Location: Home, Nexus Room
Date: July 3rd

We woke up to the sound of Jirachi's excited cheering coming from the floor above us. Naturally, we raced off to see what the commotion was about. The little guy did it! He fixed the Pokémon Nexus...I think? The stick part that was smoking yesterday now stood upright and had a few little branch things with different colored orbs on the ends.

Uh...okay? Where's the holographic image of the planet that was on display yesterday? The Nexus was the most impressive-looking piece of technology I'd ever seen, but this looked like someone wanted to make a deciduous tree out of tech equipment.

Lyra was as confused as I was, and we exchanged confused glances while Ampharos praised Jirachi for his hard work. Then Archen added something about the whole map had to be redone again.

Was...was that why this looked so disappointingly unimpressive? Was that impressive display from yesterday only possible because of Archen?

Gah! What a tease. Almost as bad as if you were playing a game where you're a badass space warrior with awesome gear and equipment and suddenly had everything stripped away because of an event you couldn't control.

That'd be a Prime example of a worse situation.

Ampharos said that Lyra and I should be the ones tasked with making a new map on the Nexus. It's a completely new and unfamiliar task to us, and we'd tackle it with enthusiasm and eagerness unlike the others who've done it countless times already. The rest of the Society agreed, saying there's no real thrill in returning to the same places you've explored already just to restore the map. Bunnelby said it feels more like a job to restore the map than anything since they've had to do it so many times.

Uh...I'm sorry? How many times does the Nexus get fried? Don't they have backup things to prevent data losses from happening? Who's to say our work won't get undone?

Well, Jirachi told me to put my Connection Orb into the Nexus. After doing so, the holographic image of the planet came back, and the Nexus no longer looked like a silly techno tree!

Apparently, there is a syncing system in place. Ampharos gave me a different gadget, a more impressive one that displays the world map and allows me to communicate with Dedenne. So, by swapping the Connection Orb from my gadget to the Nexus and vice versa, we can update the world map to display where we've explored and increase our Expedition Society rank. Doing so will net us rewards and perks to make exploring easier.

Now, I had a question. After the Nexus was repaired, why didn't Archen just put his Connection Orb into it to restore the data? I mean, the data is clearly not lost. It's in his Connection Orb in his gadget, so all his work could've been easily restored.

I...must have zoned out during a critical explanation or something because when I decided to voice my question, Lyra and the others turned and looked at me strangely. I froze as I stared at their silent faces. Did I say something wrong? Why are they looking at me like I sprouted an extra head? What did I miss?

The others started laughing and Lyra shook her head in disbelief saying, "Leave it to Irau."

What the fuck was that supposed to mean!? What did I miss!?

Ampharos quieted them down, then turned to me and explained in a calm voice that the Nexus is like a great tree with the Connection Orb being its branches. If the Nexus gets fried, then not only is the data wiped from the Nexus itself, but from the Connection Orbs as well. Just as if a great tree gets set ablaze, its branches also get engulfed. Lyra and I aren't affected since we haven't been anywhere except the Water Continent, but for the others who have traveled a lot...

Arceus...that sucks! I get why Archen's so upset now, he really lost all his work. They could've just explained that instead of laughing at me...

At least we can ease their tedium by taking on this task for them. Are they sure they wanna task their newest members with this though? I mean, we only arrived the day before yesterday and this seems awful important...

Mawile teased me a little, saying she was surprised to hear me talk so much since our initial arrival. She reassured me that they wouldn't have accepted us if they didn't think we were capable of greatness, and we shouldn't doubt ourselves so much. This is a huge responsibility, but the others have no doubt we can do this!

Most importantly, this is what Lyra has always wanted to do. Her dream! I just hope I don't do something to blow it.

Location: Lively Town Plaza

The new expedition gadget that Ampharos gave us also uncovered a lot of Pokémon in the Connection Orb! There's so many, jeez! Scraggy, Panpour, Duskull, Fletchinder...then again, I shouldn't be surprised. We've been talking to every new Pokémon we come across in Lively Town. Unlike Serene Village who had a handful of regular Pokémon and occasionally a new one, Lively Town has new Pokémon every day!

One group of kids stuck out to me – Minccino, Fletchling and Shinx. They...kinda reminded me of Deerling, Goomy and Espurr.

Minccino said he likes going to school, which is a total Deerling thing to say. Always so enthusiastic and just pleasant to be around.

Fletchling was indifferent. Just another school day for her, which was how Espurr treated every day.

Finally, Shinx appears to be younger than the other two. That's the only thing I could tell from him. He asked if we go to school. Since he hasn't seen us around, he asked if we travel around with our fathers too.

Huh. It suddenly occurred to me that Lyra and I left while it was summer vacation. Once that ends, are we gonna have to travel back to Serene Village and attend school again? I mean, we're technically part of the Expedition Society doing real-world work now, so I'd assume the answer's no. Even so, aren't we still kids? How does that work in this world?

I decided to ask Lyra, and she reassured me that by leaving the village we technically moved away and are thus no longer part of their school system. By joining the Society, Ampharos is responsible for us now and if there's anything we need to know to do our jobs, he'll let us know

Hm...I'm not sure how I feel about that. What if we decide to leave? Shouldn't we get a full education in case stuff with the Society doesn't work out? How are we gonna make it in the world if we rely solely on Ampharos to take care of us, and something happens to him?

Looking at the situation objectively, I guess there's no harm in following her logic for now. We'll see how things pan out for the rest of the year, and if it's deemed more critical for us to be attending school, we'll put our work at the Society on hold until that portion of our year is done with. Besides, it'd be good to visit home and share stories with everyone in the village.

I admitted that I'm feeling a little homesick...all this talk of our classmates and the villagers, plus those kids asking if we're traveling with our fathers...ah, curses! It's only been, what, five or six days since we left? How can I be this weak?

Lyra said she misses home too. Someday we'll go visit Serene Village, even if we don't have to return to school. For now though, we have important work to do. That map isn't gonna start remaking itself!

Location: Home, Rooftop (dead of night)

On our way back from our expedition, I kept thinking about what Mawile said this morning. How I hadn't really said anything since our initial arrival. I never thought about it before, but...I really do keep most of my thoughts to myself. I'm not a complete mute, but I'm not nearly as chatty as Lyra either. Sometimes I'll go whole days without saying anything.

Before today, the last time I'd spoken to any of the other Society members was when we were convincing them to let us join. The idea of the sleepover was mine, but Lyra had been the one to pitch it to the rest.

Why am I so quiet? Had I always been this quiet, and it just hadn't been brought to my attention until now? Was I like this in Serene Village too?

After we had dinner, I asked Lyra about it and she just...kinda shrugged. "You've always been quiet. It's not a bad thing, it's just how you are. People tell me that I talk too much, so for you to talk so little...it just balances out!"

Ahaha, she had a good point. Lyra can talk for the both of us.

That made me feel better. If Lyra doesn't mind my quietness, what else mattered? She's the one who's gotta put up with it. I didn't know why it bothered me so much. I guess it's because nobody really called me out on it in Serene Village, so to find out that it's weird for me to be like that...it's no wonder I got so self-conscious. If others here found it weird, did that mean folks in Serene Village secretly found it weird?

Besides, most of the Society members had talked about me to Lyra instead of approaching me themselves. Maybe they just wanted to be respectful and not ask since they thought I was different, but that's not a very good way of making someone feel...included.

"Leave it to Irau."

Ooooh...that really got under my skin when I thought back on it. If I had fur, I'd visibly bristle. Leave what to Irau, Lyra? Leave the task of asking something with an obvious answer? Leave being on the outside of an inside joke her best friend had with her cool new friends? Leave being an IDIOT to Irau!?

After we came back to our room, I told Lyra that I probably keep to myself a lot as a negative repercussion of folks making fun of me when I do talk. Why would I bother voicing my thoughts to everyone if they're gonna laugh at me?

Looking back on it, it was a little petty to take my anger out on Lyra, but she was the one who made the snarky comment that irritated me so. Not to mention...she talked behind my back with the other Society members. Only been here for a couple of days and already she was chummy enough with them to talk about me instead of to me? Granted, they'd said good things...but that's not the point. Why? What did I do? What didn't I do? What did I say or not say? I don't get it. Am I that unapproachable? Why do I feel so...so unincluded? Cast out? Abandoned?

Ah, but you know, I can't get too mad at her for that. Talking about me behind my back may make me feel unincluded, but I was fine with it at the time because I trusted Lyra to speak on my behalf so I wouldn't have to socialize. In that instance, she was doing me a favor. Besides, maybe that abandonment is what she felt when I walked home with Goomy and Espurr that one day after our fight.

Lyra asked me if this was about this morning and tried to reassure me that they were only joking, but I told her I shouldn't be her punchline. That feels awful. Fucking awful. I would never make her feel like that, and...and if I don't understand something and ask a stupid question, shouldn't she be proud of me for speaking out instead of keeping it to myself? I asked her that.

She said that it was obvious to everyone that if the Nexus was destroyed that the Connection Orbs would be out of whack, which was why they found my question so funny. She was saying that she was proud of me for speaking out, but my contribution to their conversation wasn't...okay, I'll be honest, I stopped paying attention because I was getting really upset.

It was a good question, dammit! Just because the answer was already obvious to the rest of them, didn't mean it was obvious to me. If I have a logical question about the situation, I'm gonna ask it! Because that's what you do when you need an answer – you ask a question! There's nothing shameful about not fully understanding how something works, yet they made it shameful. They made me feel ashamed and they laughed at me!

And worse? Lyra was on their side! She joined them! She made me feel shameful and laughed at me.

Like...what the fuck!?

Did we not promise to be there for each other when nobody else was? Did she not accompany me to Nectar Meadow? Did I not accompany her to Poliwrath River? Did I not travel with her to Lively Town and help her convince the other Society members to let us join?

Oh, but the other Society members found something I said funny, so I guess she's gonna turn her back and laugh at me now that she's found her in crowd. Maybe...maybe I'm the only one who remembers making that promise. Then the scarf I'm wearing...does it mean nothing now?

Was I overreacting? Possibly, but I didn't care. I felt hurt and ashamed and...and...I just...augh! I couldn't take it anymore. I took my scarf off, threw it on my hay bed, and told Lyra I wanted to be alone. With nowhere else to go I decided to come up here to the Society's roof.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized this was just like when Nuzleaf scolded me for telling the other students about my human history. He made me feel ashamed for talking when I already do so rarely, and I felt stupid. Now Lyra and the others were doing the exact same thing...and once again, I feel stupid.

But I'm not stupid! I'm not! I'm a smart person who asks really good questions and makes good choices because she cares about her friends and family and...fuck! Now I'm doing the bad thing where I cry like a baby.

WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THIS?