Chapter 52

After leaving Natalia, Olivia made it up to her suite and put on a brave face for Emma. Walking in, Emma was sitting on her bed holding out her hands to show her mother the glitter she had all over them. "Wow. That is some really nice artwork." She looked at Emma's hands. "That's even better, but you know what, we're gonna have to wash that off so it doesn't get all over the place.'

Emma hopped off the bed and went to wash her hands as a knock came at the door. Olivia walked around the bed and opened the door to Phillip. She smiled at him. "Hi. Come on in."

"Hi. I'm really glad I caught you. I was hoping maybe I could steal Em for a little one on one time today."

"Oh yeah. I think that'd be great. I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you."

"What's up?"

"Natalia is back, but I don't think I can forgive her for leaving like she did, so we're not gonna be together."

"Are you sure about this Olivia? Everyone makes mistakes, you and I both know this better than anyone."

"I, look we're not gonna be a family, so I think you spending time with Emma's a really good idea, the more time the better."

"Well, I'll certainly make today as fun as possible."

"Good. Thanks. Hey Em, your daddy's here, he wants to take you out for a bit."

Emma came running from the restroom with clean hands. "Hey daddy." She jumped into his arms.

"Hey pumpkin."

"Where we going?"

"I don't know. Where do you wanna go? We can go anywhere you want. I just wanna spend time with you." He bid Olivia goodbye and walked out with Emma on his hip.

Once they left, Olivia couldn't stop herself from helping Natalia. As much as she didn't want to, she couldn't not. She loved the woman, despite everything. She loved her. Pushing the thoughts of love from her mind, she made her way to Alan Spaulding's office. She walked in and straight to his desk. "Alan. I need you to do something for me."

"Well Olivia, why would I do anything for you?"

"Cause I asked so nicely." She responded sarcastically.

"Well, I'm not sure that's a good enough reason."

"Alright, do it because it's something Gus would have wanted you to do. Natalia Rivera needs a job."

"Well, I thought she worked for you."

"She did but I had to replace her because…the point is she's a good employee and she really needs the work."

"And you expect me to give her a job eh?"

"Gus would have wanted you to. Could you just do it?" Alan picked up his phone and called Natalia with Olivia still standing there.

Natalia was at the mini- mart filling out an application when her phone rang. She retrieved it from her purse and answered. "Hello."

"Hello Natalia, it's Alan."

"Alan. How are you?"

"Well, I'm very well thank you, but uh, very busy at the moment."

"Oh well I guess that's good. Right?"

"Yes, very good in fact. Spaulding enterprises finds itself a little shorthanded these days and I thought possibly you might like to be an executive assistant of mine. I hear you're no longer at the Beacon so perhaps you might like to work for me. Are you available?"

"Yes. Yes I am available."

"Um, when could you start?"

"Um, I will be right over. Thank you." She hung up and headed to Alan's office.

Olivia half smiled at Alan. "Gus would be proud Alan. Thank You."

Alan just gave her a fake smile before she left.

Olivia went to Company for a snack before meeting up with Phillip to get Emma. She sat at the counter and opened the menu. Lillian was sitting at a booth behind her and tried to make conversation. "Do not order anything hot cause that stove is still out."

"Oh, well you know what, I was thinking of ordering a giant piece of chocolate cake."

"Ooo. That sounds delicious. What are you celebrating something?"

"I helped a friend."

"You must be excited to have your best friend back."

"Well, you know what, the truth is that I am swamped at work and I probably won't be around that much."

"What? Well, that's awful, that's a shame. I mean, she needs you, to help her get through whatever it is that made her leave. She's gonna need you to hold her and tell her that everything's going to be alright."

Olivia didn't respond. Just stared into space. Doing all she could to hold back the tears she felt pricking at the back of her eyes.

Natalia walked into Alan's office sporting a smile. "Hi."

"Hi Natalia. So, you want to tell me what happened with Olivia?"

"What, Olivia?"

"Well, she's the one that recommended you for the position, I know you were her assistant and she's already filled your spot, so something happened."

"What happened with Olivia and I has nothing to do with work."

"Well, I know you're a very good worker, and you're practically family. When can you start?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Terrific, I'll alert human resources that you'll be on your way tomorrow."

"Thanks."

They smiled at each other and she left.

Emma was playing on the teeter-totter with Phillip. Laughing as all children should. "This has been the perfect day."

Phillip laughed along with her. "I know it has."

"We should do this every week. We could put this on the schedule."

"Honey I wish we could. I'm not sure that that's possible, but you know what, you should know that I would spend every day with you if I could."

Emma smiled and giggled at her daddy. "Can I have ice cream?"

"Can you have ice cream? Yes. You can have ice cream."

Getting down from the teeter-totter she laughed. "I'm gonna go on the slide."

"Okay. You be careful alright."

As she ran off Rick took her place on the teeter-totter and the two grown men bobbed up and down on it. "She seems happy."

"Yes. She is. We're having a perfect day."

"Yeah. You know, it's nice when they're little like that. You don't get that time back; you should enjoy it."

"Oh, it's true. How about you? You got some time later?"

"Yeah." Rick looked around. "Can you push me on the swing?"

Phillip laughed in earnest. The two men convinced Emma to play some basketball and Phillip called Olivia to meet them at the court. Phillip was throwing Emma around after she made a shot as Olivia walked up. Setting down her briefcase. "Two against one. That's not fair."

"That's what I just said. It's two against one we need to figure this out." Rick said.

"Hey Em, you and me against two old guys."

"Girls against boys." The excited girl yelled.

"Wait, wait, wait, your dad and I are a good team as long as he doesn't shoot the ball." Rick announced, making them all laugh. "Just a little hint."

Olivia smiled at her daughter. "Alright, I'm gonna teach you how to pick and roll and we're gonna take em. Come on."

Phillip stood by Rick as the two Spencer girls walked to the back of the court. "We're gonna get slaughtered." The two laughed as they started to play.

Natalia was eating an ice cream cone walking through the park when she stumbled upon Christina sitting on the wooded bridge.

Christina smiled at her. "Hello."

"How are you?"

"I haven't gotten a chance to say welcome back."

"Oh thanks."

"How are you feeling?"

"Not bad."

"Good."

"I'll see you later." Natalia continued her walk and happened to cross paths with the Spencer mother and daughter walking.

Emma was smiling up at her mother. "Thanks for the popsicle."

"Oh well you deserve it. You nailed Uncle Rick."

"He fell hard too."

"Yeah he's old, that's not good."

Watching the two of them, Natalia couldn't help but smile. As she neared, Emma noticed her. She greeted her with a huge smile. "Natalia! Hi. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm very good thank you. How are you?"

"I'm good. We won at basketball."

"You did." She shifted her attention to Olivia. "Well, I won today too. I got a job."

Olivia tried to play dumb. "Oh, well good. Congratulations."

"Yeah. You don't have to pretend to be surprised Olivia. I know that you spoke to Alan, and I'm so grateful. Thank you."

"Well, we, we want you to be okay."

"I know. I know, cause we can't help caring about each other, can we Em."

"Nope. You wanna have dinner with us?"

"Well not tonight. I can't tonight, but we are going to have dinner together very soon. Okay?" She had wanted to scream yes at the top of her lungs, but she knew better. Now was not the time. She still had work to do with Olivia before that happened.

Emma nodded and Olivia tried to keep her composure as Natalia walked away, grabbing Olivia's hand for a moment as she went.

Two days later, Olivia walked into her office, setting down her coffee, she picked up the large manila envelope laying on her desk. Opening it she pulled out a piece of plain white paper that had the words 'come to the roof very important' written on it. There was no one around to question, and if she was honest with herself, curiosity was enough to have her making her way up to the roof.

As she walked out the door, she was greeted with a beautifully placed table. It had flowers, juice, jam, and several food options. Olivia was hesitant, she had a feeling she knew who set this up and she wasn't sure if she was upset by it or not, which only made her more hesitant. She walked to the table and looked down at everything.

Natalia came up behind her. Keeping a few feet between them. "Hi." Olivia's head spun around. Before she could say anything, Natalia went on. "So, I know two things about you, one, that you never make time to have breakfast, at home, and two, that you really love to eat outside. Here you go." Olivia said nothing, so Natalia walked around her to the table. Squeezing her hand as she went. "Would you like grapefruit or orange juice?"

Olivia turned to face her and leaned her hands on the back of one of the chairs before clearing her throat. "Aren't you starting a new job today?"

"Yes, but Spaulding offices don't open until ten, so I've got like two hours. Are you gonna sit?" Olivia didn't answer. "Okay. I did want to maybe take a walk, over to the west side cause I know…"

Olivia cut her off. "You've got to stop. We can't go back."

"I don't wanna go back. I wanna go forward."

"And that's what I'm trying to do. Honey it's not gonna happen. I can't let it."

"Why?"

"I just can't Natalia. It's too much of a risk that I'm not willing to take. My heart can't take it Natalia."

"Olivia…"

"No. Natalia, this has to stop, this is hurting me."

"I know you feel that way now, but you're gonna change your mind."

"Natalia…"

"And I know its gonna take a while. I know that. Because I am hearing what you're saying. I am. But I can wait a really long time. I'm very patient. I would wait forever for you. I know I hurt you, but we love each other, and we can work it out. I just, I have to stick to it, and I will. So, I'm gonna leave you to it and let you have your breakfast. I'm gonna go get ready for my new job. Uh, eat, cause I have some raspberry preserves here and I know that they're your favorite. I love you Olivia, and I'm not giving up." She walked past Olivia, kissing her on the cheek as she went.

Olivia brought a hand to cover her mouth. She was having trouble not smiling at the effort Natalia had gone to for her. She had never had anyone care so much about her and try so hard for her heart. Never had anyone paid attention enough to know the things that would break her resolve, but Natalia did. Natalia knew her better than anyone ever had. That thought was both enlightening and scary. She knew Natalia loved her, and would do anything to get her back, she also knew that Natalia was the only person that could completely break her. As much as she wanted to let Natalia back in, she couldn't risk the heartache of losing her again. She sat and ate her breakfast, enjoying Natalia's jam as much as Natalia knew she would. As she finished, she looked out over the town of Springfield, wondering how long she could hold out. She knew it was only a matter of time before Natalia wore her down. It wouldn't be the first time Natalia's persistence won out against her own stubbornness.

Later that day Olivia was at the store getting a coffee. As Frank was buying a six pack. "Frank. You're a grand poppa, you wanna set a better example?"

"Knock it off Olivia. I've had a crappy day; I don't need any lip from you."

"Right. I was really just trying to be funny."

"Stuff it."

"Okay." She walked around him and over to the coffee. "Cup of coffee?"

"Olivia."

"No, that wasn't a judgement. I was pouring myself a cup and I didn't know if you wanted any. And you know with the muffins, well muffin, the one they have left, are really good here."

"Marina and Mallet are breaking up."

"I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"Yeah it came out of nowhere."

"Frank I'm sorry. I ah, I thought they were happy." Said Olivia, pouring them both a cup of coffee.

"So did I." He grabbed a cup of coffee. "Thanks." And he turned and walked out of the store.

Later, Olivia was headed back to her suite when she came across Blake and her mother Holly coming out of a room. She walked up and hugged her friend. "Holly!"

"Olivia."

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, I came here cause my little girl called me."

"I needed my mom." Blake shrugged.

"You have seldom, if ever, needed you mom." Holly chuckled.

"See I'm writing this book about love and passion, actually lost love, and I got all gooey and weepy and sentimental, and I needed my mother, called her."

"You called your mom to talk about lost loves?" Olivia questioned.

Holly looked at Blake. "Well, you know, we are on the same wave length, cause I went to see Ed today."

"You did?" Blake asked.

"Ed, Ed Bauer?" Olivia asked surprised.

"Oh, yeah, she was married to Ed. One of her many loves." Blake answered.

"Yes. Way back." Holly added.

"Of course, then again, daddy, you were madly in love with daddy. And I spent my entire life watching that turmoil. Didn't I." Holly hummed. "It's okay. Olivia can know all about this because she's in the middle of a love life turmoil herself."

"That's true." Olivia confirmed.

"Why don't you join us for lunch, tell me all about it." Holly offered.

"We could do it here, order room service, my treat."

"You're on."

The three entered Holly's room and sat. Olivia on the edge of the bed, Blake in a chair across from her, and Holly walked as she talked to sit in a chair by Olivia. "Well one thing I've learned, as time goes on, is sometimes you just have to let it go. I mean relationships are good, they're bad, but when they're gone, they're gone. It's like you let yourself become whoever it is you're going to be next. Then of course, don't listen to me. I know nothing about relationships."

"Thanks mom." Blake stood.

"What?"

"I gotta go somewhere, why don't you um, just carry on. I'll be back before the food comes." Blake made a hasty retreat with Holly starring after her.

Holly watched her go. "She always was a strange child." Olivia laughed. Holly turned her attention to her and leaned forward in her chair. "Your turn, so tell me about this tumultuous love affair. Do I know him?"

"Her."

"Her. Oh, well, so what's tumultuous about it?"

"I thought I met the love of my life, and then, she left me, which seems to happen quite a bit. Um, but then she came back, but I just, I don't know."

"Are you still in love with her?"

"I've never loved anyone like this."

"Oh my. It's amazing when that happens. Of course, it doesn't make it any easier knowing what to do." The two chatted about love, long past lunch, until Olivia had to go and get Emma. Holly gave her a lot to think about. She made her question if the fear of heart break was worth the pain of living without a love she knew she could have. Love was life's greatest gift after all. Throwing it away could prove to be a bigger mistake then risking the heartache.

Once Olivia had Emma tucked in for the night, she pulled Natalia's letters from her desk draw. Sitting on her bed she examined them. Almost afraid to open them. She could assume that the one with only her name written on the front was from the day Natalia left. The one that had been on their bed for her, until Rafe had stolen it. Her blood boiled with anger for the young man that allowed her to think Natalia had left without a word.

Scooting back so that she was propped up against the headboard, she turned the envelope containing that first letter around and around in her hand. Part of her wanted nothing more than to burn it. Toss it in the fire and forget it ever existed. Another part of her wanted to read it, see what Natalia had to say on that fateful Fourth of July day, but she couldn't. She wasn't ready to let Natalia in just yet. Something told her that those letters contained the words that would break her resolve and have her running back to Natalia's arms. She couldn't do that. Her heart still ached too bad. She gathered the letters and placed them in her nightstand.

After changing for bed, she grabbed Natalia's old cubs t-shirt that she had 'borrowed' when she left the farmhouse. It still held Natalia's scent. She clung to it as she curled up in her bed. Burrowing her face into the soft fabric. She breathed in deep, capturing the scent she adored. She wasn't even aware that she was crying until the fabric against her cheek became wet. She pressed her lips softly to the shirt she held in her hand. Kissing it to pacify her need to feel Natalia's lips upon hers. This kiss was one of question. Olivia silently asking the universe what she should do. If there would ever come a day that she wouldn't long for the sooth of Natalia's love.