Location: Expedition Society HQ
Days w/o Lyra: 3
My name is Eris.
Previous entries have shown that Irau is a fan of listing the location in which she stops to write. She invented a "date" system that I don't understand, so instead I'm going to list how many days it's been since…well…Lyra.
I'm not a fan of transcribing my thoughts or intentions like this, but it's the style Irau has been using to document her adventure. This is her journal. She stated before how grateful she was that Lyra filled in the holes of their grand adventure while she was out of sorts, so…I guess I'm doing the same for her now, even though their adventure is over.
However, the more time I spend writing in this journal, the more I wonder if I made the correct choice. I'm not really accomplishing anything practical. I'm not furthering my understanding of Irau's situation through investigations, I'm not consoling her or doing anything remotely helpful. I'm just sitting here, book on top of a wooden crate, filling it with footprint runes.
I'm wasting my time.
…
…
Well, no…that's not entirely true.
I don't fully understand why, but Irau loves this book. She loves reading older entries and reminiscing. I personally think she's wasting a lot of time dreaming of the past when she could be out making more memories, but then again…it's not like I haven't gotten wrapped up in the past once or twice.
Unlike me, however, Irau's an amnesiac. Her lost memories bother her a lot more than she lets on, and she's terrified she's going to lose more. In that regard, I can understand why she wanted to write down everything and relive it later. I can understand why she writes her journal entries in a strange, storyteller way. It's less for readers, and more for her. It's Irau's journal. Written by Irau for Irau.
In that case, would it be better to not write anything about this time in her life? She's in a lot of pain right now…
…
Well, it's a little too late for that now. Even so, no. No, it wouldn't be better. Irau said before that she wanted to remember everything that happened during her adventure. Everything. The good, the bad…even the pain she couldn't personally document. She wanted all of it compiled in this book. She wanted complete transparency in case she lost more memories.
In that case, I guess I am doing something helpful. I'm helping her remember her grief.
…
I…wish this task didn't fall on me, if I'm honest.
Emotional vulnerability is difficult when talking in-person, but it's even harder on paper. Every word I write is a word Irau will read in the future, as well as anyone else she decides to let read this. I'm not comfortable with portraying emotion or personal thoughts in my writing. I feel a little put on the spot.
Alas, Irau entrusted her journal to me. I'll be Dark Matter's puppet before I shove this responsibility off onto someone else, so it falls to me to document everything.
For the sake of consistency, I'll write in the same storyteller way. As I said, I am not comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable in my writing, so don't expect a lot of emotional depth to come from this. Expect a lot of ellipses though, for I will most likely hesitate or change my mind about what to include or omit.
First things first, I should clarify why Irau is grieving. Her previous entry did not provide a lot of context, so I will explain.
It's my understanding that Lyra did, in fact, disappear. Completely. She wasn't kidnapped, she didn't run away or wander off, she's not missing. She deliberately and literally disappeared off the face of this planet.
Irau was distraught when she shoved her journal into my claws, and she went straight to Carracosta's before I could ask her anything. Most consider it rude to eavesdrop, but if I need information no privileged perception of unacceptable behavior is going to stop me from getting it. Seeing the kid cry when everything had been just fine the night before was suspicious, so you had better believe I listened in.
Their conversation was pretty long and I don't remember the finer details, but the gist is Lyra was Mew in a previous life. Mew was an ancient Pokémon who led the charge against Dark Matter and summoned Irau here, and I am still having a hard time believing it. It's a little too contrived.
So, this…this Torchic kid – a complete rando that Irau just happened to befriend in this random village close to where Do- Nuzleaf needed her to carry out Dark Matter's plans - was the leader of the Dark Matter rebellion back in the ancient days, and the very same Pokémon who'd summoned Irau to this world in the first place.
…
Right. Sure.
I can believe that Lyra was born and raised in Serene Village because when Mew sent their soul into the future (as Irau would later explain), they wanted to be close to Revelation Mountain when Dark Matter inevitably returned. I can believe that Nuzleaf brought Irau to Serene Village because it was the closest settlement to Revelation Mountain and provided the simplest trap to lure her where he wanted her.
What I can't believe is that Dark Matter didn't know who Mew's reincarnation was, and didn't take her into account when escorting Irau to Serene Village. I can't believe Dark Matter said nothing through Nuzleaf when Irau came home wearing a Harmony Scarf made from the Tree of Life. And you cannot convince me that Dark Matter was 100% okay with its two oldest adversaries reuniting and becoming friends, even if they don't remember each other.
It's possible Dark Matter allowed Irau and Lyra to become friends because it believed its plan would be carried out flawlessly regardless, but that very arrogance was its undoing. It should've known better than to let Lyra and Irau roam around together because the same two individuals destroyed it last time. Irau explained that she and Mew didn't fully defeat Dark Matter in the past because they destroyed its form, but the broken fragments rained down and spread negativity everywhere. Dark Matter even told the ancients it would be reborn in the distant future.
Can't teach an old ball of hatred new tricks, I suppose.
Anyway, Irau and Mew took precautions like sealing the Luminous Water and such, but if they relied on their old knowledge, they'd make the same mistakes. They couldn't win like that, so they both agreed to…have Mew erase their memories…which is why Irau is an amnesiac…
…
So, the very reason she's been writing in this book from the start…the very thing she's been absolutely terrified of…happened because her past incarnate chose to give up their memories. They chose to have her be an amnesiac.
…
Okay, no. I don't accept that. For the greater good or no, Irau lost memories of her friends and family in addition to the Dark Matter nonsense. Does dismissing it as "for the greater good" make her paranoia and fear irrelevant? Nonsense like that sounds like something Ampharos would agree to, and I hate it. Nothing can really be done about it now, but still…
Anyway, Dark Matter was reborn from the negative emotions lurking within ancient Pokémon. Some of those emotions came from Mew, but they disappeared when Lyra accepted Dark Matter. Thus, the last bit of Mew's ancient spirit had been eradicated. It's what Mew wanted, though. The fight was Lyra's, and she was happy to have seen it through to the end. It wasn't Irau who had to leave this world, but…Lyra.
…This…this was when Irau started losing composure. I just…I had enough. I walked out of the village and into a nearby forest. It doesn't take a psychic-type to figure out what happened next.
Arceus damn it all! Part of me wants to throw this fucking book across the room from remembering that.
Why? Why did Lyra have to go!?
I am SO sick of this world ending the lives of children I care about.
Irau and Lyra risked everything to stop Dark Matter and save our world – neither of them should've disappeared. They deserve to live happily ever fucking after, not deal with this contrived prophecy Tauros shit. And really, is that too much to ask? It's the least they're owed after everything else they had to go through. It's a well-known fact that Irau doesn't have the most positive outlook on the world, but she fought for it all the same. Her only wish is for Lyra to come back. That's all she's been wishing for with every fiber of her being for the past three days.
Is that really too much to ask for?
…Ah. Forgive my lack of composure there. And here I thought I wouldn't get emotionally invested. It seems easier to get carried away with one's emotions while writing than I anticipated.
Once I returned to the village, Irau wasn't there anymore. I was going to ask Carracosta, but the old 'Mon was in shambles. I left him to his grieving and departed for Lively Town. Upon arriving at Expedition Society HQ, the others wordlessly led me to Irau's bedroom door.
You read that right. Door.
In the short time it took me to arrive at Lively Town and make my way here, Irau had a wooden door installed on her and Lyra's bedroom. Complete with iron hinges and decals. No way was this some amateur hack job. Apparently, she asked an Evergreens ally to have it installed before her arrival. I tried knocking on it, but she didn't answer. Tried opening it, and…what do you know? The chump even installed a proper locking mechanism.
I…Irau needs space. I get that. I…understand that. However, I arrived in Lively Town the day after Lyra vanished, so Irau's been locked up in her room for at least two days. Swirlix leaves plates of food outside her door and returns to retrieve the empty plate sometime later, so at least she's eating.
…
Am I foolish for being worried?
Irau just needs time. That's what I keep telling myself. It's a mutually understood thing among everyone in this building.
I just…there must be something more I can do. There must be. That kid never did wrong by a damn soul in this world, and she's constantly being punished for it. First that rotten betrayal from Nuzleaf, then the Voidlands trauma, then shouldering the responsibility of saving this entire world…and now Lyra.
Why put Irau through so much anguish? It's not enough she endured her wretched human life, she has to endure a wretched Pokémon life too? It's not right.
…
Still, much as I hate it, there's little I can do right now except wait. I don't want this old book among my possessions when I venture out lest I accidentally ruin it. I don't want to heartlessly drop it outside the kid's room or hand it off to a random Society member, so…I guess I'll just hang around Lively Town for a while. Keep an eye on the kid.
…
I wonder what he would do in this situation.