Chapter 36

Natalia was sitting on a bench outside Frank's house when Rafe strolled up. "I knew you'd have to come home eventually."

"Why aren't you at work?"

"I don't have to work right now."

"What? Olivia fired you?" He spat with distain.

"No, she just gave me some time to do what I needed to do."

"You been doing what you want a lot lately huh."

"Rafe, I don't expect you not to be angry, but you still have to show me some respect. I'm always gonna be your mother."

"No, yeah I know, you're just, you're not the mother that I thought I knew." He shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled off. Leaving her watching after him.

Olivia pulled up to drop Emma off for camp. As Emma quickly jumped from the car, Olivia stopped her. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait. Come here, come here, come here. Alright, I'm gonna pick you up early from camp and we're gonna go buy Rafe a present okay."

"Video game."

"Right, right. I was thinking the one where it shows you how to do a makeover, would that be good?"

"I don't think he likes that one. I think he likes the one with the race cars."

"Race cars, right. Why don't you pick out the video game?"

"Okay, but, who else is coming to his birthday party?"

"Baby, there might not be a party, cause big boys don't always want a party, but if there isn't, we have to be extra nice to him, okay."

"Okay."

"Okay." She kissed her daughters head and patted her backside. "Alright, go, go."

Rafe and Frank were sitting at the small table in Frank's apartment. Rafe was making a sandwich and Frank was working on paperwork. "Hey, listen, I need you to sign uh, some paperwork here. Being that I'm your court appointed mentor, I gotta do this every week so, go ahead and sign right at the bottom there."

Taking the pen Rafe signed the paper. "Right here?"

"Yup." Rafe slid the paper back to Frank, picking it up Frank noticed the date. "Rafe, today's your birthday."

"Uh, I don't celebrate it." Frank just stared at him.

Natalia was exiting the mini mart, walking with Matt Rearden. "Well, thanks. I mean for the canvas bag."

"You're welcome. You know they say it's good to be green."

"Yes."

"You know I'm riding the bike everywhere."

"Yeah, that's great. It's great exercise."

"It gets me around."

"Mmmhmm."

Olivia walked up laughing. "I'm sure it does."

Matt smiled at her. "My lucky day, two beautiful ladies for the price of one. Well, I uh, I gotta get going uh, good luck with the cake."

"Thanks, and thanks for the coffee." Natalia replied.

"Okay, I'll see you two ladies around."

Olivia reached for the bag on his arm. "Okay, I'm gonna take that."

"Have fun."

"You have fun." Olivia watched him ride off and then turned to Natalia keeping the forced smile on her face. "Was he hitting on you?"

"I don't know, maybe a little bit." She held up her thumb and forefinger an inch apart.

"He tried the ol' bike routine on me the other day."

"He did?"

"I'm gonna buy him a bell for that thing."

"He's cute."

"He is cute."

"He is."

"So, you um, baking Rafe a cake?"

"Mmmhmm, I'm probably gonna have to bring it over to him though. I don't think he'll come over or anything."

"You know, Emma wants to get him a gift. Is that okay?"

"Sure."

"Yeah. You gonna be okay?" Natalia gave a half smile. "Say yes."

"Yes."

"Okay, you know I love you."

"Yes. I love you too."

"So, don't get upset, but um, I'm gonna give you some time today, while Emma's at camp, in case Rafe stops by, okay?'

"Olivia…I…."

"Hey," She placed a hand against Natalia's cheek, rubbing her thumb back and forth. "I'll be there this evening, I'm not, not coming home, just, giving you the afternoon, in case he surprises you. If he sees my car there, he might not come in. Okay?"

"Okay. You're too good you know."

"No, I just want all our kids to be happy, and it's his birthday, you both deserve some time together."

"Yeah, alright, I'll call you."

"Okay, good. I love you."

"I love you too." She leaned in for a quick peck before heading home to start on Rafe's cake.

Rafe was walking into the apartment as Frank was preparing to leave. "Hey uh, Rafe listen, I uh, I got to go run some errands, you know get some sugar free snacks and all that. Why don't, why don't you go to your house. Okay. Go see your mom."

"Frank look, I'm not gonna go over there and talk to her just cause it's my birthday."

"You know, birthdays sometimes, aren't always about the birthday boy or the birthday girl. A lot of parents enjoy that, family you know."

"I don't wanna know what's going on. I don't wanna see anything. I don't wanna…"

"Look, I don't know what's going on with Olivia and your mother right now."

"Frank come on; you don't know?"

"Don't deny your mother her very special day. Okay. It's your birthday today and she's your mother. I know you're mad at her right now, but you still love her right?"

Rafe just rubbed at his face as Frank threw him the phone. "Call her."

"Mmmhmm."

Rafe walked into the kitchen where Natalia was busy working on his cake. When she heard noise behind her she looked up. "I'm making your cake. You wanna help? Tradition you know, we make it together, and the pasteli's are ready."

"Yeah I smell em." He took the seat across from his mother. "You're gonna have some with me right?"

"Of course." She replied with a smile."

Olivia was at the mini mart picking out a card for Rafe, as she reached for one another hand did too. She looked over at Frank.

"Hey." He said solemnly.

"Hey. You here to get Rafe a card?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah." They reached for the same card again. Both telling the other they could have it.

Frank cleared his throat. "How much are you thinking of putting inside?"

"Actually, I was gonna take Emma to get him a present."

"You know, if you want to get both of them a gift, maybe you should give them the gift of time and space. So, they can fix things between them. Why don't you leave em alone?"

"She's my fiancé Frank, she needs me."

"Just be careful." He grabbed the card they had both reached for and started to walk off.

"Hey Frank."

"Yeah." He stopped but didn't turn around.

"She chose me Frank." She said in the kindest voice she could muster at the moment. "Maybe it's you that should leave them alone, let Natalia and I fix our family, quit trying to make her feel bad, or like she's not a good person for loving someone. You loved me once too Frank."

Frank scoffed and walked away to pay for the card.

Leaving the store Olivia drove to get Emma. Leaning against the passenger side door waiting for her Jellybean to run over.

Emma came running at full speed barely stopping before she hit the car. "Let's go shopping."

"Whoa there Jellybean. How was camp?"

"It was good. Katy said that um, call, duty…"

"Call of Duty."

"Yeah, it's a really good video game."

"Yeah, it's also very violent from what I understand."

"It's for boys."

"That doesn't make it right. Listen um, you get that we're gonna get him a present, but that doesn't mean that he's actually gonna be around to get it. Right?"

"Can we at least get one so that he knows that we love him?"

"Yes we can."

Rafe looked up from his plate, barely able to look at Natalia. "You know I came here last night, cause I wanted to talk to you about whatever, but uh, I didn't even make it to the front porch."

"I know that you're struggling with this because I did to. And the beliefs that we have, I know that that just makes it so much more confusing."

"Are they still your beliefs?"

"I've had a lot of long talks with God about this, and I want to be able to talk to you too. You know, about everything. Cause you're not just my son, you've been my best friend for half my life, and I miss you."

"I miss you too Ma." He finally faced her fully and gave her a long hug. "Okay, your foods getting cold. Eat. You made a lot Ma. You're gonna be eating these things for like two weeks."

"Yeah. You know, at some point maybe, the three of us could sit down and talk, really talk."

"Alright Ma that was good, that was really good. I'm sorry, I gotta go." He stood and left before she could stop him.

She looked at the spot where he had just disappeared from, "Happy birthday Rafael." She couldn't help but wonder if things would ever be okay with her son. She felt at odds with herself. On one hand she was more distraught then she had ever been. She and Rafe had always been close, and now he couldn't stand to be in the same room with her. On the other hand, she was so happy with Olivia. She was excited that they would finally be sharing a bed again. And she felt like a horrible person for being happy when her son was so miserable.

Emma and Olivia showed up not long after Rafe left. Walking into the kitchen where Natalia was sitting at the table starring at her son's birthday cake. "Hi."

Olivia walked to her side, kissing the top of her head. "Hi. He's not here. Well, that's probably good. Maybe we should just leave our gift and go."

"We should sing happy birthday. Natalia made cake." Emma smiled brightly at her mommies.

Natalia looked at the cake with sad eyes. "Um, no. No singing today. Rafe was here but he uh, couldn't stay."

"He was too busy?" Emma asked.

Olivia put her hands in her pockets and rocked on her heels. "He was too busy."

"Maybe when he's done, he can come back."

Both women looked at their little girl, unsure of how to explain why her brother wasn't around.

Olivia looked at her fiancé, wishing she knew how to make this better for her. "What do you want us to do?"

"I made a lot of pastelis and there are plenty for all of us."

Wordlessly Olivia grabbed the pasteli's from the counter behind them and placed them on the table. Turning back for the plates she squeezed Natalia's shoulder. Trying to give her love and support from the simple gesture.

Once lunch was done, Olivia and Natalia stood at the sink washing dishes while Emma sat at the table looking at the cake with longing. She reached out a finger to steal a taste when Olivia's voice stopped her without even turning around. "Don't do it."

"How'd you know?"

"Cause I have eyes in the back of my head."

Natalia spun to stand next to Olivia, leaning against the sink, starring at the cake. "So, what am I supposed to do with this cake?"

"Put candles in it." Emma answered, with the 'duh' implied.

"Oh, Em, I don't think..." Olivia started.

"Yeah, let's put some candles in it, and then we'll blow them out." Natalia interrupted Olivia. Trying to keep the sadness from her voice.

Emma picked up a plate with candles on it. Holding it out to her mom's.

Olivia looked at the pile on the plate. "Wow."

"We're gonna need a lot." Natalia said. Nodding her head.

"18." Emma added.

"That's right." Natalia agreed. Looking down and then back up quickly. She knew she had to try and be cheerful for Emma. She wouldn't understand all this. They hadn't even discussed what to tell Emma about Rafe not coming home.

As if reading Natalia's mind, Emma looked up at her second mommy. "Rafe will be home tonight right? We can sing and have cake then."

Natalia looked to Olivia for help, not wanting to upset the young girl, but not wanting to lie to her either. Olivia gave a small nod and turned her attention to their daughter. "Em, baby. Rafe is staying with Frank for a little while."

"Why? This is his home."

"Well, um…Rafe just needs some time away right now. You know, he has a lot going on."

"But we're his family, he should be home with us."

"Yeah, we are his family, but sometimes…sometimes even families need a break. Like Ava. She needed a break, so she moved to San Francisco. Rafe needs a break so he went to Frank's for a little while."

"But he's coming back soon right? I don't want him not to live here. He's my big brother, I like it when he's here."

Natalia chose that moment to change the subject. "Let's put these candles on the cake."

Emma shrugged and took the candles being offered to her and started putting them in the cake. The cake was close to Emma and Natalia was having trouble reaching. Olivia took her wrist and stretched her arm out. "Reach, reach, you can do it." For the first time all day, Natalia cracked a real smile. It didn't stay long, but it was there.

"I'll wait my turn." She laughed.

"Are we hogging the cake? Is that a problem." Olivia joked.

"Yes."

"It's all Emma, she hogs the cakes."

Natalia's smile reached her eyes for just a moment. Even in its briefness, Olivia was happy to see it. She would take it for now. Hoping it wouldn't be the last one of the day.

Rafe walked to the baseball field, kicking the ball sitting on home plate. He leaned his back against the fence and slid down to the dirt. Taking off his hat and running his fingers through his hair. He didn't know what to do. He hated hurting his Ma. He had lived there with her and Olivia and Emma for a few weeks. Had seen the family they had created. Watched them laugh and giggle together. Witnessed the longing looks, and subtle touches. In his heart, he knew his mother was happy with Olivia. He saw it with his own eyes, but between his religious beliefs and Olivia being Olivia, he just couldn't except it. He realized he had been lying to himself for a while now, he knew Olivia had changed, he just wasn't ready to admit it.

Natalia, Olivia and Emma, all stood starring at the cake full of candles on the kitchen table. Silence falling over them. Natalia was the first to finally speak. "I don't know why we're just standing around starring at the cake."

"Cause you're hoping Rafe will come back." Olivia stated as a matter of fact.

"Maybe. It's not gonna happen."

"Look, he knows you made the cake. He saw it. He knows that you love him."

"I just, I was thinking that maybe today would be the day that, you know. If there was gonna be a time that we were gonna start to fix this, this would be it."

Emma stuck her finger in the side swiping off some frosting and licking it. Olivia reached for her hand. "Emma, don't do that."

"Sorry but it looks so good."

"It does. It looks really good." Natalia agreed. "And it's a birthday cake. And birthday cakes were meant to be eaten on a birthday."

Emma looked at her. "But Rafe's not here."

"Yeah. But you know what, I think that Rafe would want you to eat this cake. So that means that we have to light these candles, and I don't know, somebody has to blow them out." She half smiled looking down at Emma.

"Um okay, you sure?" Olivia asked. Grabbing a match.

"Yeah. Let's light these."

Olivia struck the match and lit the candle Natalia held out to her. The two lit all the candles, meeting in the middle. When they were done Emma tried to blow them out and failed so they all three blew them out together.

"I made my wish; did you guys make a wish too?"

"We made our wish." Olivia said softly. Looking up into Natalia's dark brown eyes.

Natalia cut a piece for Emma and handed it to her.

"Can I go watch tv while I'm eating this?"

"Yes you can." Olivia answered, handing her a fork. "Here you go. Eat it all up."

"Thank you." Emma hurried off to the living room leaving the two women alone in the kitchen.

Natalia sat in front of the cake. "Are you gonna have this piece?"

"No."

"Are you sure? Cause it's really good, I promise. I had many years to perfect the recipe. I had to make all of his cakes from scratch because you can't find any sugar free birthday cakes out there, and I wanted his birthday to be special. Even though it was just the two us. We had traditions. And I always wanted Rafe to know that the day he was born was the best day of my life."

"You're a good mom."

"Then how did everything get so messed up? I'm sitting here on my son's birthday, in front of his birthday cake and he's not even here. He doesn't even want to be in the same house with me."

"That's not true. He wants to be in the same house with you. He doesn't want to be in the same house as me."

"No, he doesn't wanna be in the same house with us, if we're together."

"You're not gonna lose you're son."

"I don't know."

"You're not gonna lose your son. We're not gonna let that happen. If our relationship cost you your son, it's not gonna survive, we're not gonna survive. So, we're gonna have to find a way to bring Rafe back in."

"Okay."

"Okay. You know what, I took Emma out of camp so I could bring her here and give Rafe his present, but I have to bring her back because of her service project."

"Oh, I forgot about that. I really wanted to help with that. I have a few things to do, but I can do them tomorrow."

"No. You've got a lot going on right now. Go do what you need to do. We'd love for you to be there, because we love you, but it's camp, and we'll be fine."

Natalia nodded. Attempting a smile. Olivia placed a hand on the back of her chair, bringing their faces close together. She starred into brown pools, cupping Natalia's face with her free hand, she closed the small gap between them and claimed plump lips. Natalia brought a hand to the back of Olivia's head, tangling her fingers in silk strands. She allowed herself to let the world and the problems fall away for a while and just enjoy the moment.

This kiss was soft and sweet. Lips pressed tightly together. They kissed for long moments, never deepening it. This kiss was a reminder that they were in this together. They were a family and would figure it out. This kiss was the joining of two hearts, preparing for what came next.