Chapter 22

After a long and enjoyable evening of love making, Olivia and Natalia woke wrapped in each others arms. Natalia looked into the greenest eyes she'd ever seen and started to drown in them. She stretched up and placed a gentle kiss on waiting lips. "Morning baby. Did you sleep well?"

Olivia tightened her arms around the naked body cuddled up to her. "Good morning love. I'm not sure sleep is the word for it. Passed out from orgasm might be better suited."

Natalia could only laugh. She lay her head back on Olivia's shoulder and made small circles on her stomach with her hand. "So, you want to tell me what happened with Rafe that had you ready to run for the hills and me marry Frank?"

"Not really."

"Honey, I need you to tell me. I need to understand what had you so worked up yesterday. We talk about everything. Why is this different?"

"This is your son."

"And?"

"He wasn't nice. You will be mad."

"I might be, yes, but I still deserve to know. Don't you think?"

"Maybe."

"So tell me."

"I don't want any problems for you and Rafe."

"There won't be."

"You don't know…"

Natalia cut her off with a kiss. "I do know. He is my son. I may have a few unsavory words with him, but he and I will be fine."

"I would never make you choose."

"You aren't making much sense. Why would I have to choose?"

"I don't think he is gonna be happy when you tell him about us. About me."

"Choosing is not an option, no matter what, I will have you both. It may take some time, but in the end, we will be a family. I know my son. No matter what, it's going to be okay. Now, tell me Olivia. What did he say to you?"

Olivia looked out the window and sighed. "He said… he said…"

Adjusting so she was laying on her side, propped up on her elbow, Natalia looked down at her fiancé, placing a finger under her chin, she eased her face towards her and saw the hurt in those deep jade eyes. "What baby? What did he say to you?"

Resigning to the fact that Natalia was not going to let this go, Olivia took a deep breath, kissed her softly, then looked away before she began to speak. "He um, well, he started out being nice. Well kind of. He asked about you and Frank. Wanted to know why you weren't going to marry him. Why you were treating him like you had never dated. I couldn't answer him. I wasn't gonna tell him like that. Without you there, so, I was silent. It seemed to make him angry, he said Frank had been going to visit him at the prison. Telling him how great things were going for you and Frank. Even took credit for getting him transferred after he got beat up….I'm getting off track. Anyways. He was going on and on about all the things Frank was telling him about you two and how it was progressing quickly. I told him that you hadn't been dating Frank, that it was just one dinner, and he went off. Said Frank told him I would lie to him. That I was trying to stop you from being with him so I could keep you trapped with me and Emma. He was spewing venom. Saying that just because I'm unhappy I shouldn't keep you from being happy. Then it got bad. Before I could say anything he started talking about how much of a good woman you are. About how you are committed to the church and to God. How that's the only reason you are even friends with me. Because I was sick and needed help, and have Gus's heart. Then it spiraled again. He was screaming about how I took his father from you, his house, your wedding rings, his fathers heart…."

Natalia brought her into her arms and just held her tight. Knowing there was more. She peppered her face and head with kisses and waited for her to continue.

"He…he said I should have died. That Gus should be the one who lived. He said that I was poison and he wanted me out of his house and away from you. That I would just hurt you, that I hurt everything and everyone I touch. He even said he's surprised Emma is so good with me as a mother." She was sobbing at this point. Could barely speak. "I was so stunned. I could barely breathe. Then he said I needed to just go and let you have your happiness with Frank. Quit standing in your way and holding you back. I know a lot of it was Frank. He had thrown in some stuff about Buzz that I know only Frank could have told him, but, it was as if he could see every doubt I had about myself and was throwing it all me. By the time he stormed out, all I could see were all of my mistakes, all of my manipulations, all the hearts I left broken in my wake. Every horrible thing I had ever done. The things he was saying. They are all true, and you…you deserve so much better then me." She buried her face in the crook of Natalia's neck and wept.

Natalia just held her. Stroking a hand up and down her back. Placing delicate kisses on her head, while whispering soothing words. Until finally the tears subsided, Olivia's breathing evened out, and the death grip she had on Natalia loosened.

Natalia pulled back so she could see Olivia's face. She reached out and wiped away the final tears with the pad of her thumb. Cupping her face she forced Olivia to look directly into her eyes. Natalia kissed her softly then pulled back, keeping her face in her hands. "None of that is true Olivia. You are the most wonderful woman. You have a great big heart so full of love and generosity. You are fierce and protective. You are an amazing mother and the best thing that has ever happened to me. You mi amor, are so, so much more then I deserve. You have been hurt so many times, and yet you persevered. You have risen above who you used to be and are the most amazing woman I have ever met. You have taken credit for the things you have done in the past and have forgiven the things that were done to you. Olivia, I have never met anyone as strong and courageous as you. You made me a better person, because you believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. You have done so much for me, and for Rafe. I'm so sorry he said such awful things to you baby. It's not okay. And I will be speaking to both him and Frank. Nobody hurts my family. Even my son."

"You don't know Natalia. You don't know everything. I'm not a good person."

"You are a good person. The best and most honest person I know."

"You don't know the things I've done. Things from San Cristobel. Ava. There is so much I have done. Unforgivable things. I can't…you should have better then me."

"No baby, you are the only one for me. And you will tell me your past, when you're ready. And nothing is going to change. Nothing you ever tell me, will change the way I feel about you. I will still want to be your wife and have this family with you. No matter what. Please believe that."

Olivia only nodded. How could she tell Natalia about her mother, about Jeffery, about Ava. If Natalia knew she killed her own mother and almost killed her daughter…there was no way she would still love her, and yet, all she wanted to do was tell her. Natalia was the other half of her soul. She felt safe in her arms. She wanted Natalia to know her completely, but she was so afraid. She had never told anyone the entire story. She had told Buzz, but even he got a partly watered down version. Not Natalia, Natalia would get the whole story. But once she did, would she still be here?

Natalia felt Olivia's body tense and knew there was more to be said. More that Olivia wanted to say. She could also sense the fear coursing through her lovers body. She wrapped her arms tighter around Olivia, pulling her body so close, they almost felt like one. She continued to run her hand up and down her back and kissed the top of her head again. "Do you want to tell me honey? About your past."

"Mmmhmm. But I'm scared. You wont love me once you know."

"Of course I will sweetheart. I will ALWAYS love you, no matter what. I'm not going to force you to tell me anything, but I would like you to. I think it will help. Make you stop thinking about leaving. About not being good enough. But I understand if you're not ready. I'll be here when you are."

Nodding, Olivia sniffled, then moved so she was sitting against the headboard. Starring straight ahead. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, refusing to look at Natalia she spoke. "I killed my mother. I almost killed Ava. And Jeffery…Jeffery."

Natalia was shocked but wouldn't let it show. She knew there was more to the story. She also knew that Olivia was not capable of murder. She gently touched Olivia's arm trying to get her attention. Olivia didn't look at her but made a small movement of her head, letting Natalia know she was listening. "It's okay baby, tell me what happened."

"I don't know where to start."

"The beginning usually works. But start wherever you feel comfortable. I'm here. I will always be here."

Olivia just kept staring at the wall across the room, but she nodded and started again. "My father died when I was twelve. It killed my mother. She became a different person. Used her religion to condemn. Her god was a god of punishment, Not forgiving like your God. She refused to let me do anything. I felt like she just wanted to keep me trapped in that life. One night while I was working at the palace, I heard about this party at the embassy. I knew my mother wouldn't let me go. She told me I wasn't going anywhere. So I sneaked out. It was invitation only, so when I got there I convinced the door man that my date was already inside. He let me in to find him and bring back the invitation. I found a guy. He was good looking, and charming, and different then the rest. I was able to talk him into vouching for me. We danced and he kept bringing me this amazing punch. It was so good, and I didn't know it was spiked. Then while we were dancing the alcohol hit me all at once. I felt dizzy and like I was going to be sick, I told him I needed to lay down. He took me upstairs to one of the rooms. He helped me lay down on the bed, then he climbed up next to me. He started stroking my hair and telling me it was going to be alright. That he was going to make me feel better. He started kissing me, and I liked it. An older boy was kissing me, he liked me. He started taking it further and I tried to stop him. I knew I didn't want it. I tried to say no, but I passed out. When I woke up, my dress was ripped and there was blood. I knew what had happened. These two guys came and threw my purse at me, hustled me out of the embassy, and drove me home. I was thrown out like trash. I was so ashamed. I didn't tell anyone. Not until….I found out I was pregnant. I went back to try and get justice. I told them I wasn't going to go through this alone. I wanted to see the guest list so I could try and figure out his name. They just gave me an envelope full of cash, told me no one would believe me, and sent me away. I didn't know what to do. I finally decided to tell my mother. I thought she would help me. That she would be upset about what happened, but, she just told me it was my fault. That I deserved it. That God was punishing me for misbehaving. I told her I wanted an abortion, but she said no, I would have this child and give it away. I was so hurt that she didn't even care what had happened to me. We argued, one minute we were screaming at each other and the next she was silent. I told her that I hated her. Then I went to her when she didn't speak and she…she died. Just dropped dead right there in front of me. I killed her Natalia. I killed my own mother. She had a stroke and died and it was my fault. I just cried in my bed for weeks. Then one day I snapped out of it. I had to take care of Sam and Marissa. I had the baby and I gave her away. I didn't even hold her. My own daughter. I couldn't. She was a reminder of what I wanted to forget. Then twenty years later she shows up here in Springfield after her adoptive parents died. I didn't know she was my daughter Natalia. I swear I didn't know. All I knew was that I hated her. I wanted her out of town. I needed her gone. Something about her made me loath her. Every time I looked at her, this hatred coursed through me. Then, one night she was watching Emma and Emma got into her perfume and drank the bottle. I thought she was trying to kill my daughter. So I…I hired someone, just to scare her, but he took it too far. She almost died Natalia. If she hadn't been so strong and so smart she would have. When I found out she was my daughter I tried to stop him, but it was too late. He told me she was gone, and then she was there soaking wet. I was so relieved she was alive. When Frank came to arrest me, that's when I told her. It took awhile for her to believe me but she did. Even after I knew she was my daughter, I still hated her. I hated what she represented. It took so long to build a relationship with her. And then Max died and she's gone. Part of me feels she is better off away from me. Away from the mother that tried to kill her. Not once, but twice. Before the perfume happened with Emma, there was a fire at the Beacon. She and I were up in my suite. A door fell on her and she was trapped, but all I could think about was Emma. I tried…I tried to get the door off of her but I couldn't. I had to get to Emma, so I just left her. I told her I would send help, and I did, but I left her. I didn't care what happened to her. I needed to find Emma and that was all that mattered. Natalia, I am not someone you should be with, I am at fault for my mothers death, and for almost killing my daughter. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone. Everyone I have ever loved has left. Richard, Josh, Alan, Phillip, Bill. I left Buzz standing at that alter to save him. I loved him and I needed to save him from me. No one should have me as their cross to bare."

Natalia had been silent, just listening as Olivia poured out all of her demons. Then all at once realization hit. She got it. She understood her hatred for religion. Her mother had made her think her rape was God punishing her. She understood why Olivia always needed to be in control. Why sex was just a means to an ends. Why all of her marriages failed. Why she couldn't trust anyone. Why she feared Natalia would walk away. Everyone had left her. Her parents, her lovers, and in a way, Ava too. Then all at once it hit her and knocked the wind out of her. Ava, Ava was the child of her rape. Jeffery. Jeffery was Ava's father. Jeffery raped Olivia. An anger she had never known set into her very core. Her eyes turned dark, her blood ran cold, and she vowed then and there that no one would ever hurt Olivia again. No one would scar her again. Not even her son.

Natalia sat next to her and pulled her into her arms. Olivia finally unfolded herself and let herself be held, let Natalia's love begin to heal her. Natalia kissed her forehead, her eyelids, down her nose, and finally to her lips. Tasting the tears that were still flowing. "It's not your fault Olivia. None of it is your fault."

"Yes, it is. It's my fault, and you should run, run as far and as fast as you can, before I ruin you too. I ruin everything."

"No baby, no you don't." She gently forced Olivia to meet her eyes. "Listen to me Olivia. You. Did. Not. Kill. Your. Mother. She had a stroke. It could have happened anywhere. No matter what she was doing at that moment, it would have happened. It is not your fault. As for Ava, yes a bad thing happen, I wont say it was right, but I will say, that you were trying to protect Emma in the only way you knew how. I don't blame you for that. I love you more. As for Jeffery…" Her eyes changed and her voice dropped to a level Olivia had never heard. "I never want to see that man again. And I don't want him around you, or Emma. He hurt you Olivia, I cannot forgive that. He stole the innocence that was once Olivia Spencer. He took everything that was good and pure about you and smashed it. Jeffery O'Neil took something he can never give back, He stole the light out of you. You are not a bad person Olivia. You had bad things happen to you. Horrible things. You are so much stronger then I ever knew. I love you so much Olivia. And I am not going anywhere. If anything Olivia, it is I who is unworthy of you. You are such an amazing woman, to have overcome so much, to be so forgiving of the people who have wronged you. I could never be as strong as you are, or as brave."

Tears were streaming down both their faces and they just held each other for long moments. Just soaking the love and security from one another. When they had both calmed, Olivia lifted her face, brown met green and an unspoken understanding passed between them. They were bound to each other. They were each others healing. They knew there was still work to be done, but they also knew, together they could get through anything. Natalia had a much better understanding of the woman that is Olivia Spencer, and Olivia knew that Natalia would be there for her. Natalia wouldn't leave her. She just loved her. Loved every part of her. It was something Olivia had never felt before. A feeling of contentment washed through her. She knew she had found her forever. There would be no more doubt, no more pushing Natalia away. This woman would never let her down. She would be there to weather the storm with her, and they would come out of it on the other side. Wrapped in the cloak of their love.

Finally Natalia spoke. "I love you Olivia Rebecca Spencer. I love you for who you were, who you are, and who you will be. There is not a single part of you that I don't love. You are it for me. You're my home."

Olivia was choked up by her words for a minute, then finally squeaked out, "I love you too."

Olivia rested her head in the crook of Natalia's neck and breathed her in. Taking comfort in the familiar. She began to place soft kisses on the delicate skin, working her way to the sensitive spot behind Natalia's ear, biting and sucking, needing to leave her mark on her lovers skin. Natalia moaned and pressed her body further into Olivia. Olivia continued her ministrations. Nipping and licking her way to plump lips. Devouring Natalia in a heart stopping kiss. Natalia moaned into her mouth. Enjoying the feel of Olivia's tongue sliding against her own. Olivia's hands roaming over her heated body.

Olivia kissed down her jawline to her ear. Her voice filled with conviction as she whispered, "You are mine." Just before she bit down on the tender ear lobe. Her right hand settled on Natalia's breast. Kneading the nipple to a sharp point, before taking it into her mouth and sucking, hardening the nipple even more.

Natalia could feel Olivia's need for control. To take what was hers without restraint. She allowed Olivia to take her. To love her in any way needed. She laced her fingers into sweat damp hair. Pulling it back away from Olivia's face while she arched her back. Forcing more of her breast into Olivia's mouth. "Take me querida. Make me yours."

Olivia hovered over her for a moment. Looking down into her beautiful features, before placing a hand on her hip and encouraging her to roll to her stomach. Oliva spread her body across Natalia's back. Her center pressed to a firm ass, her breast against her shoulder blades. She swept Natalia's hair to one side and placed kisses to the back of her neck.

Natalia's hips started to move in a circular motion as Olivia kissed down her spine, to the dip where spine met glorious globes. Olivia ran her tongue along the base of her spine then down her ass to nibble at the junction where her thighs met her rear. Placing her hands on her hips she forced Natalia to her knees. Dropping small kisses to each cheek.

Natalia was releasing small grunts and moans. The anticipation driving her mad. As Olivia's right hand ran agonizingly slow up the back of Natalia's thigh, she started to gyrate her hips. Bucking them backwards, seeking contact. When Olivia's hand finally reached it's destination, Natalia was already trembling. "Please…please baby…don't make me wait anymore."

Olivia leaned over her back, kissing her shoulder. "Patience love." She kissed her shoulder again and then refocused her attention on the hand in Natalia's dripping center. She ran her hand through the wet heat. Her middle finger finding and circling Natalia's hard nub. She let her fingers play in the wetness. Stroking from hole to clit repeatedly.

"Oh God…Olivia I need…"

Before Natalia could finish the stuttered sentenced Olivia whispered in her ear, "I'm yours." And filled her with three fingers. Raising up so her own slick center was slapping into Natalia's ass. She drove into her hard and fast. Thrusting deep, then pulling almost all the way out before pounding back in. Her left hand gripped at Natalia's hips, pulling her harder against her.

Natalia was releasing guttural screams. Both her hands reached for the headboard so she could push back with even more pressure. Her entire body began to quiver. She felt like she was going to explode with the force of pleasure being given to her. Olivia pressed in one final time and left her fingers there while Natalia came apart in the most mind blowing orgasm she had ever had.

"OH SHIT!...FUCK!…..OOLLLIIVVVAAAA!..." Her head dropped to the pillow and her body shook.

Olivia didn't wait for her to calm. She pulled out and flipped Natalia back over, immediately burying her face in the wet, hot pussy. Her tongue lapped at the liquid pooled before finding an erect clit. She licked and flicked at the buddle of nerves for only a minute before taking it into her mouth and sucking hard.

Natalia's whole body arched off the bed. Her hands flew to Olivia's head, holding her right where she needed her. It took only a minute for another earth shattering orgasm to take over. Natalia's body stiffened, her nails dug into Olivia's scalp, she screamed, and then crashed back to the bed. Her hands releasing Olivia's hair as they fell lifeless at her sides. Her breathing was labored, and speech was unavailable.

Olivia crawled up her body. Dropping kisses to her mound, her stomach, her abs. A soothing tongue ran over each nipple. Licking over Natalia's chest, up her neck, finally meeting sweet lips. She moved to the side of Natalia pulling her into her arms. She held her and kissed her across her forehead and temple.

When Natalia finally found her voice she looked up to see a smirking Olivia. "Proud of yourself are you?"

"Maybe a little."

"Aren't you the smug one."

"Not smug, just that damn good."

Natalia giggled. "That you are my love, that you are." She kissed her then. Kissing her with love and tenderness. This kiss was different some how. This kiss held a new found connection. This kiss was thank you, for the giving and receiving of complete trust. This kiss, was forever, found in the depths of two slowly healing hearts.