"I'd like to appoint Minato as the Yondaime now," Hiruzen told him, the morning after his scheming session with Kushina, having summoned him to his office.
"But," the old fuck began, "Well, you said you could do a better job than me. Let's test that now." He pushed a stack of papers towards Sasuke.
Sasuke already regretted having said that. At the time, he was thinking of showing Hiruzen up and boasting. Now, he had a gazillion pieces of homework due the next day. The idea of being in charge only appealed to him sometimes. Right now, he didn't want to be responsible for this hellhole. Being Hokage implicitly meant you serve the people, whereas Sasuke would've preferred the people serving him.
Nevertheless, Sasuke was the kind of person to take responsibility, and the thought of showing Hiruzen up did entice him a little bit, so he accepted the papers.
"Alright then. If that's all, I'll be going now." He rose, bidding the Hokage a bitter goodbye before Shunshining off to the real estate agent.
Said real estate agent welcomed him with false exuberance, shaking his hand and going through the plethora of houses available.
"And this one's interior is spectacular. It has a basement." Sasuke politely waited for her to finish before listing his criteria.
"I'd like a house with at least five bedrooms, an attic, a gym, a basement, and it must be close to the Uchiha district."
The real estate agent blinked in confusion. Her smile was still plastered onto her face, but something wavered in her eyes.
"Are you sure you don't want anything a little cheaper?"
"I'm not stupid. I know what I can afford," he rolled his eyes, bored. It was probably because he looked so young. Younger ninja didn't usually get paid that well.
"Alright then," she probably decided to believe him, fumbling with a piece of paper, displaying it to him.
"This is a six-bedroom mansion with two bathrooms, two kitchens, a basement, a pool, a gym, but no attic." Sasuke mulled it over. It was a bit expensive, but it'll have to do. He could just go on another solo S-rank.
"Let's see it," he acquiesced. The real estate agent breathed a sigh of relief. She led him down a short path until the mansion was in view, touring him around it, trying her best to show it off.
"I'll take it," he decided. It was perfect, but it wasn't like he'd be spending too much time in his new house anyway. That was almost a shame. At this point, he just liked the idea of owning a mansion like this.
"That's wonderful!" Before she started blabbing about payment, Sasuke tossed her a bag of cash, watching her struggle to carry it.
"I suppose it takes a week or so for the purchase to go through," he thanked her and Shunshined away - back to his crappy apartment, unfortunately.
He fumbled in the dark in search of the light switch when someone's forehead lightly collided with his. Panic rose. He turned on the lights, alarmed. Sayu hung from the ceiling, her feet glued to it like the annoying version of Spiderman. She beamed at him.
"Hiya!"
"Why are you here?" Sasuke deadpanned, dragging her towards the floor. Sayu fiddled with her clothes, brushing invisible dust off.
"I'm here to threaten you. Duh." She took a step closer to him, their noses were an inch apart. Her expression was tense and vigilant, but not outwardly threatening.
Sayu tugged at her top, to which Sasuke would've closed his eyes out of politeness, but her sleeve slid down to reveal an ANBU tattoo. His hopes plummeted. She was an ANBU captain.
"And an assassin, a medical ninja, a femme fatale, a professional poker player, a con artist, a figure skater, a ballerina-" She stopped herself, grinning. She seemed to have read his mind or something.
"And you," Sayu smiled tensely, wagging her index finger at Sasuke, "are unageing. Or immortal. Or something. And you're not from around here. Are you even human?" Sasuke sighed in mortification. How many people would find out before the whole world found out? He might as well just announce it to the whole village. And why, of all people, did it have to be her?
He didn't need to confirm nor deny anything, because she seemed adamant on her (sadly correct) conclusions, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be tight-lipped.
"Last I checked, I was human," he crossed his arms in a show of frustration.
"What are you going to do with this information?" Because Sayu was a loose end that he couldn't get rid of.
Sasuke figured he'd never find out just how she knew all this. She tapped her foot rhythmically.
"Nothing, I guess. I won't even tell the Hokage." She whispered the last bit coyly, but that was answer enough. Should the need arise, she'd use the information as blackmail.
"If you think I'm not from around here, where do you think?" He tried to trip her up. She thought.
"I don't know," she admitted, "Something otherworldly." Sayu tilted her head, analysing him, "You seem so...ethereal." Sasuke couldn't put a finger on whether her expression was one of admiration or a sick kind of fascination.
"Well!" Sayu brightened immediately, stepping away from him, her vivacious smile plastered back on. She did a mock curtsey, and in a swirl, was gone. Sasuke shook his head, sighing deeply. He was incredibly frustrated.
Thankfully, pissing off Hiruzen always uplifted his mood. He randomly Shunshined outside his office, not bothering to knock before barging in. Except this time, Hiruzen was talking to a trio of Genin, probably assigning them some C-rank they're underqualified for and hoping they'll make it out alive.
As he walked in, everyone's eyes went to his deceptively smiling figure. Sasuke disregarded the probably soon-to-be-dead Genin entirely.
"Hey, I'm going out." Hiruzen rolled his eyes, mildly glaring at him.
"Firstly, you interrupted me. Don't barge in ever again, or I'll throw you out the window," Hiruzen's expression soured.
"And I'm not your mother. You don't need to tell me every time you go out." Sasuke sighed in mock frustration. Getting a rise out of Hiruzen was always worth it.
Sasuke waved his hand dismissively,
"For a week. To Ame. I'll be back for that paid holiday soon. And I can get out of the window myself, thank you." He watched Hiruzen bury his head in his hands sadly before he tossed a stack of papers on Hiruzen's desk. He tried to hide his mild surprise.
"That was too quick. How?" The assigned 'homework' (though it was really just Hiruzen skimping on paperwork) was done. Because Sasuke wasn't an incompetent fool.
"A ninja never reveals his tricks," he mock saluted before jumping out of his open window.
It was about time he checked on Ame, see how it was going. He had to pack light, so he only brought a shit ton of money and some food. Sasuke planned on getting there as quickly as possible, quick enough to not need to sleep. He sped through the trees, pushing himself as far as he could. That was the only way to get faster.
"I'd like one single room, please," He spoke to the receptionist at some motel in Ame, sliding him some cash, grabbing the key, heading to his room and collapsing on the bed for a nice, long, well-deserved nap.
For a few hours, he slept soundlessly. Then, it was time to do some low-key exploring. Sasuke peeled himself from bed, took a shower, and launched himself out the window. He had one kind of destination in mind: a place full of drunk people, for information-gathering purposes. Also, he needed a drink, and preferably something stronger than pomegranate juice.
Sasuke marched into the nearest club, trying to tolerate the excessively loud music and chatter. He gently swept past several dancing bodies to get to the bar.
"Champagne," he stated, slapping a note in front of the bartender. He watched the bartender closely (he couldn't count how many times he had to help somebody who got roofied), with half an eye on his surroundings.
As expected, the club was full of drunk people. Everyone except him seemed hammered to the brim with alcohol and therefore made very susceptible targets to extort the necessary information out of. There was just one suspicious-looking woman to his left that did not seem even tipsy.
The Sharingan briefly glittered in the dim light. He had to gauge her strength, and suffice to say, Sasuke was not happy. Because this woman's chakra reminded him an awful lot of Kushina's.
Jinchuuriki.