Chapter 48

Olivia headed to the store for coffee. As she was preparing her cup, she looked over and saw Rafe grabbing a juice. She approached him, trying to be friendly. "Hi. You heard from your mom?" He wasn't ready to talk to her yet. He was afraid he might be nice after her comfort the other day and he wasn't ready for that. Instead, he said nothing and walked around her. She spun around and talked to his back. "You know we can't keep doing this. We live in a small town here. We're gonna have to deal with each other."

"Why?"

"Because trying to avoid each other is kind of stupid. Don't you think? We don't have to like each other but, you know I mean, I'd like to be able to walk into a store or a restaurant or a gas station and not feel like I have turn around and walk out."

"Olivia. I don't mind you feeling that way."

"You're hurting, I'm hurting too."

"That's actually the only good thing about this."

"Is doesn't bother you that I'm in pain?"

"I'm not the one hurting." He made to leave, but as usual, Olivia wasn't letting him off that easy.

"Bullshit Rafe. I know you're upset."

"No, I'm not. She chose to leave me so…"

"Rafe stop. You know she didn't leave you; she had a lot going on, needed a break."

"Yeah well, there are a lot better ways to take a break."

"I know Rafe. But what would you have had her do?"

"I don't know but leaving is a cowards way out."

"Rafe come on. Your mom may be a lot of things but a coward is not one of them. She took on Harley for Gus, she went toe to toe with me, and won a lot of the time, she's no coward. Something is going on with her. Weather it's me, or you, or the church, or Frank, or Father Ray, or something totally different, I don't know. But I do know that your mother would never abandon you. She left home at sixteen to keep you. She worked around the clock to support you Rafe. She wouldn't leave you. Me, maybe, but not you."

"It sure feels like she did. And I blame you for that. If you had just left her alone she would be here, with me. I would be at my house with my mother Olivia. You did this to me, to her. Just another thing you took from us."

"Alright Rafe, that's enough. I'll give you that I was a shitty person in the past. I did a lot of horrible things to a lot of people, your mother included, but we forgave each other for our past, and it's our business. You mother or not, you are not involved in every decision she makes. She chose to forgive me, and she chose to be with me, her choices, not mine. I didn't manipulate her, or take advantage of her, or anything you might be thinking. For once in my life, I was with someone simply because I loved them. I know, who would of thought, Olivia Spencer with someone with no ulterior motive, but it happened, and I'm just as shocked as you are, but she changed me, she made me want to be a better person. I love her Rafe, so yeah, I'm hurting, and you can be happy about that Rafe, but don't pretend you aren't hurting too. I can see it in your eyes. I'm trying to do the right thing here Rafe. I'm trying to be here for you, and not because it's what she would want, but because I care about you."

Rafe scoffed. "You care about me? Really?"

"Yeah. I do. Believe it or not I actually do."

"Why?"

"Because you, you're…you know what just forget it."

"No Olivia, tell me. Why do you care about me so much?"

Olivia was getting irritated with the young man but tried to keep herself calm. Raising her voice slightly, she stepped into his personal space. "Because you are my family and I always protect my family."

"Family? We are not family Olivia."

"Yes we are Rafe. And we have been. Long before anything happened with me and your mother we were a family."

"No…"

"Stop. Just stop. Think for a minute Rafe. Think about everything that happened. Think about the events that occurred. Do you think I went to that fucking jail cell to yell at you about how poorly you were treating your mother for my own pleasure? No. I did it for you, and for her. Do you think I risked my career dealing with lawyers and the governor and the mayor on your behave for kicks, no. I did it for you, because I care about you, because somewhere along the line you became my son as much as Ava and Emma are my daughters. I would do anything for you, long before I fell in love with your mother, I thought of you both as my family. And maybe that was part of the falling in love part, but does it really matter? I care about you as much as I care about your mother and I don't want to see you hurting. I want to help you. I thought maybe we could help each other, but apparently you still haven't grown up enough to think about anyone but yourself." She walked away before Rafe could get another word out of his mouth.

Rafe walked out of the store and went to sit on a bench in the park. He tried to put the events that occurred since he met Olivia in order. Did all the good outweigh the bad? Is it possible that Olivia really cared about him? He didn't know if he felt good or bad about that. He hated to admit that she was right. He knew of a lot of the things Olivia had done for him and they were all things any parent would do for their child. Some of them his mother hadn't even know about until recently, so he knew he couldn't pretend that Olivia did them to get to his mom. His thoughts began to race. He didn't want Olivia to be telling the truth, he didn't want her to care about him, he didn't want to think of her as a good person, as a parental figure, as a good person for his Ma. He needed to stop thinking, stop feeling, so he jumped from the bench and took off at a dead sprint with no destination in mind. Reaching the farmhouse, not really knowing how he got there, he checked all around the house to make sure everything was in good shape, as he jogged down the driveway he checked the mail. Finding another letter for Olivia. He jammed it in his pocket and jogged back to Frank's. Hoping he could focus on anything but Olivia when he got there. He needed to calm down before his parole meeting.

Rafe walked to the second floor of the courthouse. He was greeted by Marina who was sitting on one of the benches. He knocked on the open door to alert her he was there. Marina looked up at him. "Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing. I'm just early for my parole meeting."

"Oh. You got a minute. Sit down."

"Yes ma'am." He said as he sat next to her. "Thank you. So, what about you? What's going on?"

"Oh, I was just dropping lunch for my dad and Mallet."

"Oh well that's really nice of you."

"Oh well you know; family take care of each other."

"Right."

"Speaking of my family, I hope my dad's being cool, with the whole mentor thing. He can get…"

"Oh, he's cool."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I promise."

"Alright. Have you heard from your mom?"

"No uh I haven't."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I mean I didn't think I would miss her you know; I'm supposed to be this big man and everything, but uh, I kinda just want my mommy."

"Hey, you don't have to be a kid to want your mom around."

"No but when she left I mean, she just went, she didn't say goodbye. I don't know."

"I don't know Rafe, I mean, I think sometimes, parents make choices and uh they don't really realize how it's gonna effect their kids. You know sometimes, those choices that they make just suck for us. I know with my mom, when she decided to move off to California, I just thought that was so selfish."

"Um, it's just my mom and I were supposed to be so close you know, and I mean I loved her more than anybody, anybody period…"

"That's how I feel about my dad, you know so, we're lucky to have that."

"Not anymore. Not for me."

"You need to understand something. You're mother, she loves you more than anything in the whole world, and you can never doubt that. You can never doubt that. Look at some of our friends right, look at Ashley, her relationship with Doris, it's like the girl can't do anything to please her mom, and she tries so hard, you know what, Ashley loves Doris more than anything."

"It's true."

"Right. So, all I'm saying is take a look around man cause, I don't know, as far as the parental department goes, I don't think we're doing that bad."

Unbeknownst to them, Doris had walked into the court room below for some files and caught most of their conversation. Feeling the need to talk to someone who would understand, and also happy to know her daughter loved her, she sought out her friend.

Walking into Olivia's open office, Doris saw Olivia eating ice cream out of the carton in one of the chairs in front of her desk, her back was to the door so Doris made herself known. "What flavor?"

"Vanilla." Olivia answered, not even turning towards her friend.

Doris chuckled. "And why are you eating it looking so depressed?"

"Cause I'm not lovable." She murmured around a bite, finally looking up at Doris.

"Is Olivia having a sad day?" The mayor asked in a childlike voice.

Olivia answered in just as child like a voice. "I'm having a very sad day, cause it's true."

"What are you talking about."

"I'm not lovable. If I were then I would have friends, and I would have a relationship, but the fact that I don't just proves that I'm not."

"You know what, you and I are going to have a very serious talk." Doris told her, taking the ice cream, and sitting in the chair next to her, crossing her legs. "Okay, so go down that list again. You have no relationship, friends…"

"I have no relationship, friends, no relationship that's the biggie."

"Okay so relationships."

"Well, I don't. Frank said to me that Natalia left probably because you know, I'm me."

"Yeah well, she couldn't handle more than one date with him."

"And Phillip basically told me that I'm not an easy person to love."

"Ouch."

"And then Buzz was like, well everyone universally adores you."

"Wait a minute, that sounds like a good one. That last one."

"I don't wanna be universally adored. I wanna be loved, for me, you know. For who I am, flaws and all."

"But you have that."

"No, I don't, that's what I'm trying to tell you."

"But you do."

"No, I don't."

"And I'm trying to tell you that you do. You have Ava and Emma, and I have Ashley. Look we have our daughters. And those girls have seen us at our worst and our best, I mean, let's face it, we are not the most lovable women on the planet and they still love us."

"I do have Ava and Emma." Olivia said, smiling at her friend.

"Do you really need anything else?"

Olivia grabbed her shoes, kissed Doris on the cheek, and headed out of her office, leaving Doris still eating the ice cream.

Olivia got off the elevator to the sight of Josh knocking on her door. "Not there."

Josh spun around at the sound of her voice. "Oh. Hi."

"Hi."

"I was just uh, just checking on you, you know, it seems like you had maybe a tough night last night."

"Oh, I don't know. It seems like maybe you had the tough night you know, I got you all, and then I didn't."

"Oh, you did?"

"Well, I think I did."

"You think you did. I'll survive."

"You were a good friend."

"Good friend. Hmm."

"That's a good thing."

"Ok."

"No cause really. I don't think I really appreciated it until just a little bit ago."

"Well glad I could help."

"Can I call you if I need a friend?"

"Of course, you can. Anytime." He rubbed his palm on the side of her face. "I'll see ya."

"Kay." Josh walked away and Olivia went into her room. She set her keycard on the side table and sat on the bed. It was time to bring her little girl home and put her life back together. Pulling her phone from her purse she called Ava. "Hey, Ava baby, it's me…Oh so good to see you too…is Emma around? Can you put her on…Hey Jellybean. You having fun?...Good uh, I was just kinda hoping that maybe you were ready to come home." Olivia finalized plans with Ava to bring Emma home and readied herself for bed. With or without Natalia, she had a daughter to raise. It was time to stop wallowing, put down the bottle, and get on with her life.

The next morning, before getting Emma from the airport, Olivia went to breakfast at Company. While she was eating, Josh came up beside her and took a seat at her table. He leaned close to her ear. "Yours looks healthier than mine."

Olivia chuckled. She stole a piece of bacon off his plate. "Ooo. Deadly, good but deadly." She popped the bacon into her mouth.

"Like my women." Olivia laughed. Then Josh turned serious. "So, you seem like you're in a better place than the last time I saw you."

"I am in a better place. Partly because of my friend Josh Lewis. And also, because my daughter's coming home today."

"Oh. How long has she been gone?"

"Since Jeffery's funeral. Ava thought it would be a good idea if she visited for a while. I'm sure she had fun but it was really hard on mommy."

"Yeah, yeah I understand. You know I used to hate it when my kids just had sleepovers. You know, you like to have them in the house, just to know they're safe."

Josh's phone rang and Olivia picked it up and looked at the caller ID. "It's your other friend Reva. Do you want me to take a message?" She asked with a smirk.

Josh took the phone. "That's funny." He held the phone to his ear. "Hey."

"Uh the lock smith isn't answering his phone." Reva said frantically.

"I'm sorry?"

"Uh, I've locked myself out of the car."

"Ah. Yes."

"And um, I thought maybe you might be able to come over here and meet me and do that think you do with a hanger."

"Reva I don't actually think that works on uh newer cars."

"Well maybe it will work with mine. I'm standing outside the car with Collin and grocery's that need to go into the fridge."

Josh released a breath. "Ok. Well give me a second to put my eggs and bacon on a bagel to go, wrap it up in a napkin, and I'll be right there with you." He said as Olivia did just that for him.

"Thank you."

"Sure." He closed the phone and thanked Olivia for making his breakfast sandwich before leaving.

Natalia arrived at the farmhouse and walked slowly up the path to her front door. Stopping to run her fingers over the bloomed roses. She knew Olivia wasn't home because of the lack of her vehicle in the driveway. She turned at the porch and looked out over the lawn, smiling, thinking she was finally home to her family.

Blake came by and offered Olivia more coffee. "Coffee?"

"Yes please. Um is there any more milk because that one's out." Blake stepped to another table and grabbed some milk. Placing it in front of Olivia without a word. Olivia looked up at the red-haired woman. "I was rude. I was so rude, and I'm sorry. Just I, I, I wasn't thinking very clearly. I've been so hurt since Natalia left, but I'm better, but I was so awful and I am sorry for being a bitch."

Blake gave a sad smile. "You had a broken heart. I'm glad it's mended." Without another word she walked away.

Natalia entered her home and set her suitcase by the couch. Looking around she could tell something was off. She scanned the living room, noticing that several of the pictures of her family were missing. She walked into the kitchen and saw that Olivia's prized plate collection wasn't there either. Panic began to set in. She raced up the stairs and straight to Emma's room.

As she opened the door, her heart sank in her chest. Most of her daughter's belongings were gone. A few stray toys, and a shirt on the closet floor were all that remained of her little girl's things. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She didn't need to go to her room to know that Olivia's things would be gone too. Realization set in quickly. Olivia had not understood why she needed to leave. She leaned against the wall for support as she felt her knees grow weak. After a few moments, she found the strength to walk again. Making her way to her bedroom, she collapsed onto the bed. Taking a pillow from Olivia's side of the bed, she breathed in her scent, and let her tears fall.

After over a half hour of nonstop crying, Natalia straightened on the bed. She went to the restroom and washed her face. It was time to go find her love and fix the mess she had made. Before she left the room, she picked up a picture of herself and Olivia from the end table. Holding it to her chest she signed. She ran her fingers over the shape of Olivia's face. Doing her best to hold back tears, she whispered out loud. "I'm so sorry. I will fix this mi amor." Kissing her fingers, she touched them to the glass of the frame. This kiss was not one of regret, but rather for the strength to face Olivia and make her understand. She knew leaving the way she did wasn't the right thing to do, but she had hoped the letters would help Olivia to understand, apparently they hadn't.