Chapter 34

Natalia slowed and broke their kiss, Taking Olivia's hand and leading her to sit on the front lawn. Taking her hand into her lap, she looked into those beautiful sea-green eyes. "I miss this. I miss everything about us."

"You know I think about you all the time. I can't think about anything else."

"I can't either. I hate seeing you around every corner and not touching you, not kissing you."

"Me too. When I'm away from you, I wait for you to call until I can't take it anymore and I just call you."

"Sometimes I just need your voice and I call and I listen to your voice mail, and then I hang up. That's so embarrassing."

Olivia leaned to lay her head on Natalia's shoulder, Natalia brought a hand to the back of her neck, holding her close. Olivia kissed her neck. "I think that's wonderful."

"But I want this. I want this all the time, you know. And I…"

"Right now, we have to give up some things, so we can be together, and keep Rafe happy."

"I don't wanna give up anything. I want all of it. I want all of the things that people in love share. What we have been sharing. I want it back."

"I want that too."

Natalia raised her hand to caress the side of Olivia's face, gazing at her with longing. Olivia brought her hand to her lips, kissing the palm. The older woman starred at the woman she loved. "God you are so beautiful."

"You make me feel beautiful when you look at me like that. I could sit here, I mean forever, and just stare at you. And I'd be completely content."

"You know being near you is all I need to. Not that I don't want to hold you and let you know how I feel, I just, I want it to be okay. For all of us."

"It will. I mean, I'm not afraid. Are you? Afraid?"

"I'm terrified."

"Me too, I am but, I love you, and, we'll figure it out. We'll tell him soon. We'll get us back."

The Latina moved closer, bringing their foreheads together. Olivia nuzzled against her, and then brought their lips together. Kissing the love of her life with all the love she felt for her. They kissed slow and deep. Long and passionate. Unaware that across the pasture, Rafe was watching.

Rafe watched them from across the lawn. He watched them stare at each other lovingly. Watched as they gave one another tender touches and sweet caresses. He watched them smile and laugh together, saw them look at each other as if no one else in the world existed. He observed them let the world fall away and get lost in each other. Then he stared in awe as they shared a lovers kiss. He watched his mother kiss Olivia like he had never seen her kiss another. He could no longer deny what he been seeing. He had been trying to pretend that the longing glances and soft touches, the whispered 'I love yous' were merely close friends conveying their gratitude. He ignored hearing Olivia slip into his mother's room every night. He had been successfully lying to himself, but now, seeing this, that was no longer an option. He wanted to accept it. He knows his mother is happier then he has ever seen her. He can't deny that Olivia loves her, that she treats her right, but he just can't. This is Olivia Spencer, the woman who took everything from him and his mother not so long ago. The woman who stole his father's heart. His blood ran hot and his anger raged inside him. He went for another short run to clear his head and clam down before he confronted his mother.

The women sat, lost in their own bubble. Olivia placed a hand on Natalia's cheek, smiling broadly. "I never thought I could have anything like this. I certainly didn't do anything to deserve this."

"That's not true. Everything about you is alive and passionate. You make me so happy."

"I do?"

"You know you do."

"Yeah, I know, I just wanted to hear you say it."

"I know you do; cause you want the grand gesture. And I, I, should I get up and do my I love Olivia dance? Would that make you happy?"

"Yeah, I'd like to see that actually."

"I'll have to work on it first."

They were both laughing when Rafe walked up. Natalia raised her head to look at him. "Hey, how was your run?"

"It was good."

Olivia smiled at him. "Hey, your mom said that you got a job. Where you working?"

"At a hardware store."

"Which is fabulous, cause it's a job, and he did it all by himself." Natalia beamed.

"She's very proud of you." Olivia smiled out.

Natalia looked between them. "You know what we should do? Celebrate."

Olivia turned to her, eyes shining. "Yeah."

"Would you do that? Maybe go get Emma, and we could just all have dinner together."

"Oh, we would love that. Should I grab anything?"

"Um, I could see what we have inside, then maybe you could pick up something. I know we have corn on the cob." She looked to Rafe. "Does that sound good?"

"I like corn."

"Okay."

"I'm gonna go take a shower. I'm a little sweaty." He wasn't ready to confront her yet. He needed to think about what to say.

As he walked away both women watched him go. Olivia faced Natalia. "Well, this could be a good thing."

"I think so."

"This is all gonna work out."

"It was meant to." Natalia lowered her head and gave Olivia a tender kiss. "Go, get our daughter, let's celebrate our son and maybe, stop hiding from him."

"Okay, I'm going. I love you."

"I love you." One more kiss and Olivia backed away, holding Natalia's hand until their fingers could no longer touch, before turning and getting in her car. Both women wearing matching smiles, thinking their family was almost back to normal.

At the Beacon, Phillip sat on a bench in the hall close to Olivia's suite, talking on the phone. Emma heard him through the door. Opening it she peaked her head out. "Daddy?"

"Hey, come here." He opened his arms to accept a hug from his little girl. "Hey, my girl, how'd you know I needed to see one of my best girls today?"

"I heard you across the hall."

"Oh, you did. Come here, sit down with me. Is your mom here?"

"No."

"Are you alone?"

"No, Jane's here. She's on the phone."

"Oh, okay."

"You wanna come in?"

"I wish I could, I gotta go visit your brother James."

"Can I come too?"

"Um, maybe next time, I gotta talk to him about some guy stuff. I think you'd be bored."

"Next time."

"Next time. Okay. And you know hey, we got summer coming up, we got all kinds of time to have fun."

"But I have camp."

"I know. Your mom told me about that, but it's just for a couple of weeks, and then we'll have the whole summer. You know what I want you to do? I want you to make a list, of all the fun stuff that you wanna do, and we'll do everything on that list."

"Yay!" Emma squealed with laughter.

"Yay. Okay. Well sweetie, I gotta go see James."

Emma wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're a really good daddy."

"You think so?"

"I know. Love you."

"I love you too." Emma walked back into the suite and he starred after her for a moment before he got up and left.

Rafe had gotten out of the shower and entered his room. He sat on the bed, looking at the cross on the wall and then a picture of him and his mother on the dresser. He laid back on the bed, letting out a puff of frustrated breath. He was so confused. Part of him just wanted to let his mother have this happiness, but then there was the church, and the things Frank and people around town had told him about Olivia. He just couldn't do it. He had to stop this thing with them. He could take care of his Ma. They didn't need Olivia. He could make her happy, just like he always had.

He knew Olivia was getting some stuff for dinner and picking up Emma at the Beacon, he decided to meet her there and set her straight. Knocking on her suite door he called out. "Olivia, Olivia are you there. I wanna talk to you."

Jane answered the door instead. "Hey Rafe."

"Hi, um, is Olivia here? I kind of want to speak to her about something."

Emma came out from her room. "Hey Rafe, come on in."

Jane turned to her, "hey Emma, since Rafe is here, I'm gonna go see my friend, the one we don't tell mommy about." Looking back at Rafe she explained. "Olivia doesn't like me to date hotel employees."

"It's, it's, whatever, it's fine." He walked in and allowed Jane to leave. Walking to wear Emma was playing with a doll. "What's up little one?"

"You wanna play a video game?"

"Uh, sure." He sat down on the bed and noticed the picture of Emma, Olivia, and his mother. "Hey um, what's that from?"

"It's from family day. I took it at school. I wrote a paper. Everyone loved it."

"Can I see it?"

She went to the draw of the desk and pulled out her beloved school paper handing it to him. "Here you go."

"You got an A. Um, what's my mom doing at your family day?"

"We all live together and Natalia and my mom love each other."

"Love each other like Jane and her friend."

"No silly, it's no secret that our moms like each other. Everyone knows."

"Are you okay with that munchkin?"

"Yeah, I love having two mommies."

"Okay, well, Jane is back so I'm gonna go. See ya at home."

Rafe left the hotel. His mind was so full he couldn't sort out his thoughts. Walking by Company he ran into Daisy taking out the trash.

"Rafe. Hi. Are you headed to help Frank move?"

"No, no."

"Going to the mall?'

"No."

"Where you going?"

"I don't know. I don't know."

"Are you okay?'

"I don't know. I don't know. Can I ask you a question?" She nodded looking up at him. "Alright. Is it possible to believe one thing all your life and then all the sudden just…I don't know change your mind on the subject?"

"I think it is. Things happen, make us view things differently."

"No. People don't do that. People don't just change…or do they? Do you just out if nowhere change your mind from one thing to the next."

"I change my mind like every day."

"You do. I don't understand."

"I think it's just that woman are complicated. We're hard to understand."

"That's true."

"Yeah."

"I need a hug." Daisy gave him a tight hug. Trying to give him the comfort he needed.

Natalia sat at Gus' grave. Thinking about everything that was going on in her life right now. Hoping to find answers and peace at her dead husbands grave. "So, I just um, just wanted to come visit, and let you know that we're all doing okay. I know that you've probably seen that Rafe is kind of having a hard time, but um, I think things are turning around. And um, you probably know about the rest of what's going on, with um, me and Olivia. And it's really good Gus. It makes me really happy. And I know that, that would make you happy, so um, I'll see you. And you watch out for Rafe and me. Okay." She took one last look at the plaque with her husband's name on it and walked off. Hoping things really would work out for her and her family.

Olivia arrived back at the farmhouse. Feeling like today would be a good day. Natalia had set a table outside for dinner and was bringing everything out. She gave her lover a quick peck then looked at the table. "This is really nice."

"Yeah, I just, I thought it would be nice to have it out here. Make it be special."

"Well, it's special because we're together."

"Mmmhmm. Did you pick a movie?"

"Yeah. It was kind of hard to find one that both kids are gonna like, you know."

"Yeah well we'll just, we'll stuff em full of popcorn and they'll watch anything."

"Stuff me with enough popcorn and I'll like it. Doesn't really go with champagne and cider though does it?"

"I can't believe you got champagne."

"I wanted it to be special."

"Let's pour some right now." Pouring a flute Natalia handed it to Olivia. As she took it Natalia used her hold to pull Olivia to her and place a gentle kiss to waiting lips. As it began to deepen, a loud voice came from behind them.

"Ma. What the hell are you doing?" Natalia looked down at the table and then back to her son. Olivia glanced over her shoulder at Natalia, knowing this wasn't good. She set down the flute of champagne and moved a step back. Rafe walked the rest of the way up the path and looked his mother in the eye. "Why are you doing that?'

"We're getting ready for dinner."

"With frickin' champagne Ma? And kissing…her?"

"Yes. You got a new job. Olivia thought it would be nice to celebrate."

Olivia tried to sound casual with little luck. She knew Rafe wasn't stupid, nor was he pleased. "Yeah, I brought sparkling cider for you and Emma."

"I'm not talking to you right now, seriously." He spat with venom dripping from his words.

Natalia narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't talk to her like that."

"Excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to respect my elders right? And I'm supposed to mind my manners and I'm supposed to go to church, and I'm supposed to read the bible, and I'm supposed to do all those other rules and regulations that god and people have given us right?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Ma. What the heck was going on just now. Tell me alright please. Just tell me."

"Oh my god. I didn't want you find out like this."

The three just stared at each other for long moments. Finally, Rafe moved to sit on the porch and Olivia stepped further back from him and tried to explain. "Look Rafe, your mother was waiting for you to get settled in before she said anything to you."

From beside Olivia Natalia stepped closer. "How did…."

"Cause I'm not stupid. Alright, I may have done a lot of stupid things in my life, but I'm not stupid."

"We're friends, we really didn't expect any of this to happen." Olivia attempted to ease the mounting tension.

Emma came out of the house unaware of the situation playing out with her moms and brother. "I brought a vase for the flowers; can we go pick them?"

Olivia ran her hands over Emma's ponytail and lifter her chin to see her face. "You know what. I forgot I have somethings to finish back at the hotel, so I'm gonna take you back there. I think Jane is still there."

"But I'm gonna stay with Natalia and Rafe. I brought a movie to watch later." She turned to face Rafe. "It's cars, you're gonna like it."

Olivia and Natalia looked at each other for a moment, unsure of what to say to their little girl. "We can um, we can watch the movie some other time. Okay?" Natalia finally said.

"Yeah come on baby." Olivia guided her daughter down the steps and looked back to Natalia. "It's gonna be okay."

Natalia could only nod, she really didn't want Olivia to leave, but knew Emma didn't need to be here for this. She gave Olivia a sad smile, wishing she could just fall into her arms and watched as her fiancé and daughter walked away from their home, so Rafe and she could have a much-needed talk.

Rafe rubbed his chest and refused to look at his mother. "Ma please, please just tell me she forced you into this, I know she has a reputation."

"Oh Rafe."

"Tell me she forced you into it. Tell me she has something on you."

"Oh, Rafe stop it. Of course, she didn't force me into anything."

"Oh no. Ma I seen you guys…"

"Okay, okay, okay please stop. I didn't mean for you to find out like that ever."

"What were you gonna do Ma. You just gonna keep lying to me and pretend that this, that it wasn't happening. That you guys are just friends. Until what? Until I found out on my own."

"Until, until, until you were ready."

"Oh my god."

"Until we could figure out the right way to tell you, and when to tell you. We both told Emma. And I tried to tell you Rafe. I told you we were together, I told you I loved her. You weren't willing to hear it."

"OH MY GOD! What Ma. She's just a little girl. What kind of a thing is that to tell a little kid? What does that say about you and Gus? Ma, what does that say about me?"

"It has nothing to do with how I feel about you or about Gus. If anything,…'

"Ma, please. Just stop. Just tell me this is some kind of weird itch you need to scratch, please. Tell me that's all it is and that it's, it'll be over soon."

"I can't tell you that."

"Why?"

"I can't…"

"Why?"

"I'm in love with Olivia. I'm engaged to Olivia."

"Okay, alright." He took off across the field without another word. He stopped and propped against the fence post. Natalia walked in front of him and turned to face him.

"Rafe."

"Ma, I don't believe it. I won't believe it. I refuse to believe this. Alright. Can you please, just tell me what she has on you."

"Oh, come on Rafe."

"What does she got on you Ma? You don't love her."

"I do."

"You don't no. Not that way Ma. She is, look, she has Gus's heart. I get that, alright. And you, you guys have that in common, and you got confused one thing led to another and she took advantage of you."

"Oh, she didn't take advantage of me Rafe. Please." Her voice was getting slightly irritated. "Olivia's got a strong personality, but that's what I love about her. And she makes me feel better about myself, and when I'm with her, it feels right, and I need her."

"Ma, maybe you did. Maybe you did because Gus passed away, and I was in prison, but Ma, I'm back now, alright. And I can take care of you just fine. You can end all this stuff before it gets any weirder please."

"It's not weird Rafe. It's love. And I don't want to end it, I want us to be a family. I'm going to marry her. And I understand that's a lot to take in right now, but as soon as you can get over this anger and your confusion…"

"Ma, you want us to be a family. Who? What me and you and Olivia and Emma?"

"Yes."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. You love Emma, and she loves you like you're her big brother, and that's what counts. That's what you hold onto."

"What about the time that we spent in church? What about the time that we spent lighting candles? What about the time that I spent on my knees, praying? Huh? What about the man that I'm supposed to be and the world that I'm supposed to believe in? None of that means nothing to you. At all. All you care about is you and Olivia, and what you guys get right."

"Rafe, how can you say that? Have you not been paying attention the last few weeks? Olivia and me and Emma, we have put our lives on hold for you. Waiting for you to be ready, for you to adjust."

"No, Ma, no. If that's what you want then both of you can just go to hell. It's where you're gonna go anyways. So go, go get your girl, marry her, cause you guys deserve each other. Bye." He spun on his heel and walked away, refusing to look back at his mother, unwilling to listen to anything she had to say.

"Rafe, Rafe" Natalia screamed after him. Her heart was heavy with the prospect of losing her son, but she couldn't lose Olivia and Emma. They were a part of her heart, just like he was. She hoped time would heal his wounds.

Natalia didn't know what to do, but she knew she needed to find Rafe. She had to talk to him, had to make him understand. She went to the first place she could think of Franks'. "Frank, have you seen Rafe?"

"Ah, he might have come by when I was at the park."

"Okay um, if you see him, just tell him to call me, or try to keep him here, or…you know what you call me…"

"What happened?"

"He found out about me and Olivia."

"You told him?"

"I was going to tell him, but then he saw us…"

"How could you guys be so careless? How could you let that happen?"

"Frank please. I feel bad enough as it is. I'm gonna go find him now, just…" She walked away without another word.

Olivia sought out Doris, the only person she knew to talk to. "Hey, can we talk?"

"Uh, this is my alone time."

"I really need to talk to you please. I don't know who else to turn to."

"What is it?"

"You know that Natalia and I have been taking things slow, and we wanted to be very cautious because of the kids and, we wanted to tell Rafe, I mean he's been having such a hard time since he got out of prison, I mean the good news is that he actually got a job today…"

"Well, I know that. I made sure that he got it. Look, I know that you and Natalia wanted to wait for him to get settled and I just thought I would help you out."

"He's excited about it, and we're excited about it, and we got hopeful, and we wanted to celebrate, and um, Rafe saw us together. Close, kissing, and he didn't take it well."

"Well, that's a hell of a way to find out."

"And Natalia wanted so much to protect him, to make it easier on him, so that he could understand…"

"Well maybe, maybe he still will."

"Yeah maybe. You should have seen Rafe's face, I mean, Natalia's talking to him right now. Should I go over there?"

"No, give them some time. I mean, that's a lot for a kid to take in all at once."

"I know that. I just don't want her to feel like she's alone with this. This, it's terrible, cause it's not what we wanted. We've been letting him see us as a family, I've been being home as little as possible. We were waiting for the perfect moment."

"You know what, I waited for the perfect moment. And that moment never came. Ashley still doesn't know. You know what maybe, it's just perfect that this is the way he found out."

"I hope so. I'm afraid this could be it for us. Over before it began. I won't make her choose."

Before Doris could respond, Ashley came bounding in. "Hey honey, hi. Ashley, I wasn't expecting you." She greeted her daughter cheerfully with a hug.

"No, did you see the press conference with Bill and Lizzy?"

"Yes I did."

"I planned that in like, less than half an hour."

"I am so proud of you."

Ashley stepped back and finally noticed Olivia standing there. "Oh hey, I'm sorry for interrupting. I figured you'd be alone."

"Ah, no, we were just talking about children, and uh, the importance of doing the right thing with them." Doris answered.

Rafe approached Frank as he was finishing taking out his empty boxes after his move. Frank turned at the sound of approaching footsteps. "Are you okay?"

"No."

"Yeah."

"Hey Frank, could I stay over here with you for a little while, you think maybe?"

"Yeah, yeah." Rafe picked up his suitcase and the two headed inside.

Standing just outside the front door, Rafe stared out at nothing. Frank came to stand beside him, holding a beer. "I had to leave my house man. My mom and Olivia are, are, I think, I think they're like together or something.

"Yeah I know." Frank handed him a glass half full of beer. "Here, take a sip. Just this once."

"Alright, alright."

Olivia went back to the farmhouse after her talk with Doris. Hoping to help fix things, if not with Rafe, then at least with her and Natalia. Walking up she saw Natalia cleaning off the table from the dinner that never happened. Looking sadder then she had ever seen her. "Is he here?"

"No."

"Do we need to go look for him?"

"No, he'll just, come home when he's ready."

"What'd he say?"

"He's very angry. Confused."

"I'm sorry. It wasn't fair for him to find out like this."

"I didn't do a very good job of explaining. I didn't really get to say all of the things that I really wanted to say."

"So, what does this mean for us?"

"I don't know."

They both looked down, unable to make eye contact. Folding the tablecloth in silence, both thinking the same thing. Olivia finally walked around the table and pulled Natalia to her, kissing her without warning. Pouring all of her emotions into this one kiss. Fear gripping her heart as she admitted what they were both thinking. This kiss might be their last. Tears flowed freely from both their eyes, but they kept on kissing. Ignoring the lack of oxygen and the salt from tears tainting their unique flavor. They knew when they stopped this kiss, it might be the end. And that was just too painful, so they held onto this kiss, for as long as possible.