Chapter 74
Natalia was pacing in the waiting room at South Shore Hospital in Chicago. Phillip was bringing Ava, Rafe, and Dr. Rick Bauer via the Spaulding Jet and keeping Emma until they knew what was wrong with Olivia. It had been just under two hours when four arms enveloped Natalia before she even knew anyone was there.
"What's wrong with mom? What happened?"
Natalia could feel her children wrapped around her, she could hear someone talking, but she was paralyzed. The two people flanking her had stopped her pacing, but she was unable to register their presence.
"Ma, did you hear me? What's wrong with mom? Ma?"
When Natalia finally shook herself out of it enough to realize people were around her, she had expected to see Ava asking what was wrong with her mother, but no, it was her son's mouth that was moving with tears running down his face, begging her to tell him what was wrong with his mom. She had never seen him so distraught. That sight snapped her the rest of the way out of her fear induced silence.
"Rafe! Ava!" She sobbed. "I don't know what's wrong, we were in bed and then she just stopped breathing, I don't…" Natalia's breathing became ragged and she felt dizzy.
Rick approached the group, pulling Ava and Rafe back a few feet. "Back up guys, she's having a panic attack. Give her some room to breathe." He took Natalia by the arm and lead her to a chair, pushing gently on her shoulder so she would sit. He knelt down in front of her. "That's it Natalia. Big deep breaths. That's it. Good. Take a minute and just breathe. It's gonna be okay."
Natalia took deep steady breaths until the tightening feeling in her chest eased and she was breathing normally again. She stood with Rick's assistance and turned to her children. The two slowly approached her. She grabbed them both and hugged them tight against her. Both of them crying into either side or her neck. "Shh my babies. I'm sorry I freaked out. It's going to be okay." She cooed. Rubbing their backs until they calmed. She wasn't sure if she was speaking to them or herself, but she knew she needed to pull herself together for their sake.
Ava pulled back first. "Is mom okay? What's going on?"
Rafe finally pulled away from him Ma and wiped his tear-stained face. Looking to Natalia with the same question etched on his face.
"I don't know. They took her back over two hours ago and I haven't heard anything yet." Natalia turned to Rick. "Rick, can you see if they will tell you anything? Please." She pleaded.
"I spoke to one of the Doctors on the flight, I just need to check in and then they will allow me back to see her. As soon as I know anything I will come and let you know. Just try and stay calm."
Once Rick departed towards the nurses station, Phillip stepped forward. "Hey Natalia. Do you need anything before I go?'
"No, thank you for bringing them Phillip. And for bringing Rick. I know Olivia would feel safer having Rick here. You know how she is with doctors."
"Oh yeah. And I'm sure the hospital will be happy to let him deal with her. We all know she's not the best patient." His comment got a small smile from the family in front of him.
"What did you tell Emma?" Natalia questioned.
"Um, we just told her that mom wasn't feeling well and we needed to come see her." Ava answered. "She was really upset that she couldn't come."
"Poor Emma. I bet she's so scared. Phillip, will you please have her call me when you get back if she's still up? I want to assure her that Olivia is okay."
"I will do that. And if she's asleep I'll call and let you know and she can call you first thing in the morning."
"Thank you. And Thanks again for bringing me my family."
"Anytime. In fact, why don't I send the jet for you all when she's released. It would be better for her then that long drive."
"I appreciate that, but we have to get her car back so…"
"Ma, Ava and I can drive the car back. You guys take the jet." Rafe insisted.
"Okay. Thank you Rafe." She looked back to Phillip. "I'll call as soon as I know something. Please tell Emma we love her very much."
"I will." Phillip gave a small nod of his head as he turned on his heel and walked towards the exit.
The three sat and waited. Ava on one side of Natalia and Rafe on the other, both clinging to her hands. Natalia laid her head against the back of her chair and allowed her eyes to close. Having a small amount of comfort by the presence of her kids. Rafe watched as she slowly drifted off to sleep, releasing her hand, he slowly stood and whispered to Ava that he needed to take a walk and for her to call him if they heard anything.
Ava nodded, understanding he was feeling overwhelmed at the moment. She watched in silence as he looked at the hospital map on the wall and then turned around a corner and disappeared. She lay her head on Natalia's shoulder, letting go of her hand to wrap her arm across her stomach. She closed her eyes and let her tears silently fall, soaking into Natalia's t-shirt.
Rafe slowly made his way to the hospital chapel. He crossed himself upon entering and walked to the front. Falling to his knees in front of the cross that hung on the wall, his body shook with sobs. He let himself cry until he felt no more tears were left. Unable to stand, he crawled to a pew and lifted himself up to sit. He bowed his head in prayed. "Please God, please don't take her from me. Please don't let her die. You already took one parent from me. You can't have her too. You can't."
Rafe had never blamed God for problems in his life before. He knows God doesn't work like that, but he was angry. The thought of losing Olivia hurts so much more then Gus. Yes, Gus was his father, but it was different with him, their relationship was forced and he never truly bonded with him. He and Olivia were just getting to be close, but things with her are so different then with Gus. It's easy with her. Just like his Ma, it feels like Olivia has always been his mother. He loves her, and the thought of losing another parent after just getting her is killing him on the inside.
Finally regaining his strength, he stood. He rocked his head back and looked up at the ceiling, letting his pain and anger take over, he screamed to the heavens. "You have my father; you don't get to take my mother too! His heart saved her. It saved her for me and for Ma and Emma and Ava. You can't have her yet! Do you hear me? She's ours! She's not done with us yet. She needs to marry Ma and watch Emma grow up. She has to teach Ava and me how to run the business. She has to yell at me and keep me in line. She needs to love Ma longer. Ma needs her. I need her! You can't take her. I won't let you have her!"
His lungs burned from screaming and his eyes were blood shot from tears when he finally calmed and left the chapel. He stopped in the men's room to wash his face before returning to him Ma and sister. It was time to be the man of the family. He had to be strong. He couldn't cry anymore. They needed him.
When he returned to the waiting room, he saw Ava and Natalia both asleep. He leaned against the wall and watched them. He noticed the tear stains on Ava's cheeks and saw the wetness on Natalia's shirt under his sister's face. He watched his Ma's eyes flutter and her body twitch in fitful sleep. He was just walking over to wake them when he noticed Rick coming down the hall behind the double doors.
"Rick! How is she? What's going on?"
"Settle down Rafe. Let's wake your Ma and Ava."
Before Rafe could reach out and touch her, Natalia's eye snapped open and as she startled awake. "Olivia." She looked around blinking and remembered where she was. Seeing Rick, she gently shook Ava awake and they both stood. "What's going on Rick? Is she Okay? Is she breathing?..."
"Hey, hey, calm down. She's stable. We have her sedated at the moment. I needed to come talk to you?"
"Why? What's wrong with her Rick?"
"It's her pacemaker. It's not working properly. We're going to have to replace it."
"When?"
"As soon as possible would be best. I'd like to transport her back to Springfield. Due to liability, I cannot operate on her here, and I'd really prefer that I do the surgery."
"Is she okay to wait?"
"Yes. I think so. I can pull some strings and have her life Flighted. I could swing bringing you, but the kids would have to wait for Phillip or drive back."
"There's no way we could all go with her?"
"I wish, but it's going to be hard enough to get them to agree at all, since they could do the surgery here. I'm doing this for Olivia's comfort. I know she wouldn't want some stranger operating on her. She's stable and if we go now, we can get her back to Springfield and have the surgery underway in an hour."
"Okay. Let's go."
"Alright. I have a friend here I'm gonna talk to about taking the chopper. Stay put, I'll be right back."
Natalia turned to face her eldest. "Ava, can you call Phillip, see if he can send the jet back for you two."
"What about moms car?"
"We'll worry about that later. Right now, I just want to get us all home and her better."
Ava nodded and stepped away to call Phillip.
Rafe threw his strong arms around his mother and pulled her to him, letting her cry into his chest. He silently let a few tears fall and then sucked them up. He needed to stay strong for him family. It was a small relief that it was the pacemaker and not her heart, but they all knew they weren't out of the woods until she was out of surgery.
Natalia stepped out of the embrace as Ava walked back over. "Phillip said he called a friend of his. There's a plane waiting at the airport for us so we don't have to wait for his to come back."
"Okay, good. You two should head to the airport. The helicopter is faster than the plane. We'll still beat you there, but if you go now you won't be far behind. I love you two."
"I love you too Ma. Please get her home safe."
"I will Rafe. Don't worry. She's gonna be fine." Rafe just nodded and hugged his mother again kissing her cheek. Natalia hugged and kissed Ava and the two siblings left, sprinting down the hall towards the exit.
Rick came back just as she watched them disappear out the door. "Okay, they are taking her to the roof now. Let's head up there."
Once they reached Cedars, Rick jumped from the chopper, helping the EMT's lift the gurney to the ground. Natalia was on the other side of it, gripping Olivia's hand and running alone side. She stayed with them until they reached the double doors that led to the operating rooms. She didn't release her hand until their fingertips could no longer touch. Rick yelled back that he would send someone out as soon as he could.
Natalia let the hand that had been holding Olivia's fall lifeless at her side. She stood there, rooted to her spot, starring through the window of the door where the love her of life was going into surgery again.
Lillian had heard the call about Olivia come in and raced to where Natalia now stood. Knowing Natalia would be beside herself with worry. She approached her slowly. Seeing that Natalia wasn't really present. She gently laid a hand on her shoulder.
"Natalia?" When she got no response she gave her a little shake. "Natalia, sweetie, come on, let's go sit down."
Natalia didn't say anything, just allowed Lillian to guide her down the hall to the waiting room. Lillian eased Natalia into a chair and left to grab her some water. She returned and sat down beside her. "Natalia?"
Natalia finally looked at her and shook her head to clear it. "Lillian? When did you get here?"
"I'm on night shift. I heard the call about Olivia and thought you might need a friend. How are you doing?"
"I'm… I really don't know. I can't lose her Lillian. Not now. Not after everything."
"You won't. Can you tell me what happened?"
"We were in Chicago checking on the new hotel. We were getting into bed, one minute we were kissing and the next she wasn't breathing. Oh my god Lillian. I did this to her. I got her heart going too fast and…"
"No!" Lillian said sternly. "This isn't your fault. This could have happen no matter what you were doing. You can't blame yourself."
"But I knew she was over worked and stressed. She had been looking so tired and run down since last week. I should have known something was wrong. I should have made her slow down."
"Natalia you can't do this to yourself. This is not your fault."
"But…"
"No buts. Olivia's strong, she'll get through this and be back to being a pain in our rears soon enough. Did Rick say what happened?"
"Her um pacemaker isn't working properly. They have to put in a new one. But her pager, I think it was going off at the hotel, but I can't remember. We were so wrapped up in each other. I think I heard it just before she stopped breathing. I just, I don't know. It had to of been going off if her pacemaker was acting up. How did I not hear it? Not stop before this happened. We always have her pager close by. Always."
"Hey now, you stop this. If her pacemaker is bad, it doesn't matter what you two were doing, this was going to happen. She's going to be fine. Rick will have her good as new in no time. And you know as well as I do that you couldn't have made Olivia slow down even you tried. Once that stubborn woman has something in her brain, she's going to do it."
Natalia smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Yeah, she is stubborn, that's for sure."
"Yes she is. She's not gonna let a little thing like a bum pacemaker slow her down. As soon as she wakes up she's gonna be trying to get out of here."
Natalia chuckled. "You're right. She's not the best patient."
Lillian joined in the light laughter. "That's putting it mildly."
Natalia looked up at the sound of feet running towards them. Rafe and Ava ran full speed towards her, stopping just before they collided with her. "How is she?" Rafe panted.
"She's in surgery. Rick's going to send someone out as soon as they're done."
"But she's going to be okay?" Ava asked.
"Yes my darlings, she's going to be just fine. You know your mom, she's too stubborn to let anything stop her from getting what she wants, and she wants this family. It's going to be alright."
Lillian rubbed Natalia's back before taking her leave so the family could sit together. Rafe and Ava flanked Natalia again. Each taking one of her hands while they waited for news about Olivia. The three sat in silence, all lost in their own worries. Afraid to speak them out loud.
Just as Natalia was starting to drift, a nurse came around the corner headed towards them. "Ms. Rivera?"
Natalia's head shot up; her eyes wide. "Yes. That's me. Is Olivia out of surgery?"
"Yes. They are taking Ms. Spencer to recovery. Dr. Bauer said you could go in as soon as she was settled. He'll meet you there to talk with you."
"Thank you. Um, can my kids see her?'
"Usually, we only allow one person into recovery, but I'll speak with Dr. Bauer and let you know."
"Thank you."
The nurse left and a few minutes later, Lillian returned in her place. "Okay, so I'm not supposed to allow this, but in this case, I think it's okay to bend the rules. Rafe, Ava, you can both go in and see her, one at a time, for a few minutes each, she's not awake yet, but I know you two are worried."
"Thank you Lillian." Ava said.
"Don't mention it. Now come on. She's in her room now."
Lillian led Ava to Olivia's room and left her to have a few minutes with her mom. Ava slowly walked to the edge of the bed and picked up her mom's hand. "Hey mom." She squeaked out though her tears. "You have to stop scaring us like this. There are better ways of getting attention you know?" She tried to joke for her own sake, but quickly realized it wasn't going to help. It hadn't been that long ago when she looked at her mother in a hospital bed at this very hospital and thought she was going to die. That's all she could see now. It was too much. Her tears began to fall faster. She walked closer to the bed and kissed Olivia's forehead. "I love you mom. I'll come back in the morning when you're awake." Without another word and without looking back, she left the room and made her way back to Natalia and Rafe.
Rafe pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight until her tears stopped. "Are you okay?" Ava nodded. "Okay. I'm gonna go see her. I'll be right back." He pulled back and watched as Natalia took his place holding his sister.
Rafe shuffled his way to Olivia's room. Before he entered, he looked at her through the window. He remembered the last time he saw her like this. He had hated her. Wished her dead. Cursed her for stealing his father's heart. Now as he starred at her, he just wished her eyes would open so he could be sure she was alright. Taking a deep breath, he entered the room and slowly walked to the edge of the bed. Just as Ava had done, he took her lifeless hand in his.
Pulling the chair closer, he sat down and kissed the back of her hand before laying his forehead against it on the mattress. "Please be okay." He whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I wished you had died back then. I'm sorry for being such an ass to you. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for how I acted when I found out about you and Ma. I'm so, so sorry. I know I don't deserve you, but I need you. Please just be okay."
He raised his head and looked up at her face. She looked peaceful. He choked back his sobs and stood, hovering over her. He gently bent his head and kissed her cheek. Moving his head so his mouth was right next to her ear. "I love you mom." He whispered.
As he stood up straight, he felt her fingers move against his hand. He looked up and saw the tears streaming from her bright green eyes. "I l-love y-you t-too son." She choked out hoarsely before her eyes fluttered closed again.
Rafe smiled at her and kissed her cheek again. Gently wiping the tears away with the pad of his thumb. "I'll be back tomorrow. Sleep." After seeing her eyes and hearing those words, Rafe's heart felt lighter than it ever had. He looked back at her as he headed out the door. Knowing in his heart, that this woman was meant to be his mother, just as much as his Ma. And now he had told her as much.
He reached the door and looked back at her and couldn't help himself, he needed contact again before he left. He strolled back to the bed and kissed her forehead. He pressed his lips against her skin, trying to pass every ounce of love he had for the women through that kiss. He never imagined he could love someone as much as he loved his Ma, but he did. He loved Olivia with all the same love he held for Natalia. This kiss was the sealing of a bond. Rafe and Olivia were forever bonded now, as mother and son.