Chapter 76

It was three weeks until Christmas and even with everything going on, a calm had settled over the Spencer-Rivera home. Thanksgiving had been at Company. Buzz had insisted that everyone come together to celebrate the holiday. He also insisted that he was making the meal. The last thing Olivia and Natalia needed to worry about the day after she was released from the hospital, was making a huge dinner.

Doris and Blake had discussed some wedding plans with the couple. They had chosen flowers that Olivia and Natalia had agreed with. Sam had emailed and confirmed he would be at the farmhouse for Christmas and stay until after the wedding. There was an appointment set up for the following week, when Emma was out of school for Christmas break, to get the girls dresses as well as Rafe and Sam's Tuxes. They had started working on a menu and, hanks to Natalia's list, had an idea they refused to share with the brides on where the ceremony would be held.

The Monday following Thanksgiving, while his crew got started on the barns renovations, Josh drove Rafe and Ava to Chicago to pick up Olivia's car and check in on the progress at the new hotel. He also had a chat with Aaron and planned on going back once a week to check on the progress so Olivia and Natalia didn't have to worry. As well as Andrew sending nightly emails so Olivia knew that progress was being made daily.

Ava took over working with Lewis construction on the barn so Olivia didn't have to stress over everything. Natalia had taken on more of the workload at The Beacon Springfield and Rafe was well on his way to taking his position as executive assistant. He had one more week shadowing Greg and then he would start training with his Ma.

Everything seemed to be running smoothly. The only problem was that Olivia was bored. Natalia wasn't allowing her to do much of anything at the office and the kids had taken on most of the load at the house. Most days she sat in her office twiddling her thumbs and then went home to do more of the same. She was going out of her mind. When she talked to her family about lowering her stress levels, she didn't mean for them to take over and not allow her to do anything. Even Emma was on the "don't let mom do anything" band wagon. She could barely get her Jellybean to let her tickle her. It was time for that to change.

Olivia stood from her desk and strode across the hall to Natalia's office. She went around to lean against the desk next to Natalia why she waited for her finish her phone call. Once Natalia hung up, Olivia folded her arms across her chest and glared at her soon to be wife. "We need to talk."

Natalia moved her chair to be directly in front of Olivia and placed her hands on the outside of Olivia's thighs. "What can I do for you Ms. Spencer?"

Olivia almost melted at the feral look in her lovers eyes, they were yet to make love since her health scare. A week and a half isn't long for some couples, but for them it was, they never went more than a day or two, and that look meant maybe Natalia was finally ready. Olivia shook her head to clear the images now running rampant in her brain and took a deep breath. She took Natalia's hands and removed them from her thighs, almost buckling at the hurt look in Natalia's eyes. She took one of Natalia's hands and led her to the couch. They sat facing each other with their knees touching.

"Natalia, sweetheart, we need to have a serious discussion."

"What's wrong Olivia? Is it your heart?" She asked in a slight panic.

"No baby. It's nothing to do with my health, well not really." At the questioning look in Natalia's eyes, Olivia quickly continued. "Sweetheart, as much as I love you for it, you and the kids haven't let me do anything in over a week. I'm starting to go a little stir crazy."

"What do you mean Olivia? We are just doing what we discussed when you were in the hospital, trying to keep the stress off of you."

"I know that's what you think you're doing, but I'm starting to stress over having nothing to do. You are handling all of my emails and had my calls routed to you. Ava has made it clear to the staff to come to herself, or you if she's busy for any problems, Rafe is going above and beyond here and at home he has barely been in his apartment, spending most of his time fussing over me. He won't even let me get myself a drink of water or pour my own coffee. Emma is afraid to ask for my help with her homework and when I try to play with her like I used to, she freaks out. She doesn't even climb in bed with us anymore. Honey, I know we needed to lower my stress, and I appreciate everything you and the kids are doing, I really do, but when I said we needed to make some changes, take some of the load off of me, I meant that I needed things to be like they were before. I can't keep juggling all the extra stuff. I can still do my job here. I can answer emails and take phone calls. I can be involved in the staff meetings and help handle problems that arise. I can still help at the house. And I can damn certain still play with my kid."

Natalia thought about the past week and realized that Olivia was right. Between herself and the kids, they hadn't let Olivia do much more then dress and bathe herself. Oliva has always been a go getter. She's always had one thing or another going on. So many balls in the air she can barely catch them all, now she has no balls and Natalia realized that Olivia couldn't be happy doing nothing. Olivia was a busy body, never still for too long. She pulled one of Olivia's hands into her own and kissed the back of it.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just so scared of something happening to you. And the kids, they are just terrified. None of us want to lose you and I guess we went a little overboard."

"You think? Yesterday I tried to help Ava with the dinner dishes and she and Rafe literally pushed me from the kitchen and forced me to the couch, thrusting the remote in my hand. I swear I can't do anything without one of you stopping me. This morning I went to pour my coffee and Rafe took the cup from my hands and guided me to a chair to sit like I was gonna pass out if I stood for another minute."

"You're right. You're right. We need to talk to them. You are more than capable of doing things for yourself, and you can definitely be doing more around here. With two holiday parties booked and every room full until after the new year, we are kind of busy."

"Exactly, and I would very much appreciate if things could get back to normal. The kids shouldn't be waiting on me hand and foot, and Emma shouldn't be afraid to ask me for help. We are a team, the five of us, and before I got the new pacemaker, we were like a well-oiled machine, everyone doing their part. Now I feel like I'm not part of it anymore."

"I know cariña, I'm sorry. We'll talk to the kids tonight. Let them know that you are not incapable of doing things. And I'll try to stop hovering too."

"Thank you." Olivia grabbed Natalia's face in both her hands and pulled her in for a deep kiss. As they kissed, Olivia eased Natalia down onto the couch, laying half on top of her. She started to kiss down Natalia's neck to the vee of her blouse. Her hands moved to pull the shirt from the waistband of her skirt when Natalia grabbed her hands effectively stopping her.

"Olivia, we have to stop."

Olivia pulled back and held herself over Natalia on one hand, the other gripping at her hip. "What? Why?"

"Well for one thing we are at work and you didn't lock the door."

Olivia gave a wicked grin. "I can fix that." She started to move off of Natalia but was stopped. "What is it honey?"

"Baby, I want to, but not here." Natalia could see the hurt in Olivia's eyes. "Hey, what's with the face?"

Olivia sat up on the couch and Natalia did the same. Olivia took one of Natalia's hands. "Sweetheart, is something bothering you?"

"No. What makes you ask?"

"Well, every time we get close to anything that might turn intimate, you pull away."

"No, I don't."

"Yes you do. I have heard more stereotypical excuses this week then I've given in my life."

"What are you talking about Olivia?"

"Babe, seriously, you've had a headache, been too tired, needed to clean whatever you could think of, had work to do, and just not been in the mood. I know it hasn't been that long, but come on, this isn't normal for us and something is bothering you, please baby, just tell me what it is."

"Olivia, really, nothing's wrong. I guess with taking too much away from you, I've overloaded myself." Natalia tried, but she couldn't meet Olivia's eyes.

Olivia gently laid a hand against Natalia's cheek and turned her face to meet her eyes. "Natalia, honey, what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything."

Natalia couldn't hold her gaze. She shook her head and looked down at the floor. Pulling her hand from Olivia's and started to fidget with the hem of her skirt.

Olivia moved from the couch and got on her knees in front of Natalia, peering up at her. "Sweetheart, please, you're scaring me. Just tell me what's wrong."

Natalia finally looked at her without looking away. "Olivia, what do you remember from that night?"

"When? In Chicago?"

"Yes, what do you remember?"

"Not much, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Just please Olivia, tell me what you do remember."

"Okay. Um, we were getting ready for bed. Uh, we were kissing, and then you…" Olivia didn't need to say more, she had figured out what the issue was. "Natalia, do you think that you caused my heart to stop because we were about to have sex?"

Natalia looked anywhere but at Olivia for a minute before finally facing her. "Maybe, I don't know. I just… maybe I got your heart pumping too fast and I remember hearing something beeping but I was so absorbed in you and making love to you that I didn't pay it any mind and then, and then…" She started sobbing uncontrollably. Her body shaking.

Olivia took her into her arms and pulled her onto her lap against the couch. Brushing her hand through thick tresses. "Shh, shh, it's okay baby. It's alright." Olivia kept stroking her hair and rubbing her back while whispering soothing words until Natalia's tears finally stopped. Once Natalia had gathered herself, Olivia pulled back just enough to bring them nose to nose. She cupped Natalia's face in her hands. "Honey, I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere. And none of this was your fault. My pacemaker was failing, it wouldn't have mattered what we were doing, it would have happened. I'm just glad we were both awake. Sweetie, you wanting me more than sleep, probably saved my life. What if we had been asleep when it happened? You wouldn't have known that my heart stopped, that I'd quit breathing. This was not your fault Natalia. You being on me, kissing me, you knew when something was wrong and you took action to save me. I'm so grateful for that. Please baby, don't blame yourself for this."

Natalia didn't say anything for long moments. Just buried her face in the crook of Olivia's neck. Olivia didn't say anything more, just held Natalia a little tighter until she was ready to talk. Eventually Natalia straightened her back and stood from Olivia's lap, reaching down a hand to help her up. The two sat on the couch again, wrapped in each other's arms.

Natalia had her head on Olivia's shoulder and her arm across her abdomen. Without looking up, she tried to explain what she was feeling. "Olivia, I don't really know if I can explain it properly, but I'm going to try." Olivia didn't say anything, just kept absentmindedly running her fingers through strands of Natalia's hair. Natalia took a breath and continued. "I know in my head that it wasn't my fault. I know that if we had been asleep it could have been so much worse. I know that it's okay for us to make love, it's just that in my heart, I'm so scared. Olivia I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. This past summer was so hard. There were days when I felt like I couldn't breathe at all. I felt like part of me had died being away from you. Fearing that we would never have this back. And now, now that we have it and we are about to get married, and Emma is calling me Ma again, and Rafe has truly excepted you, as more than just the woman I love, but as his mother. And Ava is home. It's like everything is falling into place, and then this happened, and I almost lost you, I almost lost this family and this life that we are building. It makes me scared to do anything that could hurt you, and if your heart beats anywhere near the way mine does when we are together, then I'm afraid that it's too much and your heart will give out."

"Baby, we've been sleeping together for a year. We talked to Rick about it. Remember? He said it's a good thing. It's a great workout for both my body and my heart."

Natalia finally looked at her. She took her hand and laid it over her own heart. "Do you feel that Olivia? How fast my heart beats just from being near you? When we make love, or have sex, or God, when it's just a hard fast screw, my heart beats faster than I thought was possible. It doesn't seem safe for a normal person, let alone someone with your condition. I don't want to do anything to hurt you."

Olivia silently took Natalia's free hand and placed it over her own racing heart. "Do you feel that Natalia? My heart beats just as fast as yours when we're close. It always has, and it's a good thing. It's healthy. My heart is beating just like yours, that's good, it means my heart is working just as well as yours is. Now, are you afraid that I'm gonna give you a heart attack because your heart is racing right now?"

"No."

"Then you don't need to fear giving me one. My heart is working just like yours. It's natural, and it's how it's supposed to be. When we do anything sexual, my heart beats faster, my blood pumps, my pulse quickens, and my breath catches. Just like yours does honey. It's a good thing. It means my heart is doing its job."

"But how can you be sure? How do you know that it's safe for your heart to race like this?"

"I know because it's no different than before my transplant. Well, it's a little different, but only because it's you, and I love you, and no one has ever made me feel the way you do. Natalia so much has changed since my transplant. The things I eat, how much I drink, when I'm actually taking care of myself, the way I exercise, but this, the way my heart beats and my blood pumps whenever we're close, that's no different."

"Okay. I know. And I'm sorry. I know it was irrational to think that cutting sex out of our lives is really going to take any of the risk away."

"Yes it was irrational, not to mention, I kind of enjoy sex with you, and we're about to get married, I would very much enjoy a wedding night with my bride." Olivia responded with a wink and wiggle of her eyebrows.

Natalia leaned further into Olivia and giggled. "Your incorrigible."

"Yes, and you love me for it."

"Yes I do. Now…" Natalia was cut off by a knock at the door. The two women separated and Natalia moved to sit behind her desk. "Come in. Oh, hey Greg, and Rafe. What can I do for you?"

"Ms. Rivera, Ms. Peralta…" Greg stopped when he noticed Olivia sitting on the couch. "Oh hey Ms. Spencer. I didn't notice you there."

"Well, continue, what about Ms. Peralta?"

"Well, um…"

"Spit it out Greg." Olivia said.

Greg stood and starred between his two bosses. Unsure if he should continue, Ava and Natalia had made it clear not to bring up issues with Olivia. Fortunately for him, he had Rafe with him who stepped in to help.

"Hey mom, can I uh, talk to you for a minute, outside."

"Is something wrong Rafe, or are you just trying to get me out of the room so I don't hear whatever it is Greg needs to speak with Ms. Rivera about?"

"Um…"

"Alright, this is enough. One of you two better spit out whatever it is you came here to tell us." Olivia spat. Darting daggers at Greg.

"Well, Ms. Spencer, it seems that we have a small problem with the governors holiday party."

"And what's that?"

"It um…"

"Rafe, please tell me what this babbling idiot can't seem to get out of his mouth."

Rafe looked from his mom to his ma, unsure if he should say. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Olivia. He didn't want her to get stressed and end up back in the hospital.

"It's okay Rafe." Natalia told him. "Mom is fine. So, what seems to be the problem?"

Rafe glanced at Olivia before he finally came out with it. "The governor wants to change the date to be closer to Christmas, however we already have the mayoral holiday ball booked for the weekend closest and we just got a call this morning to book the hall for next weekend. We can't move the party for the governor and he said if we can't then he is taking his business elsewhere."

"Now was that so hard?" Olivia asked, looking between the two men standing before her. "What's the party booked for next weekend? I know we can't move the mayoral ball set for the weekend just before Christmas, mainly because I don't want to deal with mayor Wolfe whining at me, but is it possible to switch the one for next weekend with this weekend?"

"I called and tried but it's for a quincenaria, they need the hall next Saturday because that's when the girls birthday is." Greg informed her.

"Alright, how about this, we clear out the large conference room for the quincenaria, and have it in there, leaving the main hall open for the governors holiday party. Do you think that would work or is the quincenaria too large a party?"

"I think that could work; we'll have to double the kitchen staff for that day though."

"Now that is a problem you may take up with Ms. Peralta. I'm sure she can handle staffing for two parties. It's not the first time we've done this. Now, go call the governor and see if that works for him. If he throws a fit, inform him that the mayoral ball is the weekend closest to Christmas. He attends every year and he and Mayor Wolfe have an upstanding relationship. I'm sure he won't want to fight with her for a party date."

"Thank you Ms. Spencer. I'll do that right away. Mr. Rivera, while I do that do you think you can go and speak with Ms. Peralta about the staffing?"

"Yeah sure. Bye moms, I'll see you after work."

Greg and Rafe exited the office and Olivia went to sit on Natalia's lap in her chair. "See, I can handle a little problem. I can't believe Greg didn't think of that."

Natalia squeezed her tighter against her body and kissed her temple. "I know you can handle these things, just sometimes, you take on too much at once and end up tiring yourself out. We all just want to protect you."

"I know. And I am truly thankful that I have a family that cares so much, but that felt good. I enjoy being a part of the daily things at my hotel. Besides, I know most of what's been going on lately anyways, even with all of you trying to keep things from me."

"I know. You know everything that happens at your hotel."

"That's right, and don't you forget it. So, what exactly did Ava threaten Greg with, I don't see him willingly hiding things from me."

"Oh no, it was a bit of an argument to get him to agree to not turn to you for issues. He's very loyal to you."

"So, how'd you do it?"

"Well, Ava, being so much like her mother, threatened him with his job, I made sure he knew his job wasn't at risk and simply explained that we needed to limit your stress. He was on board once I told him it was for your health. He's quite fond of you."

"Yeah, I kind of like the shoe freak. And if you ever tell him I said that they will never find the body."

"You're secret is safe with me my love." She kissed her then. Slow and deep. Letting her know that her fear of making love was long gone. She knows that Olivia could handle it. This kiss was meaningful in a different way. It meant they could move on from the horror in Chicago and get back to their lives. All aspects of it. And Natalia for one, couldn't wait to get her fiancé home and show her just how ready she was to rekindle their intimate life.