"I just keep asking myself the same question: 'Why me?'"

Sabrina leaned forward in her seat, eyeing Rose carefully, her hands in front of her in an open and inviting posture. The sun shone brightly through the window in her counseling room; even with the fan running, it threatened to turn into a scorcher after lunch. She could feel the baby's emotions – happy and content in the warmth of the day. But Sabrina couldn't let herself become distracted from the task at hand. Rose sat opposite Sabrina across the small round table, her shoulders hunched over. Daizzi perched on her knee, rubbing her hand consolingly. But even with that small comfort, Sabrina could still feel almost the same level of confusion and guilt that she had sensed from Rose for over a year, ever since the victory garden. "Why were you the one to 'kill' Tyran-X's wife?" Sabrina asked, her brows knitted together in contemplation.

Rose's eyes widened; her emotions turned to surprise. "Not that; I've – I think I've made peace with my role in that," she continued, her lips pursed. "I didn't know that she was there; now I know to check more carefully under those circumstances, but I was so new to being a hero back then that I didn't realize it was even a concern. I didn't do it intentionally, but I played a part in setting the events in motion, and I've learned from that."

Sabrina nodded in understanding. "That's good!" she praised her, giving her an encouraging smile. "I know how long it has taken you to accept that." She cocked her head to one side, frowning. "So what is bringing up the question?"

Her face falling, Rose sighed heavily. "Why did he sacrifice himself for me?" she asked. Looking closer, Sabrina could see wetness around her eyes from unshed tears. "After everything that happened between us, I thought he absolutely despised me," Rose explained, brushing a tear away from her eye with one finger. "And for a while, I was convinced that he needed to hate me: that was what gave him motivation. I didn't exactly like that, but it just – it seemed like nothing was going to change there. But then we were trapped under that collapsed building, and it… it felt like something shifted, you know? Like everything was suddenly different."

"He finally found the strength to forgive you for his wife's death?" Sabrina hummed. "I imagine that was a shock – a welcome one, but a shock nonetheless."

Rose nodded. "I had been craving his forgiveness and understanding and acceptance for so long…" Her voice trailed off, and she looked down at the rug covering the center of the room. "Jules, Kagami, Luka, Anarka… everyone told me it wasn't my fault, that I needed to forgive myself first, even though he never would–" She swallowed hard.

"But on some level you still needed to hear it from him," Sabrina finished, nodding in understanding.

"And so then to hear it from him…" Rose let out a breath. "I – I think I was too much in shock at the time. So much was going on. I thought we were about to die–"

"That wasn't exactly a good time to be thinking through something like that," Sabrina agreed. "So maybe let's talk it through now. It's been a few months. Things have calmed down." She nodded to the window. "It's a nice day – we are safe here. Nothing can hurt you. Do you want to give it a shot?"

Rose shrugged. "Why not?"

"Okay," Sabrina instructed her, leaning back. "So start from the beginning."

Rose let out a breath and closed her eyes. "Ayilon and I had just finished evacuating a small corner market. We had gotten the people out of there and gotten them on their way," she began. "Max told us to send them west, that they would be safe if they went that way. But then, while we were trying to decide what to do next, a bus careened down the street, racing away from the Tarasque, way too fast. Ayilon jumped out of the way in time, but I didn't react quickly enough. The driver tried to swerve to avoid us at the same time, but the bus couldn't make it. It spilled over onto its side, and it landed on top of me."

Sabrina held out a hand to stop her. "Okay, so unpack that for me: what was running through your mind then? What were you feeling?"

"Fear, confusion?" Rose suggested, her brows knit together intently. "I–I don't even remember any pain; it all just happened so fast! One minute I'm looking for someone else I can help; the next there's a bus on my legs and I can't move."

"Okay…" Sabrina nodded. "What happened next?"

"The driver got out and ran; the rest of the bus was empty," Rose explained. She swallowed hard. "Ayilon tried to get the bus off of me, but it wouldn't budge. I tried to help her, but I couldn't get the right leverage to do anything with it. I could feel the vibrations through the ground, see the Tarasque coming toward us. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell Ayilon to leave, to save herself. But then Tyran-X barreled down the street from the side and slammed straight into the bus, pushing it off of me."

"That must have been surprising."

"I–I was in shock!" Rose's eyes shot wide open. "I didn't know what to think when I saw him! The last time we had interacted, he had nearly attacked me as civilians when Jules and I went to visit his wife's grave; I fully expected him to just leave me where I was – or else that he would want to kill me himself. But he didn't. He… saved me. But then the Tarasque was right there, and Ayilon tried to distract it, but she brought the building down on top of me and Tyran-X." She gulped. "I thought that was going to be the end," she whispered, her voice trailing off as her breathing grew shallower.

Sabrina leaned forward, focusing in on Rose's emotions and sensing the fear and sadness that had been simmering beneath the surface taking a sharp spike. Placing a hand on Rose's knee, she inhaled and exhaled slowly. "You are safe here," Sabrina murmured softly, moving her thumb in small circles on Rose's knee. "The Tarasque is gone. All of this happened months ago – it can't hurt you anymore."

After a moment, Rose's breathing slowed and deepened, and she nodded jerkily. "I – I know. It just…" She sighed heavily. "Talking it through… it felt so real – all the emotions and…" She sat back, her shoulders still tense. "Thanks. I–I think I'm okay now."

Sabrina nodded slowly and clasped her hands in her lap. "Do you want to call it a day and come back to this next time? Or do you think you're okay to continue?"

Rose paused for a moment before letting out a huff. "Um… Let's keep going." She worked her jaws with a frown. "I can do it."

"Okay," Sabrina agreed. "But if you need to take a break, let me know." She paused for a beat. "So… were you afraid when the building collapsed?"

Rose furrowed her brows pensively, the fear and grief she had been feeling moments earlier largely absent. "I don't think I was afraid, really," she answered after a moment of thought. "I remember feeling more… sad. I hadn't said goodbye to Juleka – I wasn't really sure where she even was. And then my mother… she and I weren't on the best of terms. I had so many regrets, so many things I wished I could have changed or done differently. I wasn't ready to it to all be… well… over."

"I suppose that is to be expected," Sabrina pointed out. "We're only eighteen: barely adults. We should have our entire lives in front of us. Anyone else our age wouldn't really even have to consider such weighty subjects as our own mortality."

Rose shook her head. "I don't think I'm ever going to take life for granted again…"

Sabrina hummed. "So now we get to the heart of the matter: you woke up inside that broken-out apartment, and Tyran-X was right there."

"So was Turing." Rose's shoulders slumped. "I tried to get him back online, but without any idea what I was doing…" She shrugged, looking down at the floor. "I was afraid I would do more harm than good. It's nice to see him still around."

"It is," Sabrina agreed, nodding. "But you're stalling."

Rose flushed. "I was terrified when I woke up and saw him there."

"Terrified that he might hurt you?"

Rose's mouth set in a line, and she sniffled. "Terrified that he would still be angry, that our last minutes would be spent on placing blame. Terrified that he would die, and it would all be because he tried to save me."

Sabrina pursed her lips, humming pensively. "So when you woke up, you feared the worst. You were afraid that you would both die. Let's go through it step by step."

Rose let out a breath. "My first thought was that he was dead."

"Guilt?" Sabrina asked. "Because he was only there because he had tried to help you?"

"Yeah…" Rose fell silent momentarily, and Sabrina waited, watching her closely. "He didn't have to do that."

"No, he didn't," agreed Sabrina, raising an eyebrow. "That was his choice, correct?"

Rose nodded. "He chose…" she blinked "… he chose to help me." Her lips cracked into a small smile.

On feeling the relief and wonderment from Rose, Sabrina smiled. "That is an incredible thing to think about, isn't it? After he tried to kill you so many times, this time he made a choice to help you."

"He did! And then, I was relieved when I realized that he was awake," Rose continued. "Although that was around when I first felt the Tarasque's steps, that they were still coming our way."

"I expect that you were scared."

"Wouldn't you have been?"

"I absolutely was scared when the Tarasque got close!" Sabrina assured her, pushing down a stab of anxiety. Tapping into the baby's calm emotions, she focused on them, on the contentment and happiness of the new life. She was okay. She and Max were together – everything was so much better now than it had been three – almost four – months ago.

"Sorry." Rose swallowed hard, her emotions shifting to guilt.

Sabrina waved her hand dismissively. "You don't need to apologize. But continue: what happened when he woke up?"

"We started talking. He told me he was sorry for blaming me, and then he told me he forgave me for what I had done."

"So Tyran-X, the man who had hated you for a year, whose wife had been killed as a result of your actions, told you he forgave you," Sabrina began, falling silent in an invitation for her to speak. After a pregnant pause in which Rose hugged her chest, Sabrina asked, "What do you feel when he says that?"

Rose let out a breath. "Gratitude, I think. Relief. Vindication, even. I blamed myself so long for everything bad he did. But that was when I finally felt free for the first time. He didn't hold me responsible for it anymore."

"In other words, he had released all of his anger and blame, and you could release your guilt."

"That's what I understand now." Rose frowned. "But I didn't have enough time to think about it then, before he threw himself at the Tarasque." Her shoulders slumped. "I would never have survived, had he not sacrificed himself to give me an opening to escape."

"That is a very precious gift," Sabrina agreed. "So what does it mean to you?"

Rose shrugged. "What should it mean?"

Sabrina shook her head. "It doesn't work that way. That isn't going to be the same for everyone. Come on," she wheedled, "What does it mean to you that he sacrificed himself to protect you?"

Rose clenched and unclenched her hands. "It has occurred to me once or twice that this means I was there for both of their deaths," she retorted glumly.

"Was this your idea?" Sabrina asked.

"What?" Her eyes shot up to meet Sabrina's, wide as confusion invaded her emotions. "No; of course not! I never wanted to see him injured – not like this, and certainly not under these circumstances."

"Whose idea was it, then?"

"His," Rose insisted, her mouth setting into a thin line. "I wanted him to come with me, but he insisted on taking on the Tarasque by himself, buying me time to get away."

"So it was his decision?"

"Absolutely." Rose nodded firmly. "I never asked him to do it; I never would have asked it of anyone!"

"So," Sabrina began, leaning forward and looking into Rose's eyes, holding her attention. "Perhaps the proper emotion to feel here is gratitude," she suggested. "Sadness and regret, yes; he is dead, after all. But gratitude. He gave you an incredible gift: you're alive because of him!"

"I know that!" Rose insisted, tears in the corners of her eyes. "But it's hard."

Sabrina nodded, squeezing Rose's hand. "It is hard," she agreed. "But after what he did for you, all you can do in gratitude is to live your life, to take advantage of this gift that he gave you."