Chapter 41
After ice cream with Emma, Olivia dropped her at her friends for a play date and went to Company for coffee. Walking in, Buzz was standing by a huge box. "What is in there? A Ferrari?"
"Even better. An Oven. Courtesy of some anonymous benefactor Wouldn't be you would it?" Buzz asked dumbfounded.
"Oh, you know I love you, but this stove oven thing is not my specialty it's more Natalia's."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Fine. Why?"
"You look incredibly happy."
"Oh my gosh, call a doctor." She countered laughing.
Doris had walked in behind her and smiled. "People are beginning to see that twinkle in your eye. You're gonna have to think of an explanation."
"No, I'm not because Natalia and I, we are going to the Bauer barbecue together."
"Together. Together, together?"
"Uh-huh."
"Wow."
'Yup. She and I are gonna get on with spending our lives together and being happy." The two moved to the bar to have a drink. After a moment of comfortable silence, Olivia started to giggle. "I was just picturing the look on people's faces when we show up at the barbecue together, I mean I know Reva is gonna have a crack or two."
"And Alan."
"Well, you know, um, Phillip understands, he'll have our back."
"I wonder what Ashley's gonna say when she hears."
"Well, you know maybe she'll be the first one to congratulate us."
"Maybe."
"I am a little nervous thinking about it though."
"Well, that's the point."
"No. I want people to see how normal we are. How we're just like other couples, except, unlike half of them, we actually like being together."
Doris let out a burst of laughter. "You are absolutely giddy. I think I need another drink."
"You can have what I have you know."
"Yeah, sure I can, and I can also wear a size two."
"Natalia and I weren't looking for this, it just happened, and now I can't imagine my life without her. When we're together, it's like things are the way they're supposed to be. And I never felt this way with anyone else Doris. I'm gonna marry that woman."
"I know you are. Hence the proposal a few months ago. I'm glad you're happy Olivia. It gives me hope."
Olivia gently squeezed her hand. "It'll happen for you Doris."
Natalia had decided to go to the doctor alone that afternoon while Olivia was out with Emma instead of waiting for tomorrow. Her illness was beginning to worry her, but she just didn't want Olivia to stress out, so she chose to go alone. As Olivia had suspected, Dr. Rick confirmed that it was most likely due to stress and sleep deprivation. Under strict orders to lower her stress levels and get proper sleep, Dr. Rick released her. She sat on a bench in the waiting room for a few moments, trying to think of why she was so stressed that she was physically ill. As she thought only one thing came to mind, Rafe. Just as she was leaving her phone rang, looking at the display, she saw it was Olivia. "Olivia?"
"Hi, what's up?"
"I went to Cedars. I wanted to figure this out before tomorrow."
"Oh? Baby I thought I was gonna go with you."
"I know, but I just figured while you were out with Emma, I could get this done so we wouldn't have to worry about it tomorrow."
"Oh. Okay. So, how did it go?"
"Um, okay. You were right. It's stress, and lack of sleep. Rick said I need to lower my stress levels and get some good sleep and I should be fine. Come back in a few days if I'm still sick and he will run some more test."
"Okay. Well, what can I do? How can I help with your stress baby?"
"It's okay Olivia. I think it's just worry about tomorrow. After tomorrow I think I will be fine."
"You sure there's nothing else?"
Natalia hated not to be completely honest with Olivia, but she also knew if she mentioned Rafe, Olivia would let her insecurities take over, so she left that part out. "Yes, I'm sure. We will go have a good time tomorrow and it will be done and then I can sleep and heal."
"Okay. Listen, Emma is gonna be at her friends for another couple hours, so I thought I could come home and we could have some time together."
She felt horrible, but she really needed some time to think. Time with Olivia sounded good, but she just couldn't right this minute, she needed to figure out what to do about Rafe so she could start feeling better. "That sounds great, but I can't right now. I have some errands to run. Just some things I have to take care of."
"Okay. Well, I'll see you tonight then. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, walking in there together, like a real family, and I know I'm being a big cheese ball, but I'm just so happy for us."
"Me too."
"Okay. Call me later. I love you."
"I love you too." Natalia ended the call with tears in her eyes. She was very concerned about Rafe and the fact that he was still so unwilling to have anything to do with her. She feared she might actually loose him.
After a walk in the park, Natalia decided to call Rafe to meet up with her. It was time for them to talk again. Rafe said he would meet her at the gazebo in ten minutes. Walking around the water, she made her way inside the gazebo and waited for her son. A few minutes later he appeared. Standing she gave him a hug. "Hey, come on, sit."
Rafe followed his mother and sat down next to her. "Hey Ma. What's going on?"
"Well, I wanted to talk to you."
"Okay. About what?"
"Olivia."
"No Ma. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"Well, that's too bad Rafe." Her voice rose to let him know she was serious. "You, your reaction, it's making me sick. Actually sick. I'm so worried about losing you that I can't sleep, I can barely eat, it's stressing me out so bad I went to see Rick and he said it was stress and exhaustion. So, this, you refusing to talk to me, you acting like you aren't even my son anymore, it needs to stop. You need to talk to me, and you need to figure out a way to deal with the fact that I am with Olivia."
"No Ma. I'm sorry that you're sick, but I won't accept it, I refuse to believe you love Olivia. It's not you Ma. It's not right." He screamed, rising to his feet.
"Rafe, I know this is confusing, and I know it's hard for you, but Rafe, I do. I love her. I am in love with her."
"No Ma. No."
"Yes Rafael. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone, and I am going to marry her."
"What? No Ma."
"You don't get to say no, it is happening."
"Fine, go marry her Ma, but if you stay with her, I'm done, I'm out of your life, for good. So, what Ma? Is she more important me?" He didn't give her time to respond, he just ran without even a look back.
Natalia sat there, tears streaming down her face. She had hoped there was a chance to talk to Rafe, to make him understand. She had told Olivia that she wouldn't have to choose, that he would be okay in time, but hearing him say he was out of her life if she stayed with Olivia, she knew, the tone in his voice told her, she really would lose her son. Drying her eyes, she made her way home.
When Olivia came home that night, she could tell something was wrong, she sent Emma up to get ready for bed and approached Natalia in the kitchen. "Hey."
"Hi."
Snaking her arms around Natalia's waist, Olivia held her close. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." Natalia assured, leaning in to for a quick peck on the lips.
"No, you're not, what happened?"
"Olivia…"
"Talk to me sweetheart. Please."
"It's Rafe."
"What about Rafe?"
"I really don't wanna talk about it right now. Can we please just put Emma to bed and go lay down. I promise I will talk to you about it after the barbecue. Just give me tonight. Okay?"
Olivia really didn't like the horrible feeling she had in the pit of her stomach, but she chose not to push. Instead, she kissed her partner and slowly released her. Taking her hand and leading her up the stairs to tuck in their little girl and take themselves to bed.
They crawled into bed without a word. Natalia snuggled up close to Olivia, clinging to her. The horrible feeling Olivia was having only grew worse as Natalia held her tightly, but she knew her lover wasn't going to talk tonight, so she kissed her head and wrapped her arms tighter around her. Whispering I love you several times before sleep overtook her.
The following morning Natalia barely spoke a word through breakfast. Olivia had some things to do at the office before the barbecue and Emma wanted to go with her, claiming she could help so they could get to the barbecue sooner. Olivia really didn't want to leave Natalia alone but could tell it might be for the best. She kissed her good-bye and headed out the door.
A little while later in her suite, Emma was itching to leave. "Are you ready yet? I don't wanna miss the games."
"The barbecue hasn't started yet. We have to wait for Natalia too."
"Can I go now and then you guys can come later?"
"How are you gonna get there?"
"Oh, on the bus."
"I don't think so."
"Why are you so smiley?"
"Cause this is gonna be a great day. A vary special day for our family."
Natalia was sitting at the kitchen table thinking about her conversation with Rafe the previous day. Today was supposed to be the true beginning for her family. They were going to let the town know about them and then start planning their wedding. But what about Rafe? Could she really walk away from her son? For sixteen years it had been just the two of them, and then they only had Nicky for a year. She was so conflicted and feeling sick again. Trying to eat with little luck. She was deep in thought when the phone rang. "Hello."
"Hi, it's me." Olivia answered cheerily. "Are you ready?"
"No."
Emma grabbed the rice crispy treats they had made and headed out the door. "I'm gonna wait outside."
"Wait no, no, no." Olivia called after her but she was gone. Retuning her attention to the phone she continued with Natalia. "Um, she's really climbing the walls to get to this barbecue. You nervous?" There was silence from the only line and it worried Olivia. "Natalia, you there?"
"I'm here."
"I'm here too. And pretty soon we'll be together, able to plan our wedding."
"I'm really sorry Olivia, I'm just running a little late. I'll meet you at the Bauer's."
"Wait, I thought we were gonna walk in together, that was kind of the point."
"I know, but you said she's in a rush to get there and I don't want her to have to wait because of me. So, I'll see you guys there."
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you too. Bye." Natalia hung up the phone and dropped her head in her hands.
Olivia and Emma arrived at the barbecue. Both sporting huge smiles. After greeting her father Emma ran off to play with the other kids. Olivia mingled and passed out lemonade. Everyone commenting on how happy she was. Rafe approached her to ask were his mother was. She told him she should be there shortly and he walked off.
Natalia had decided to go to the one place that always seemed to make her feel at peace. The church. She was sitting in the front pew when Father Ray spotted her from the back and walked to where she was sitting. "Natalia? I thought you'd be at the Bauer barbecue."
"I'm supposed to be there."
"I'm on my way now if you want to join me. My cousin Danny is in from out of town, I'm so excited…"
Natalia cut him off. "It is a bigger sin to love a woman or to actually be contemplating walking away from my son?" Father Ray just looked at her. "Rafe said he was out of my life if I stay with Olivia and I don't know if God is trying to punish me because I love Olivia or trying to tell me not to lose my son, or both."
Father Ray sat beside her while she ignored another call from Olivia. "Wow. It's okay. It's okay." He said absent mindedly.
"I just can't even think straight."
"Olivia?"
"I just can't talk to her right now." Putting her phone back in her purse she faced forward.
"I don't think God's punishing you."
"Olivia and I had decided that we were gonna go to the Bauer barbecue together and then Rafe hit me with this and I just, I can't believe that this is a coincidence."
"I agree, it happened for a reason."
"What?"
"If I knew, I would tell you. But the road to that answer, is a road you're gonna have to take by yourself. I would love to tell you that no matter what you won't lose Rafe, but I just don't think he can accept this."
"I haven't told Olivia. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do."
"Look, maybe, maybe you should go away for a while, by yourself, and try to figure things out."
"That just sounds like running away."
"No, run towards something. Get yourself to a place of peace, when you find it, you'll know what to do."
Olivia was standing by a tree, people watching when Phillip walked up beside her. "I could stand here all day and watch this. Just everybody, having fun."
"Yeah, it's a good day."
"Natalia here yet?"
"Nope, but she'll be here soon."
"She really makes you happy."
"Yeah. For the first time in a while, I can't wait for tomorrow to get here. You know what I mean?"
Phillip nodded his head. Emma came and grabbed both their hands, dragging them to the 'fun.'
Rick, Matt, and Josh were standing around the grill. Rick and Matt both looking for their next woman. After Rick got hit in the head with a Frisbee trying to pick up Olivia she walked over to Matt and Josh. "You guys are always on the lookout."
"And you're not?" Matt questioned.
"No, I'm not." She stated certainly. While Josh just smirked, thinking he knew who had taken Olivia off the market for good.
Natalia stood and lit some candles. Father Ray following behind her. "It's gonna take a lot more then lighting a candle."
"Olivia's waiting for me, we were supposed to go to the barbecue together and now I just, I, I don't know what to do."
"You know you really should think about going away for a while by yourself. Think things through. I know a great church retreat where the sisters would love to have you."
"I just can't believe this is happening right now. Everything was going really well."
"Was it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Think about it, your son tells you he's done with you right before you and Olivia are about to announce to the world that you're a couple."
"I just don't understand why everyone always has to get hurt."
"Let me make arrangements for you at the retreat."
"I know you mean well Father. I know you mean well, but that's just running away and I can't do that to Olivia."
"Listen, if Olivia loves you, if she really, really loves you, she'll let you go for a while. Or are you the one that's afraid?"
"Me?"
"Maybe you're worried that if you're not around Olivia your feelings for her will change. Is that why you're so anxious about leaving?"
Natalia didn't respond, just walked out of the church. She made it as far as the steps and then sat down. As she sat there contemplating her options, Blake walked by.
"Natalia, I thought that was you. I'm just coming back from the store and I saw you. Are you okay?"
"No. I usually uh, I just come here and pray. Usually makes me feel better when I'm really confused."
"You don't feel better?"
"Blake, my son isn't going to stay in my life if I stay with Olivia." She stood to leave. "I have to go."
"Where are you going?"
"I think I'm leaving town."
Olivia tried calling Natalia for what must have been the tenth time, getting only her voicemail again. "Hey Natalia, it's me. We're here you know, the kids are having a water gun fight, I think Rafe and Emma are soaked. You really don't wanna miss this. So, hurry up, okay."
Blake followed Natalia to her car. "Wait, you can't just say you're gonna do something like that and then do it."
"Okay. Okay, I know. So, what do I do if I stay here?"
"I don't know. I know that you need to talk to Olivia."
"I can't. I don't know how. She's already been through so much, with Frank, and Rafe, and…"
"I'm sorry. I wish I could help you."
"No one can." Natalia started to get in her car but Blake stopped her.
"Hold on, hold on. How can I help?"
"Um, can you go tell Olivia that I can't, I can't do this today?"
"Sure. Then what?"
"Um, I think I have to go. I need to sort this out Blake. This is choosing between my son and my fiancé, the person I love more than I have ever loved anyone. How do I make that choice?"
"I don't know, but maybe you're right. Maybe you should go. I'll uh, I'll go tell Olivia and then I'll meet you at your house and I'll drive you."
Natalia went home to pack and call Father Ray to make the arrangements. She hated having to leave her family, but it was the only option she really felt she had. She needed to figure this out, and only she could make this choice. Once home she quickly packed a suitcase and then wrote a letter for Olivia, hoping it was enough to make her understand. Looking around their shared bedroom her heart broke. Her eyes glossed over with tears as she kissed the envelope and placed the letter in and set it on the bed.
Blake found Olivia standing by the hammock, she could tell she was waiting for Natalia and growing worried. "Olivia. Hey. Looks like Emma's having fun."
"Oh, she is."
"Olivia, I have a message for you, from Natalia. She's not coming. She can't."
"Is everything okay? Where is she?"
"She doesn't want to see you right now."
"Did something happen?"
"You know what, she's gonna have to tell you that herself, I'm…"
"No, Blake come on, she's my fiancé. Is she okay? What's wrong?"
Blake took both of Olivia's hands in hers. "Look Olivia, I am really sorry. I'm really sorry." She dropped Olivia's hands and walked away.
Arriving at the farmhouse, Blake stepped out of her SUV and walked to a crying Natalia on the porch. "Are you sure?" Natalia only nodded. "Alright, let's go."
Olivia ran around the pond on Rick's property, falling to the ground and crying until there were no more tears to cry. Questioning what she did wrong for Natalia not to show up. They had been together for almost seven months, they were planning on getting married, now she felt like it was gone. She knew she needed to get herself together and go home. Go to her lover and figure this out together, but at the moment fear and a pain she had never felt before kept her frozen in place, crying on the ground on the far side of the Bauer property.
Natalia sat silently in the passenger side of Blake's SUV. Starring out the window. Slow tears falling from her eyes as she drove away from her home, from her children, from the woman she loved most in this world. She questioned if this was the right thing to do. Everything in her was screaming for her to run to Olivia, but something wouldn't let her. Something made her stay silent. As they crossed the Springfield County line, Natalia blew a kiss out the window, praying it would find its way to Olivia. This kiss was a promise to return, with a new understanding of herself and their situation. With a plan to fix their family and move forward with their lives. This kiss was goodbye for now.