Note: The chapter title is a reference to Verne's novel, Around the World in 80 Days. This is a bit of a light-hearted chapter until the end.
Honestly, he totally thought the entirety of his holiday in the Land of Hot Water would be spent dreadfully and that he'd worry throughout it. Sasuke was pleasantly surprised to find that in spite of the world-level quest he had, he could still enjoy a fabulous time at the pool. Very few things were as relaxing as scaring away little children with loose bladders.
Sasuke pulled out a Verne novel, becoming rather invested in it before another man came surging into the pool, making an annoyingly big splash, getting his book wet. Sasuke felt like a vein was going to pop. Setting his book aside, he glared at the man, who was gawking like a fish at the half-naked women. Apparently, the man was a nuisance, a pervert, and, upon recognition...a Sannin.
It was just his luck running into all three of the Legendary Nuisances. Jiraiya caught him looking, and promptly turned around, squinting at him through wet bangs.
"Who the hell are you?" He asked, kind of rudely. Sasuke sipped his mojito blankly.
"None of your business," he stated.
Jiraiya waded a bit too close to him, examining Sasuke's face with alarming fervour.
"You're an Uchiha, I think. Like the male version of that pretty Mikoto." Jiraiya rubbed his chin in thought. Sasuke felt something simmer within him. If Jiraiya dared to disrespect his mother, Sasuke wouldn't hesitate to decapitate the man, consequences be damned.
Something in his expression must've been vehement, because Jiraiya held up his hands in mock surrender.
"Chill, dude! I don't peep on married women," Jiraiya winked slyly. The implications of that statement were disgusting. Sasuke chugged down the remainder of his mojito, to which Jiraiya watched his Adam's apple bob creepily.
"Boasting about making women uncomfortable is utterly tasteless," Sasuke muttered, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. He had no idea how anyone could stand to be around this idiotic man. Jiraiya whistled apathetically, still staring at him. Sasuke was about to comment how creepy he was when Jiraiya transformed into a perfect copy of him.
Jiraiya, looking like him, leered at him. It was like looking at his evil twin. A few people audibly gasped, no doubt unused to seeing ninja in action.
"Kid, no woman notices my peeping because they're staring at you and your sickening good looks." Jiraiya huffed.
Sasuke ignored the back-handed compliment.
"You are not going to imitate me and use my appearance to peep." The only thing that unsettled him more than the idea of some arsehole such as Jiraiya committing crimes looking like him was the idea that they'd be peeping on women looking like him.
Jiraiya morphed back into his hideous self.
"Hmph. I was just kidding. You don't hold a candle to my legendary good looks." Jiraiya made a show of kissing his bicep. A thirty-something year-old Jiraiya seemed to be a hundred times stupider.
"Wonderful. You should consider stand-up," Sasuke commented sarcastically. He rose from the water, not wishing to put up with this idiot any longer. It was time to go shopping.
As the colours of the sun started to bleed in the sky, approaching evening hours, Sasuke traipsed through the variety of shops and stores. He figured to go shopping, specifically for antiques, or souvenirs for Itachi. Not to mention that it served a great excuse to stay away from Jiraiya.
Some of the antiques interested him. The time period he'd be travelling back to was back the Warring States Era, when Madara and Hashirama were in their early twenties and a decade or so before the founding of Konoha, and some of the items in the antique shop dated back to then. Sasuke was probably being materialistic and greedy, but if he pilfered them from the past and got back to the present, he was pretty sure they'd fetch a hefty sum.
If Sasuke knew roughly a year ago that he'd be time travelling from twenty years into the future to now (it was strange how he went from thinking of this as the past to it being his present), then he definitely would've memorised the outcomes for horse races or football matches or something so he could bet big. He picked up some book titled 'Likeliest and Unlikeliest Winning Bets': an extremely convenient read that he skimmed over with his Sharingan before putting it back on the shelf.
Overall, he didn't do much splurging, but he did buy Itachi a sun dial, and before he knew it, it was fast approaching the time to depart for his next destination: Sunagakure.
They had nice food here. He'd give it an 8/10, meaning it was great, just too sweet for his tastes. Sasuke stabbed the miso ramen noodles with his fork and shoved them into his mouth. Hm. Tangy, flavourful, and not too sweet.
As an afterthought, maybe he should be a food critic, or a chef. That career path was starting to seem more fun than being a glorified murderer. He'd get to stab and dice up chickens rather than humans. Well, to be fair, he could be a thousand things other than a ninja, but none of the alternatives paid as well (except being a stripper, which Sasuke refused to consider).
Ugh. The vodka was making him thoughtful. Yes, he would blame the vodka, he was a thoughtful, sad kind of drunk. Sasuke found it pathetic that it took one or two shots to liken him to this. His hope was that it wouldn't result in a ghastly hangover. Sasuke wandered the Suna streets. The evening waned to introduce the night, and it was time to haul his drunk arse to a bed, so he did.
He let himself smile. This was nice: touring the world, being able to get buzzed in another country without having to worry about death, and overall being a nosy tourist, all with the precursor of a quest into the past. Granted, it was entirely voluntary, but still, he was allowed to complain, right? Part of him was still anxious that something would go horribly wrong.
Eh. He ignored the anxiety in him, willing himself to sleep. Tomorrow held a new destination entirely.
There was something strangely euphoric in wandering around in enemy territory, namely Iwa. Onoki was twenty feet away from him, and the old coot had no idea. Civilians practically bowed down in worship. Sasuke was convinced that Onoki was the stupider version of a dictator. Either Sasuke was a really good spy, or Iwa was just stupid. If he played his cards right, he'd have a clean shot at Onoki's carotid artery.
Fortunately for Onoki, he wasn't in the murderous mood and didn't want to stir up unnecessary chaos before his own personal doomsday (time seal version), so Sasuke let the chance slip by. It wasn't like killing Onoki benefited in anything other than personal satisfaction.
Sasuke remained slightly absent-minded even when every person in a kilometre radius swivelled their heads around to look at him, showing off glinting weapons and overall giving him the evil eye. Oh well. It looks like Iwa wasn't that stupid. And neither was he, because he luckily and strategically placed some rather deadly bombs in the entire district, all set to go off in 3...2...
Now. That was a whole millisecond earlier than expected. In the midst of a vehement Onoki, roaring bombs and frustrated ninja, Sasuke made his great escape, though not before a quick selfie. He checked his watch as he ran for the hills. Time for a new country!
Sasuke practically flashed past Kumo, heading for Hoshigakure or whatever its stupid name was. He considered paying Yugito a visit, except he had no idea where she was, if they were even close enough for that, and whether she'd appreciate it or not, so he flew past it.
In the future, Hoshigakure would be a shithole full of corruption and what-not, but right now, it was a budding tourist hotspot for curious young minds like himself (note the sarcasm). Astronomy students loved it here, and it was pretty, so Sasuke had the good sense to get one of those fridge magnets and a crystallised flower for Itachi. He brought Itachi six goddamn souvenirs, total.
Sasuke had to admit he was learning more history right now than he would've in the future. The true horrors of history were so brilliantly hidden from the history books. It was like the only way to find out what actually happened was to actually be there. For that reason, when Sasuke went back to the Warring States Period, he could rely very little on the history books now.
While stargazing like a lovesick teenager, Sasuke briefly ticked an item off his bucket list. This holiday was fun, because it gave him the opportunity to fulfill the more mundane, civilian-esque aspect of his bucket list. Except blowing up Iwa. He got to tick that off twice.
This holiday served as a brief respite before impending doom. Because tomorrow, he had a Rinnegan to steal. And the day after that, he'd get to embark on a quest with a high chance of death.
Killing Danzo was one thing, and stealing the Rinnegan was another ballgame entirely. Because Danzo was somebody whose weaknesses he knew well, traversing and manipulating the old coot was like second nature to him. But the Rinnegan, even with Kushina's help, was difficult.
Sasuke couldn't count the amount of times he nearly fucked up, though not irrevocably. He had to be extremely discreet when sneaking into Hiruzen's emporium, and even more so when slyly getting past the various traps. Though, when Hiruzen would find it missing, Sasuke regretted not being there to witness his no doubt priceless expression.
Nabbing the two creepy little orbs, Sasuke ever-so-carefully tiptoed around the malicious traps, making his surreptitiously glorious getaway through the window. He hit the ground with a quiet thud, and made his way to Kushina's. They really were thick as thieves. And now, he was unofficially a criminal.
"Are you ready?" Kushina scrawled out notes on a clipboard. She wore reading glasses, though Sasuke was pretty sure she didn't actually need them and was wearing them to fit the mad scientist aesthetic. Her basement did feel like some strange lab, and he was the guinea pig.
Luckily, the mad scientist's fiance was gone on some stupid mission with his team, or else Minato would've burst into tears when finding his wife-to-be wasn't as loyal to the village as he thought, and then his loyal arse would've reported them to Hiruzen. Then they'd have to break out of prison and - Gosh, Sasuke had to compliment his own imaginative skills.
"Yes," he assured her, though in truth, he'd never be completely ready. Time travel was the kind of thing that must be done that nobody wanted to do. Here he was, having survived one time travel fiasco to go onto another that he may not make it out of. Sasuke fumbled with the Rinnegan in his pocket, holding them before the giant seal.
"Alright," Kushina began tentatively, "It's happening. 3...2...1..."
"Now." And that was the last thing Sasuke heard before the searing pain overtook him.