When I woke up, I was in a black void. Not dissimilar to the void I was in when everyone was shouting at me to destroy the barrier over the Luminous Water, except there were no voices clouding my thoughts.
This void wasn't engulfing either. I looked over and saw Lyra next to me, but...it wasn't Lyra. It was the gray and white Lyra I dreamed of the night after we returned from Fire Island. Except this one's eyes weren't red. They were gouged out, and the black holes had dried blood that looked like tears.
I told the strange Lyra that I knew she wasn't her, surprised that my voice echoed. That void wasn't soundless.
"No...I am not Lyra," she stated in a whispery voice. "But if you don't do something about Dark Matter...I will be. Everything will be the same in that it will be nothing. It's trying to buy itself time. I will send you to where you're supposed to go. The rest is up to you."
...Well, that was cryptic as shit.
Before I could ask her to elaborate, I heard a rustling behind me despite my surroundings being completely black. When I turned back, she was gone.
That Torchic...there was something incredibly eerie and familiar about her. I mean, maybe she somehow was Lyra, but...she said she wasn't? I don't know.
I didn't get a chance to think about that at the time because I heard a twig snap. The blackness gave way to a small forest awash in the white glow of moonlight, the trees casting a shadowy blanket over the shrubs and strangely tall grass. Strange bird Pokemon flew overhead that I've never seen before, and I heard an unrecognizable whine to my left. A...normal-type-looking Sawsbuck-like creature ran off into the distance.
Before I had a chance to question my strange new surroundings, I heard another rustle. This time a bush shifted unnaturally, and I heard a soft gasp when I went to investigate.
"Shit."
I froze. Whatever was in there spoke a language I understood. A Pokemon, right? Had to be, those are the only creatures I've been talking to since I've been a Chikorita.
Nope.
A tall figure shot up from the bush and loomed over me. I visibly shrunk under its intense glare - or rather...her intense glare. The lighting wasn't great, but I was able to discern she was a human.
...
You didn't read that wrong - a human woman stood in front of me. Baffled? So was I. I couldn't wrap my head around what I was looking at. I didn't even react when she tried to crush me with a rock.
Aha. Just kidding. You'd better believe I snapped out of it in time to split that shit in two. Shortly after, the woman took off! Was I hot on her heels? Hell yeah! Branches smacked me in the face as I gave chase, but I didn't care. If Dark Matter sent me to a human world, I needed to know where I was! How primitive are the humans of this world? How far back in time are we!? I needed answers! Could the woman provide answers? Would she even understand me if I asked her? I didn't know, but I wasn't about to let her get away if she could.
The human woman was larger and much faster than me, but the tall grass remained bent as she ran through it and it...it wasn't hard to find where she went. Not to mention she smelled strange, and that strange smell lingered in the air like a trail.
Are all humans this easy to track? Arceus, no wonder little Pokemon are quick to jump out at trainers in the tall grass.
Anyway, I followed her trail across a grassy field where more of those normal-type Sawsbuck-like creatures were. The trail led me downhill, and to a small bluff. There was a birch sapling nearby, and from that sapling I could see a cave entrance in the bluff. Once I entered this cave, the woman greeted me...by pointing a handmade spear threateningly at me.
I held my vines up, too afraid to speak. While my mind raced for ideas, I snuck cursory glances at her. Since it was night, the amber glow of the girl's makeshift torch was all the light we had. I couldn't discern the color of her eyes, but she lowered her face to glare more intensely at me. Couple that with her unkempt wild hair, and...yikes. That was one scary huntress. Her clothing was filthy and tattered, but most certainly not primitive. I could make out a Pokeball logo on the dirt-smeared white T-shirt and faint lettering that might've read, "Gotta catch 'em all" or something similar. Her black pants were torn in several places, the string underneath stretching shamelessly across her legs.
As terrified as I was in this situation, part of me felt unbelievably giddy. I mean, I wasn't expecting to run into a human right away in this world! I haven't seen one of my kind in so long that, for a moment or two, I blanked on the spear being pointed at me and just soaked in the surrealism.
A human! A genuine human!
...
Honestly, I wasn't fangirling over that nearly as much as I was Arceus, and the giddiness quickly died off. Maybe it was the spear, maybe it was knowing how awful my world is compared to the Pokemon world...who knows?
She told me to get out, but I didn't move. What was I supposed to say? Could she even understand me if I spoke? I mean, I understood her, but maybe the road didn't work both ways. From what I remembered, I didn't understand Pokemon as a human. Maybe others could, but I couldn't.
Well, not moving after the lady told me to get out of her home wouldn't do me any favors, so I decided to take a leap of faith and told her I meant her no harm. I just wanted to know where I was.
Her eyes bulged. "Pokemon can't talk! How...how did you do that!? Answer me!"
I squeezed my eyes shut, fearful that she'd stab me. "Fuck's sake, I don't know why you can understand me! Put the damn spear down already! Can't we just talk!? Just tell me where we are, and I'll be on my way!"
...
After silence fell for a few seconds, I heard a grunt and opened my eyes. The human woman had retracted her spear and was eyeing me strangely.
"You serious, kid? You don't know anything about the world you're in?"
I shook my head no.
"No strange voice welcomed you when you were dropped into this world?"
Again, I shook my head no.
The woman sighed. "What am I, the gatekeeper now? You shouldn't have appeared this far from town...but, very well. This world is where everything goes once it's forgotten. This is Ozu."
...
The same world Farfetch'd read to us about? It wasn't just a kid's story?
The woman didn't give me time to wrap my head around that. She pointed her spear past me towards the exit and said, "To get to Cora Town, go to the top of the bluff and look around until you see a stone path in the far distance. Follow that path until you reach the crossroads, where you-"
I interrupted her, saying a strange entity dropped me near her for a reason. I'm not going to Cora Town or wherever. If she can understand me, she can answer a few questions.
She rolled her eyes. "Kid, I'm really not the patient, 'listen to your woes' type. Follow my instructions and go tell your tale at Cora Town. I'm sure there's someone there who can help you."
I...I didn't want to get on her bad side, but...surely there's a reason that strange Torchic dropped me here, right? When that Torchic said, "It's trying to buy itself time," she was referring to Dark Matter, right? Then she said, "I will send you to where you're supposed to go."
I wonder how long I would've spent aimlessly wandering around that void had that Torchic not helped me. Ooh...wait, thinking back on what she said, about how she's not Lyra, but she will be if we don't do something about Dark Matter...if she hadn't helped me, would we have not succeeded in stopping Dark Matter? Was she Lyra from a version of our world that was consumed by the sun? Ooooooh, I didn't think of that at the time. That's...that's a little...
...
BACK ON TOPIC!
What I did think about at the time was, why did Dark Matter send me to that void? Something about a Luxray friend and remembering the life I left behind? I eyed the woman as she started tapping her foot impatiently. Did...did she really hold the answer?
Well, nothing like pulling a Lyra card and doing things with reckless abandon. I told the human that my name's Irau, and I was sent here because an evil entity is allowing me the chance to regain my memories before my world is utterly destroyed. If I popped into Ozu near her, that meant she could help in some way, right?
I expected some kinda reply or maybe a dismissive wave if she didn't buy anything I told her, but instead the human...laughed. A cruel laugh just laced with mockery. I just kinda stood there awkwardly until she calmed down, which took an insultingly long time...
She finally turned to me and asked, "Oh, how wonderful to meet you, Irau. Do you know who I am?"
I shook my head no.
She told me to guess.
Bruh, I don't have the time to guess. Just tell me!
"Nope. Guess."
Ugh, how annoying. Someone I know from my life as a human?
"That's too vague."
The fuck do you want from me!? Uh...my biological mother?
"No, thank Arceus."
A sister?
"Nope. Guess again."
Just fucking tell me already! My memory's limited here, I don't remember folks from my old life save for a few folks from my scum memories...and you're not from any of those!
She smirked. "Your memory is limited? That's a shame. Tell me, where did those forgotten memories go?"
I don't know.
"Guess. Remember what I said about this place? Surely, your memory's not that terrible."
This place. Ozu. The place where everything goes once it's forgotten.
My lost memories are here.
...
Great. That didn't tell me shit.
I rolled my eyes, thanked her for wasting my fucking time, and told her she really needed to work on her conversation skills.
"We're the same person, stupid."
...Oh.
...
Ha! You just called yourself stupid!
"I'm your human self, moron. I'm only stupid because you are."
Arceus, I am such a bitch!
My human self, huh? Yeesh, I think it'd be hard to forget if I truly looked like that. You're really taking poor care of yourself.
"Oh, you should talk, little Ms. Walks Around With Nothing But a Scarf On. Even if they're in poor condition, at least I remembered what clothes are. You conveniently remembered you're a human, but not what humans wear?"
Jeez, I forgot how judgy I am. Pokemon don't really wear clothes...except for Eris and her black cloak, which I think is more of an accessory thing. I haven't really seen her wear it since we met in Citruse Village, but that's not the point.
I told her the sooner she answers my questions, the sooner I can leave this weird world and leave her to her...important business. I have a world to save, so I have something better to do than talk to her.
She said that I really don't get it. If she's in Ozu, that means I've been forgotten about in my world entirely. Irau doesn't exist in the human world anymore. My human self's only purpose now is to be a database for my human memories, a purpose slowly making her presence obsolete. Nobody cares about who I used to be. Irau the Chikorita will be all that matters, and Irau the human will cease to exist even in Ozu. But there's another problem - Two Irau's with the same memories from the same world can't exist at the same time, so every little piece of my memory that I regain weakens her when it returns to me. Her very existence is dependent on me being an amnesiac. The more answers I uncover, the weaker she becomes.
She admitted that her existence in Ozu is a pitiful one, but it's far more liberating than what she had before. Even if her life is small, meaningless, and doomed to fade with time, it's hers and she didn't wanna toss her remaining time away just so we could merge back together. Why should she tell me anything?
I told her, "At this point, I don't care! Who the fuck cares? A world was about to end! What happened to me? What did I go through? Who did Irau the human used to be? You say the answers to those questions make up who you are? Great! Congratulations! Keep the answers to yourself! Remain strong for however much time you have left here in Ozu! I don't give a shit! Just get this conundrum over with so I can get back and save the people I do remember!"
The human rose an eyebrow at me and asked if I was so sure I wanted to give up on possibly regaining my memories just to be sent back.
As eager as I was to return at the time, looking back on it now...ugh. I mean, I made the right choice. I know that. But even so, that...that was quite literally the closest I've ever gotten to all my lost memories. All the questions and puzzle pieces...as ugly and unpleasant as the picture of my past was, I had all the pieces and the means of assembling them. I was so CLOSE to finally having the ultimate answer to all my questions, but I...I walked away.
Getting direct, solid answers used to make me happy because it felt like I had to jump through hoops to get any answers to the questions I had, or the answers I was given sprouted more questions with uncertain answers. It was frustrating and exhausting.
Being an amnesiac human-turned-Pokemon in a Pokemon-only world, I had many questions that I felt were too nonsensical for the denizens of this world to answer. Answers that seem obvious to most others make no sense to me because I don't have Pokemon instincts. That human was probably the only entity I could've talked to who would've validated the questions I had and assured me that they're good questions, as well as provide answers. Assuming she'd tell me the truth.
...
Wait. Why the fuck would she?
Even if that human wasted her time telling me things, why did I think she would have told the truth? That'd be the dumbest thing for her to do. She would've been jeopardizing her own existence to give me answers. In fact, I'm surprised she didn't outright hit me on the head to make me forget more and empower herself.
My Arceus...I know Lyra wanted me to practice lessening the self-deprecation, but I'm an IDIOT for thinking the human would do anything other than bullshit me!
Since I'm looking back on it, I understand now why that human kept toying with me and insulting me. I'm living a new life and making new memories while old ones creep up on me out of nowhere. The human's only purpose is survival, but her survival is inversely proportional to me regaining memories. The only thing she has is time, and even that's running out. It's like she has cancer - she can only get weaker the more I get stronger...memory-wise. If she hates me, I wouldn't be surprised.
Getting back on track, there was an element of self-justification to my hunt for answers. Jirachi said before that the phenomenon of humans turning into Pokemon happens more than we think. That, alongside the first CAP meeting I had with Mawile, reassured me that being in this world as a Chikorita isn't a freak accident. Later, Nuzleaf confirmed that fact by stating how I was summoned to this world by the spirit of an ancient Pokemon. My amnesia made me doubtful of his words since I still believed myself to be some loser orphan with nothing significant to offer the world.
I've been so convinced that regaining my memories would provide all the answers and make everything super crystal clear...but after I met my human self and learned of her "cancer", THAT is when I felt true bliss. THAT is when I felt like I had the answers to all my questions.
Am I meant to be in the world of Pokemon? What do I have to offer the world? Why am I so special? Why was I summoned by the spirit of an ancient Pokemon? Did I really fight Dark Matter in the ancient past? If so, how am I alive and fighting Dark Matter once again?
The answer to every one of those questions: I don't fucking care.
I won't ever regain my memories because I'd be killing that human in the process, and I refuse to do that. My scum memories painted a grim picture of our past, and I refused to put my human self through further unnecessary pain. I refuse to continue seeking answers to my past. And once I embraced that "Fuck you, I don't care," mentality, everything felt so SO liberating. I don't have to worry about, "What memories am I missing out on that would fill in the blanks here?" because that's irrelevant. Fuck the memories I'm missing! I have all the important ones written down in this book! And if we encounter something that my old memories could've greatly helped with...fuck it. We've gotten by without my crucial memories thus far. They can't be that important.
Anyway, sorry for uh...ranting. Where was I? Let's see...
Ah yes. The human asked if I was sure I wanted to pass up regaining my memories to be sent back.
If I continued to waste my time, then Lyra, Eris, Ampharos, and everyone else would cease to exist. Not to mention getting said memories back would be pointless since I'd cease to exist as well. It was a no-brainer. I told the human that if she wanted to remain in Ozu, she was free to. I didn't give a shit if I got answers at her expense or remained an amnesiac so she could continue to live. So long as I got sent back immediately, I didn't care what she had to say. In fact, why not just cut to the chase and find a way to return me? If I was sent here to recall my past, how do I return without doing so?
The human smirked. She had a way, though I probably wouldn't like it. Well, whatever. So long as it took me back to the fight, I didn't care. Before I left though, I had two pressing questions I wanted to ask her.
First question: Did she make any friends in Ozu?
She rolled her eyes and said, "No. Friendship's overrated."
Heh...I told her that I probably woulda ended up as cynical and violent as her if I hadn't met Lyra and the village kids. Yet another thing I'd have to thank them for when I got the chance. The human rolled her eyes again.
Second question, and probably THE most important question of all time anywhere ever - How old are we!?
"24."
...
I'M IN THE BODY OF AN 8-YEAR-OLD!?
"Don't be stupid. You wouldn't divide your age, you'd multiply it. The Meganium line lives three times longer than humans, so if you're 24 as a human, you'd be, like, 72 as a Chikorita."
But...when I arrived here, I felt really childish and was treated like a child, so I assumed my age was divided instead of multiplied.
"Well, you had no experiences in this world or any other, and only knew your name. Seems fitting you'd act and be treated like a child. Maybe a few years were shaved off during the splitting process, I dunno."
Hmph. Going to the Pokemon world made me younger while going to Ozu made my human self older. I cracked a joke, "The time you spent in Ozu have been really cruel to you, Gramma."
She uh...she didn't like that. She flipped me off with a hateful scowl on her face before stabbing one of her spears into my throat.
I...eughghg, no. No no no no no no. I am NOT describing that sensation because I don't wanna rethink about how it felt. Let's just say it was horrible. Horrible and painful and...Mm-mm. Not happening. Nope. Uh-uh. Not today. No, thank you. It worked and I was sent back. That's all that mattered.
Looking back on it, I know what that strange Torchic was talking about when she said I had an important decision to make. Do I stay in Ozu, listen to the human's prattle, waste my time, and give Dark Matter what it wants? Or do I say, "Fuck answers", and return to the Pokemon world? Technically, I could've saved myself time by annoying the human until she stabbed me in the throat...but then I would have never known who she was and how important letting go of my past memories was. Regardless, everything worked out nicely and I got sent back.
With the weight of my past off my shoulders, it was time to face Dark Matter.