Note: First of all, sorry for the unexpected accidental hiatus. I actually like to write approx. 4 chapters ahead of the story y'all are seeing, and I kind of just forgot to update/write in how busy I was. Though...I am so f*cking proud of Chapter 44. Sorry.
"So, let me get this straight," Kushina spoke, clearly confused, "This hot Kumo Jinchuuriki 'dimension hopped' back with you, then you ran into an alternate version of Naruto, aka my fucking son, and he took you on a little spree through dimensions?" It didn't sound that crazy when she said it like that. Although, he never said Yugito was hot.
"Pretty much," Sasuke admitted, kneading dough. He had just finished catching Kushina up on all the crazy sh*t he'd been up to, including getting to meet her great-aunt Mito or whatever. It turns out she only died a few years back, living to be a centenarian.
"You ran into a practically dead Danzo in a futuristic dimension, killed Madara, kidnapped the Sarutobi, discovered that my fucking son is kind of psycho, and now you're back? Not in order, of course." She made it sound so dramatic.
"Yeah," he said. It was honestly so disappointing given all the trouble he went to to kill Madara only to find that he killed him in a random dimension and that another million probably swarmed about somewhere. He practically had to abandon his village-building plan. Not that he wasn't working on something bigger, because he was. Sasuke's conquering plans shifted from a village to kind of a whole dimension. Naruto destroyed dimensions easily, so why couldn't he control one?
Sasuke cut up the dough into circles, shoving them into the oven. God. This was so weird. One minute, he'd be plotting small-scale world domination plans, and the next, baking cookies. He hauled himself onto the kitchen counter, his feet swinging as his anxiety rose.
"Shit, I've got so much to do here," he muttered, smoothing a hand through his hair.
"Like what?" Kushina crossed her arms, eyeing him curiously.
"Sell my mansion, say goodbye to the Uchiha, and tell Hiruzen to fuck off. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it's a lot of effort," he replied. Maybe instead of sell it, he could just sign the deed over to someone else. That would lessen the workload.
The alarm beeped. Cookies were done. With a sigh, Sasuke opened the oven and grabbed the tray bare-handed, marching to the dining room and laying the rest of the food down. After his abrupt vacation, Sasuke had to grill Naruto for more information and thus, another myriad of exhausting tasks would begin.
Obito climbed onto the chair next to him, chatting excitedly about everything Sasuke missed, like how Sayu apparently killed two Elders and went rogue. What the fuck? That was weird, and yet, nobody seemed to hate Sayu. In fact, they seemed rather in awe.
Sasuke's eyes locked with Minato's, which were darting around in half trepidation and half enjoyment.
"What's up, Minato?" He asked, because Minato seemed on edge for some reason. Nevertheless, he mustered up an easy-going smile and began talking about his plans.
"As the war begins to end, Hokage-sama assigned me a few bounty-hunting missions. Some nuke-nin from Iwa or Kumo or just somebody that I think might be dangerous," Minato admitted, biting into his lasagna. This was apparently news for everyone.
"I mean, do you have a choice in who you get to hunt?" he asked. Minato nodded.
"There're some people I've been considering. I've got about eight Kumo/Iwa ninja and was gonna go for another two or three. There's this girl I wanna get from Kumo, but she's literally impossible to even locate," Minato rolled his eyes in frustration.
"Nothing's impossible, sensei," Rin chipped in, "How impossible can she be to find? She's gotta be somewhere on Earth." Minato smiled at Rin in a friendly way of thanks. For Sasuke, the description of this girl was starting to be a bit too familiar, and, knowing Minato's horrid luck, it was worth asking.
"Who is she anyway?" Sasuke asked, fearing for Minato's mission's sake. Minato blinked in confusion and opened up his Bingo book to the page he dreaded the most. She had a whole six pages dedicated to her and an extensive list of abilities and possible counters. The Bingo book detailed quite a lot about Nii Yugito, except her Jinchuuriki status. Poor Minato.
"Pick someone else," Sasuke said immediately. "She's not dangerous to Konoha, and incredibly evasive," he finished, omitting just one key detail. If Minato actually pursued her, he'd literally never find her. Sasuke almost snorted at the irony, and about what Rin said about her being somewhere on Earth.
Fortunately, for his own sake, Minato seemed to consider his advice.
"Oh yeah. Minato-sensei, what about that weirdo in Kamogawa? I heard he's listed in the Bingo book for causing disruption and stuff," Obito happily exclaimed.
"Who?" Kushina almost immediately asked. She probably wanted to know about every hooligan listed in the Bingo book. To Sasuke's utter annoyance, the book flipped to reveal Uzumaki fucking Naruto. The idiot even posed for the photo, flashing a peace sign and smirking at the camera. He probably had the best-looking photo in the whole book.
"Oh, this guy. Wow, he's hot," Rin muttered in a volume she thought they couldn't hear.
"Ew, no way," Sasuke immediately said, receiving questioning glances from everyone. Except Kushina. She was sending him a look that said 'what the fuck is going on', which was kind of the same thing.
"Yeah, no way," Obito huffed. Sasuke detected an adorable hint of jealousy in his eyes. With that, they chatted about various nuke-nin and what-not. Despite the career-oriented talk, it made for a relaxing atmosphere.
The next morning, Sasuke knocked on his father's door. Instead of his father, Itachi opened the door.
"Hello again, Sasuke-san," Itachi greeted politely, with a small smile on his face, "Come in."
Sasuke did, and several Uchiha rushed to greet him.
"Any particular reason you're here? It's so nice to see you again," Mikoto briefly embraced him, scanning his body for any injuries. Kushina must've fed everyone the lie that he was on a mission.
"Uh, yeah," Sasuke rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "I'm going on another mission and I'm going to be gone for a while. Or forever," he refrained from saying 'or I'll die' because that was needlessly glum and probably untrue. He didn't want to worry anyone when he'd actually be fine. Maybe.
A lot of the Uchiha's expressions fell, but they mustered up heavy, understanding smiles. It was nice to be missed like this.
"I'll bake a cake," Itachi muttered.
"What?" Sasuke was confused now.
"It's tradition to throw a party whenever one of our own has to leave for a long period," an Uchiha explained. Was it? Sasuke wouldn't know. Should he have thrown a party when they all died and before he went rogue? Well, too late now.
"I'll help Itachi," Sasuke declared with a grin, following Itachi to the kitchen.
"Thanks, Sasuke-san, but I don't need your help. I can bake a cake," Itachi said, seeming annoyed that Sasuke apparently underestimated him.
"Yeah, okay," Sasuke replied, "But you can't reach the oven. Or the shelves."
"Oh," Itachi whispered.
Sasuke gathered the ingredients for Itachi, watching him add and mix them together with fervour. He shoved the batter into the oven, all the while conversing with Itachi. Because this'd be the last time he ever conversed with him.
When the cake was done and properly iced, Itachi carried it into the living room. Somehow, the Uchiha got a party started in an hour. It wasn't lavish, but quick and cheap, and kind of fun. Sasuke got to spend time with his formerly deceased family. He got to talk, tease, interact with them like never before.
"Thanks, everyone. This is great," he thanked. Did he ever smile like this? What a great send-off!
"I think I'm dying," Naruto wheezed and panted for dear life. He trudged through the snow whilst heavily lagging behind Yugito. He didn't need to see her expression to know that she was enjoying every itty bitty moment of this torture.
"Just a bit further," her lilting voice was teasing. "How come you're tired when you're clearly so..." she trailed off, trying to search for the right word so as to not compliment him too much.
"Strong? Handsome? Intelligent?" Naruto added in, complimenting himself so she didn't have to.
"Capable," Yugito iterated. Naruto rolled his eyes, seeming to forget his exhaustion and stalking through the snow to catch up to her.
"Well, how come we're in Snow Country? And why didn't you tell me it would be so fucking cold?" Naruto shivered, rubbing his bare arms. Like a dumbass, he wore a muscle shirt to Snow Country, expecting it to be like the Land of Hot Water. He was one measly piece of fabric away from being shirtless. Not that she was complaining.
"It's literally called Snow Country. Of course it would be cold. I thought you were bringing a coat or something," Yugito chided. Wasn't this obvious? "And you're the one who told me to 'show you around'." She examined the map carefully, although it was frankly impossible to tell where they were considering they were surrounded by snow for miles.
"I meant like, the onsen or a strip club or a casino. Not this," he gesticulated at their surroundings. "I'm cold. And you're an asshole." Though, she probably wouldn't have taken him to a strip club.
Yugito frowned. She unzipped her coat, tossing it in his face. She still had a jumper underneath, plus Matatabi, keeping her warm anyway. Naruto cuddled the coat like it was his life force.
"But now I don't feel manly, and it's tight," he whined. Yugito clenched her teeth, trying and failing to suppress her anger.
"If you don't quit your whining, I will shove this map so far up your-" she declared, her voice rising before she interrupted herself. She facepalmed. "I'm so fucking stupid," she said, looking at the map. Then she rotated it, turning it upside down.
"I always knew you were a fucking moron," Naruto agreed, crossing his arms. She read the map upside down. That was the kind of shit that happened in cartoons.
"Alright dumbass, where are we then?" Naruto kicked at the snow impatiently. Yugito didn't reply, distressed.
"Oi, where are we, genius?!" he yelled. Big mistake. Yugito's eyes widened in panic.
"This is an avalanche prone area," she murmured. They looked up. With a guttural rumble, heaps of snow began rolling down the mountain at a terrifying speed.
"You dumbfuck," Naruto whisper-shouted just before piles of snow buried them.