Chapter 49

Natalia left the farmhouse ready to seek out Olivia, but as she drove to town, she decided to make a stop first. Walking into the church she saw Father Ray preparing a sermon for Sunday. "And I shall call you friend."

"I would call you a friend Father." She said to get his attention.

He looked up happily surprised. "Natalia!" He stepped down to give her a hug. "What a wonderful surprise. You look great."

'Well, I feel amazing anyway."

"You look amazing. Welcome home."

"Thank you. And thank you for sending me to St. Anne's"

"See. I knew you'd like it there."

"It was perfect for me. The sisters were really lovely and supportive, and it was quiet, and I was able to think and pray"

"So, did you find out what God wants you to do?"

"Better. I figured out what I want. And I think that's what God really wants for me."

"That's right."

"You know, and I was able to just concentrate and figure out if, if the decisions I was making were right, and I prayed and asked God, he confirmed that they were."

"So, what are you gonna do."

"I'm gonna be happy." It was all she said before spinning on her heel and exiting the church.

Before finding Olivia, she wanted to talk to Blake. She had been a good friend to her and might be helpful. She stood on the sidewalk across from the post office, a little ways down from Company and called Blake. "Hi Blake, it's Natalia."

"Hey Natalia. How are you?"

"Good. I'm home."

"Oh my gosh."

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"Sure. I'm right here at the restaurant."

"Ok, um, I actually haven't told anyone that I'm home yet. Could you come outside?"

"Uh, sure, just give me a minute. Okay?"

"Sure, I'm across from the post office."

"I'll be right there." Blake hung up and rushed out the door. Jogging down the road, she greeted Natalia with a hug. "It's so good to see you."

"You too."

Pulling pack, Blake looked at her. "Well, you look amazing. How do you feel?"

"I feel good."

"So, you're back."

"Yes."

"Is this for good?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely. My home is Springfield. I'm gonna make my life here."

The two ladies began to walk down the street a little way. Blake looked at her with a smile. "I'm just really glad you're home. And you seem so calm."

"Yeah."

"It must be really wonderful to be able to see everyone again."

"Yeah, so far I've just seen you, and Father Ray at the church, to let him know I'm okay."

"So, you haven't seen anyone? Not Rafe, or Olivia?"

"Well, I went home, and found it empty. Did you know Olivia moved out?"

"Yeah, uh sweetie, she really hasn't been doing too good since you left."

"Really. How bad is she?"

"I can't tell you that, anymore then I could tell her why you left. You're gonna have to talk to her yourself."

"Well, I am gonna go find them right now, you know."

"Do you have a plan?"

"Of course, yeah. That's exactly why I went away. So, I could figure out how to make things right and think about what was best for everyone."

"And you figured that out?"

"Yup."

"And?"

"I think it's important that I talk to Olivia first. You know, I have to make her understand before I talk to anyone else. And I do have to go, but I really wanted to tell you how grateful I am, and thank you so much, and I really owe you big time."

"No. it's my pleasure. I'm glad you're okay."

"I am. I really am."

"Alright. I'll see ya."

"See ya." The two women parted ways. Blake back to work, and Natalia to find her love.

Olivia had just gotten Emma from the airport and was wheeling her luggage to the car. She stopped just before the car and knelt down. "You know what, I want one more hug. Come here."

Emma complied and went into her mother's arms willingly. Olivia hugged her tight. "Wow. You're really happy to see me."

"I am happy to see you. Are you happy to see me?"

"Yes. I bringed you presents. Ava packed them in my bag."

"Presents. I love presents, but you're my favorite present of all. I'm happy to have you home Em. Sweet girl." She hugged her again. Pulling back, she looked at her sweet girl. "Tell you what, why don't we get rid of your bag and go have some fun." Emma nodded. "Okay, that away. Go. Go. Go." She pointed toward the car so they could place Emma's suitcase inside.

Natalia had gone to the Beacon and was searching for Olivia. She had already checked her office and was now checking the gym. Poking her head inside she called out. "Olivia?" Olivia wasn't there but an employee she knew was. "Hey. How are you Cheryl?"

"Oh good."

"Good. Have you seen Olivia?"

"No, not today. You haven't been around for a while."

"Yeah, I took a break."

"Well, it's good to have you back."

"Thanks." Cheryl went back to work and Natalia continued her search.

Olivia and Emma went to the hotel to drop off Emma's things and sat on the bed. Olivia looked at Emma. "Okay, what do you wanna do?"

"You don't have work today?"

"Nope. I'm not working on the day my beautiful daughter comes home. Soooo, what are we doing?"

"Let's go to the park."

"Okay. You gonna push me on the swings?"

"You have to push me."

"I push you? Okay. Come on." The two walked out and towards the elevator. Just missing Natalia who also didn't see them leave.

Natalia knocked on the door to Olivia's suite. "Olivia. Olivia it's me. Natalia." She listened at the door but got no answer. Leaving she decided to try somewhere else. She drove around aimlessly for a while. Pulling to a stop sign she ran a hand through her hair. "Olivia, where are you?" Continuing her drive, she ended up at the park. She watched Olivia and Emma play for a moment before getting out and calling to them. "Olivia." When Olivia didn't respond, she yelled louder. "Olivia!"

Olivia turned at the sound of her voice. Their eyes locked for a moment before she told Emma she would be right back and to stay on the playground. She walked over to Natalia, keeping the car between them. She knew if she got to close she would lose what little control she had.

Natalia half smiled at her. "Hi. I just got back. I went by the Beacon, I was looking for you, since you weren't at home."

"That's not my home, it's yours. I was picking up Emma. She's been visiting Ava in San Francisco."

Deciding to leave Olivia moving out alone for the time being, she focused on Emma for a minute. "Oh. Did she have a good time?"

"I think she did."

"I'm sorry. I know you must be upset with me."

"Yeah. I was. Father Ray said that you went on a retreat. I tried finding you but…"

"I'm so sorry that I worried you. I thought about you every minute."

"I thought about you too."

"You look beautiful."

"Why? Why did you leave?"

"I had a lot that I needed to think about. And I needed to really decide how to fix things, and, and to figure out what I thought was best for everyone."

"I thought we were pretty good. What did you have to figure out?"

"I wrote all of this to you Olivia. I understand if you want me to explain…"

"Wait. What, you wrote to me? Natalia I haven't heard from you since the morning of the bar-b-cue."

"No. Olivia, I know I should have talked to you in person, but I would never just leave you without a word. I left a letter on the bed for you. And I wrote you every week while I was gone." Natalia stepped around the car and closer to Olivia. Staying a few feet back because she could tell Olivia did not want her to touch her.

"You wrote me?" Olivia was so very confused at the moment, but she couldn't think about that. Anger, that was what she needed to concentrate on. Anger and hurt, she couldn't fall back into Natalia, there was too much at stake.

"Yes. Every week. And I explained why I left, and I couldn't do it in person because I wouldn't have left. And I needed to."

"I didn't get a single letter Natalia. So, just tell me, why'd you leave?"

"Rafe. The uh, the morning of the barbecue. After Rick said my being sick was just stress and sleep exhaustion, I went to talk to Rafe. He told me that if I stayed with you then he didn't want to be a part of my life."'

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"If I told you, then you would have left. You wouldn't have let me have to choose. And I couldn't face that at all. I couldn't figure anything out. I mean, that's why I had to go away and really think."

"You left me, and you didn't say anything, and letter's Natalia. That doesn't make it better."

"I know. I'm so sorry. I never meant to…"

"You left me."

Olivia walked away to the grass clearing beside the park so she could still keep an eye on Emma. Natalia followed. "He's my son."

"I know that."

"That's why I had to go away. I had to think. I had to figure out what I really want. And how to make it okay for me and for Rafe. And that's why I came back because I know how to do that now." She took a step close to Olivia, placing both her hands on either side of her face. "I want to be with you. Rafe's just gonna have to live with that or not. I can't make my life revolve around him anymore. I have to do what I want and what makes me happy, and I want you, you make me happy." Olivia stayed silent and Natalia ran her hands down her arms.

Before another word was said, Emma came running up excitedly. "Natalia!"

"Hi sweetie." Natalia bent and kissed her little girl's cheek. "Hi. I missed you."

"Are you okay? Why did you leave?"

"Yeah. Just um, I needed to think for a little while." She looked to Olivia for help with what to say but received nothing from her so she looked back to Emma. "But I'm back now, and it's all gonna be okay now."

Olivia couldn't be there anymore. She tapped Emma's shoulder. "Honey we have to go."

"Can Natalia come?" She had missed her other mommy and didn't want to let her go.

"Nope. You and I have to go."

"Olivia." Natalia tried.

Without looking at her, Olivia told Natalia she would call her and walked away without a look back. Emma waved bye to Natalia and Natalia waved back.

Olivia took Emma to Company for ice cream. She didn't want to ruin her fun first day back with her daughter. Unfortunately, seeing Natalia was crippling to her and it took all she had to hold it together for Emma.

The two Spencer's sat at a booth eating a huge sundae. Emma scooped more on her spoon. "We should have brought Natalia. She loves chocolate sprinkles on her ice cream. Are chocolate sprinkles good?"

"Some sprinkles are okay."

Daisy strolled over to their table to check on them. "Can I get you guys anything else?"

"Pizza." Emma shouted.

Daisy laughed. "I like that. Pizza comes after the ice cream."

"We're having a very special day." Olivia informed her.

"Okay. One cheese pie?"

"Yeah." Daisy walked away to place the order and Olivia looked at her daughter. "You know what Em, I forgot I had to do something. Would you um hang out with Daisy while I go check on Natalia?'

"I'll eat all the pizza."

"Maybe Daisy can help you." Olivia walked to the counter to speak with Daisy. "Hey Daisy, um, I have a favor to ask. Would you mind if Emma just hangs out with you for a little while? While I run out."

"Oh yeah sure. She's no trouble."

"I'll pay you and I have my cell phone if there's a problem okay."

"We'll be fine."

"Okay. Thank you."

Natalia stood on a small foot bridge looking out at the ducks. Matt was walking through the park and stumbled upon her. "Their names are Bill and Hillary."

"Which ones which?"

"You got me. You're back."

"Yes I am."

"That's great. How you feeling? You feeling okay?"

"Great. I feel good."

"Good. It was good seeing you."

As Matt walked away, Natalia's phone rang. She brought it to her ear and before she could say anything she heard a familiar voice. "It's me." Olivia said.

"Hi."

"Where are you?"

"I'm still at the park. I can come meet you."

"No, you stay. I'll come to you." Olivia hung up and headed for the park. Although she didn't say, Natalia knew where she would want to meet. The gazebo. So, she walked over to it.

She was leaning up against the rail looking out when Olivia stepped up behind her. Keeping a good distance between them. "Natalia." Was all Olivia said.

Natalia spun around as fast as she could. "Hey." She walked close to Olivia, but Olivia stepped back.

"Don't. Don't. How did you do it? I mean how can you just leave me like that? Not tell me where you're going? Making me think that you're out there hurt, or worse. You know. Just break my heart, and then you walk back into my life and you expect everything to be the same."

"No Olivia…"

"And Emma. I mean really. Emma, she's had so many people go in and out of her life, and that's my fault, but, you can't bake cookies with her, and make dresses for her, and be a mother to her, and then just disappear on her like that. Cause you get a little scared, or you're unsure about something. She needs stability, and reassurance. She needs to know that your love is constant. It isn't just gonna disappear on her."

"Emma seemed happy to see me."

"She's happy to see you. Of course, she is. I'm so happy to see you." Natalia made a move to come closer but Olivia held up a hand to stop her. "But you should have called me." Natalia nodded but stayed silent. She knew Olivia wasn't finished yet. "I sent her away to stay with Ava for a few days, because I was falling apart. And I just got her back today, cause I realized I needed to pull myself together. Rebuild my life, and then you show up and you expect everything to revolve around you, but it doesn't, and it can't, and I swear I won't let it happen again."

"Olivia, I didn't come back here because I wanted it to be about me. I came back because I want everything to be about us. I want to be with you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life." Natalia walked out of the gazebo and closer to the water with Olivia following. Before turning around, she started to speak again. "Okay I know this whole thing is hard for you, because it was hard for me too." She turned around to face Olivia. "Let me just, start from the beginning. Okay? First of all, I love you, and Rafe told me I had to choose right before the barbecue."

"Rafe's been acting like an ass since he found out."

"I know. But I just thought, I thought with time he would understand. And I still think he will. And at the time, I wasn't really thinking about Rafe. I was thinking about me and you, I was thinking about marrying you, and starting a life with you, and when Rafe told me that, I was mortified. I thought it was a sign from God, worried that he was punishing me for feelings I have for you by making me choose. But most of all, I was really scared that you would just leave. You've always said you wouldn't let me lose my son, and I knew, I knew if I told you, that you would just walk away, and I couldn't let that happen."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I couldn't. I was too afraid of losing you or Rafe. I had to go away and just think. But then I realized that God wasn't punishing me for loving you, the love we share is a gift, and Rafe is an adult. That staying with you, marrying you, is not walking away from my son, it's giving him the chance to have a family. The family I have always wanted for him, only better, because there is so much more love with us, with our family, then I ever thought possible. Being with you is a way for him to experience the kind of love that God has for us. And I want to have this family, with you."

"And Rafe. What's he got to say about this?"

"When I tell him…'

"You haven't talked to Rafe yet?"

"I wanted to talk to you first. So, I'm going to tell Rafe, that I want to be with you, that I am going to be with you, and that I want him to be a part of this family, but it's his choice and no matter what he decides, I'm going to be with you. He doesn't get to make that choice for me."

"You want to just pick up where we left off, be a family?"

"Yes. I'm not worried about what Rafe says anymore. I know that he is an adult, and I have to let him be his own person. I can't force him to do or think what I want. Being with you now, being a family, we were doing a pretty good job before. Why would now be any different?"

"This is completely different."

"Why?"

"Because you left me."

"Olivia…"

"There was a problem that came up, and you took off. You didn't believe in us. Okay. So, you tell me, how I'm supposed to trust, the next time that something happens, something scares you, that you're not gonna take off on me?"

"I won't. I won't because I love you."

Olivia placed her hands on either side of Natalia's face. "God I love you." As Natalia placed her hands on Olivia's, Olivia pulled them back and ran them through her hair. "You left me, you broke my heart, and I can't let it happen again." Tears were streaming down her face, the sight breaking Natalia's heart. "Do you understand? I don't trust you."

Olivia place her hands back on Natalia cheeks, brought her close, and just barely brushed their lips together before walking away. This kiss spoke of nothing more than a broken heart and broken trust.