Chapter 50
Today was becoming a very long day for Natalia. What she had hoped would be a happy reunion with her family, was turning out to be a huge a mess. She knew Olivia was going to be upset, she had thought that the letters would at least help her not to feel completely abandoned, however, she was baffled by the fact that Olivia hadn't received them. Now she had a mess to clean up and nobody but herself to blame. However, Olivia needed some space at the moment and she still had things to do. Next stop was Frank. She wanted to warn him of the conversation she was going to have with Rafe so he wouldn't be blindsided if Rafe went home upset afterwards.
Pulling herself together after Olivia walked away, she pulled out her phone and dialed Frank. "Hi Frank. It's Natalia."
"Hello Natalia. Welcome home."
"I need to talk to you. Can you meet me at your place?"
"Sure. Absolutely I can meet you at my place. Yeah."
"When?"
"I'll uh, I'll leave now, I'll see you then."
Natalia was leaning against her car in front of Franks apartment when he walked up. "Whoa, you little speed demon, you beat me." He said chuckling.
Natalia smiled. "I uh, I need to talk to you."
"Okay. Do you uh, do you wanna sit down?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay."
Josh was just getting out of the shower when a knock sounded at his door. He answered in nothing but a towel. Olivia walked in wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "You, me, sex, now." She all but demanded as she pressed her lips to his."
Frank stood face to face with Natalia. "You're back."
"Yeah. I just got back, earlier today."
"Are you uh, are you happy about it?"
"Yes. It's good to be home. I wish my house wasn't empty, but that's okay. I'm working on it."
"Yeah uh, I heard Olivia moved out shortly after you left."
"Yeah, she did. It's okay though. But that's not why I'm here."
Olivia had Josh pinned to the wall biting on his bottom lip. "Now." She demanded.
"Okay, so we're actually gonna do this, this time."
"Uh-huh, and I want it to take a very long time."
"Okay. Well, I have some time. I just got an appointment." Olivia bit his lip harder. "Owe."
"Oops, I don't wanna hurt you." She kissed down his neck.
"Oh no, that's okay. You can hurt me."
"Just make me forget." She took off her shirt.
"Okay." He said laughing.
"That I'm still in love with Natalia."
"I'm sorry what? Did you just, you're in, uh."
"Didn't I mention that?"
Josh couldn't do this. He cared for Olivia too much. He forced them apart and handed Olivia her shirt. Olivia sat on the floor against the bed and Josh plopped down on the mattress. "So, you and uh, Natalia. You went from hating each other to…"
"Ain't love grand?"
"Wow."
"We both fought it for a really long time."
"How long?"
"I don't know, maybe since Gus."
"Oh. I see."
"We uh, we got together in January and engaged in March…"
"Engaged?" he questioned with disbelief.
"Yeah. We were ready to move forward and come out to everyone at the barbecue, plan our wedding…"
"The Bauer barbecue?"
"Yeah. But she couldn't you know; she didn't show up. So, we never got a chance."
"So, you two actually…"
"Yes Josh."
"Sorry."
"Thing is, she left me, she quit me, you know, and Josh, I just. Now she's back and she just wants to pick up where we left off, and I just, I can't. I have to be strong." She got on the bed behind him and kissed his ear, wrapping her arms around his strong shoulders. "I wanna feel better. I need a clean break."
Josh rubbed her arm. "Olivia, you uh, you don't wanna do this."
"No?"
"No. Couple of things I'm thinking about right now. One is one crazed woman in my life is way too many already."
"But to be in the middle of a female love triangle?"
"Yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying, but you need me to be your friend now, not your lover. You need a shoulder to cry on, or you need um, someone to hold you through the night, I'm there for ya. You need a drinking buddy, or someone to play pool with, I'm there for ya, but this, I can't get in the middle of this. Not this way. Okay?"
Olivia nodded her head and kissed his cheek. He turned around and hugged her while she tried not to cry.
Natalia and Frank moved to a small table to sit down at. Frank just looked at her. "So uh, you know I wanna be there for you right?"
"Mmmhmm. I know you would be."
"Hey look, I think I know what you wanted to talk about."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I mean, I know you went on a church retreat to sort out your feelings, and I um, I just want you to know that we'll do whatever you think, we can take things slow, or we can…"
"Wait, Frank…"
"Whatever you think. I want you to be happy."
"I plan on being with Olivia."
"What? I thought you went away to figure this all out."
"I did. I needed to figure out how to be with Olivia and not lose my son. Frank, my leaving, it had nothing to do with my feelings for Olivia, it was about Rafe, and making him okay with this."
"Oh. So uh, you figured that out?"
"Yes. I did."
"So, what's the plan?"
"Well, I'm going to speak with Rafe later this afternoon, when I leave here, and I'm going to explain to him that I intend to be with Olivia. I understand that he's not comfortable with that, but he's not my little boy anymore, he's a man. He needs to make his own choices in life to be happy, and so do I. and I really think this is in Rafe's best interest."
"You know Natalia, I don't think it's in his best interest, or anyone else's for that matter."
"And you can feel that way."
"Rafe is still adjusting."
"I understand that, but I gave him eighteen years of my life, never thinking about what I want, what I need. He's not a kid anymore. He's been to prison. He's old enough to make his own life, and I need to start living mine. I love my son, but I also love Olivia. Olivia and I would love for Rafe to be a part of our family, but we won't force him. I could, part of his parole is to live at my house, but I won't do that to him. He is old enough to decide where he wants to live, he is also old enough to deal with this. If he wants to be a part of my family, he will always be welcome, but this is my time to be happy, and Olivia makes me happy."
"I don't think this is a good idea Natalia."
"Okay, but I didn't come here for your approval, I just wanted to let you know what I was planning, in case Rafe comes back upset."
"Okay then. I can't change your mind can I?"
"No, you can't. Call me if anything too bad happens with Rafe, okay. I'll see ya."
Natalia got in her car and drove to the farmhouse. Calling Rafe to see if he could meet her there. He agreed and left Daisy and Ashley to go meet her.
Natalia was finishing her unpacking when Rafe came into the living room from the back door through the kitchen. As he poked his head in, she looked up with a smile "I missed you."
"I missed you too." He walked the rest of the way into the room and wrapped her in a hug.
"Everything going good? Work going good?"
"Yeah, everything's fine Ma. What's going on Ma? Why'd you leave?"
The two moved to the kitchen to sit at the table.
"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I needed to go clear my head, and figure all this out. Between you and Olivia…"
"That's great Ma. So, you got confirmation? You understand now? You're not supposed to be with Olivia."
"Rafe…"
"Ma, Ma come on stop, you know Olivia's not the right thing for you."
Natalia stood up from her chair. "Okay, you know what, it might surprise you to know this, but I've actually done a lot of thinking about this, and a lot of praying, and I've made decisions."
"Ma no, come on, I'm not gonna take that." He stood with her.
"Being with Olivia is the right thing. It's a good thing. Where there is love, you know…"
"Ma, come on. Please stop it. Ma, you can have that same amount of love, but with Frank, or any other man."
"No, I can't. And it's not about her being a woman. I am in love with Olivia. I want to be with Olivia. And I want you and Emma to be in a home with a lot of love."
"Ma, come on. What are you trying to say then? When I was younger I didn't have a lot of love?"
"It's not the same thing."
"No. Why isn't it, huh? You didn't have a girlfriend, you didn't have a playmate back then, and you still raised me with, with love, with everything that you frickin taught me, and I didn't turn out so bad Ma. And Emma's not your kid. It's not your job to give her love, that's Olivia's job. Look I know you Ma, and I love you, and this isn't you. Ma you have to realize, Gus was just taken a little bit too soon."
"Well, you know what, his heart saved Olivia, so…"
"No. No, that's not true. Okay. That's not true. She stole it and there's a difference. You have to realize it, if you stay with Olivia, you're gonna get hurt. Ma, don't you realize it?"
"Rafe, sit down."
"No Ma…"
"Rafe I said sit down. NOW!"
It was rare that Natalia actually yelled at him. Looking at her with disbelief, he sat back down in his chair. Natalia joined him at the table. Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, she looked up at her son. "Rafe, I went away so I could figure all this out. You told me that if I chose to be with Olivia then you don't want to be a part of my life, and that crushed me Rafe…"
"Ma…"
"No, it's not your turn to talk, you are going to listen now." She waited for his nod and continued. "I left because that is not a choice I am willing to make."
"So what? You came back and your choosing Olivia?"
"Rafe, be quiet and listen."
"Fine, Ma, tell me about how you are choosing that whor…."
"Rafael do not finish that sentence. I am going to say what I have to say and you are going to listen. After that, you are free to leave, but you will not sit here and bad mouth Olivia. Do you understand me?" She proclaimed in a voice he hadn't heard since he was a small child.
"Yes ma'am."
"Rafe, I love you; I love you with all of my heart…"
"I love you too Ma…"
"But you are not a little boy anymore. I can't keep treating you like you are. Your entire life, I have done everything I could to protect you, to keep you happy, and maybe that's the problem. I always tried to keep you from any disappointment, I barely even dated because you would get upset, and maybe that's where I messed up. Rafe, disappointment, it's part of life. And you and I, we are two different people. Two different adult people. I can't make choices for you, believe me, if I could, I would have made several different ones for you then you made, that being said, you don't get to make choices for me either. Since you were born, I have made all of my decisions based around what was best for you, what would make you happy, and as your mother, that was my job, but you're a man now Rafe, and I think I've earned the right to be happy. You once told me that all you wanted was for me to be happy. Did you mean that?'
"Of course, I did Ma."
"Are you sure?'
"Yeah. Ma, all I want is for you to be happy, really happy."
"Olivia, she makes me happy. Happier then I have ever been Rafe. If you just really opened your eyes, you would see that."
Rafe looked down and mumbled. "I know Ma."
"What? You need to speak up." She said with a smirk.
"I know okay. I know Olivia makes you happy."
"You do? Then why? Why are you fighting this so hard Rafe?"
"Because Ma. It's Olivia. I can't just forget about everything that she did. I don't understand how you can."
"Rafe, I haven't forgotten anything. I know who Olivia was. I know the things she's done, and the things she's capable of."
"Then how Ma. How can you just be with her?"
"Because Rafe. I also know who she is now. I know how wonderful she is, and I know the whole story. You more than anyone should understand that there are always two sides to every story."
"What do you mean Ma?"
"Why did you shoot Jeffery O'Neal?"
"It was an accident Ma." He said. Getting angry.
"I know. Calm down. But why did you go there with a gun in the first place?"
"Because he was gonna ruin Gus's reputation as a good cop. I couldn't let that happen."
"You were hurting?"
"Yes."
"And does everyone you came across in jail, in the court system know that, or do they just know that you're the man that shot the DA."
"Most of them just think I shot him, they didn't give me a chance to explain that I was hurting and upset when it happened. I wasn't thinking clearly"
"Exactly."
"I don't get it Ma. What does any of that have to with Olivia?"
"Do you think Olivia did the things she did just because she could?"
"Come on Ma. It's Olivia."
"Yes it is, and Olivia is a very strong woman that has lived through a whole lot. Just like you Rafe, things happen in life that change who we are, change the path we are on. Do you not think that it's possible for Olivia to have been hurt in the past, scared? That woman loves with all of her heart, she would do anything for the people she cares about. She is so strong and forgiving. And when she did those things to me, she was dying, she was scared and alone. Haven't you ever felt like that and done things you regret? If you really got to know her Rafe, you would see that yes, she used to be a person that did some awful things, but she is not that person anymore."
"I know Ma. I know she's changed, but it doesn't erase the past."
"Well, I'm glad you understand that she has changed, and no the past isn't erased, but have you forgotten what I did to her. I locked her in a bathroom, cost her a heart, and she almost died."
"You had to Ma. She was going to ruin your wedding."
"It doesn't matter Rafe. I should never have done that to her. God does not rate our sins, they are all equal in his eyes, and he forgives them all, but if he did, I think almost killing Olivia would outrank her trying to steel my husband. Don't you?"
"I guess. But Ma. Olivia, really? Of all the people in this town, Olivia?"
"Yes Rafe. Olivia. I am going to be with Olivia. She makes me happy. She loves me so completely Rafe. I would like it if you were a part of this family, but, I cannot make that decision for you. However, while I was away I figured some things out. You asked me to choose between you and Olivia, and I won't do that. I am going to marry Olivia, I would really love for you to be a part of that, but, if you choose not to be, you need to understand that it's not me choosing Olivia over you, I am choosing to be happy, with the woman that I love and you have the option to stay in my life or not. You do not have to like Olivia, or even spend time with her, I will always make time for you, but I will not leave Olivia for you. It's time for you to live your life and me to live mine. I hope you still want to be in my life, but, if you don't, I will understand, and I will be here, when you're ready. I love you Rafe, please don't ever doubt that."
"I love you too Ma. And I'm sorry. I should have never said that to you. I'm not sure about you and Olivia, but I do want to be in your life."
"Good. I'm glad. And we will figure it all out. Like I said, you don't have to be around Olivia, I will come to you. Okay?"
"Okay Ma. Look, this was a lot, I need to go, I can't handle anymore right now."
"Okay Rafe. I love you."
"I love you too Ma." He gave her a hug and went out the back door.
Natalia walked into the living room. Picking up a picture of Olivia from the mantel, she sat on the couch, tucking her legs under herself. She held the picture in her right hand, starring at the beautiful face of the woman she loved, while spinning the ring on her left ring finger with her thumb. "Well dear, I believe I finally got through to our son, now if I could only make you understand. I left to give us our best chance. God Olivia, what I wouldn't give to make you understand that. Guess I have a lot of work to do huh?" She blew the photo a kiss before laying her head back against the couch. This kiss was one of longing. She longed to hold her love in her arms and really kiss her.