Chapter 33

Olivia placed another batch of cookies in the oven and spun to face her daughter. "Okay. Four dozen down, and how many more?'

"Umm, forty-six dozen?"

"Very good." Olivia gave Emma a high five.

"Okay, uh, so what kind are we doing next? Do we do oatmeal, or should we do some peanut butter?" Natalia asked. Pressing a hand to her face.

"Peanut butter!" Emma shouted.

"Peanut butter! Okay. Two jars of peanut butter, over there go open em." She pointed to the far counter and patted Emma on her back. "Look at her."

"She loves baking cookies with you. We both do." Olivia stated with a small smile.

"How did you know to come here?"

"I signed up. There was a sign up sheet going around the Sunday school class." Olivia answered sheepishly.

"Uh-huh. Okay you did not sign up at Sunday school." Natalia laughed.

"There was flyer on the fridge, and I love to bake."

Natalia leaned in close and placed a quick kiss to Olivia's temple. "Well that's good, because we have forty-six dozen to go." She stated, taking the raisin being offered, along with Olivia's fingers into her mouth. Olivia's breathing hitched as she pulled her fingers back. "Okay." She exhaled and turned back to the task at hand.

Mallet and Rafe were tossing the ball back and forth. Mallet threw the ball again. "Well look at you. You still got a good arm."

"You're not bad, for an old man my friend."

"Hey, hey, hey."

"You're a little weak though."

"Hey, don't make me hobble over there and give you a beat down."

"Listen, no more prison jokes, god come on, stop."

"It's gotta be good to be out though. Right?"

"I don't know. I mean, yeah, but, somethings not right. I don't know if it's me, or if it's my mother. I don't know."

"Take it easy on your mom okay. She's a good woman."

"Yeah, I know. I mean, it's probably me. It's probably just me."

"Well ya know, what happens to a lot of guys, is they, their on the inside, their missing the outside world, then they get out, and they realize, they got used to the inside world. But you know, don't worry about it. You'll find your way."

Frank walked up beside Rafe and caught the ball. "He's already found his way. He's fine." He looked at Rafe. "So what are you a hot shot now. Practicing without me." He said, playfully hitting Rafe in the stomach.

Rafe backed away raising his hands. "Hey, hey, hey."

"Huh."

Mallet yelled over the two playing. "Frank, we didn't want your arthritis to act up."

Rafe laughed. "Frank, he just called you old."

Frank pointed at Mallet. "Ooo, you call you wife. She has something she wants to tell ya."

"Alright." Mallet sprinted off, leaving Frank and Rafe alone.

Olivia stood munching on a cookie with one hand on her hip. "We have to give these away?"

Natalia laughed. "Oh I know. Aren't they good."

"Cause your snicker doodles are amazing." Olivia proclaimed around a mouth full of cookie.

"Here, let me have a bite."

Olivia held the cookie to her mouth. "Here, bite." Natalia took a bite and Olivia turned to Emma. "Bite." Emma happily bit a chunk from the cookie.

"I think these are my favorite so far." Emma said. Looking at both her mommies.

"Oh, me too." Natalia agreed. Reaching to grab the chocolate chip bag.

"When are we making the chocolate chips?" Emma asked.

"Well, I don't know that we can, cause see, someone's been sneaking the chips outta the bag, before we even got started. And I don't think we have enough." Olivia told her.

Natalia popped a chip in her mouth looking guilty.

Emma looked at her mother and whined. "But I only took a handful."

"I wasn't talking about you Jellybean." Olivia clarified. Turning her gaze to Natalia.

Natalia giggled as she ate another one. "Oh, you saw that huh?"

"Yeah. I like keeping an eye on you."

"Yeah."

"And every time you think we're not looking, you sneak chips outta the bag."

"Okay, well, at least I don't have my fingers in the dough every time we turn our backs." Natalia argued, pointing an accusing finger at Olivia.

Emma got excited. "Can I do that?"

"Go right ahead baby." Natalia said. Waving a hand in the air.

Emma giggled as Rafe's voice came from the doorway. "Okay guys, you need some help?"

"You're here." Emma ran into her brothers arms.

"Hi." He picked her up onto his hip and carried her back to the counter.

"We made some sugar free cookies for you already."

"Did you?" Emma nodded. "Okay, that's good." He set her back on her feet and placed his hands on her tiny shoulders.

Natalia was smiling from ear to ear. Happy to have her son here for some family time outside of their nightly dinners. "Just in time for chocolate chip if you want."

Rafe pretended to think about it. "Um, I'm not wearing an apron."

"Deal." Natalia giggled

"Okay then. Okay ladies." Rafe clapped his hands together.

Putting the last of the ingredients into the bowl for Emma to mix, Rafe wiped his hands on the towel over his shoulder and smiled down at Emma. "That was a lot of work huh?"

"Yeah I'm tired." Emma said, dusting off her hands.

Natalia stepped between her children. "Alright, well, there's only ten dozen more to go."

Rafe looked at her with a sad smile. "No, I'm sorry guys, I can't stay till the end. I gotta go."

"Do you really have to go? Cause this is the most family time we've had together since you got home."

"I know. Mom. Look, I like this and all, I just, I can't handle too much of it at the same time. Okay." Natalia handed him a bag of sugar free cookies. Rafe smiled down at Emma. "Excuse me you, can you uh, keep these two ladies in check please."

"I'll try." She said, exaggerated.

"Okay, bye Olivia."

"Take care."

Rafe backed away and out the door. He was surprised that he had actually had fun with his family? He didn't want to think about that right now. He had done as he promised his mother, he had tried, and he was polite to Olivia. That was all he could do right now.

Olivia stepped closer to Natalia and placed a hand on the small of her back. "He showed up. That's big."

"He left so quickly though."

"One step at a time. Okay?'

Natalia just nodded. The three finished the batch Emma was working on. Olivia sent Emma to play for a bit in the church youth room while she and Natalia finished. Once Emma left, Olivia took Natalia in her arms. She kissed her softly and then stepped back. "Don't be so sad sweetheart. He came, he was behaved, he even acknowledged me. That's big for him. It's a step in the right direction and I'll take it." She tilted Natalia's chin up and kissed her again.

"I know. It's just, we used to be so close, then we…drifted when we came to Springfield, I just want my relationship with my son back."

"You'll get there. You are both different people now. Give him time love."

"Okay. Let's finish these cookies. I am so ready to just sit."

Olivia kissed her one more time and then went back to finishing the cookies so they could get home. If they were lucky, Rafe would be out longer then them and they could get some cuddles on the couch.

Frank was pacing in front of the church, checking his watch, when Rafe came around the corner. "Hey."

"Hi."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. My mom was happy."

"Hey, I'm proud of you. You stepped up."

"Yeah but, can we do something fun now? Cause dang it, I'm bored."

"You're bored. Okay lets see. We can go bowling."

"If by bowling you mean mini golf then…"

"Oh no, no mini golf. You kicked my butt last time. That's just not gonna…"

"I'm okay with that. Dude, I'll give you some of my moms cookies so you don't feel so bad." Holding the bag of cookies in Frank's face, he pulled one out and took a bite.

"Those are your moms?"

"Yeah, and they're sugar free. So you want one?"

"Alright, lets go."

"Oh we're going mini golfing." Rafe sang as the two headed off.

The following afternoon, Rafe had a meeting with his parole officer. He and Natalia were sitting in his office across from him. He looked over at Rafe. "So, how do you think it's going Rafe, is it good to be home?"

"Mmmhmm. Yeah sure."

He turned to face Natalia. "How has the adjustment been for you, Ms. Rivera?"

"Oh, it's been wonderful. The hard part was adjusting to him being gone. And we've always been uh, really close. So I'm sure after this whole transition period thing is over, then you know, it will be just like old times."

"Have you been able to secure employment?"

"I'm looking."

"It's just, you know, it's a really crazy job market out there. He's just really insisting that he get a job all on his own. And he's been really busy in the mean time. Yesterday he volunteered at the church." Natalia interjected.

"We baked cookies." Rafe countered, with his usual attitude.

Natalia continued to tell the parole officer about Rafe's good deeds and plans for possibly going to school. All the while Rafe sat with a sour look on his face throwing attitude.

The parole office looked at Rafe. "That's great, but his parole mandates he gain employment."

Natalia looked at Rafe and just nodded. Walking out of the office, Rafe was a stride ahead of Natalia. She called to him. "Just, hold on a minute, just…"

"What Ma?"

"Why would you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Why would you make it seem like everything's going so badly?"

"Ma, he asked questions, alright. I answered them. That's all."

"You answered them? A grunt and a shrug, and a word here and there. That's answering?"

"Oh come on mom. That's all I had okay? Yes."

"Your parole officer needs to see you as a person who's actually trying. Trying to make yourself a new life."

"Mom. I can't stop him. He's gonna see what he's gonna see and that's it."

"Do you wanna go back to prison Rafe? Because if you don't start making some kind of effort, that actually could happen. You need to get a job, you need to appear like you're a young man with some potential."

"Well maybe I'm not Ma."

"No, you are. And your job is to make your parole officer see the real you."

"Maybe that is the real me." He said as he kicked the ground and walked away.

Natalia walked into Company. Frank was sitting at the bar and greeted her. "How'd the parole meeting go?"

"Not good?"

"Well what happened?"

"Rafe, he wasn't himself really. Or actually he was his new self, and I have no idea how to deal with him. He's got this attitude. You know. He wasn't answering any of the parole officer's questions, you know, and, and he just, he didn't seem to care about anything. And then I'm there, and I'm trying to make things better and I'm just making it worse."

"It's probably not as bad as you think."

"Afterward I just unloaded on him, and I think I made him feel like I didn't think he was trying hard enough, or I couldn't understand how difficult it is. And I do. I understand it's difficult, I mean, but.."

"Natalia, you're allowed to tell him how you feel."

"Yeah well, afterward, he just looked at me with complete disregard, and then he just walked away. He's not answering his phone. I don't know where he is."

"Want me to help you go look for him?'

"I hate to even ask you. I just don't want him to do anything stupid."

"We'll both go. I can go by the ball field."

"I'll go by the mini mart. Maybe he got hungry."

"Okay, tell me if you find him."

Olivia got in her car and to her dismay, the damn thing wouldn't start. She popped the hood, as if she knew what she was doing. Josh Lewis saw her and came to offer a hand. "Hi there."

"Hi."

"Do you need some help?"

"I need something."

"What seems to be the problem?"

"I don't know, I don't know. Um, I don't even know why I opened the hood. Isn't that what you do when a car wont start."

Josh turned so they were face to face. "Would you like me to take a look. I fixed a stroller yesterday, maybe I'm on a roll."

"Have at it. It's all yours."

"You haven't said that to me in a really long time. Excuse me one second." He leaned into the car. "Looks like the battery cables are loose. I don't suppose you have a crescent wrench, a pair of pliers something like that?"

"What's the difference?"

"You know maybe if I jiggle it a little bit, we can establish, contact." He cooed dropping his voice an octave and leaning in close to Olivia, starring at her mouth. He kissed her then, only to be pushed back.

"I can't. I'm sorry, if it were another time in another place…"

"Don't, don't give me that speech about how it's not you it's me, because I've know you a long time, and we both know, it's you." They both laughed for a moment, breaking the tension. "I'll tell you what, I happen to have my own tools in the truck. I'll see if I can get you going."

"Thank you."

Closing the hood, Josh walked to the window where Olivia was sitting in the drivers seat. "All set. So you know, the next time you have car problems, you know, give me a call."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Okay."

'Okay." She turned the key and the car started.

"Look at that."

"Bye." She uttered with a kind of sadness. Josh had always been her go to guy. Since being with Natalia, she hadn't even thought of being with anyone else, and now, after he kissed her, and she felt nothing, she knew, that part of her life was over. She wasn't upset that she didn't feel anything for Josh. It was more of realizing that the woman she had been for most of her life was now gone. It filled her with joy but also fear. She knew now, that she would never be that woman again. Natalia had changed her. As happy as she was, it was still a bit overwhelming and scary.

Rafe walked into Farley's and up to the bar, ordering a beer. "Hi um, can I have a beer please? Anything off the tap is fine."

The bartender looked at the young man. "ID?"

"Um yeah, I'm sorry." He ruffled in his pockets, pretending to look for his wallet when a familiar voice came from the end of the bar.

"The beer is for me. He'll be having a diet soda." Frank looked at Rafe pointedly.

Rafe moved to sit a couple of bar stools from Frank. Apologizing for trying to get beer and begging him not to tell his mom. Frank agreed and asked him what had him so upset that he thought he needed to drink.

"So I'm calling all of these places, tying to get a job, but all they keep telling me is that you don't have any experience, you know. And I can't help but get a little frustrated, because you know, how the heck am I supposed to get some experience, if I don't even get a job?"

"Well I know, it's tough times out there right now, but you know, you've uh, you just need a break."

"When people find out where I've been, or people find out what I've done, they freak, alright. I can feel them trying to like inch towards the door. Like they're afraid I'm gonna mug them or something. All I want, I don't even know what I want. But how am I supposed to get a job as Springfield's friendly little convict?"

"That's not who you are."

"Frank, that's how everybody looks at me."

"That's not who you are, and I don't want you believing that anymore, Okay. You're a good man, you've done your time. You will uh, you will find another job, I promise you. It might take a little while, but…"

Natalia had been standing against the wall by the door for the last several minutes. She decided she had heard enough and walked over, patting her son on the back in support. "Hey Rafe."

"Ma, please don't freak. Look, I just needed to get away for a second. I can't be thinking about my future and worry about everything right now."

"Oh I know. Everybody needs a little escape sometimes."

"You can go home though, if you want. I'm fine everything's cool."

"Oh I can't, cause I'm gonna have a drink." She ordered a beer and took a seat, Rafe sitting between her and Frank. "Mmm, that's so good. Don't you wish you could have one?'

"Yes, Ma, look you don't have to sit here and drink with us to prove that you worry about me. I get it."

"I'm not here as your nagging mother, I'm here cause I wanna hang out."

"You wanna hang out?"

"Yeah, yeah, and knock a few back, have a few laughs, you know, whatever."

"Whatever, I'm gonna go to the restroom." He walked away leaving Frank and Natalia alone at the bar.

Frank took another swallow and chuckled. "Knock a few back?"

"What is the problem?"

"There is no problem. I can handle this. I'll make sure Rafe doesn't get into any trouble. Alright?"

"I'm fine."

"I know you're fine, but you're his mother. The poor kid is just having trouble adjusting right now, and he just needs to get out. I have no problem staying with him. Okay?"

"Okay, well I wanna be here. I'm totally okay here. I used to work here, and a lot of other places like it. I know my way around a bar."

"If you say so." He raised his beer toward her and finished it off. Setting the empty bottle on the bar.

Rafe returned and took his place at the bar. "Ma, don't you have to be at church, or work, or something like that?"

"Rafe." Frank scolded.

Natalia cut him off. "No, it's fine. He doesn't think I belong here." She hollered at the bar tender. "Excuse me, can I get a shot please?"

"What? Ma no."

"A shot please?"

The bar tender looked between the two. "Of?"

"Surprise me."

Rafe leaned on his arm. "Ma, you've never had a shot in your life."

"Of course I've had a shot. Just watch." The bar tender set the shot in front of her. "Cheers." She took it in one swallow and choked on a little. Sending both Rafe and Frank into chuckles.

"Alright, so which one of you wants me to whip their butt at pool."

Rafe just starred at her. "You don't play pool."

"You don't know everything about me." She slid from her stool and headed to rack the balls.

Rafe and Frank followed her. Rafe with a surprised face and Frank with his half puppy dog face half interested face. After a few games of getting their butts kicked at pool, Rafe wanted to take a walk and Frank needed to stop by the office. Natalia bid them both goodbye and went to the church to pray.

Sitting in the front row pew, she folded her hands together and looked up at the big cross hanging in front of her. "Thank you. Today was the best day I've had with my son since he's been home. And I don't expect it to be easy, and I'm ready and willing to take whatever steps I need to, to help him. So, I just, I wanted to thank you for that little bit of progress. Also he's gonna need a little help maybe finding a job. Thank you. Amen." She crossed herself and grabbed her belongings.

Rafe and Natalia met back at the farmhouse later that afternoon. Natalia came out onto the front porch to find Rafe sweeping. "Look at you."

"Well, it needed to be done."

'Well I was gonna do it, I just, I had to go to work."

"No, I know, but uh, I'll take care of it, and I'll do it tomorrow too."

"Okay, I'll remember you said that. You want me to get you something to drink?"

"No I'm okay. I'm good. Um Ma, I had a good time with you and Frank today."

"Me too."

"And I wanna say that, I know that I can kinda be a handful, especially since I came back but, I mean, I really don't mean to give you a hard time."

"You're not. You're not giving me a hard time. You know I've just, I've just been trying to figure out, you know, what the right thing to do is. And…"

"It helps me to talk to Frank. You know, I have things that I'm still working through, and I like him. He's a good guy."

"Good."

"You know, I understand that you don't love him or whatever, but uh, every once in awhile, I kind of, I could of seen him being my dad." He said, with air quotes around the word dad.

"I didn't mean to…"

"No Ma, I'm not trying to say anything like that, just, I can see why you liked him."

"Yeah." She all but whispered. "I'm gonna go get you some juice or something."

As she reached the door, Rafe called her back. "Oh Ma, some guy called today."

"What he didn't say who it was or…"

"Oh no, it wasn't or you, it was for me. Um, about an interview I had earlier this week. About a job I got." He told her, with a huge smile on his face.

"Wait, that you got?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my god. That's so great. I'm so happy." She hugged him and smiled her mega, dimpled smile.

"Ma, its not that big of a deal." He tried to down play but couldn't hide the proud smile. "It's a part time job, at a hardware store."

"Yeah, it's a job. And you did it all by yourself."

"I did do it all by myself. It's true."

"And you know what's funny. I went to church today, and I talked to god, and I thanked him for bringing you home to me, and I may have mentioned something about you getting a job, and look what he did…"

"He's quick huh?"

"Yeah, he loves us, he really loves us. I'm so happy."

Rafe went in to change for a run and Natalia finished sweeping the walk. As he ran off, Natalia saw a familiar white Nissan pull into it's spot in the drive way.

Olivia hopped out smiling as she approached the younger woman. "Well Rafe looks happy. I haven't seen a smile like that in awhile."

"He got a job.'

"That's great."

"Oh, he did it all by himself too. He didn't want any help."

"He's a good kid."

"He is, and I, I really feel like this is kind of a turning point for him you know, and that pretty soon, we won't have to wait anymore."

"Well, that's what I wanted to tell you, because I don't want to see our situation as waiting. I want to cherish every moment I have with you. Is that sounding way too mushy?"

"No, it's not to mushy. I love hearing that, and I love spending every second with you that I can, but I do want more. I want you back in our bed, and I want to hold your hand and cuddle on the couch, I want our life back."

"Well so do I, but, you know, if this is all we can have right now, I still want it. I don't mind giving some things up, to be with you."

"I mind. I'm tried of being roommates in a house again. I want what we worked so hard to have. I am so grateful for everything you have done, for how patient you have been with Rafe, but, I'm ready to have our family, and our life, and plan our wedding, and be together, really together."

Olivia couldn't think of a word to say, she just brought Natalia to her and kissed her senseless. This kiss wasn't of passion or really even love. This kiss, was pride, both women being so proud of the other for the growth they have shown over the past few weeks. Olivia in her ability to be patient, and Natalia for her resolve to have their family back.