Chapter 54

Olivia sat in her room and reminisced about how good it felt to have Natalia in her arms. To feel the warmth of her pressed against her. Her lips tingled where they had made that brief contact with Natalia's. She pulled the letters from the drawer they were kept in once more. It must have been the hundredth time she had thought of reading them, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was trying so hard to move on from Natalia and reading them would be a step backward. Perhaps it would be the end of her fight. She couldn't do that. She had always protected her heart until Natalia, never letting anyone in completely. She had let Natalia in and the pain she was feeling as a result was something she would never risk feeling again. Not even for Natalia. At least she kept trying to convince herself of that. Knowing eventually, she would crack, but not yet. Not today.

She returned the letters to the safety of her bed side table and composed herself. Deciding to go for a walk. Walking down a path, she ran into Josh. He walked up to her. "Wait a minute, wait a minute."

"Hi."

"Hey. Too bad you had to go, cause I talked to Billy. Everything worked out great. He's very happy. We did a good thing today."

"Good."

"Thank you. You were a good friend."

"Well, I wanna be. I wanna be a good friend." She took a shuddering breath.

"You okay?"

"Not so much."

"Something you wanna talk about?"

"Not so much. But you were a good friend too."

"Come here." He draped his arm across her shoulders and the two walked up the path.

After leaving the hotel, Natalia went to the church and lit some candles. "Okay. I'm trying. I'm really trying to understand, and to make it through this next challenge. But this one is not about me, it's about my son. I just, I don't know how to let him go. This isn't just letting him make his own choices, this is him going away to war. What if he gets hurt, or what if he doesn't come back, It's just too much. It's too much to ask of a mother. He's a grown man, and I can't stop him, and he needs to make his own decisions, but I feel like I haven't taught him enough. Cause I feel like there hasn't been enough time. So, if he's gonna go, and I can't be with him, please, please promise to watch over him every day, and to teach him all the things that I didn't, and to keep him safe. Amen."

After walking with Josh, Olivia thought a jog might do her some good. She was jogging along a path in the park when she came upon Matt sitting on a bench. "Come on, I'll race you to the bridge."

He looked up at her. "If you wanna race to the mini mart for ice cream you're on."

"What happened to Mr. healthy and his bicycle?'

"Not in a bicycle kind of mood today."

Olivia sat beside him. "Ooo. Okay. Go ahead, what's wrong?" Matt didn't say anything. "What? Come on, you always talk to me when I'm feeling crappy."

"My ex-wife just told me that she's marrying her ex-husband, Billy."

"Ah, yeah I know I, Oh I'm sorry."

"Oh well ya know, it's not like I didn't see it coming. I was the one who messed up. So uh, there you go."

"No, I mean I, not that this is, anyway, I've been there done that."

"Yeah. Well, I'm okay. You just caught me in one of those moments."

"Well, I'm glad we got a chance to talk."

"Well, I think I'm gonna go get on my bike."

"Good." Matt walked away in a slightly better mood. Olivia sat for another minute, just as she was getting up, her phone rang out. She looked at the caller ID and debated whether to answer. Deciding she couldn't ignore this woman even if she tried, she answered, still breathing a little heavy from her jog. "Hello."

"Hi."

"Hi. How are ya?"

"Uh, I'm better. Kind of. Calmer anyway."

"Look, you have every right to be upset, your son enlisted, it's a big deal." It was taking all Olivia had to be talk to the Latina woman. It hurt her heart even hearing her voice, but she was going to try and be friends with her. She was friends with most of her exes. Natalia shouldn't be any different.

"I know. I'm trying not to dwell. You know. So, I'm actually trying to tackle a more immediate problem."

"What's that?"

"Um, shopping. I need to get some things for my new job."

"Uh well, you should get out there. There's some great sales happening."

Natalia bit her lip. She had planned on attempting a friendship with Olivia, but this was not how she planned on doing it. However, Olivia had said she could be her friend that afternoon, so why not test those waters. "I was thinking that maybe you could come with me. You know, we could go shopping and maybe stop for ice cream or something."

"Oh." Olivia was not prepared for this.

"That's what friend do. Right? Shop and eat."

"Ah, yeah. I suppose." She ran a hand down her face. This was harder then she'd thought it would be.

Natalia knew the silence meant Olivia was unsure but decided to press her luck. "I need a second opinion anyways. You know my fashion sense."

"Yeah." She released a heave breath. "Okay. Why not. We'll do that."

"Really? Okay. Great. Um…"

"Yeah, I can't let you go to the office wearing crappy close."

"Yeah. And you have much better taste then me anyway." She smiled to herself at the thought of spending time with Olivia.

"That is so true."

"I can pick you up in twenty minutes."

"Thirty. I have to change."

"Okay. We'll have fun."

Olivia didn't respond to that. Just hung up and jogged further up the path. Heading back to the hotel.

Natalia stopped at the mini mart for a bottle of water before heading to the Beacon. Matt was there getting ice cream. She looked over at him. "That looks good."

"Well, it's either that, or…" He picked up a bottle. "Bottle of tequila."

"Uh, I think that is a wise choice." She stated. Pointing at the ice cream. Matt put back the tequila. "What's the occasion?"

"Wallowing in self-pity."

"Why?"

"Well, my ex-wife has just informed me that she is getting remarried."

"I'm sorry."

"Ah that's okay. It's my fault."

"Did you try to fix it?"

"Well. I didn't know I wanted to until it was too late." He held out a spoon of ice cream towards her. "Bite?"

"No thanks. It's never you know, too late."

"Well, for Vanessa and me it is."

"Yeah. I'm just you know, trying to stick with the whole you can't ever give up thing. You know if you find something you really want you have to keep believing in it."

"Right now, the only thing I believe in is mint chocolate chip ice cream."

"Well mint chocolate chip and I have had many a late night together, so, carry on." She rubbed his arm and walked to check out with her water.

"Thank you."

Olivia was leaning against a rock when Josh found her for the third time that day. "There she is. My good friend Olivia." He said. Starring at her buttock.

"You know my friends don't usually look at my ass like that."

"Yeah but we're close friend."

"That's so true. You know speaking of friends. I'm still trying to figure the whole thing out."

"The friend thing?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you helped me with Billy and Vanessa for instance, so that makes us good friends."

"Right. And Natalia asked me to help her with something. And I wanna do it. As a friend."

"Easier said than done?"

"Yeah, yeah. Cause I wanna be her friend, it's just, you know. I'm still in love with her."

"Yeah. I feel I've experienced something like that in my life."

"You think?"

"Yeah. And it's very difficult. I'll never stop loving Reva, and I'll never stop being her friend. So sometimes the lines get you know."

"A little blurry?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. We'll all she wants me to do is take her shopping. That should be easy right?"

"See now I have this image of you and Natalia in a changing room together, and that's gonna be with me all day, so thank you for that."

Olivia laughed at his teenage boy antics. "I just wanted to give you that. You're no help. See ya." She turned to leave.

"Wait. Olivia." She spun back around. "I'm all for being there for your friends but uh, if this is gonna hurt you, maybe it's not such a good idea. Of course, I think she makes you happy so, maybe you should. Stop fighting it, bring these wonderful images of mine to life."

Olivia laughed again and ran off before he could say more that would make her think.

Natalia walked into Company. Killing time until she went to meet Olivia. Daisy looked at her and spoke with excitement. "Oh hello. Thank goodness you're here."

"Really?"

"Yes, you just saved me from a horrible conversation."

"Good. Good. Does that get me a free grilled cheese sandwich?"

"No because we don't have a stove. Tuna salad?" Natalia shook her head. "Okay no. just a plain cheese sandwich, not grilled."

"Yeah, on white bread with extra mayo."

Daisy left to make her sandwich and Buzz looked at Natalia. "You're smiling."

She walked into his one arm embrace. "Yeah, I'm going shopping with a friend. That always makes a girl happy." She laid her head on his shoulder.

Olivia finished her jog and stopped by the mini mart before going to change. Lillian was grabbing sugar for Buzz and approached her. "Hey. How are you?"

"I'm good. Natalia and I are gonna go shopping together."

"Well, that's so nice."

"Yeah."

"I'm getting sugar for Buzz because we ran out and we're making cakes because Vanessa and Billy are getting married."

"I know."

"Isn't it wonderful? They're just so in love. Just seeing them makes you happy. Doesn't it?"

"Yeah. Love is a great thing."

"Yeah. You just don't want any sadness at a time like this. Everybody should be happy. See ya later."

"Bye." The two parted ways and Olivia felt like the world was against her at the moment. It seemed everybody she ran into lately was talking about love or lost loved. She was sure the world was conspiring against her.

After a quick shower, she was rummaging through her closet. Looking for something to wear shopping with Natalia. She had already said no to several items. "This is just stupid." She said to herself. "It's just a couple of friends going shopping." She finally chose a shirt and turned to the mirror. "Come on." She looked herself over and sighed. "Oh gosh I can't do this. I can't, I can't. I can't Natalia I'm sorry."

She needed a distraction. Shopping with Natalia was not something she could do and remain stoic. She turned to the bed and grabbed her phone. Calling the first person she thought of. "Hi, Its Olivia. You busy?"

Matt was just entering Josh's office to go out for a night of drinking when he got Olivia's call. "Um, right now?"

"Yeah um, you know, I know it's a little early for dinner, but I have some time and I know you were having a rough day so, I thought maybe if you weren't doing anything, maybe we could get together and cheer each other up."

"Um, no, I don't have anything going on."

"Great. Towers in ten minutes?"

"Ten minutes. Great. Okay." Matt leaned into Josh's office. "Buddy. I'm gonna have to abandon you for a hot date."

"Okay. Have fun. You owe me a drunken night out."

"I do. And you will get it."

"Okay." Matt left Josh and headed to Towers.

Olivia had just finished changing into a very attractive dress when a knock sounded at her door. Taking one last look in the mirror, she went to answer it. She had forgotten to text and cancel with Natalia, who was now standing in front of her.

Natalia took an appreciative glace over Olivia's body from head to toe. "Wow. You look great."

"Thanks." Olivia was wishing she had texted. This was harder in person. "Listen, I can't go shopping with you. I have dinner plans." The hurt on Natalia's face almost broke her, but she had to stay strong.

"Dinner plans?"

"Yeah. They just came up."

"Maybe we can just uh, go some other time?"

"I can't. I changed my plans because I can't do this. I can't just hang out like we're friends." When the unshed tears glistened in Natalia's eyes, it took all the strength Olivia had to walk away. "I can't it's too hard. I have to go. I don't wanna be late." She shut her door and walked around Natalia as fast as possible without all out running.

For a moment Natalia let herself be sad, and then, in an instant, determination took over. She had left to find herself. To remember the strong woman she was. The woman Olivia had helped her unlock. The woman who raised a child on her own from the age of sixteen, who stole a married man from a powerful woman like Harley. The woman who faced off with Olivia frickin Spencer and won, more than once. It was time to stop taking a laid-back approach with Olivia. It was time to take what was hers, and there was no doubt in her mind, Olivia Rebecca Spencer, was hers. Not like Gus, Gus was Harley's and taking him was wrong, but Olivia, Olivia was hers, the love of her life, and she was Olivia's. It was time to make Olivia remember that.

Olivia strolled into Towers and met up with Matt. He pulled out her chair for her before going to the other side of the table and sitting down himself. Olivia smiled at him. "Nobody's done that for me in a long time."

"Oh, you've been dating the wrong people."

"So, thank you for showing up on such short notice."

"Well thank you for rescuing me from my horrible day."

"Oh no, I needed this. I really needed this. I needed to get out. It's been a long time since I've had dinner with a grown up."

"Same here."

Olivia laughed almost nervously. "And it's good to check out the competitions menu." She said. Looking over the menu at wine options.

"Oh, that's right."

"Well, hey, I'm gonna let you pick out the wine. Takes the pressure off of me."

"Well, hey, I can do that. So, you like red wine or white wine?'

"I am a uh, a red guy."

"I am too so we're in good shape."

"Kay. This is nice. It is nice. Being out, having a good time."

"Yeah. Me too."

Before their somewhat awkward date could go any further, Natalia briskly approached their table. "Hello Olivia. Hi Matt. I'm so sorry to interrupt." She focused her attention to Olivia. "Olivia, you and I need to talk."

Olivia eyed her, and then Matt. Matt had a feeling there was something going on between the two of them that needed to be worked out so he excused himself and Natalia took his vacated seat.

Matt walked back into Josh's office, sitting on the arm of the couch. "Hey."

Josh looked up at him. "I thought you were going out."

"I thought I was too. You know it's been awhile since someone asked me out. It was nice that Olivia called."

"Wait a second, Olivia called and asked you out?" Josh was a little stunned. He knew what she was going through with Natalia. And he knew she had far from moved on.

"We were gonna have dinner until Natalia showed up. You know I might be crazy, but seems like something else is going on between the two of them, you know, something beyond just friends."

Josh smirked at him. "You're not crazy."

"Really?"

"Really."

Matt laughed. "Talk about slow on the uptake. I've been flirting with those two for months.'

"Yeah well you're not the only one."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Olivia and Natalia. Olivia and Natalia. Well, that's something to think about."

Josh stood up. "How about we go to Farley's? Hmm?" He walked out with Matt following.

"Absolutely."

Olivia looked at Natalia, daggers shooting from her eyes. "You can't do this. I made plans."

"With me."

"I can't do it right now. I can't. I can't spend one on one time with you right now. It's just too hard. Maybe one day we can be casual friends, but I can't do it now."

"Yeah. You can't do it because you're in love with me. We are not casual friends, and that's not what I'm looking for from you."

"I need to move on."

"No. we need to be together. And you can't fool me by going on dates with other people. I know how I feel. I know how you feel. I can see it in your eyes right now. I know I hurt you, and I know it's gonna take a while. And I know it's gonna take a lot of hard work for me to remind you how good what we have is. But I'm a patient woman, and I can do it."

Natalia set her purse on the table and walked around to Olivia. Grabbing her face, she crashed their lips together. Kissing Olivia passionately. Pouring all the feelings she had for her into this kiss. Olivia went stiff, but then relaxed and kissed her back. Natalia fisted her hands into Olivia's hair and Olivia gripped Natalia's hips. They kissed for a few moments longer, in the middle of Towers for all to see. Natalia abruptly broke the kiss and strolled way. Knowing that she still had work to do. This kiss was not meant to be the new beginning for them. This kiss was to send the message loud and clear that she was not giving up on them, no matter how hard Olivia fought against it.