something else, anything else, or I'm gonna lose it. Glancing around he noticed several individuals wearing tight smiles, clearly in an effort to hold themselves back as the boy plodded on.
Out if the corner of his eye he could saw a blushing Kyoko struggling equally and sent a silent plea for her to not laugh or look at him, but it went unheeded. A few titters escaped through her lips, further expanding the already rapidly growing crack in the dam of Kuon's self control.
Before it could burst, Kuon swiftly stood, snatching their belongings and grabbing Kyoko's hand as he hastened towards and exit. By the time they reached the parking lot they were in stitches, tears pouring down their faces.
Kuon was squatting on the ground clutching his sides when his parents emerged.
"Oh, you two only lasted 30 more seconds," Kyoko observed between sniggers.
A millisecond passed as Kyoko's words sank in before they were all roaring with renewed humor.
"Kyoko," Kuon chuckled, eyes full of mirth as he placed a quick kiss on her lips. "Excellent timing, love."
"I know I'm grateful for every orgasm—ooof!" Kuon heard his father say as his mom elbowed him in the ribs.
"Kuu!" she playfully chided, giggling. "Not in front of the kids."
Kuon groaned audibly and lifted his eyes the sky, eliciting another fit of laughter from Kyoko.
"Laughter is good for the soul," Juliena commented, grinning.
Kuu nodded in agreement, chuckling. "Amen to that," he said.