Chapter 65

It was the morning of Halloween. Emma's birthday had come and gone and both Olivia and Natalia were grateful. They loved their youngest daughter, and enjoyed seeing her having so much fun, but four nine- and ten-year-old girls squealing for almost twenty-four hours straight was almost too much to take. Luckily, Ava had been there to help. Keeping Olivia from completely going insane.

Natalia had taken Ava and Emma out for some last-minute supplies and Olivia was sitting at the table drinking her coffee when Rafe appeared from the basement. Olivia drained the last of her coffee and smiled at him. "Morning. Your Ma put some breakfast in the oven to keep warm for you."

Rafe wiped the sleep from his eyes and stretched. Feeling a little more awake, he grabbed his plate from the oven, poured himself the last cup of coffee and sat down across from Olivia. "Morning." He finally said yawning. "Where's Ma?"

"She and the girls went to pick up a few things for tonight. Do you have plans this evening?"

"Um, no. Actually, I thought I would tag along with you guys if that's okay."

"Of course. We'd be glad to have your company."

Rafe half smiled and shoved another bite into his mouth. As he finished his meal, he walked his plate to the sink. Olivia had made another pot of coffee and was pouring herself a cup. Rafe leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. It was now or never he supposed. He had been putting off talking to Olivia, trying his best to not end up alone with her. Now the house was empty except for them and since Olivia had given everyone the week off to spend with Ava, he had no excuses to leave. He took another breath and slowly released it, looking over at Olivia, he steeled his nerves and sat down in the chair closer to her.

"Olivia?"

Olivia looked up from the paper she was reading, seeing openness and also a slight bit of fear in his eyes, she set the paper down and gave him her full attention. "What is it Rafe?"

"Um, well, I uh, I wanted to talk to you. If you have a few."

"Of course, Rafe. What's on your mind?"

"Um, I just…I wanted to apologize to you. For everything. You know, the way I treated you when I first found out and while Ma was gone. And for keeping those letters. I shouldn't have done that." He looked down to his feet. Not able to look at Olivia.

"Rafe look at me." She waited for his eyes to meet hers and then continued. "It's okay. It doesn't matter. That was our past. We are moving forward. No more looking back, for any of us. We've all made some pretty big mistakes, now, well now we move on from them."

"How can it be that simple Olivia? I was so mean to you. I took all my anger out on you. I said really hurtful things. I saw you hurting while Ma was gone and I made it worse. I purposely kept those letters from you so that you would think Ma just left. You can't just forget about it all."

Olivia reached for his hand hesitantly. When he didn't pull away, she squeezed it lightly. Keeping it there as she spoke. "No, I can't just forget it Rafe, but I can and have forgiven it. You were just as hurt as I was. But it can be as simple as moving on. We don't forget our past Rafe, but we can forgive it and move forward. We have to. Nothing we do can change it, so, we have two choices. One, we can dwell on it and hate each other for it and be really unhappy, or two, we can let it go. Rafe, in just a couple of months you have grown so much. You are doing great at the hotel, and you are doing even better here, at home. You've really stepped up around here. Helping with whatever is needed, and Emma loves how much time you spend with her."

Rafe smiled at that. He liked having a little sister. "I just, I don't know. You keep saying that I'm your son, and I don't get it. I mean I know you and Ma are together, and I'm good with that now. Ava and Ashley have helped me out with that. But I, I don't know how to be your son."

"Rafe, you don't have to do anything, just be you. The good young man that you are. And I told you before, you don't have to think of me as your mom, I don't expect that. I just want you to know, that you are no different to me then Ava and Emma. I will do whatever I can for you just like I will for them. Okay?"

"Okay. I uh, I want to thank you. Not for the recent stuff, but for you know, everything you did while I was in jail. Helping Ma and me. You didn't have to do any of that, I don't know why you did. You and Ma weren't even friends at the beginning. But um, thank you."

"Look Rafe, I didn't want you or your Ma to know some of that, I'm not even completely sure how either of you found it all out. I just wanted to help you."

"But why?"

"I don't really know, or I can't explain it."

"Can you try? I don't want to push you or anything, I'm just trying to understand. You've done so much for me, and I guess I do kind of see you as a parent. I'm not ready to call you that, but I do. Even if I don't like to admit it. I just want to understand how we got here. I feel like one minute we hated each other and the next I'm your son. With all these opportunities with the job and the apartment, I guess I just need more of an explanation. We're I come from people don't just do this kind of stuff for you."

"I understand. I come from that world too. If someone does something for you, they want something in return. I get it. And I do want something in return." Rafe's face turned agitated instantly. "Calm down. I want this, right here." She gestured back and forth between them. "I want us to be able to talk, I want this family, you, me, your Ma, Ava, and Emma. I've never really had a family Rafe. I have one now, and this, you and me talking like this, that makes this family complete. I know there are still a lot of issues, but the fact that you are willing to talk to me as more than your boss, that's a huge step in the right direction. All your mother and I want, is for you kids to be happy, and have a good life. We want this family. That's all. From the beginning it's been leading to this, even when Natalia and I couldn't see it."

"Will you be mad if I tell you something Ava told me?"

"I don't know. Guess you'll just have to tell me and find out."

Rafe took another deep breath and starred out the window, unable to meet her eyes. "Ava said that you knew I was going to be you son one day, even before you knew you liked Ma as a friend, much less more. How can you possibly have known that?" He finally made himself look at her.

Olivia took a moment to collect her thoughts before she spoke. "Rafe, do you remember that day I came to the jail and yelled at you for the way you were treating your mother?"

"How could I forget?"

"Well, that day when I walked in there and looked at you, I saw two things. Gus, and me. You look so much like your father, and your attitude matches mine a little too perfectly sometimes. Something in my gut just told me it was my job to look out for you. Even if you didn't know I was or want me doing it."

"I don't understand."

"Me either. I can't really explain it. I just had the urge to protect you. I wanted to help you anyway I could. If I'm honest, it started before that day. I think it started the day I heard you shot Jeffery. I didn't even know you, but something inside me told me to do everything I could for you. I called my lawyer, but before anything could happen you had left with Harley. I guess that's why I gave your mom the money to go see you in Greece. Then when you came back, I just, I don't know, I had to do all I could to be there for you. If your mother knew any of this, she would say it was God. No matter how hard I tried not to, I kept helping. Speaking with my lawyers, going to the jail with your mom mo…"

"Money on my account, getting me out of that hell hole." He finished for her.

Olivia looked up sheepishly. "Yeah. I just had to do it. In the pit of my stomach, I knew that I was going to be tied to you for the rest of my life. I didn't really know how, but when I thought about it, the only word that came to mind was son. You were my son. I can't explain it any better than that."

"It still doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But I get it. I guess I kinda knew too. I mean, you were doing more for me than anyone else ever had. My lawyer told me some of the stuff you were doing. No one but Ma ever cared that much for me. I think part of me knew you were going to be a part of my life too, I guess I just didn't want to except it. Then when Ava told me that the other day, it all kind of fell into place. I understood what I had been feeling. It's hard to explain, even to myself, I guess that's why I was hoping you could, but you're right, Ma would say it was God, and I think maybe she's right. God put us all together, before any of us knew what was happening."

"Except Emma." Olivia laughed.

"Yeah, that kid is super smart." He chuckled.

"Yeah she is. I still don't know where she gets it. She saw what no one else could."

"Yeah. Okay, well I think I've reached my limit for this kind of stuff, I just want to say one other thing."

"Okay. Go ahead."

"Um, it took me longer then Emma, but uh, I think of her as my little sister, and um, it's kind of cool having a big sister too."

"I'm glad Rafe." She stood, walking towards the doorway. She ran her fingers through his hair as she passed. "I love you Rafe." She didn't wait for a response. Just headed through the living room and up to her room to shower and get ready for the day.

Rafe was glued to his chair. He and Olivia had made it past everything and were now embarking on this journey together, with the rest of their family. It wasn't just him and his Ma anymore. He had two sister and two parents. For the first time in his life, he felt whole. As he sat there, with a goofy grin on his face, all he could think was, 'I love you too Olivia.' He wasn't ready to say that out loud yet, not even to himself, but he knew it was true. Olivia was his mom, and he loved her. His heart was there, it was going to take time for his brain to catch up. But he would tell her one day, when the time was right.

Natalia and the girls had finished their shopping and decided to stop in at Company to grab lunch for everyone. Natalia sent a quick text to Olivia telling her she would bring home lunch and then called in their order. After picking it up the three headed home. Ava had been looking out the window and suddenly snapped her head around towards Natalia.

"Hey Natalia?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think after lunch we'll have time to take a walk? Just you and me? I think I'd like to talk to you about something."

Natalia felt a bit nervous. Something in Ava's tone made her weary of the upcoming conversation, but she wasn't going to pass up some one-on-one time with Olivia's eldest daughter. She really wanted to get to know her better. She already excepted her as her own, just like Emma, but with her living so far away, she didn't really know the young woman. "Um sure. People aren't supposed to come out until around six so we should have plenty of time between lunch and dinner."

"Cool."

The rest of the ride was filled with Emma's nonstop chatter about the evening. She kept going on and on about having her whole family go trick-or-treating and was excited that Matt's daughter Maureen and Blake's daughter Clarissa were joining them as well.

Once they reached the house. Ava helped Natalia carry in the food. They set it on the table and called out to Olivia and Rafe. Neither of them came in so Ava headed downstairs to get Rafe and Natalia went in search of Olivia.

Reaching their bedroom, Natalia found Olivia sitting on their bed starring out the window, a look she couldn't quite place on her face. "Hey." She said as she walked over to her, placing a chaste kiss to her lips.

"Hey. Did you have fun with the girls?"

"Yes I did. We picked up a treat for lunch today."

"Oh yeah. What kind of treat?" Olivia asked, pulling Natalia down to straddle her lap and peppering her neck with kisses.

Natalia tilted her head to the side to give Olivia more access. "Buzz burgers and fries."

"That is a treat. What did I do to deserve that?"

"Not a thing. Just being you."

"Mmm. Perhaps I should be me more often." Olivia smirked, then continued her onslaught of kisses down Natalia's neck and collarbone.

Natalia chuckled. "I love you. You know that?"

"Yes I do. I love you too." Olivia moved to capture her lips in a loving kiss.

Natalia shifted to sit at Olivia's side. "What were you thinking so hard about when I came in?"

"Not much really. Rafe talked to me this morning."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He apologized."

"I'm glad. Everything okay?"

"More than okay. I think we are finally becoming a family."

Natalia leant in and kissed her again. Letting her lips linger a little longer then the kiss. "Yes we are. Seems today is the day for talking. Ava wants to talk to me after lunch."

"Yeah? What about?"

"She didn't say and I don't really care. I'm just glad to get some time alone with her. She and I don't really know each other."

"That's true." Olivia could sense Natalia's apprehension. She took her face in her hands and kissed her lightly. "I'm sure everything is going to be fine."

"I know. I just, I don't know what to expect."

"I'm sure it's nothing. She probably just wants to get to know you." Olivia knew Ava had some things to say to Natalia. Especially after finding out Olivia planned to propose and give her half of everything. Ava may not have said anything to Olivia, but she knew her daughter well enough to know that she was going to have a few words for Natalia before anything happened. As worried as she was, she had hope that everything would work out the away it was supposed to. Just like it had with her and Rafe. "Now, didn't someone mention Buzz burgers."

Natalia laughed. "Yes I did. Let's get you fed before you start to think you're starving to death." She climbed over Olivia and off the bed, taking Olivia's hand and pulling her up against her, sharing one more kiss before they joined their children for lunch.

After lunch, Ava and Natalia headed out for a walk around the property. They walked in comfortable silence for a bit, commenting on this and that. Eventually Ava decided it was time to start the conversation she wanted to have with Natalia.

"Can we sit in the barn for a few. This wind is getting a little chilly but I want to talk to you about something."

"Yeah. We can do that."

The two strolled to the barn, ducking in out of the crisp October air. Natalia grabbed a couple of folding chairs for them. Setting them so they were facing each other. She took her seat and looked up at Ava. "So, what's on your mind Ava?"

"Well, I guess I just wanted to talk to you about my mom. I can see how much you love her, and she is head over heels for you, I just, I guess I'm worried about her getting hurt again. She was devastated this past summer."

"I know she was Ava. You have no idea how awful I still feel about that. I never wanted to hurt her."

"Then why did you? You left her. My mom has had so many people leave her over the years. She's been lost for so long. And then there was you. She was so happy when she came to see me a few months back. I've never seen my mom like that. I've also never seen her as broken as she was at my dad's funeral."

"I know." Natalia mumbled, looking down at her lap. "Ava, please understand that I did not leave your mother. My leaving didn't have anything to do with her. I mean it did, but not the way you think."

"What do you mean?"

"The day before I left, I had talked to Rafe, he asked me to choose between him and your mother."

"And you had to think about that? You thought about leaving her? I mean really, he gave you an ultimatum, shouldn't be much to think about." Ava stated. The edges of anger entering her voice.

"No Ava. I had no intention of leaving your mom. I needed to go away and think about how to keep them both. Rafe is my son Ava. I couldn't just leave him."

"I guess I get that, but then again I don't. He's not a kid anymore. If he wanted to be an ass, why didn't you just let him?"

"Ava, for half my life it was just me and Rafe. Until I came to Springfield, it was just me and him. Sure, I had some help when he was a baby, but for the most part it was just the two of us. Every decision I have made since I was sixteen has been about what was best for Rafe. I didn't have friends, and dating was an unheard-of concept for me. I devoted my every waking moment to Rafe. Working to support him. Any extra time I had was spent with him." She paused for a breath.

"Okay." Ava said, waiting for her to continue.

Natalia looked up into eyes so much like Olivia's. "The first decision I ever made that wasn't solely about Rafe, was coming here. The only choice I've made since before I was sixteen that was just for me, something I wanted that had nothing to do with Rafe, was being with Olivia. I love her so much Ava. She's the love of my life. But, when Rafe was so upset, it was really hard for me. I pulled back a little from your mom. I didn't know what to do. Rafe was my whole world for so many years, seeing him so upset and angry over a decision I made was so hard, but even so, I was not giving up your mom. I couldn't. She's a part of me, without her, I'm not whole anymore. I need her. I had to go away and figure out how to make this okay for Rafe."

"And did you? I mean, figure it out? I know you're back and things are good with Rafe and mom, but I have to wonder if that's just chance or if you actually figured some things out while you were gone."

"I'm not sure if what I said to Rafe when I came back affected him as much as I'd like to think, but I know my being away from him, him not knowing where I was or what I was doing, that affected him. He realized he didn't want to not be in my life, no matter who I chose to be with. When I came back, I told him what everyone said I should have told him from the beginning. He's grown now, he has to make his own decisions. If he chose to walk away from me because I was with Olivia, then so be it. I would be here when he came to his senses. I know it doesn't make much sense, that I had to go away to see that everyone was right, but I did."

"If you just did what you already knew you should, why stay gone so long? I get that you needed some space to like step back and see what everyone else already saw. You were too close to the situation, but six weeks, and not a word to my mom, come on Natalia, even you must see how wrong that was."

"Well, to answer your first question, you're right, I was too close and needed some distance, away from all parties involved so I could see for myself what I thought was best. For myself, Olivia, and my son. When I was pregnant, so many people told me to give him up for adoption, that it was the best thing to do for him. They were wrong. I'm his mother, I'm the best thing for him. Keeping him wasn't a choice, it was the only option, he is mine. I have to take care of him. Always. You never stop being a Mother Ava. No matter how old your kids are. I needed to think and pray and come to my own decision on how to handle this with Rafe, just like I did back then. It doesn't matter that I chose to do what people were already telling me to do. I needed to come to that conclusion on my own."

"Alright. I can understand that. So why not say anything to my mom? She would have understood."

"No, she wouldn't have. Come on Ava. You and I both know that your mother likes to think she knows what's best and takes it upon herself to make it happen. If she knew what Rafe had said to me, she would have left. Told herself it was for the best, that I shouldn't have to chooses between her and my son. She would have convinced herself that she wasn't worth it. That she didn't deserve the life we were building.."

"Yeah. You got me there. Mom tends to think she should always be the one hurt. That she deserves the pain and heartache."

"Yes she does. I couldn't let that happen. I wrote to her. I left a letter on our bed when I left, and I wrote her a letter every week while I was gone. I know it's not the same as talking to her in person, but Ava, if I had gone to her and looked into those beautiful green eyes, had her wrap her arms around me and tell it was okay, that we would figure this out, I wouldn't have left, and she would have. Only she wouldn't have ever come back. She would have made herself stay away and probably avoided me at all costs. Writing to her seemed like a good compromise."

"But Rafe took the letters so mom didn't even know you tried to explain all this to her."

"Yes. Ava, I love your mom. I swear to you, I will never hurt her again. I plan on spending the rest of my life by her side. I hate being away from her for any length of time. God, I miss her right now Ava. She is my world. Her and you three kids are all that matter. I will do whatever it takes to protect this family and I will never leave your mom again. I can promise you that."

"I believe you. I can see how much you love her Natalia. And mom told me a lot of this. I guess I just needed to hear it from you. She's my mom. I have to protect her."

"I'm glad you talked to me Ava. I know you're a grown woman, but, you are Olivia's daughter, which makes you my daughter too. I want to get to know you better."

"Me too. I'm glad my mom found you."

"We found each other, and I thank God every day for that. And for you, Rafe, and Emma. This family is more than I could have ever hoped for in my life. I look forward to every new adventure, and I hope you can come visit more so we can continue to grow our relationship too."

"I will." Ava stood and helped Natalia stand as well. After setting the chairs back in the stack by the wall, Ava brought Natalia into a hug. It was awkward at first, but soon it was as if they had been doing it for years. "Thank you for loving my mom." Natalia nodded and kissed Ava's cheek. This kiss was a turning point in their family. Everything had shifted into place over the past week with their family. This kiss sealed that. The five of them were a family, and nothing was going to break them apart.