Chapter 46

Ava arrived the following morning. Olivia and Emma picked her up from the airport. They dropped her suitcase at the Beacon, called Jane to watch Emma, and headed to Jeffery's service.

Reva stood starring with sad eyes at the picture of Jeffery next to his casket. Josh was standing across the field watching Reva when Shane walked up.

"Dad."

"Hmm."

"Should I go stand by her?"

"Uh, no, no. Let her have her time alone."

Billy Lewis approached the men carrying baby Collin is his car seat. "Hey. I think this little guy's having a though day too." The baby's grandfather took him and walked away as Olivia and Ava joined the group of men.

Olivia looked at the men. "Hi."

"Hey." They all said in unison.

"Hey Ava. How are you." Josh said. Stepping forward to hug the young woman. "It's good to see you."

"Thanks, you too."

"You look beautiful and I'm sorry."

As Ava stepped back in line with her mother, Olivia faced Shane. "Uh Shane, this is Jeffery and my daughter Ava. Ava this is…"

"Shane, your brother, stepbrother actually." He finished for Olivia. Extending his hand to Ava. "It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you."

"I wish it was under different circumstances. So uh, I wanted to tell you that I think your dad was a really great man."

"I thought so too. Thank you."

Billy looked at Ava. "Hi sweetie. Good to see you. How's California?"

"Fine."

"Good."

"I should probably say hi to Reva." Ava walked away from the group and stood beside Reva. "I love that picture of him."

Reva turned to her and took her into a hug. "Oh, Ava sweetie. I'm so glad you're here. Your daddy loved you so much."

"And he loved you too. He was a different man when he found you. He was so happy."

"Oh, I never could have gotten through the last year without him." Reva noticed her father and called him over with Collin. "Pop come here, come on." Looking back at Ava. "You've got to meet someone. You've got to meet your little brother. Collin this is your big sister Ava. Pop you remember Ava don't you? Jeffery's daughter."

"I sure do. I wish I was seeing you under different circumstances."

The two woman cooed over the baby. Reva tugged on his foot. "Say hi to your big sister."

Ava looked from the baby to Reva. "It's absolutely incredible. He looks just like my dad."

"I know. I think so too."

"Oh my god."

"That means you're a very handsome guy. He loves music and you should hear his laugh."

"Oh, I hope I get to. Can I hold him."

"Oh of course you can."

Ava took the baby into her arms. They continued to coo over the baby. Reva turned to the photo of Jeffery. "See Jeffery, both your kids are here and they're getting along."

Ava looked down to the baby in her arms. "See, baby brother, that's our daddy. And I hope you grow up funny and smart and kind, just like him."

They woman fussed over the baby for a while longer and then Daisy came and took the baby to Company so Reva wouldn't have to worry about him. Reva was sitting in a chair at the front when Olivia found her. "Hey, where's Collin."

"Um, Daisy thought it would be best if he weren't here. So, she left with him."

"Okay. So, thank you for being so good to my daughter."

"Well, she's my daughter too. Jeffery loved her. I do too."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Just take care of Ava, that's what Jeffery would want."

Doris did a wonderful job speaking fondly of Jeffery. Sharing his love for music and playing a song that he wrote. She spoke of the man he was, of how great of a man he was. As Reva asked, she instructed everyone to bring the item they brought that reminded them of Jeffery and place it in a box.

One by one everyone stepped up and explained their item and placed it in the box. Everyone had something special that made them think of the man fondly. They all shared stories. Getting to know the man through each other. When Rafe stepped to the box, he spoke of everything that happened between him and Jeffery and Olivia saw him as the man Natalia knew he could be. She wished Natalia was there to see it. People continued to share stories, when it was Olivia's turn, she knew it would be hard, although she had forgiven him, he was still the man that hurt her all those years ago, but she had brought a photo of Ava. No matter what happened between she and Jeffery, he gave her Ava, and for that, she was thankful. She spoke of how great of a father he was and how much he loved his children. She kissed Reva's cheek and took her place behind her.

Once everyone was done, Doris finished the service. She announced that the governor had issued him the medal of velar for his years of service and gave it to Reva. After, Ava stood at the podium and spoke of her father. Of how he spoke through his eyes. How safe he made her feel. Of how grateful she was that he wasn't alone. She placed a small snow globe in the box in memory of their first Christmas together.

When Reva stood, she was broken. She was upset that before he left he had to find her and say goodbye but she didn't get to say goodbye. She screamed at the photo of him. Breaking down in front of everyone. Knocking over the photo and the box as she ran off sobbing. Shane and Josh going after her.

Olivia stood, facing the creek that ran through the park when Phillip approached. "I hope Reva's alright."

"You know she's not."

"No, she's not. Should have expected something like this. She's never been one to hide her feelings."

"I would have done the same. It's just really unfair when the person you love leaves you like that, and you don't get to say goodbye. I mean, there's nothing worse, cause everyone deserves a farewell, right? I need to go check on Ava." She walked away leaving Phillip standing there. He sighed and looked down. He knew she was talking about more than Reva.

Olivia found Ava leaning against a rock. She silently stood next to her. Without looking at her Ava began to speak. "I used to love coming here, but today it's just not making me feel better."

"You know what honey; this might be one of those days where nothing's gonna make you feel better. You're just gonna have to let yourself be sad."

"I thought there would be more time. I thought there would be birthdays and Christmas's and grandkids, and…"

Olivia placed one hand behind her back rubbing softly and laid her head on her shoulder. "You still have me. Okay?"

"I know mom. I love you."

"I love you too."

Olivia and Ava walked over to the playground where they found Remy. Olivia stood back and allowed Ava to speak with him privately. The two had never really discussed the loss of their son and Olivia knew they needed to. For both their sakes. Olivia leaned against a basketball pole watching her daughter when Phillip approached her once again. "Your daughter seems lovely. Sorry, this is why she's here, but uh, at least it's nice you get to be here for her."

"Yeah. Of course, I'll be here for her. I wish someone could be here for me. Just feel like I'm dealing with everything on my own."

"I don't think that's true. You're a huge part of this town. You're connected to practically everybody."

"Why do I feel so alone." At that moment Ava walked over to them. Ending the conversation with Phillip. Olivia and Ava walked to the ball field and sat in the dugout. Olivia took both of Ava's hands in hers and turned to face her. "I need to talk to you. It was a really hard year last year, and a lot of loss. With Gus, and the baby, and Coop, and then finally your father."

"It's overwhelming I know."

"I know, and I don't know if I could have gotten through it without Natalia. She really saved me."

"I know mom. She gave you Gus's heart, and then hers. She's a very special woman. I'm glad you're happy."

"We were very happy, and very in love."

"I know you told me."

"I love her more than I have ever loved anyone in my life."

"I think that's wonderful. And I'm really happy for you." Olivia started to cry, unable to stop the tears. "Mom, you know I'm happy for you. I have been since you told me. What's wrong? Mom?"

"It should have been a great thing, it really should, but it got to be too hard for her and she left."

"Well, where did she go? Go get her."

"She doesn't want to be found."

"Mom. Are you okay?"

"No. No honey I'm not."

"Mom, you have to find her. You two were so happy. I talked to her a few times since you told me. I know she loved you and she was really happy."

"I know. I know she was. There was a lot that happened with Rafe and with Frank and her Church, and Father Ray, and it was just too much. Too many people against us. She couldn't do it and she took off."

"I am so sorry mom. I'm here for you. You know that right?"

"I know baby. I know. Thank you." The two shared a tight embrace and Ava left to go find Reva. Olivia walked to the graveyard and stood in front of Gus's grave. "If you have any pull with Natalia, could you please just tell her to come home. I'll make her happy. We'll make each other happy. I promise." As she stood there, Rafe walked up from the other side.

The two of them shared a look, both unwilling to speak. Finally, Olivia walked to Rafe, without a word she hugged him awkwardly. He stiffened but didn't push her away. That gave her the courage to speak. "Your dad loved you Rafe, and so does your mom. She'll come back to you. I promise." She kissed his cheek and walked away.

Rafe stood there for a moment. He was baffled. Not so much by Olivia's actions, but by the fact that he actually took comfort in them. For that short minute, it felt like he had another parent, someone who wanted to make him feel better. He sat down on the step and placed his hand over the plaque with his father's name. "Hey. I uh, I guess I just wanted to talk you today. After everything with Jeffery. I'm so confused. I don't know what to make of Olivia. After everything she did. How am I supposed to be okay with her and Ma?" He ran his hand over the plaque and then stood to leave.

A couple days later, Rafe was checking the mail at the farmhouse and found another letter addressed to Olivia in his mother's handwriting. He didn't open it this time. Just stuck it in his pocket and went back to Frank's to place it with the others. His view of Olivia had changed a little. In that brief minute at his father's grave, when she acted like she was his mother, tried to comfort him, even though he didn't deserve it. He still wasn't ready to forgive her, to accept her and his mother, but he had been thinking about giving her the letters. He wasn't going to open anymore of them. Just hold onto them until he made his mind up about Olivia.

Olivia had sent Emma to San Francisco with Ava after Jeffery's service so she wouldn't see what a mess she was any more. Today she had a doctor's visit. She walked into Rick's office and hopped up on the table. He took out his stethoscope and placed it above her heart. "Hearts on this side right." He joked.

"Good job doc." Olivia shot back.

"Yeah it's still there, still there beating away."

"Oh, I'd be one those people who would disagree with you."

"Relax, relax, we're almost done. Medicines good. Any side effects at all?"

"Nope fine."

"Okay. We're keeping the diet? Moderate exercise?"

"Yes doctor."

"Limiting the booze intake?"

"Dry as a bone. T totaler."

"Great. So how about the mental health? How's that?"

"Fit as a fiddle, happy as a clam, whistle while I work." She made a whistling sound.

"Scaring me."

"Scaring myself."

"You are scaring me."

She poked him in the chest. "I'm scaring myself."

"Look um, you can talk to me, I can recommend someone you can talk to."

"I'm fine, just, going through some changes that's all."

"Okay. You're all set. I'm gonna go get your blood work and I'll be right back." He left and Olivia also walked out. As she went around the corner she came nose to nose with Rick's father. "Ed Bauer. Hi."

"Hey. Olivia hi, how are you?"

"I'm good. What are you doing back here?"

"Uh research project. I'm sort of hopping back and forth from here to California."

"That's some commute."

"Yeah."

"You back here to keep an eye on your kid."

"Na, na, na, he needs a beautiful woman, not his crotchety old man."

"Stop."

"So, what about you? You seeing anyone?"

"Um, that's a tricky question at the moment, but my little girl and my business keep me happy."

"Oh, the little girl you had with Phillip right."

"Yup."

"Oh, he was talking about her. What's her name? Emma?"

"Emma. She's wonderful, and she loves having her daddy back. He's so good for her."

"Well Phillip loves his kids."

"Yeah."

"Well look, I am sorry but I got a meeting to get to."

"It was good seeing you."

"Take care of yourself."

"Yeah. You too."

Olivia went back into the exam room and sat down to wait for Rick. He came back in carrying her file. "Hey."

"Hey."

"It's your fourth favorite doctor. On this floor."

"That's right. You're almost number three."

"Almost number three." He scooted onto the exam table next to her. "Well, I got your blood work."

"Okay. And?"

"Things look pretty good."

"Excellent." She started to get up but Rick placed a hand on her arm stopping her.

"Sit down. Relax, we're not done." Olivia's head shot up to meet his eyes. "So how much have you been boozing lately?"

"I'm not. I told you."

"Well, your blood work says differently."

"Curses." She staged whispered. "Um okay, so I stopped drinking like three days ago. Cause I knew I had this exam I had to take. And um I figured the alcohol would be out of my system by now."

"Well, the alcohol is out of your system, but your enzymes and your fatty acid balance are just way off the charts."

"Okay, alright look, it's not like I get up every morning and I pour myself a drink. I wait till around eleven thirty." She attempted to make it a joke. Punching him in the arm. "Alright, alright. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's just, I've gone through some stuff, some sadness, and I'm not an alcoholic, I'm just, it's a rough time right now. Everybody has them."

"Yeah everybody has them. Not everybody's carrying around somebody else's heart in her chest like you and I are. So, our actions have bigger consequences. Olivia I can't make you do anything, but I can tell you what you should be doing, and I'm not doing it as a doctor but as somebody who actually cares about you, and as your friend."

"How about we go get a beer. Ha. Well, you gotta laugh about it. Isn't it like the best medicine?"

"No, no it was funny. I'll see you in six months. Work on the delivery." He stage whispered, referring to her bad joke.

Olivia left the office and headed straight to Towers, and straight to the bar. She was a few drinks in when she ordered another cocktail. "Well, here's to my fatty acids and don't forget those enzymes." She rolled her eyes and took a swig of the drink. A few drinks later she finally went back to the Beacon and stumbled towards her room.

As she was reaching the door, Josh was stepping off the elevator and helped her stand straight after she about fell. "Whoa, whoa, whoa."

"I got it."

Still holding onto her. "Somehow I think I'm on the wrong floor. But it's nice to see you. You okay?"

"You too. I'm just feeling no pain."

"Yeah I can see that. Neither am I."

She finally stood back on her own two feet. "Whoo. Hi."

"Can I get you anything? You okay?"

"Why? What do, what do I want?"

"Oh food, coffee, foot massage."

"You're a foot man." He laughed full heartedly. "You like that. Are you trying to take advantage of me in my drunken state?"

"Yeah, I guess I am. But you don't have to answer me right now. I'm just saying, food, coffee, foot massage." He counted off on his fingers and Olivia grabbed them. "Any of the above. I'm there for you. Two floors down. Give me a call. Okay?"

"Okay." She touched her hand to his and they both went their separate ways.

Natalia had been gone just over a month. The chats she had been having with Father Patrick and Sister Cathy were a great help. She now knew exactly what she needed to do when she got home. She decided to stay just one more week. Not because she still had doubts about what she was going to do, but because she needed time to prepare herself. This was going to be trying and she had to mentally prepared to deal with any backlash that came because of it. Sitting in her bed, her back pressed against the wall, she pulled up he knees, set a notepad on them, and began her final letter to Olivia. The next time she spoke to her would be in person and she was more than ready for that.

Olivia, my sweet,

I am so excited right now. Yesterday I made a final decision. I know what needs to be done now. I know exactly how to put our family back together. Oddly enough, I've known, just didn't want to admit it to myself. You've tried to tell me, and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. Lots of people have tried to tell me, I've even told myself a time or two. I guess I just wasn't ready to listen yet. I have to let my baby go. He's a man now, I can't keep thinking of him as my little baby. He was my best friend for so many years, but he's not any more. He has his own friends, as he should, and I have you. I needed time to see and to understand that I am not walking away from him, I'm not abandoning him, or choosing you over him, I'm choosing to make myself happy. He is welcome to be a part of that. I will never stop him from being a part of our family, I'm also not going to try and force it anymore. We aren't going to change the way we behave around each other just because he's there. You won't sleep in the other room if he decides to come home. I need to give him the time he needs to sort this all out for himself. God knows you and I took our sweet time getting here. Both of us tried to deny it for so long. I don't really know when I knew I was in love with you, I think it just happened. I can't give you a day that I knew, but I can give you several moments in time. Moments when it all just felt right. Moments when I knew there was nowhere in the world I'd rather be. The minute you saved me from doing something I would regret with that sleaze ball attorney. The minute I watched you work your magic with the governor to get Rafe to a safer prison, the minute you took my hand as I said goodbye to Gus's house. The minute I decided to act as your assistant with Decker. The minute we toasted with the Xiao's and Decker at the farmhouse. The minute you collapsed outside of Company; I felt my heart break a little in that moment. The minute you handed me an eighty thousand check from Decker. The minute I asked you to move in with me, it was comfortable to just sit on your bed with you. The minute you gave me the molding with Rafe's height marks last Christmas. The minute you were so angry that I was leaving for work on New Year's. The minute I decided to be home with my family on News Years. The moment our eyes locked as the ball dropped. The minute you left Emma's presentation to be with me and Rafe at the prison. The moment you took my hand after we barely made it back in time to see Emma's Speech. The minute you kissed me to prove a point and it became so much more. That's my favorite moment. That minute when you and I became us. God Olivia, there are so many moments. How either of us was able to fight this for so long, I may never know, but it doesn't matter now. We are together. That's all that matters. I love you so much Olivia. I'm going to stay for just another week. I know you will be there for me as I go through this with Rafe, and I am grateful for that, but before I come home, I need to be ready for this mentally. I need to prepare myself for the things I know my son is going to throw at me. I'll be there soon my love. In exactly seven days I'll be back in your arms my love. I know I should prepare for you to be angry with me, but I'm not worried. Yes I know you're going to be angry with how I left, I'm just hoping that you are the forgiving woman I believe you to be and have found some understanding in these letters for why I left. Te amo querida. I'll see you soon.

Yours Always,

Natalia

For the last time, Natalia folded the letter and placed it in the envelope, kissing the back. This kiss was filled with joy. Knowing this was last letter she would write her beloved. She was going to be home in a week. Kissing Olivia in person.