Location: Expedition Society HQ
Days w/o Lyra: 6
I've been visiting that door on and off to chat with Irau. No matter how long I prattle on, the conversation is always one-sided. It's not just me and Swirlix who visit her though – every Society member checks on her at least once a day. At least, they told me they check on her. I have business in town to take care of, so I'm not always around to confirm their claims.
It feels odd being here. I'm not scrambling to chase my next lead, I'm not bracing myself to face the Society again, and I'm not attending mission briefs or filling reports. I'm just…here. Watching the world go by while occasionally shooting the breeze at Café Connection.
I'm not used to being idle. It reminds me of my Zorua days, living with Dotty and the kids at Asht-
I don't need to disclose that yet. Not while the kid is grieving. I'll…leave a message for Irau in my last entry for her, so she can approach me about it when she feels ready.
I'm going to visit her.
Location: Expedition Society HQ
Days w/o Lyra: 8
I've made some progress with Irau. She still doesn't speak, but I elicited a response from her when I told her we needed to know she was alright.
She knocked on the door.
I decided to capitalize on this by telling her to knock twice for yes and once for no in response to my questions. When I asked her if she was alright with that, she knocked twice.
Any new injuries or health problems to report? One knock. Are you in any physical pain? One knock. So, physically speaking, you're feeling alright? Two knocks.
That's…that's fantastic, kid. How about mentally? How are you holding up? Are you alright on that front? …One hesitant knock. Can I come in? One knock.
We went back and forth like that for over an hour. It might not seem like much, but that little line of communication opened up so many possibilities. At least now we could ask her health-related questions and get an answer. That's the big thing, really.
Of course, I'm not foolish enough to think Irau has fully healed from her grief. This is just the first step, but it's such an important one. Irau went from being so consumed by sadness that she couldn't speak, to giving simple yes or no answers. That willingness to communicate could be expanded upon with enough time and patience.
For now, let's work with what we've got.
Location: Expedition Society HQ
Days w/o Lyra: 12
Things aren't going well.
Irau still hasn't left her room, and the knocking technique has…slowly stopped being useful. Over the past four days, she slowly stopped answering questions. I suppose I was foolish to put all my berries in one basket, but losing that communication line still sucks.
I mean, I understand that she needs time to grieve. I know she's in a lot of pain, but things can't go on like this. She can't go on like this.
"Eris, you silly bimbo, why don't you just break down the door?"
Oh, great idea, buttmunch. Destroy the kid's safety bubble and ruin whatever bridge of trust we've been working to build together? What an excellent idea! I'm sure the kid would be just delighted to talk about her problems after I gung-ho her door. Listen, knock-knees, the answer isn't always tough love. The kid's on driftwood floating out in a lake and needs a pull in the right direction, but she's too far out for any of us to reach her. We're going to need outside help.
I've been reading her older entries to pass the time. All of them. Since she wanted Lyra to proofread her journal and she's gone now…I guess Irau wants me to do it in her place. I haven't been reading to proofread, though. I've been reading to get an idea of how to help her. I've gotten a lot of insight.
First thing I noticed was the sloppiness. Irau's footprint runes from her first few entries are just…hard to look at. I can't be too harsh about it since she went from a human to a Pokémon and somehow knew how to write in footprint runes. Sloppy runes are still legible runes. Even so, her technique has improved significantly.
Second thing I noticed was the semi-impersonality of the first five entries. It's clear Irau's memory wipe affected her writing because she didn't really describe in detail how she felt or thought as things transpired around her. She mostly just described what happened…but, again, I can't be too harsh. She was a human in a Pokémon world with no clue of what to make of anything. She didn't describe what she felt or thought because she probably didn't know what to feel or think. Funny how even in her early writing days, she perfectly portrayed the amnesiac blank slate character that she was. I'm sure that was completely deliberate.
Thirdly, Irau's thoughts are…unexpectedly violent. Seriously, the kid always gave off this aura of serenity and levelheadedness, but Entry #6 painted a completely different picture. Both she and Lyra had been goaded into exploring the Drilbur Coal Mine by two kids, a Pancham and a Shelmet, and Irau expressed her frustrations about conforming to what they wanted…in the form of wanting to beat Pancham up. Personally, I've got nothing wrong with a girl having a little zest and attitude. I just wasn't expecting it from quiet little Irau.
She really oughta share her thoughts more often. This is a fascinating read.
Truthfully, there are many things these entries say about the kid, but there's no time for that now. This isn't my journal to ramble in, and I…have expressed my discomfort with this level of emotional vulnerability.
However, there is one thing I want to address. Entry #126. We'd been training at the Society's training grounds, and we were taking a break. I…brought up the hypothetical scenario of…of Lyra vanishing. The kid wrote down my quote in the entry so I can properly regret every word I said.
"You search and search and search with no leads. Not even at her old home. You start to lose faith that she's even still alive. The thought follows you everywhere and drags on your soul, and after a while…you have nothing else to believe. How would you feel?"
…Damn it all.
I'd described Irau as a depressed pessimist and said I used to be like her. When she asked what brought me out of it, I posed that hypothetical to help her understand how I felt when I went years without a single lead on Dotty's location. Er…sorry, Nuzleaf's location. Had I known things would have turned out this way, I would've posed a different hypothetical.
In the entry, the ki- Irau said Lyra's vanishing would feel the same as the sun being snuffed out. And being so cruelly forced to accept it? That'd be worse. She'd stop believing in…anything. Hope, peace, kindness, benevolence…all the positive sides of others Lyra knew they could show besides the bad sides that made up Dark Matter.
"Might not be what Lyra wanted for me, but the scar of her nonexistence would be too painful to carry."
…
You know, I've done a lot of things that I regret. My life is a cesspool of poor decision making and unforeseen consequences, so this is an odd thing to have thrown back in my face. It's not as bad as some other things I've said, but to have it come back now, when the kid is grieving over that exact hypothetical…
What a cruel twist of fate.
Kid, listen, if you're reading this, I never meant to foreshadow Lyra's disappearance like that. I had absolutely no idea Lyra was going to vanish after everything was said and done. If I had, I would've told you immediately. I wasn't trying to drop hints or whatever. I truly didn't know…
Well, maybe I can make things right.
The kid said something the night before Lyra vanished about finding Yemer and the other two Beheeyem. It's a serious longshot, but I really doubt it'll be harder to find him compared to Nuzleaf. And if there's a millionth of a chance it could help the kid…
Just hold on, Irau. My plan won't clear the rubble, but…it'll help you see there are others sitting in the wreckage with you. We're your family, kid. We love you.
…I love you.