Location: Carracosta's Place
Date: September 28th

Since we weren't panicking or rushing, we decided to take our time making the journey home. Excited though Lyra was, she was also better about slowing down so we're not left behind. To help ease her anticipation, I suggested that she practice telling our epic tale, so she knew exactly what she was gonna say when the time came. She...heh...found the idea fantastic and started right away.

Once the air was filled with Lyra's obnoxious prattling, Espurr kinda shot me a "what have you done" look but I shrugged it off. It was something to keep Lyra occupied and would help pass the time if you felt like listening in. Who was it hurting? Besides, it wouldn't be Espurr's problem after she's dropped off in the village.

Anyway, once we cleared the Sheer Mountain Range, it was a straight shot to the village. Lyra...made a Combeeline once it was in sight, and she had to wait for us to catch up so we could all walk in together. Seeing her impatiently hop from foot to foot was adorable and made me giggle. Who wouldn't wanna make sure their pops were okay after the whole Dark Matter thing?

When we first arrived in the village, the place was...eerily deserted. Like, unnaturally so. As if everyone had in fact still been turned to-

"WELCOME HOOOOOOOME!"

Everyone swarmed us all at once and we...we were kinda overrun! How many people were gonna trample us in appreciation!?

Simipour was able to clear everyone off us and let us breathe. As we got to our feet, we were bombarded with thank yous and we missed yous and welcome homes. Ahh, it was a little overwhelming. Lyra asked how they knew when we'd arrive, and Pancham cited Espurr as their source. She used her telepathy to tell everyone we were coming, and they decided to surprise us.

...The hell, Espurr? Not cool. Way to keep us outta the loop :I

Well, honestly, we couldn't be too hard on her. We probably woulda done the same thing had we been in her shoes. Kecleon said that even if she'd said nothing, they knew we were coming home anyway. Don't underestimate the Kecleon Shop's information network!

I uh...everyone thanking us, saying they missed us, and actually seeing them not turned to stone got me a little choked up. And with everyone staring at me...oof, it was really hard to hide it. Lyra was getting choked up as well, though she did a better job of suppressing it. Why must I be so emotionally soft?

Espurr asked where "Mr." Nuzleaf was, and...my Arceus, I never knew my blood could freeze so fast. Nothing dries the tears like absolute dread. He...so he did return to the village? Espurr said yes, though she was told he didn't do much to announce his presence.

Carracosta butted in, saying Nuzleaf left not long after going around apologizing to everyone in the village good and proper. In the end, he couldn't bear to face me again after what he'd done.

...

I won't lie, I...even though I had been dreading talking to him, I felt a strong wave of disappointment. Lyra had encouraged me to take little steps to make things better between us, but he...he straight-up...

Ugh...I mean, I feel a tiny tinge of relief that we don't have to talk yet, but to learn he left like that...it doesn't feel any better. I don't know what to feel...

Simipour spoke on behalf of the village, saying Nuzleaf seemed genuinely regretful of the things he'd done and that they didn't hold anything against him.

Carracosta tried to reassure me. "Though he couldn't yet face you, he did say that he would be back again someday, without fail. He wanted me to tell you that, Irau. Time can heal most things, even if some hurts seem insurmountable at first. Could you see fit to wait for him?"

...I huffed a sigh and didn't respond. I didn't see what choice I had, though something told me I shouldn't hold my breath.

Despite my exasperation, I noticed everyone staring at me...oooooh, no no no...I looked over at Lyra and darted my eyes in Carracosta's direction. She took the hint and ran up to him.

"Pops! You're really okay? I was worried about you, you know!"

Despite his back pain, Carracosta leaned down and picked up his Torchic daughter to hold and hug her. He reassured her that he was fine. As he was comforting her, he realized that despite them living together for several years, he never once told her how proud of her he was. He said that even if they don't share blood, that's no excuse for him to not be a better parent.

"You did good, Lyra. And I thank you for it."

Lyra got super emotional and buried her face in Carracosta's neck and just wailed and I...ohhh, c'mon man, that's so touching and wholesome and...you can't do this to me, adorable loving family! Even thinking back on it gets me teary-eyed!

Lombre then chipped in and told everyone to cheer for us, and their cheers and claps filled the area and it was loud and distracting and...it made it easier to choke the ol' emotions down.

What happened next could only be described as chaotic organization. Oxymoron, I know, but...everyone grabbed Lyra and I, and crowd-surfed us into Café Connections where they bought us heaps of food and drinks and...all kinds of gifts were piled. Before we even had a chance to touch anything, we were crowd-surfed to Carracosta's house where everyone ate, drank, we opened grateful presents and everyone gathered to listen to Lyra tell the tale of everything that happened and what our adventures were like around the world and...it...

Yeah. Chaotic organization. That's a beautifully perfect word for it.

Anyway, that's enough writing for now. Time to enjoy the party!

Location: Big Tree Hill

I had to escape the party once night fell. Big crowds exhaust me, and as I climbed up this hill I felt like a herd of Bouffalant trampled me. It was equally exhausting trying to keep up with Lyra. She was right at home being the center of attention, and the Pokémon equivalent of junk foods had her bouncing off the walls. A few stragglers tried chatting me up and asking for my side of the story and tried peering into my journal, and...yeah. I just had to step away.

I retreated to the Big Tree Hill and was content staring blankly up at the stars for a bit. It reminded me of when Nuzleaf and I sat out here during my insomnia night, and for just one little moment...I felt at ease. Peaceful. Then I remembered...

...

I know it was a ruse. I know Nuzleaf only sat out here with me as part of his sinister plan. But back then, Nuzleaf was the only Pokémon I felt comfortable being completely honest with. I mean, I never told Lyra about the Beheeyem chasing me until shortly before we left. But the nights leading up to my insomnia, Nuzleaf was my most trusted ally. I flipped back to that old entry – #52. Reading it makes it feel like he's still here, and we're still on good terms.

Earlier when everyone was eating junk food at Carracosta's, I remembered that I was supposed to try out those Pokémon equivalents during the sleepover Nuzleaf had planned before Lyra and I snuck out that one night. Was that also part of his sinister plan? Along with playfully destroying our hay beds after my nightmare? Like...how much of it did he actually plan versus play by ear? At what point did he decide the deception was enough?

...

Ah. I can't lie. Even if they were part of Nuzleaf's sinister plans, I miss those days. I miss having breakfast and dinner with him, and sharing stories with him, and having serious talks, and listening to his advice, and hearing about his adventures, and getting minor cooking lessons. I just...I miss him. I really, really do.

Am I foolish for yearning for those days? While they were blissful for me, I can't imagine how stressful or frustrating they must've been for him. All the same, it felt nice having a companion I could share the silence with. I mean, being on my own's nice too, but I miss having a buddy to share my thoughts with. Someone who isn't loud or boisterous or energetic or exhaustingly enthusiastic. I mean, Lyra's not bad company by any means, but sometimes she can be a little...much. I miss having quiet talks with someone with whom I could be a pessimist.

Then...I heard a rustling, and who would drop from the big tree but Eris?

"Hey there, kiddo."

...Not quite the quiet company I wanted, but I wasn't disappointed either. My exhausted brain had to know what she was doing here since she refused to travel with us before. She simply said a little bird contacted the Society, who contacted her and said I could use some company. She nodded towards Espurr's house.

Right. Of course. Nuzleaf wasn't in the village, so nothing was stopping Eris from joining us.

She asked what I was doing out here since the party was at Carracosta's. I explained how I needed some time away from the crowd...even though I kinda missed having a quiet buddy to talk to like Nuzleaf. Then it dawned on me that Eris and Nuzleaf used to be best friends when they were younger. I asked her if he was always the quiet type, and she nodded.

"Neither of us were big party Pokémon. We were busy keeping abandoned kids alive and were constantly surrounded if we weren't out cautiously gathering supplies. We enjoyed the silence if and when we got it. Although...sometimes if someone got sick, or if we couldn't find enough food...let's just say silence wasn't always good either."

...

I...I didn't need that explained. That's fucking terrible.

Deciding to change the subject, I asked her what she was gonna do now that she found him. She stared at nothing for a while before shrugging. She said she hadn't thought that far ahead yet. Don't think anyone has. World was still recoiling from nearly ending. Everyone's celebrating instead of planning what came next.

Although...she said she discussed one possibility with Ampharos – cooperation in the Cold Snap investigation. That incident in Citruse wasn't forgotten. It simply had to wait while Dark Matter was dealt with. She admitted that she was still wary of Ampharos, but those poor folks at Citruse deserved more than her wariness.

Of course, before she could begin that she'd have to turn in all her findings on the Dark Matter incident and document her involvement in the investigation and attend a meeting about what happened at the Prehistoric Ruins explaining why she abandoned her mission and yada yada yada. As much as she didn't mind helping out the Society now and then, they sure loved wasting her time with official crap.

Heehee...they mean well, I assured her. They may be a pain, but surely there's reasons why those procedures are in place. They just want the full story.

After stargazing for a while, Eris said she had a question for me. When she was reading about my interaction with Sam, there was a part where I turned down the chance to learn of my human history. Do I have any regrets?

Hm...I gave it some thought, but ultimately decided no. Not knowing the whole story kinda sucks, but the answers I could've gotten wouldn't have been the truth. Like I said, Sam would've lied to prevent herself from being remembered and vanishing from Ozu. Not to mention...

...

I've been searching for answers for a long time. Answers for who I left behind and what memories I'm missing out on. You'd think hitting the Sam roadblock would've frustrated me beyond words or sent me into a fit of rage, but it didn't. I realized that even if my memories were restored, it wouldn't make a difference. I'm still me. My memories as a human aren't even worth a thought because it's my memories as a Chikorita that make up who I currently am. These memories are extremely important to me, and I don't want to lose them like I lost my human ones.

Being an amnesiac terrifies me, sure, but I have my journal now. And if the physical copy gets lost somewhere, maybe...maybe there's a way to back it up somehow. Store the information in some sort of archive where it can be alive forever. That way, I'll never end up in Ozu like Sam.

Eris kinda smiled at me and said she'd check her contacts to see if anyone can keep a copy of my journal backed up somewhere. She admitted that she envied me. She wanted to forget some of her past. I jokingly said it's a shame she's a dark-type because Yemer can't accidentally wipe her memories like he did mine.

Speaking of him, I told her that I needed to find him so we could talk. We haven't spoken since he was turned to stone. Since everyone else is alright, he must be lingering somewhere with the other Beheeyem. Maybe now that Dark Matter was gone, I wouldn't have to be enemies with any of them now. Maybe we could start off on the right foot.

Eris made a good point that they'll likely need some time to come to terms with what they did like Nuzleaf. I had no problems with that, though I felt a little more desperate to assure them that they aren't alone in this world. They weren't exactly treated the best as Dark Matter's minions. They were sorta the foot soldiers. The peons. The lowest rung of their ladder. To be treated as lowly minions only to come to terms with their misdeeds and face the backlash...

Honestly, I surprised myself. These guys antagonized me from day one, and they chose to accept Dark Matter's deal and be possessed. Maybe they didn't fully understand the impact of their choice, but was that enough to warrant concern on their behalf? Nothing that happened to any of Dark Matter's minions justifies their role in its plans...but...

Dammit all, I still worry. We're all crawling from Dark Matter's wreckage. Its minions are just like us. They're scared and confused. Unlike us, they're coming to terms with their involvement in the wreckage. They...must be feeling things I can't begin to comprehend. I think that's why I'm so eager to reach my hand out. I don't want them to feel alone. I want to understand why they accepted Dark Matter's deal. I want to understand the depth of their regret. I want to understand the complexity of their emotions. I can't get that from Nuzleaf, but maybe I can get that from the Beheeyem.

Maybe I can finally understand those anomalies that plagued me since day one. Yemer proved to me that they're not mindless drones. They're actual sentient Pokémon. They can think. They can feel. They're worth getting to know.

...

Heh. I asked Eris if it was weird of me to want to get to know them. She pat my head and said I'm a softie who wants to befriend anyone who'll let me, so it'd be more weird if I didn't wanna get to know them. She...admitted she had her own trust issues, so she couldn't fully understand where I was coming from. But if it meant she could reconnect with Dotty...well, we'll see how things fare between him and me. Then she'd decide what she wanted for herself.

I told her that she seemed lonely sometimes. She admitted that she was...but it's alright. She'd rather be lonely than hurt. And besides, interactions with me greatly lower her stress levels. Maybe that's why she always felt compelled to hang around me...aside from my charming personality, of course.

"I hope you don't mind me hanging around. I don't want to...you know. Overstay my welcome."

Of course, I don't mind. I said before that I don't have enough quiet buddies. You and Nuzleaf fit the bill. So long as you don't mind long stretches of silence followed by random questions or observations. If I wanted to be alone, I'd let you know.

Eris smiled and shook her head seemingly in disbelief. "You really are just like him, y'know. He and I slept in the same den as the abandoned kids, but every so often one of us would sneak out and the other would usually join them an hour or two later. Sometimes we talked about stuff. Sometimes we sat in silence until the sun came up. But either way, it was never awkward or weird. It was just...us being there for each other."

As she shifted to sit cross-legged, I smiled as I crawled into her lap and she rested her claws casually atop my head. I told her I didn't have that kind of companionship with Lyra...though some nights I wish I did. Wish I had that companionship with anyone at the Society. Insomnia sucks, and sometimes I'd wake up and simply stare at the sky through my window until I fell back asleep. Having a journal helps me sort out some of my mixed thoughts, but...other times I'd rather float through my thoughts instead of focusing long enough to document what was on my mind.

Maybe I was the lonely one. Funny thought considering I've been with Lyra since our school days.

"Well, even best friends can unintentionally make each other feel lonely. I'm sure Lyra's hung out with folks that you felt lonely around, and maybe Lyra also feels lonely when she sees us hanging out. I mean...Nuzleaf and I are- were similar personality-wise, but we still did things that unintentionally made the other feel lonely. Just comes with any friendship."

Hm. I flipped back to entry #87, the one where a...misunderstanding caused a rift in my friendship with Lyra, along with the following entry where Ampharos and I talked on the Society HQ rooftop. I let Eris read those entries and admitted that there were times where I wish she and I had met sooner so I had someone to talk to. I mean, Ampharos did his best to offer advice, but...I don't think he offered the same level of comfort and solace that Eris does. Lyra and I faced another rift a few days later when Ampharos said some things to her, and Eris was a phenomenal help in easing my worries there. I just...I really wish we'd met sooner. At the time I felt so alone and...and stupid. I felt like everyone was laughing at me, and it hurt.

Eris read the entry where Lyra and I made up the following morning, but afterwards she flipped back and reread the entry where I got upset and left. She had a habit of tracing her claw gently over words as she read them, and she paused as she read the one part:

"Now Lyra and the others were doing the exact same thing...and once again, I feel stupid.

But I'm not stupid! I'm not! I'm a smart person who asks really good questions and makes good choices because she cares about her friends and family and...fuck!"

I watched her do this a few times. She really honed in on the "I'm a smart person who asks really good questions and makes good choices because she cares about her friends and family" line, and she had such a grim look on her face as she reread it over and over. I...hm...I wanted to ask her what was wrong but decided to wait for her to speak instead. When she did, her voice was distant.

"You go above and beyond trying to be sensitive of others' feelings when you interact with them, but sometimes they don't do the same for you. They're not aware of how much they hurt you, and you...misinterpret it as them not caring."

She kept tracing her claw over that sentence and uttered a soft sigh. She said it took a lot of guts to give up what I wanted in favor of joining the Society with Lyra, but at that moment it wasn't just everyone else who made me feel stupid. I made me feel stupid because if I'd abandoned Lyra and left Lively Town to explore freely, that humiliating event wouldn't have happened in the first place. I thought I was stupid for supporting my friend. I thought I was stupid for trying to be a good person.

...Well, she...she wasn't wrong. That's exactly what I thought.

Eris reassured me that I wasn't stupid. I uh...I waited because it sounded like she had more to say (and frankly, I wanted to talk about this topic more), but she just sat there quietly. I tried reviving the conversation by asking her if she was speaking from experience, and she said that was a story for another day. Today was supposed to be joyous and celebratory. I should be enjoying myself, not listening to her sad tales.

Well, dammit. Is it so unpleasant of a topic that dropping it altogether was necessary?

Ugh. Anyway, I dredged up that unpleasantness because it's a perfect example of when Lyra unintentionally made me feel lonely, strengthening Eris's point. I didn't really have anything to add to it, just something I thought of when she said that.

We stared up at the stars for a while before Eris started humming and tapping her claws rhythmically against her leg. What song was that? She was a little shy to share, but she called it, "Father Night". I asked her to sing it for me, and she got all embarrassed.

"I'm not exactly the singing type, Irau. It's not even a full song. Just a lullaby some of Kelvin's abandoned kids made up one night while we were taking care of them."

Well, even if it's just a silly lullaby, I still wanted to hear it. I love having a new tune to hum as I travel, and sometimes a lullaby helped steady the nerves after a nightmare. I knew how scary it was to sing in front of someone, but if it helped she could pretend I wasn't there.

Embarrassed though she was, she relented and sang the whole thing for me. Wasn't a long song though.

"Sweet Father Night, hanging high up above
Shower us with your light, your darkness, and love.
Envelop us with your blanket of stars.
Watch over us, precious guardian, and protect from afar.
Listen to our song, we wrote it just to honor you.
We appreciate your presence and all that you do.
Now, Father Night, we must rest our heavy heads.
Please, watch over us as we drift off in our beds."

Mmm...her voice was quiet as she sang, but it was nice. It really was lullaby material. I asked her if she missed the kids.

"Yeah...they were good kids. Most of them, anyway. Can't imagine what...I mean, things were already...oh...forget it. That's a story for a different day."

Yet another story for a different day...man, I was a pro at dredging up bad memories for her.

Y'know, now that I think about it, Eris and Nuzleaf were both abandoned by Kelvin, right? They decided to look after kids who were also abandoned by Kelvin...meaning that they were looking after kids while they were kids themselves. They were as lost, scared, and confused as the kids they were raising. They had to stumble through the world learning as they went along, except their mistakes affected the kids they raised and not just them. Only authoritative advantage they had was age, but I'm sure that didn't stop childish rebellions.

I can't imagine what kind of life they had or the struggles they faced. Kinda made my ordeals with Pancham seem trivial by comparison. I mean, I'm sure Eris's illusion powers helped somewhat, but...

I...there's so much more I want to write about this subject, but it's getting late. I started writing after Eris sang because I wanted to write down the song before I forgot it. I'm thinking I'm gonna stop writing soon and tell Eris I'm tired and wanna turn in. Not sure how much rest I'll get with Carracosta's place still bustling...maybe I'll nap on Eris until things quiet down over there and then we'll crash with Lyra.

Either way, this is it for now.