Location: Home
Date: June...5th? No, 15th. June 15th.

Nuzleaf and I had a silent breakfast this morning. He looked...troubled. Worried. Before I left, I couldn't stand the silence and apologized for telling the others about me being human. I'd just wanted some friends on my side who I could turn to if I was confused or unsure, and I didn't know what else to tell them. When he didn't respond, I asked him if he was mad at me. He told me to just go to school.

I feel...horrible. Guilty. Maybe I'd been better off telling a lie, saying he found me in a Mystery Dungeon and that I didn't remember where I was originally from or who I was, but that might've raised more questions than anything...I don't know. I don't know what the correct answer is. All I know is he's in a foul mood because of me, and I don't know how to make it right.

I'd almost rather he yelled at me instead of doing...this. At least if he yelled at me, he'd get his anger out in the open instead of keeping it bottled up and pressurized like a fizzy drink. When it's like this...it almost feels worse than direct yelling.

Disappointment.

That's what this is. I'm sure every kid has heard the "I'm not mad, just disappointed" line from their parent. While some can just be like, "Whatever, I don't care," others like me do care. When we disappoint the person we look up to, it feels awful. And when they won't even talk to you about what you did wrong...that feels worse than being yelled at. It's like you're not even worth their time when they're that angry. You can't fix things when they're that volatile.

...

Well, if I can't fix things right now, then...off to school it is.

Location: Serene Village plaza

School let out earlier than usual, and for a special reason – school's out for the summer.

Summer vacation starts today! How exciting!

Lyra still wants to embark on expeditions and asked if she could still count on my assistance during summer, and I told her of course. I'm pretty jazzed – school being out means no more boring classes, and it means I know today's date...kind of. I'm marking it as the 15th of June, and I'll try tracking the dates according to that from now on.

Once we arrived in the plaza, we said our goodbyes to Ampharos who was on his way out. It's a little bumming seeing him leave, but it was kind of expected. He is known as the Dashing Wanderer, not the Dashing Dude Who Stayed in Serene Village. He can't exactly stay here forever. So, he left and we got started planning for our daily expedition.

Location: Serene Village Tree Hill (night)

Today's expedition was a mere fetch quest. Nothing noteworthy occurred.

By the time I returned home, Nuzleaf already had dinner ready and was kind of picking at it. As I got my portion, he tried making small talk about my day, but instead of indulging him I asked him to just talk to me about what's upsetting him. I told him I knew it was my telling the others about me being human, and if that was really a problem then I'd rather he talked to me about it instead of keeping his worries to himself. He never told me not to tell anyone, so what's the big deal?

Then, he hit me with it.

A human being brought to the Pokémon world and transforming into one was not a normal phenomenon. Surely there's a reason I'm here, right? Nuzleaf seems to think so. Here he was, busting his hump trying to figure out why I'm here and doing research on similar occurrences, meanwhile the only thing I had to do was lay low and behave myself like a good kid. Yet, I blew half of our cover simply by going to school and running my mouth.

At least, that's what Nuzleaf said.

He never told me not to tell anyone because he thought I was smart enough to understand that I shouldn't. Humans only exist in fairy tales in their world, and to have one in Serene Village was kind of a big deal. He had to beg Carracosta to keep my human history a secret. He learned from Carracosta, who'd learned through Lyra, that I'd told everyone at school about me being human. He then had to go to each family individually and talk to them. Most of the families thought their student had been lying when they mentioned my human history. Nuzleaf assured them that they were, and he'd sold them a pretty convincing lie. He made it clear he didn't want to hear these "lies" being spread, and he told them he'd talked to me about not telling lies anymore.

He had to put in a lot of work to keep my identity a secret, all because I opened my mouth.

Now he was calculating his next course of action. If villagers discovered he was researching my unusual circumstance, they might piece together that I really was human. They'll start asking questions and poking around and...

Jeez...I really made his life infinitely harder.

I apologized again, saying I didn't mean to make things this hard. I'd only intended to...he interrupted me, saying I only told the other kids because I was in a new village and desperate to make friends. He said I'm just a kid who doesn't think about the consequences of her actions, nor do I think about the bigger picture.

"'Course ya don't, who has time t'look at the bigger picture when yer so busy makin' new friends and happy memories and frolicking to and fro without a care in th'world? Ya think bein' sorry's gonna change anything, Irau? Ya think explainin' what ya intended is gonna make things better? Cuz it ain't! Ya screwed up, and now I gotta be the one to fix things. But, hey, that's okay. Cuz yer just a kid."

I uh...I didn't know how to respond to that. I just felt upset and confused and...I left. I walked out of Nuzleaf's house and ran straight here. Unsure of where to go or what to do, I just...sat. And now I'm writing.

I don't know what to do. What should I do? Nuzleaf's right, I screwed up big time, and I don't know how to fix it.

He's angry and frustrated and upset all because I couldn't just...I couldn't do what I do best and just shut up. Why'd I have to open my big mouth? I should've just pretended to be mute and not said anything. I'm so stupid! Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

STUPID