Chapter 47

Olivia woke the next morning a little dizzy after all the booze at Towers. Rolling over she saw the picture of her family and her bottle of pills. Grabbing the pills, she chucked them across the room. "Useless." Groaning she looked at the picture again before rising and dressing for the day. Deciding a cup coffee from Company is just what she needs to help kick the hang over.

Walking into Company she was greeted by Blake, who she glared at. Unfortunately, Blake was the messenger of the news that broke Olivia's heart and she just wasn't feeling forgiving.

"Hey Olivia. What can I get you? Café latte, cappuccino, macchiato, straight black?" Blake asked cheerfully.

"Decaf light." Olivia responded. Not even looking at the red head.

"Decaf wow. Alright, most people wanna wake up in the morning but hey."

"Yeah well I don't need it."

"Nice and hot. Of course, you know, most coffee is." Blake filled a cup for Olivia and set it in front of her. She set the carafe back and turned back to the counter in front of Olivia. "So, how's the weather out there?"

Olivia held up a finger. "Stop it. Cut the cute talk okay. We're not friends."

"Excuse me?"

"You helped Natalia leave okay. You're her friend. You have to stay loyal to her, I get that, but you and me, we're not pals anymore, okay. Here." Taking out some cash she threw it across the counter.

Blake was taken aback and definitely hurt. "Excuse me." She ran off obviously upset. Olivia just sat with her attention on her paper, paying Blake no mind.

Buzz and Cyrus were sitting at a booth with several papers laid out in front of them. Buzz took a piece of paper and showed it to Cyrus. "You know what, take a look at this."

"Hmm."

Olivia turned her head and noticed them. 'What's the project, Whatcha guys working on?"

"I'm trying to find out more about the love of my life." Buzz answered without looking at her.

"Jenna?"

"Yup."

"Yeah, it must be amazing to have someone to love like that. And someone who loves you."

Buzz finally looked at her. "You're kidding me."

"No, I'm not kidding actually."

"You are the object of adoration for every man that has ever met you. And…" he trailed off. Realizing that bringing up Natalia in a crowded restaurant was probably not a good idea.

Olivia gave a small smile. "Thanks." Picking up the coffee carafe she turned around and went back to her seat. Quietly talking out loud to herself. "I was hoping for something a little different."

As soon as Olivia sat down, Remy came storming through the door. "Cyrus Foley you're under arrest." He made him stand and patted him down.

Buzz stood screaming. "Hey, hey, wait a minute."

Remy grabbed Cyrus's arms pulling them behind his back and cuffing him. "You have the right to remain silent."

Frank came around from behind the counter. "Remy, Remy what are you doing?"

"I'm doing my job Frank."

"What are you charging him for?"

"For breaking and entering yesterday at Towers."

Buzz started shouting again. "Well then why don't you arrest me? I was breaking and entering with him too. I was there."

"You were doing what?" Frank questioned.

"I was doing research on Jenna for gods sakes."

"I knew it." Frank slammed his hand on the counter.

Remy rose his voice above theirs'. "You have no priors. This man's out on bail. Not so smart staging another break in, huh Cyrus?"

"What happens to me." Buzz screamed after him as he started to leave with Cyrus.

Remy turned angrily. "Nothing. As you were. Let's go."

Once they left, Blake spoke first. "That was a nightmare."

"Well at least everybody's ok." Lizzy countered.

Buzz stood from the booth and walked towards the door. "Well Cyrus isn't. I gotta bail him out."

Frank stopped him, pointing a finger. "Oh no you don't. You cannot afford to do it twice dad. You let him sit there."

"I can't let him sit Frank."

"Why do you care about him so much?"

"He's helping me with Jenna and Coop."

"What were you doing breaking into Towers?"

"Frank, I had to understand how it was done you know. How do you break into someone's private space? I had to get the experience of it. And you know Cyrus had that. You know, Frank, think of it this way. I was hiring Cyrus to teach me how to understand Jenna."

"Okay. Well, I'm not comfortable with you hanging out with Cyrus. Look what he's done to you. He's turned you into a criminal."

"I had to understand Frank."

"I get it." Olivia cut in. "I understand, cause when you're that close to somebody and you lose them, you just want to feel connected again. Right? What would you do just have one more day with em. I'm sorry. Excuse me." Olivia walked past them and out the door.

Buzz threw up his hand towards Frank. "What she said."

"You know Buzz, I could turn this manuscript into a book." Blake offered from behind him.

He put his hands on his head before turning and taking the manuscript from her. "I just wanna understand Jenna and Coop better. I don't wanna make Jenna famous." He walked around her and slammed the script onto the table.

Frank walked out the door and found Olivia sitting on the steps. She looked up at him. "You looking for someone?"

"Naw, no. I just needed to come out and cool off. You?"

"I wouldn't know where to start."

"I'm sorry."

"Where'd she go Frank? Why'd she leave me?"

"I don't know. I don't know, but she's gone. And if she's gone, I mean, does it really matter?"

"It does to me."

"Yeah well, don't beat yourself up, just let it go."

"I can't, there has to be a reason."

"Olivia…"

"I'm sure you're enjoying this. Me in pain. At least I didn't get the girl you wanted right? But she was gonna marry me Frank. There has to be a reason she left."

"Then pick one Olivia. Pick one. I'm sure there's a long, long list of possibilities. You know, uh just…"

"Just what?"

"Did you ever think maybe that it was you? Just you?"

As he walked away Olivia starred after him. She was frozen for a minute because in fact she had thought that. Really, it's been her only thought for why Natalia left. She's well aware of the woman she used to be, of the hurtful things she's said and done to people, Natalia included. She knows she doesn't deserve Natalia and her love, but, still, she thought she had it. Now she knows she doesn't, and maybe she never did. She's not a person worthy of love.

Leaving Company, she went for a walk. Finding herself on the small bridge in the park. Leaning her hands on the rail in front of her she starred down into the water. She stood for a moment and then Phillip walked up to her. "I'm having a really bad day."

"Me too."

He let out a breath. "And I'm getting sick of having really bad days."

"I'm kind of getting used to it."

"I just moved too fast."

"Well, I didn't move fast enough." She countered.

"You know how sometimes it's like you're trying to do something and you know why you're doing it and then everything just backfires."

"Yeah but sometimes, you know exactly what you should do and you don't do it anyway."

"Doesn't matter. You can't make situations be what you want them to be."

"But you always try to."

"No. But you shouldn't. It's just not a good thing."

"No." The two moved to sit on the bench behind them. "But I question. Why is it that nobody loves me for me?" She questioned.

"We're not the easiest people to love you and I."

"Well that just stinks."

"Maybe we don't deserve it."

"No. No. I don't wanna believe that."

"Then maybe it just won't happen in time." The two sat in silence, looking out over the water for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. Soon they both stood and went their separate ways.

A few days later, Olivia was having an interesting day. It seemed the single men in Springfield had decided today was hit on Olivia day. It started with Rick at the market. She was headed to the check out when she passed Rick who was adding mustard to his hot dog. Rick turned to her. "Here you go."

"Mmm, wow what?" She asked him confused.

"This is to make up for the one I didn't give you." She looked at him confused. "The bar-b-cue."

"Oh, the Frisbee mishap. Ooo. That must have been painful."

"You have no idea. I blacked out. I still have this lump on my head. You wanna feel?"

"Oh no I believe it. I believe there's a lump."

"Well, I owe you a dog. I mean it's certainly not as good as mine, but it's the second best in town, so. Come on it's not gonna kill you." He attempted to flirt.

"Oh, it's tempting, but I'm good thank you."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You have no idea what you're missing."

"You enjoy it." He took a bite, dripping mustard onto his lip. "You gotta a little mustard." She said pointing at her own lips.

"You wanna kiss me."

"You got a little mustard."

"Oh, goodness." He looked to use his shirt for a napkin.

Olivia looked at him like a mother would a child. "Oh no, bad idea."

Once he got the mustard off, Olivia said goodbye and left the store. Going for a walk she ended up lying on a bench in the park. And the next single of Springfield approached. Matt leaned over the back of the bench. "Do you need CPR?" he joked.

Olivia laughed. "I need something." She proclaimed sitting up.

"You actually scared me for a second there. I rolled by and saw you laying there I thought you might actually be hurt."

"I'm okay."

"Well good then we can talk about me cause I think I took a chunk off of my ankle jumping off the bike."

"Oh my god let me rush you over to cedars." She retorted sarcastically.

"Oh, we can wait, see if the shock sets in." He bantered back.

"Okay. Sure."

"Yeah."

Leaving Matt, she made her way back to her hotel. Sitting on a bench outside her room she was greeted my none other than bachelor number three, he ex-husband, Joshua Lewis. By this time her resolve was running thin. She missed Natalia. She needed something to distract her, to take away the pain for just a little while. And she was Olivia Spencer after all, good sex always did the trick and she knew she could count on Josh for that.

Stepping off the elevator Josh walked to her. "Hi there."

"Hi."

"You lose your key?"

"No, I have my key it's just, Emma's out of town. It's kind of empty in there."

"Yeah well I kind of understand that feeling. When it's a little too quiet. You could turn on the tv. You could listen to the radio."

"I could. I could invite someone over."

"You could yes." He smiled out.

"You busy?"

"Actually, I was gonna change my clothes, play some golf."

"Cancel." She laced her arm through his and brought him into her room.

Josh stepped to the bar and poured them both drinks. "Okay. Vodka tonic for you, scotch for me." He handed her, her drink. "Cheers."

"Cheers." They clanked glasses and took a drink. "So, what do you wanna do? We can play cards we can watch tv."

"We can do whatever your heart desires."

"Which?"

"You choose."

"Tv. I suck at cards."

"Excellent." He grabbed the remote and they both sat at the foot of the bed and he turned on the television. Olivia starred at him for a few moments before leaning in and kissing him.

Shoes were soon removed and shirts unbuttoned as they continued to kiss. As things stared to heat up, Olivia suddenly stopped the kiss and pulled back. Sex with Josh was not what she wanted and she needed to stop before this got out of hand. Tucking the hair back from her face she placed both her hands on his chest as he looked at her quizzically. "I'm, I'm stupid."

"Well thank you for that."

"No, I, I don't know what I want. I mean, I want this it feels good, it's just that I'm sad and I shouldn't have invited you in here and I, I need something. I just don't know what it is. I just didn't want to be alone."

He leaned down to meet her eyes. "Okay. So, what happens next?"

"If I ask you I'm being selfish." She said. Placing her hands on either side of his face.

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"Could you just lay next to me, sleep with me, and hold my hand?" She gave him a gentle peck and pulled back.

"Yeah. I can do that."

Olivia buttoned her shirt and laid down. Josh lay next to her. Spooning her from behind. She held onto his hand and tried to keep her tears from falling. Having someone hold her felt good, but also miserable. It wasn't who she needed to hold her. It wasn't who she wanted. The only person she wanted was Natalia, and that wasn't going to happen, so she settled into Josh and let sleep claim her, wrapped in the safety of her favorite ex-husbands arms.

Olivia woke the following morning, Josh still wrapped around her, to the sound of a phone buzzing. "Is that you?" She murmured.

"Yeah hold on." He responded. Turning enough to grab his phone. "Hello."

The voice on the other end was Reva. "Josh I'm so sorry to bother you. It's, it's I went to make coffee in the kitchen sink and that stupid sprayer thing got stuck again and I tried to reach Matt and I couldn't reach him…"

Josh and Olivia had both sat up on opposite sides of the bed. He turned his head to look at her while still on the phone. "Reva, just uh…" Olivia motioned him to go. "Reva, it's ok you can call me. Just uh, put a bucket underneath the sink where the water's leaking out and put some towels down. I gotta get some clothes on, I'll be there as quick as I can."

"I'm so sorry I woke you up. I'm, I should have called the plumber but at this time of morning I wasn't sure that I could even…"

"Reva, it's okay. Don't worry about it. I'll uh, I'm on my way." Hanging up he looked at Olivia. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I have to go."

"I know. Thank you." She kissed his cheek.

"Anytime." He ran a hand down her cheek and left. Smiling at her as he walked out the door.

Olivia picked up a photo of Natalia off her dresser. Tracing her thumb over Natalia's face. She kissed her index finger and placed it against the glass. This kiss was one of many she had place against that photo. One of pain and of loss.