Chapter 39
After her blissful goodbye kiss, Natalia returned to the farmhouse to gather the cookies and brownies for the church with Father Ray. Standing in the kitchen, munching on one of her cookies, Father Ray turned to her. "You know, thanks so much for helping out. This is awesome."
"Oh no, thank you for coming by here. You know, I'm helping Blake Marler, and with the Beacon, I just have a ton of stuff to do."
Father Ray looked at her with a bit of concern. "Hey, are you feeling okay? You look kind of pale."
"Yeah, I just, I think I'm just a little run down. You know I haven't been sleeping really well."
"How's Rafe? He was kind of upset the last time I saw him."
"Yeah well it was his birthday and uh, he didn't really wanna spend it with me. But you know, he's living with Frank now and I think it's really good for him."
"Maybe that's why you're not feeling well."
"Because my son doesn't want to live with me?"
"No. Because of the reason he doesn't wanna live with you."
"Okay, please, please don't."
"What? I'm just stating the obvious. You're lifestyle choices are creating a conflict, not only with the church, but also with your son. You're feeling sick, maybe it's the weight of the choices finally starting to get to you."
Mayor Wolfe and her daughter were sitting down to lunch at Tower's, attempting to have some non-confrontational time together. However, that was always a challenge with the esteemed mayor. "Ashley, that's the wrong fork."
"Mom, stop it. We've been doing so well today."
"Well, it's just, I love you okay. I just want what's best for you."
"Could you come up with another excuse. You've been using that one my whole life."
Olivia approached the pair skeptically having overheard them. "Hi."
Ashley quickly spun to her. "Oh, hey Olivia, be careful, don't use the wrong fork."
"Ashley." Doris Chastised.
"Good-bye mother." Ashley all but stomped off.
Doris looked to Olivia with exasperation. "Have a seat."
Olivia slid into Ashley's vacated spot. "Thanks."
"I'm sorry you had to hear that. I uh, Ashley just asked me for a new reason why I'm so hard on her. Sure, no problem, I'll just tell her the truth, that I can't be myself around her because I have been lying to her, her entire life."
Walking from the kitchen to the front door, Father Ray continued his argument with Natalia. "You know, I'm sorry, it's just not gonna go away Natalia."
"Okay, you believe something, and I believe something completely different. I just don't believe that God it punishing me because I love someone."
"Well, what about the problems that it's bringing in your life. Starting with your son?"
"Are you suggesting to me that I pretend that I don't love Olivia, because it would make my life a little easier? My life would have been easier if I had given Rafe up for adoption. Just because something is easier, doesn't mean it's right. So, no Father Ray, the decisions that I've made, I feel, have made me a stronger person. So, if I'm sick, or if I'm a little run down, I don't believe it's because of the choices that I've made. I have a lot going on, work, the church, Rafe, Olivia, Emma, everybody gets run down sometimes." With that she stormed from the room.
Olivia was trying to be there for her friend, but as always, Doris made it difficult. "I understand why you don't wanna come out publicly because of your political position, but, Ashley, she's, she's a grown up, and she's you daughter, why don't you try telling her."
"Exactly, she's my daughter. If she rejects me…"
"What if she doesn't? You never tried telling her?"
"Well, I didn't say that. It was about ten years ago, maybe more. And uh, it was when Hollywood was coming out and there was a lot of publicity and I thought it would be perfect, so I started the conversation and, I don't know, when it came time to say it, I just couldn't. I told myself that she was too young and that I should wait. And I've been telling myself that ever since."
"But aren't you afraid that she's gonna find out from somebody else?"
"Yeah, only now it's worse. Now I'm not just telling her that I like women, I'm trying to justify that I've been lying to her all these years."
"That's why Natalia and I told Emma, almost as soon as it happened. It was scary, but I didn't want to go through what you're going through, with Ashley. And, she understood, was happy actually."
"Well, you certainly handled it better than I have."
After leaving Towers, Olivia stopped at the grocery store and discovered Rafe eating at the counter. "Hi." Rafe all but ignored her. "You know I never got to wish you a happy birthday." He still didn't even look up, so she tried another avenue. "How's the new job?"
Rafe finally dropped his food and looked at her. "Olivia please don't do this. We're not friends okay. I don't like you."
"Alright, alright, you don't have to like me but, what you're doing to your mom Rafe, it's wrong."
Rafe chuckled evilly. "No, what you're doing to my mother is wrong."
Olivia just nodded, debating whether to say more, but she had to. Natalia deserved better then What Rafe was giving her. "You know your mother, she's spent her entire life dedicated to you, taking care of you, and when you were in jail, she was so miserable. She had this calendar and she would just mark of the days every day that you were gone. And all she wanted to do was just spend your birthday with you, and you blew her off. So, you can hate me all you want to, but maybe you need to grow up a little bit, and put her ahead for once."
"Mmm, okay yeah. First of all, almost everything I've ever done, has been for my mother, and what about the church Olivia? Alright. When I was a kid, she would drag me to mass every single Sunday. Why? Because it was important to her, and now it's important to me. And you can call me immature if you want, but I'm worried about her. I worried about what's gonna have to happen when she has to answer to God." Without another word, Rafe grabbed his belongings and walked past Olivia to sit at a table.
After leaving Father Ray, Natalia was meeting with Blake in her room at the beacon. "Okay, so what's next?"
"Well, uh, you were not feeling very well. Are you okay?"
"Oh, I'm much better. I'm much, much better."
"Are you sure? I don't wanna push it."
"I'm fine."
"Okay, well then. Let's get to this press release. You know I have to say, I can usually walk into a room and immediately spot who's together, and I didn't even pick up on you two at all."
"You're really not going to tell anyone right?"
"No, I'm not. I said I wouldn't and I won't. It is very complicated isn't it? But I really like you, I do. And Olivia, I've never seen her so happy." Blake received a phone call she needed to take and left the room.
Natalia began to feel sick again. Taking a few deep breaths, she stood against the wall and asked herself what was wrong with her.
Olivia followed Rafe to the table, needing to finish this conversation. "Alright, I'm not gonna pretend to be some expert on religion but, if your mother can come to terms with this, then, why can't you?"
"Because you don't get to do that Olivia. You don't get to pick and choose. You don't get to change the church just to fit your needs, that's selfish."
"Okay, well, um, your mother stood by you when you were in juvenile hall, she stood by you when you were prison, so, you're gonna have to figure out some way to get past this."
"What if I can't?"
"Then I feel sorry for you. You'd rather spend your time judging your mom, instead of loving her? I mean honestly, your reaction, it almost split us up, but we realized that what we had, is important to us. So, I really should be thanking you because, in the end, you made us stronger."
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation, um, whatever." He stood to leave but as usual, Olivia wasn't done speaking.
"Rafe wait," he turned to face her reluctantly. "Your mom, she's always been there for you, good, bad, everything, not everything you've done has agreed with the church's teachings, but she, she has always been there for you. Standing next to you, always on your side, always loving you. Now it's your turn, it's your turn to love her, to stand by her, even if you disagree with her choices. She has never turned her back on you, and yet, here you are, turning yours on her. What would the church say about that? Something about honor thy mother and father. Think about it Rafe." With that she let him walk away.
Blake returned with Natalia still leaning against the wall. "Natalia?"
"I'm okay, I'm so sorry, it's just, my stomach still is a little, I don't know."
"Well, what are the other symptoms? Are you hot?"
"No, I'm just a little tired and sick to my stomach, and I've thrown up. I'm sorry."
"Well, that's funny."
"Funny?"
"Yeah well, if I didn't know you were together with Olivia, probably say you were pregnant. Let me get you some water."
Walking through the park the following day, Olivia ran into Frank sitting on a bench eating his lunch. "That looks good." Frank looked up from the bite he was taking and just stared at her for a moment. "Hi."
"Hello."
"Can I join you?"
"Is there anything I could say that would stop you?"
"No. It's not because you know, I'm such a pushy person, it's cause you're such a nice guy." Frank set down his sandwich and looked up at her. "Listen, I wanted to say that I think it's great that you asked Rafe to move in with you. Not just because he needs a place to stay, but I'm sure he could really use someone to talk to."
Frank looked forward nodding his head. "The poor kid's a little confused right now. Just trying to help him figure some things out. It hasn't been easy for me either."
"No. And you know what, you could encourage him to hate us, and no one would blame you really."
"I don't want Rafe to hate his mom."
"Just me? Just a little bit?"
"I don't hate you Olivia, and I don't want Rafe to hate you either alright. I tried telling him that there's no point in being bitter about the past."
"I just hope he can learn not to be bitter about the future."
Walking into Blake's room, still feeling a bit ill, Natalia tried to smile through it. "Good morning."
"Good morning. How are you?"
"Good. Great. I'm fine."
"Yeah?"
"I threw up a couple times this morning. I'm sorry."
"Oh no, here, sit down." Turning Blake poured a glass of water from the pitcher nearby. "Let me just get you some water. Here you go."
"Thanks. I just, I think, I don't know. Maybe a little food poisoning or something."
"Yeah food poisoning. Yeah I guess we, it can't be pregnancy if you're with Olivia so. Could I be right though? Is there a possibility that you're pregnant?"
Natalia choked a little on her water. "Possibility? That, that would be amazing. Olivia can do a lot of things, but not even she could do that."
"So there hasn't been anyone?"
"Uh no. Not since Gus, so, unless Olivia has something she needs to tell me, no, not possible."
"Okay. Well then, maybe you should see a doctor."
"No, no, I think I'm okay. Olivia wants me to go but, I think I'm fine."
"Okay then."
Frank threw down his sandwich. "You know what, I just lost my appetite."
"No wait. Wait."
"Wait what? What is this, a victory lap for you?"
"No. I didn't come over here to make you feel bad I swear. I just, I, I, I've been where you are. Loving someone who doesn't love you back. And it doesn't matter what happened between the two of you, you can't just turn that love off."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing. Nothing, I just want you to know that I'm so sorry. And I just want you to know that I'm sorry I had any little part in breaking your heart."
"Oh, you've done that before." He replied with a smirk.
"That must have felt good to say."
"It did actually. And I'm not apologizing."
"You shouldn't."
"You don't have to worry about Rafe. The most important part is him getting back on track with his mom."
"Agreed. I'm glad we had a chance to talk Frank." She moved to leave but Frank spoke again, halting her.
"Now that we're being honest with each other, yes I do love Natalia, and I know she loves you yes, but there's one thing I don't know, and that is, are you the right person for her? Not because you're a woman, just because of who you are."
Before Olivia could respond, Emma walked to her mother. "Hi Frank."
"Hi honey. How are you?"
"Are you coming to the bar-b-que?"
"Um you know what, I'm not sure. I might have to work so."
"Well, we hope so, it wouldn't be that same without you." Olivia said.
"I gotta go. See you around." He grabbed the bag with his lunch and walked away.
Emma sat in his vacated spot on the bench handing her mother a piece of paper. "I wanna make these."
"Whatcha got? Oh, red, white, and blue rice crispy treats."
"Mmmhmm."
"That sounds great but you know, you got a playdate with Julia this afternoon."
"I know. You can ask Natalia to help."
Olivia just smiled at her little girl.
Blake sat on the bed in front of Natalia. "You know, I didn't mean to insult you. I just, I thought maybe, you might be pregnant. But you're not. I mean, you're catholic. And people have told me what a strict moral code you have. I just assumed you might have slept with someone."
"Blake my religion…"
"No, I'm sorry. Does this mean that you and Olivia, you haven't had sex?"
'No. No. We have. Just, okay, let's just not talk, let's just get some work done."
While Blake and Natalia were working on some details Olivia knocked and then entered Blake's room. "Hey."
"No, you cannot steel her because she is too invaluable to me and I'm not letting her go. I may even steel her from you and the Beacon." Blake stated with a smile.
Olivia just laughed. "Oh no, I'm not gonna steel her, although she does still work for me. I just need to borrow her."
Natalia looked to her lover with a smile. "Is this about the Beacon?"
"No, the Beacon I can handle, this is right up your alley." She handed the paper from Emma to Natalia. "Emma wants us to make these for the Bauer bar-b-cue."
"Okay, well I'm gonna be here for a little while longer."
"Oh no, you can leave. I insist. You have done so much for me already, to help me catch up." Blake assured.
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Thanks."
Blake smiled at them while Olivia took Natalia's hand and led her out the door. Once in the hall, Olivia stopped Natalia. "Hey, hey."
Natalia spun around. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, no nothing, nothing. I just wanted to let you know I left Phillip a message. I wanted to let him know what we're planning."
"Yeah? You told Phillip we're gonna be coming out so to speak."
"Mmmhmm."
"And what happens if he disagrees?"
"Well then we'll know before the bar-b-que, gotta be realistic, there's bound to be someone there who isn't gonna be happy to see us together. Weather it's Rafe or Phillip, or anyone else."
"Okay. That doesn't scare you?"
"No. Everyone's entitled to their opinion. My opinion, is I'm happy."
Natalia smiled her mega smile, displaying her dimples. "Okay."
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow. Tomorrow." Pulling Olivia to her, Natalia crashed their lips together, pushing Olivia against the wall behind them. Threading her fingers into golden locks, holding Olivia close. This kiss was heated and hard. This kiss was for their independence, celebrating all that they are.