Chapter 45

Olivia walked into the Springfield PD almost three weeks after Natalia disappeared. She approached Remy hoping that he would be willing to help her. Remy looked up from his computer. "How you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Christina said you were a little under the weather. That's why she…"

"I'm fine." Holding up a small piece of paper she got to the point of her visit. "Look, I, I need some information. This is one of my um employees social security numbers. Could you, I need a list of her previous employers."

"Olivia this is the police department. We don't do that. Why don't you just contact your employee."

"I can't."

"If you think someone's stealing money from you and you want to do a back ground check, you have to PI first. Okay."

"Natalia's missing."

"What do you mean she's missing?"

"I mean she's gone and nobody knows where she is or they're not talking. And I'm worried about her."

"Rafe?"

"He doesn't know."

"How long's she been gone?"

"Fourth of July. Look I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but it's not like her to disappear like this. Right?"

"Um, no. It's not. Do you think it's everything with Frank, and Rafe moving in with him?"

"I think she's been having a really hard time, so, can you help me with this? Please."

"Yeah, I'll check her tax records to see if there's any old addresses."

"Great. You're a good friend to her." Remy walked out to start on his task and Olivia went back to her office to await his call.

Once Remy called with a list for Olivia, she decided that she and Emma were going to take a trip to Chicago to try and find her lover. She needed to talk to her, to explain that it was okay, that they could get through this together. She quickly made a plan and called Emma's sitter.

"Hey Christina if you could just drop Emma off at my office I'd really appreciate that. We're going on a little field trip to Chicago, I have to get her packed…I'm great. I'm much better now. Thanks."

As soon as Emma arrived, the two went up to their suite and Olivia started packing and sent Emma to pack her bag. "Come on Em. Let's go, let's go. Go pack your toothbrush."

"Why do I have to miss Camp?"

"Cause sweetie. This is important. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be like a scavenger hunt. Did you pack everything on your list?"

"I think so."

"Come on Emma. This is important to me."

"I thought we were gonna make cupcakes."

"Enough. Alright. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be like a scavenger hunt. Now go. Pack your toothbrush and use the bathroom cause we're not gonna stop. We have a plan. Okay?"

Emma walked off sadly to do as she was told. Olivia picked up a picture of Natalia, looking at it with longing. "Everything's gonna be good." She placed the photo in her suitcase and closed it up. Once Emma was done in the restroom, the two made their way to the car.

Emma looked to her mother. "I want to see my friends at camp."

"Honey I know you do, but you're gonna be a great helper to me. You're good at navigating, you can sing songs and keep me awake. We're gonna go find Natalia and we're gonna tell her we want her to come back home."

"We're gonna find Natalia?" Emma asked. Allowing herself to get excited.

"We're gonna find her and we're gonna bring her home."

"Why can't we just call her?"'

"Cause that's not the way it works. She has to see us. She has to see that we care about her, and then she's gonna give us hugs and kisses." She let out an exaggerated breath. "Why don't you pick a song. Just pick a song now and start singing and then we'll just get there faster. Okay? Em? Come on sing. Why aren't you singing"

"Cause you're scaring me." Emma said. Starting to cry.

Olivia's heart sank at those words. "I'm sorry Em. Don't be scared. Okay baby? You don't have to go. Do you want to stay with Jane and you can go to camp and see your friends?"

Emma only nodded. Olivia climbed into the back seat with her daughter. Taking her into her arms. "I'm sorry Em. I just, I miss Natalia, and I want to bring her home. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay mom. I miss Natalia too."

"I know baby. I know."

Oliva took Emma to Jane so she could go to camp. She started her trip to Chicago. She made it to her first stop, a bar Natalia used to work at. As she walked in her phone rang. "Yeah Jane. Thanks for taking Emma to camp. You okay to stay with her until I get back?...Great tell her she can call me. Okay?...great."

She hung up and walked to the bar. Trying to get the bar tenders attention. "Hi. Hello."

He turned from cleaning the glass and walked close to her. "Hey, hi."

"Are you Jonesy?"

"Jonesy. Yeah that's me. Hi."

"Hi."

"Do we know each other?"

"No, we don't. We have a mutual friend. Natalia Rivera."

"Nat. Yes great girl. I think she married Nicky."

"Yeah she did. Um, Nicky's dead."

"Nicky's dead?"

"Yeah. Sorry. Natalia's really upset, obviously, and she took off. Nobody knows where she is and I thought maybe she came back here."

"Well, I haven't seen her."

"See I think you're lying to me. I can see it in your eyes. She's been here, you've seen her, or you know where she is, so why don't you just tell me."

"Look lady…"

"I wanna know, I need to talk to her. She's my fiancé, I need to find her. Do you understand? So, I need you tell me where she is. Just tell me where she is and I'll go."

"Well like I said I don't know."

"Alright, you know what, I've got time. I can hang out here, so uh, don't mind me, alright." With that she hand cuffed herself to the bar. Refusing to leave. Jonesy was at a loss as to who this woman was that claimed to be engaged to Natalia. He did the only thing he could do. He had her arrested.

From jail, Olivia was able to use her cell phone for a call. She called the only person she could count on besides Natalia. "Hey Josh. It's me."

"Well be still my beating heart. You up for a little pool today? I'm feeling lucky."

"Well, if you can come and get me, I'm in."

"Oh, I see. You're already ahead of me on the drinking thing and you need a ride. Okay. Where are you?"

"Chicago. I have my car; I just need some…bail money."

Josh's face fell a little, then he shook his head and assured her he was coming to get her. A few hours later he arrived and bailed her out. Walking out to his car Olivia half faced him. "Thank you so much. That guard was unbearable."

"He said the same thing about you."

"How much do I owe you for this?"

"I'm not gonna tell you."

"How am I gonna pay you back?"

Taking off his sunglasses, Josh half smiled. "Oh, you'll pay me back Olivia. You will pay me back."

"Alright. I at least owe you an explanation. You came all this way to bail me out."

"Stop. You don't owe me an explanation. I have several scenarios in my head of what was going on. I like them all. I think I'll stick with them."

"It would have been a good explanation."

"I'm sure it would." The two got in the car. Josh drove Olivia to her car at the bar and they both drove back to Springfield.

Later that week, Olivia found herself walking across the ball fields, to her surprise, Rafe was there hitting some balls. As soon as he noticed her, he ran over to her. "Hey. Where the hell is my mother?"

"I don't know. Where is she?"

"You tell me. You're the one who drove her away."

"I didn't drive her away. She left."

"No, I know that, but she left ME because of you."

"What?"

"Look, you tried to take advantage of her, alright."

"What, what is it with you? Maybe it was you. Maybe it was because your church, made her feel dirty. Maybe it's because you treated her like she was a bad person because she fell in love with someone."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, you."

"First of all, you. Okay. It was your fault."

"My fault?"

"Yeah."

"What is wrong with you? How could you do that? How could you make her feel like loving anyone was wrong? How could you not be happy for her?"

"You don't love her. You didn't love her. You didn't care about her or care about what made her happy. You just wanted someone to love you, and you couldn't find somebody so you chose my mother. You took advantage of her okay. Because you thought she was weak."

"Oh God."

"Whatever." He turned to walk away.

"No. Rafe. No. You don't get to walk away. You are gonna hear what I have to say."

Rafe spun back to face her. "Fine, fine Olivia, what do you need to say?"

"I do love her Rafe. I love her so much it hurts and I think you know that. I think you know that and I think it scares you."

"It scares me?"

"Yes. It scares you because it won't be just you and your mother anymore. You know I love her, and you know she loves me."

"Oh, I do, do I?"

"Yes. And instead of being happy for your mother, you're acting like a spoiled rotten two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum cause you're not getting your way. Do you even know how long we've been together?"

"No. And I don't care. You don't love her and she damn sure doesn't love you."

"Oh, you think that? Well let me enlighten you Rafe. Do you remember when we came to see you at the prison when you were sick? The day of Emma's family day at school?"

"Yeah, so."

"We've been together since then Rafe. You saw how happy your mother was, with me. You saw her smile every time she came to visit you, didn't you?"

"She was smiling because she was happy to see me."

"She was. I'll give you that, but was it different then before that day, after we came that day, was she different?" Rafe just starred at her. He knew she was right, after that day his mother was always happy. Happier than he had ever seen her. "I'm gonna take your silence as a yes. Well let me give you one more piece of information. I proposed to her, in March. And you wanna know the real shocker there, she said yes. She wanted to marry me. I know, I can't believe it either. And I agree with you Rafe. I don't deserve her, she could do so much better than me, but it doesn't matter what I think, or what you think, she chose me, and we were happy. We were so happy it was almost sickening. That is, until you got out of jail and found out about us and started acting like a world class ass. That's when it changed Rafe. And don't pretend you didn't see it. You know your mother was happy, with me, you saw it. Those weeks you spent at the house, you saw our family, you know how happy she was. Until you started treating her like shit. That's when she changed, that's when she was less than happy. I don't know what happened before the barbecue, but I would bet it had something do with you and your refusal to be happy for us and your refusal to be accept us. She would do anything for you, including throwing away her own happiness for yours. Is that what you want Rafe? Do you want your mother to be miserable just because you're uncomfortable with who chose to love?"

"Olivia, just stop, you can't have my mother. You have taken everything from me, you took my father, then his heart, then our home, her wedding rings, you took everything, well you can't have her. She doesn't love you, and this retreat, it's about her getting back to God, back to her beliefs. So don't expect anything when she comes back Olivia. She's gonna come back and be the mother that I know and she's gonna be with Frank, and you're gonna be alone." He didn't give her a chance to respond before he sprinted away.

Olivia walked to home plate, picking up the balls and throwing them at the fence until there were none left. She walked to the fence and clung to it for a moment, needing to get herself in check, to calm down. Rafe had just voiced her greatest fears, that Natalia was going away to get over her so she could have her son back. Fear gripped her heart as she slipped down to the dirt and cried, again.

Later that day Olivia sat in her office starring at a picture of Natalia. Finally, she threw down her pen and called her daughter. No matter how heartbroken she was, life went on. She still had things to take care of. Ava just lost her father and she had to be there for her. "Hi Ava baby, it's me. I just, I wanted to see how you were doing…I'm, I'm um, I'm okay, I'm okay. Um, Billy Lewis called me and the service is gonna be tomorrow and…oh you are, okay good. Tell me your flight number, I wanna pick you up and Emma's gonna be so happy to see you and me too…You're father loved you very much, you know that? I'm glad you're gonna have a chance to say good-bye. Everyone deserves a chance to say good-bye." She ended the call with Ava and hung her head in her hands, sobbing tears she thought she had cried out.

Rafe walked into Company, grabbing a soda. Before he could pour it into a glass, Ashley Wolfe approached him with baby Henry on her hip. "Hey Rafe."

"Uh yeah." He looked at the baby. "Hey buddy."

"You wanna come join us."

"Honestly I would but uh, I don't feel like I'd be very good company today."

"Well okay. How's your mom? Is she, I haven't seen her."

"No yeah, that's cause nobody has."

"No, wait, it she okay?"

"Uh, yeah you know, she's just a little bit out of her mind."

"Oh yeah, oh everything with you getting out and Frank, I heard he and she were not seeing eye to eye right now, fighting a lot. They were such good friends."

"She's not thinking about Frank right now."

"Oh my God. Is she uh, is she seeing someone?"

"Um, kind of, she um, she's uh, I don't even know why I'm trying to keep her secret, this is stupid."

"What's the secret?"

"Uh, my mother thinks that's she's uh in love with a woman and she can't be with Frank, or any man, because she loves this certain woman."

"Wait, your mom is gay?"

"Ashley stop come on. My mom's not gay, and you said that so loud."

"Well has she had other girlfriends?"

"I don't know. She barely told me anything. I don't know."

"Wow. Wow."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even told you. Please don't tell anyone."

"No, of course not, are you okay?"

"Yeah, just, I don't, I feel like I don't know my mother." Rafe grabbed his drink and left so he could think. He was so confused. He had the letters from his Mother to Olivia, he remembered the week he spent at the farmhouse with her and the family she had created, his heart knew Olivia was right, his mother loved her, but his head was refusing to accept it. He had to keep fighting for his mother to do the right thing. She couldn't be with Olivia, maybe if she had chosen a different woman he could come to terms with it, but not Olivia. Never Olivia.

As Rafe left. Doris came almost running in. "Ashley hey, coffee please thanks. I've got a lot of work to do today so I can free up tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Reva asked me to officiate Jeffery's memorial."

"Oh, wow uh, are you gonna do it?"

"Yeah, course I am."

"Good. That's great. I'm, I'm very proud of you."

"Oh, it's just part of the job."

"No mom, you are reliable, you're dependable, I like dependable in a parent."

"Well, I am what I am."

"Not everyone is."

"That's true. What are we talking about?"

"It's the weirdest thing, I saw Rafe today, and he told me something. It seems that Natalia is gay and he never knew about it and he just found out and he's a little upset."

"Upset that she's gay?"

"Maybe more that she never told him. You know, I mean that's a huge secret to keep from your kid. Don't you think? He's so upset. I just, feel so badly for him."

Doris's heart sank. She wanted to tell Ashley the truth, but after hearing those words from her mouth, she feared she never could. She had kept the same secret from Ashley and now she knows how Ashley feels about it.

Remy stepped into Olivia's office. "You called. What's up?"

"Hi. Uh, you got a minute?"

"Sure, yeah."

"I spoke with Ava and she's coming in for Jeffery's funeral."

"Is she okay?"

"We'll see. I wanted you to know. I didn't know if the two of you stayed in touch."

"Sort of, not really. I'll be glad to see her though."

"You and me both."

Natalia was sitting in a pew at the church, her head bowed in prayer. "Dear lord, I'm not sure what I want to say. I know I still need guidance in what I'm supposed to do about Rafe, but I also wanted to thank you. You brought Olivia and Emma into my life at a time when I really needed them, and now I need them more. You gave me such a gift when you sent Olivia to me. I thank you for that, for allowing me to have such a great love. I know you have a plan for me. A way for me to have this love you have given me and not lose my son. I just have to be patient and you will show me the way." She rose from the pew and slowly made her way back to her room. Sitting at the small desk she wrote Olivia again.

My darling Olivia,

I wish I was wrapped in your arms right now. I have been speaking with several people here, trying to work though my thoughts and feelings. I have started to become more comfortable, more able to open up, and trust them to help me find my path, but it's not the same as being with you. I have only ever felt truly safe and loved in the comfort of your arms. You are the only person I have ever actually opened up to. Been completely honest with. I know I need to be here, but it's hard. Father Patrick is a good listener. He understands our situation. He keeps telling me that Rafe is grown and I need to allow him to be his own man, let him find his own path. I know that he's right, I just can't imagine not having him in our lives. It's hard enough having Ava so far away from our family. I want our whole family to be together. I want Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family. I want birthdays and Sunday dinners. I want lazy days watching our children play and picnics by the pond, feeding the ducks. I know we have that with Emma, but I want it with our entire family. All three of our kids. Is that selfish? I know Ava can't be there, but Rafe can, and I know he would love to have this family as much as I do. That week he spent at home with us, he was happy, a little stand offish, but I could tell. He enjoyed having Emma there, and even you. He would never admit it, but he did. It's what he needs, the love and support of a family, his family. That's why I have to stay here, just a little longer, I know there is a way to make Rafe understand, a way to make him see that this is the family he and I have always wanted. It's different than we thought it would be, but for me, it's better. I just have to figure out how to make him see, find the right words. I'm ready to come home my love, I really am, but I have to stay just a little longer. I hope you understand. Give Emma a big hug and kiss for me. I love you querida. With all of my heart.

Yours always,

Natalia

Natalia placed the letter in the envelope, kissing the back as always. This kiss was not one of hope or longing, this kiss was merely the essence of her love, being sent across time and space to reach her lover. To wrap Olivia in her love and hold her tight until she could return.