» chapter six

» in which lucy cracks

Lucy found it peculiar that, upon entering the Guild the next day, it was short of Natsu but not Happy. Like that, she assumed he hadn't gone far, since he would've taken the cat with him, but Natsu didn't show up the next day either, or the day after that. Three days of no Natsu in Fairy Tail? It was so quiet it was awful.

"Happy, where's Natsu?" Lucy finally asked on the fourth day. Happy shrugged and looked away.

"Dahlia." Dahlia was a large but underpopulated town on the eastern end of central Fiore, where the mountain ranges were particularly hard to climb, housing several dangerous beasts and precarious drops ranging from fifty feet to five hundred. It made sense, then, that the Dahlian citizens were all Guild-level wizards or treasure hunters, and that it housed one of the greater Guilds in the country.

"He's in Sabertooth?" He nodded. "Why?"

"He, ah, wanted to see Sting and Rogue?" Happy was as bad as, or maybe worse of a liar than Natsu. She planted her hands on her hips and stared him down.

"Ha-ppy. Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth!" he pleaded. Then he abruptly burst into tears, flying away from her. "Charla, Lucy is scaring me!"

"Oh jeez," she sighed, dropping into a barstool. Mirajane came over and dropped a mug of coffee in front of her.

"On the house," she smiled.

"Thanks, Mira." She blew on it a little before taking a sip. "Do you know why Natsu's gone?"

"Sadly, no—I didn't even know that he'd left. I wonder why he hasn't said anything?"

"We're all wondering," she complained. "Natsu has been awfully quiet for a while."

"Oh, dear," she said worriedly.

"Exactly. The fact that he's not bouncing off of walls or starting up brawls lately is even more unsettling. He even refused to take a request with us! He's just been so un-Natsu-like we can't help but worry."

"Have you tried asking him?"

"I have, and while he usually is very frank, he's apparently learned how to keep a secret now, of all times," she grumbled. "I wish he would've had that ability when we were throwing the Master that surprise party…" Mira giggled at the memory but quickly sobered.

"I believe that, if it was anything too serious, Natsu would tell you guys in a heartbeat," she said. "Especially you. You two are incredibly close."

"You mean like how he told me he was leaving for a year after the Tartaros fight?" she pointed out, the memory still leaving a bitter taste on her tongue that the coffee couldn't wash away. Mira pursed her lips briefly before sighing.

"Natsu isn't the smartest person around, which anybody that knows him can agree to, but he's more astute and complex than most give him credit for. He does have layers to his mind and he knows that other people do too. Maybe he's got it in his head that whatever it is that's the issue will affect you guys one way or another, and he'd rather bear it alone?"

"If that is the case, I'd Lucy Kick him from the irony." He was the one who bashed others' heads in for keeping secrets from their friends—it would make him look thoughtless and hypocritical to do the same. "Although, I think I have a little clue to his weirdness."

"Oh?" she asked, curiosity piqued. Lucy blushed and shifted uneasily at the thought.

"Well, Gemini suggested that maybe, possibly, Natsu—"

"What about Natsu?" Erza asked, sitting next to her. Lucy yelped in surprise as she turned and calmly ordered a strawberry croissant. Mira went to the kitchen for a moment, leaving them alone. Well, mostly.

"We're talking about Natsu, are we?" Gray said, showing up in a similarly abrupt fashion.

"Where has he been anyway?" Loki asked, putting his arms around Lucy's neck. Mira returned with Erza's plate, smiling and greeting their new company.

"Lucy, as you were saying?"

"I…don't remember," she mumbled into her fingers, flushing even redder. "A-And anyway, I'm gonna check the board." She slithered away before the others could prod her, giving a greeting to Nab as she checked the requests. But it was only a distraction: if Natsu was hiding out in the Sabertooth Guild, then she'd go track him down. With how off he had been acting, he may have been preparing to pull another "training journey," and while she wouldn't stop him from doing so, she wouldn't let him leave with just a stupid letter again. But she also had a feeling he'd be less open if she brought the whole gang along as well.

Then again, she thought, the others have a right to know. We're a team, after all, and friends.

"Lucy?" Loki asked. She sighed and turned to them.

"I heard from Happy a while ago that Natsu's in Sabertooth. I didn't think it was a big deal, that maybe he was just visiting for a bit, but he's been gone a while now and with no message for us…"

"Could this be like his training journey a while ago?" Erza said, voicing her worries.

"I don't know," Lucy replied pensively, "but I don't want to wait another year to find out."

"We could try the Master's Lacrima. He uses to communicate with other Guild Masters," she suggested. "We could see if Sting knows the story."

Makarov's office was empty, but the Lacrima was sitting on his desk next to a stack of paperwork. Erza unequipped her gloves to pick it up with bare hands, and upon contact with her skin it came to life. "Sabertooth Guild Master, Sting Eucliffe," she spoke. The Lacrima blurred with white light for a moment and soft voices preceded the image of water.

"Hey, uh, hello, Master Makarov?" Sting's face appeared a moment later, grinning and drenched. Behind him was a pool filled with his Guild mates.

"Erza Scarlet," she said, "with Gray, Lucy, and Loki."

"Oh!" The image disappeared for a few seconds before he returned, drying his face with a towel. "I'm gonna take a wild guess…this is about Natsu?"

"So he is there!" Lucy said. Sting nodded in response.

"Been here the last few days. I dunno, he just showed up and asked if he could hang with us for a bit. I didn't think too much of it."

"Is he there now?"

"Ah…yeah. Hold on a sec." Water again obscured the image, followed by Sting's delighted shouts, then Rogue's grumbling, and finally a very familiar whoop. "Oi, Natsu, there's a call for you?"

"What? You're just trying to save your ass!" Natsu called back, his voice sounding warbled—he was probably underwater.

"No, I'm serious—let go of my head, you'll regret bleurgh!"

"Don't lose the Lacrima in the pool again," Rogue complained, his face taking up the screen. "Natsu, take it."

"Okay, but I don't see why someone would be call—oh, right," he said, his voice falling flat as his face was in view. He gave them a sheepish smile and itched the back of his head "H-Hey, guys."

"Natsu, why did you just pick up and leave all of a sudden?" Lucy sighed. Part of her was eased at seeing he was alright, but she was still annoyed with him.

"I…wanted…to see Sting and Rogue," he said carefully, looking everywhere but at them.

"The truth, Natsu," Erza said with a tone that suggested she would jump through the link and beat the truth out of him herself. He swallowed and fiddled with his hands.

"I had to, y'know, do some thinkin'," he said after a moment, exhaling. "And I couldn't think clearly around…you guys." It was obvious that he was about to name someone in particular, then changed it around.

"And this thinking of yours requires a pool to happen?" Gray pointed out dryly.

"Hey, that wasn't my fault. Sting said that he's a better swimmer than me and I couldn't let that slide!" he argued. "So, uh, one thing led to another, and here I am."

"Well, when are you returning?" Loki asked finally.

"Um…" He trailed away with a class-A guilty expression.

"Natsu, you better not say another year," Lucy warned. He blinked at her, surprised, and frowned.

"What? Of course it won't be that long. It's just, I really don't know."

"But what I don't understand is that you have a problem, yet you didn't think it would help to talk to us about it," Erza said. He made a pained noise and looked away. It was rare that Lucy ever saw Erza looking vulnerable, but that was one of those rare moments as she held the Lacrima closer to her face. "Don't you trust us, Natsu?"

"Shit," he swore, scrubbing at his face. "Of course I trust you guys! I trust you guys with my life! You're my best friends in the world, and…and it's cuz of that that I really don't want to hurt you guys."

"Natsu, how bad is this?" Lucy asked, clasping her hands at her chest. Natsu made a whimpering sort of sound without looking at her.

"I don't know," he said. "Happy told me I'm overreacting, and maybe I am, but…" He shook his head to clear it before looking back at them. "I'm fine though, I promise, and I'll be back, and it won't take another year."

"Wait, Natsu!" Lucy said as he prepared to hang up. "At least…say who the secret concerns," she mumbled tentatively. He stared at her with wide, unblinking eyes, apparently stunned. "Please."

"…It's not you," he said after what felt like an eternity, and although his expression didn't change, his voice was sincere. "I've gotta go."

"Natsu!" she tried, but the connection went dead. The room fell silent as the teammates glanced at each other thoughtfully.

"Was it something we did?" Loki wondered.

"Maybe not," Erza murmured, setting the Lacrima down with a carefully neutral expression. "Maybe he's still torn up about what happened to Igneel."

"If it is that, I wouldn't see him running away like he did," Gray countered. "Whatever it is, he thought it would hurt us. Can't tell if it's his normal stupidity or if it really is some big deal."

"It makes more sense to be the latter, since he's been acting off for the last week," Loki said, crossing his arms. Something about that tingled in the back of her head, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Still, it seemed important.

"Guys, I'm going home for a bit," she said, stepping back. "I want to…think about this."

"You'll be okay?" Erza asked. She nodded and gave them a reassuring smile.

"I'll be fine, promise." She waved before heading back through the hall, dodging the day-comers for the exit. She wasn't trying to run, but she was moving too quickly to be walking as she headed towards her apartment. I feel like the answer's right in front of me… What happened a week ago? On Sunday, I did the grocery shopping…then Natsu came around and I did more shopping on Monday…and while I was at the market, I saw the new issue of— Oh!

She made it to her street and unlocked the door, greeting her landlady hurriedly as she rushed upstairs to her apartment. She went to her desk where her new unfinished manuscript lay and shifted the papers aside to find the last issue of Sorcerer's Weekly. She flipped open to the bookmarked page of the photo between her and Natsu.

"Last week was when this came out," she murmured, smoothing the pages down flat. She was on a bench and Natsu was slumped against her since they'd just arrived from a long-distance mission not too long ago, and she let him rest there for a moment. She found herself examining his face too, which seemed much more boyishly innocent in sleep than while he was awake. "And then Natsu started acting out…" Her hands shook on the paper slightly as she remembered Gemini's words. More than ever, they were starting to seem true.

"What have I been doing to him then?" she wondered aloud, covering her face. "I must've been hurting him for the whole week, being with Loki as I am. Moreover, I chose Loki over him—that must have hurt."

But she couldn't go run to him and ask either, because considering his behavior lately, she doubted he would be entirely truthful unless she was, and even then, things were iffy. Disregarding the issue of Loki, Lucy herself wasn't entirely certain of her feelings for Natsu. She might have had a crush on him, but Natsu wouldn't be blowing things so hugely over a crush on his part—it was love at the very least, and she honestly didn't know if she could reciprocate that, mostly because she honestly never found herself thinking that way about him.

"He's loud and rude and obnoxious," she thought aloud, sitting on the edge of her bed. "But also the most caring, most loyal, and most sincere person I've known. The good outweighs the bad with him, but he's just so loud…and rude…and…and…" She sighed, twisting a lock of hair anxiously. "And…I guess this thinking time will do good for the both of us."

Natsu returned to Magnolia the following week, and when he started a brawl before even opening his mouth for a greeting, things with him seemed fine. Lucy hid away from the action in a corner booth, sharing her lunch of salmon with Happy and watching silently. Usually, the cat had a very one-track mind with fish right in front of him, but his eyes were set on Lucy.

"You're not gonna say anything to him?" he asked.

"He's not really in a state to be talking," Lucy pointed out, mostly to cover up her own misgivings.

"Well yeah, obviously, but if you called out to him, he'd stop." Happy said it very matter-of-factly, and it surprised Lucy to realize it was the truth. Whether falling from the Phantom Lord's HQ or sinking into the depths of a magic clock, he never failed to respond to her voice. Still.

"I'd rather wait."

"Lucy," he said pretty seriously for his usually easygoing nature, "you're procrastinating."

"Wha— What made you say that?" she said with an off-kilter giggle.

"I dunno, I just heard Mira say it to the Master once," he shrugged. "I don't know what it means though." Of course, she thought with an easier laugh. "But you're putting things off here. He missed you, you know."

"I can't imagine that." Considering that he most likely left to get away from her and her actions in the first place.

"Why not?"

"No reason in particular…" Natsu detached himself from the fight as Mira announced that his lunch was ready, and without him the rest of the skirmishes died down and the others returned to their meals. He sat at the bar and ate while Lucy continued burning holes in his back, and after a moment he started looking around curiously. Oh no! she thought as he made eye contact with her from across the hall. To her surprise, he gave her an easy grin and a wave. I mean, he seems fine now. She knew she had to talk to him, but things were calm at the moment, so she decided to put it off for another time.

"Lucy," Happy said again.

"What, Happy? Things are fine right now and Natsu just got back—I'll let him get settled, then we'll talk." Happy stared at her for a moment before sighing.

"Really?"

"I don't like having things rough with Natsu any more than you do. He's my best friend." Actually, he was more than a best friend, but there wasn't a word for that that didn't breach romantic boundaries. "And I fully intend to resolve this…soon."

"What I don't get is why don't you resolve it as soon as possible."

"It's not that simple!" she protested.

"Or you're scared," he said.

"In a way," she confessed with a little sigh. Then, leaning in close, she asked in a quiet voice, "Can you tell me if Natsu likes me, Happy?"

"Nope," he said with a grin.

"Come on, you blasted feline, you can fly about and spread every little bit of my life on any other day, but just the once I could use your blabbermouth," she hissed without separating her teeth. Happy was undisturbed as he picked up the remainder of the salmon.

"Because it's fun to say your secrets! Especially when you get that little vein on the side of your forehead…yeah, that one," he said, pointing it out.

"I'll choke the fish out of you, cat!"

"Charla! Lucy is scaring me again!" he complained, growing wings and flying off again. Lucy sighed, then cursed at the cat when she realized that he had taken the last of her lunch with him.

"Excuse me, Mira," Lucy said as she passed the table, two orders in hand, "could I get some more salmon?"

"You'll have to come to the bar to get it, since I'll be taking a break after this," she said with smile that looked a bit too conspiratorial before continuing. Of course, the great She-Devil would not be tired from carrying some plates—she was more trying to get Lucy in a situation where she would have to confront Natsu. If that was the case, she would eat at home. It was cheaper anyway, considering things with their team had yet to be straightened out and she had to plan for the next month's rent. She stood, straightened her red and gold-plaid sundress, and grabbed her bag as she headed to the Guild doors.

"Hey, Luce, wait for me!"

She halted just outside of the Guild as Natsu followed, coming to a stop with his usual grin on his face, if a little shamefaced. "I, uh, never got to apologize to Loki for, ya know, breaking his leg, since I left for the last couple of weeks and I don't see him today?"

"He isn't mad—none of us are—but you can't do it for the next few days anyway. He's out on a job with Cana," Lucy explained. That was easy territory to coast across. "She's his unofficial, on-and-off teammate."

"Kind of like his girlfriends," he remarked absently, which was a very Natsu-ish thing to do, then his cheeks immediately colored and he put his hands in the air. "Whoa, I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright. You know we're not really dating, that I just did it for the sake of Sorcerer's Weekly?" she said, steeling herself internally. He nodded with no visible change in his expression.

"Because of that pic of us," he supplied.

"And that doesn't…bother you at all?" she pressed. He blinked as if the thought never occurred to him.

"Um, no. Why would it? I mean, we aren't together, after all." A note of resentment sunk into his tone and it made Lucy wince, but it vanished a moment later. "I can kinda get why you wouldn't want to be seen with me that way though. I'm fine with it." He shrugged and rubbed his neck.

"It's not that I really don't want to be seen like that with you, Natsu, but…" She bit her lip. What was it, exactly? Why was it that the picture put her so on-edge? Why was she afraid to be known as Natsu-and-Lucy, Lucy-and-Natsu? No matter how long she thought about it, she could never find an answer.

"I said it's fine, Luce," he insisted airily. "That lovey-dovey stuff ain't really for me anyway." And like before, on the Lacrima, he sounded incredibly candid. "We're still cool, aren't we?"

I'm not the one with the problem, she thought, but was she really the sensible one there? She saw an opportunity and took it. "Yes, we're cool," she smiled. He grinned and gave her dual thumbs-up before heading back inside. She waved, but found herself stuck to the spot, a knot of disquiet curling in her stomach.

If we're "cool," why is that the highly personal Natsu, who would always throw his arm around me and break into my house and sleep in my bed, wouldn't stand closer than twelve inches to me now?

The impersonality persisted over the next few weeks as, while Natsu treated her much the same, he didn't perform as much of his old deeds, namely the touchy-feely ones. He sat next to her in the Guild, but always kept his hands and feet to himself; he greeted her verbally but never physically; and, most oddly, after the one twosome mission they performed up in Shirotsume, they did their customary high-five, and when they discovered the reward was not, for once, halved, he dodged her subsequent hug attempt like the plague.

He is most certainly not "fine."

Lucy thought this as she sat on the edge of her bed and clapped her new book shut. Usually, she could barely read two sentences without Natsu and Happy barging in and making a huge ruckus, but without them, much the same happened, or rather didn't happen—a catch-22, essentially. They hadn't so much as stepped foot on her street in the last two weeks.

If this isn't evasion, I don't know what is, she thought, standing and shelving the book before stationing herself at the window. There was a lock on it that she had purchased the eve of the fifth or so time Natsu caught her stepping out of the bath, but then and now, she rarely ever locked it. Only…when she went on dates. That date's the reason I'm in this mess now. She sighed and sat on the bed again, wringing her ponytail between her hands. There's nothing bad about being seen…that way…with Natsu, is there?

Yes, there is! another corner of her mind argued, but still, she couldn't put her finger on it. It was something that filled her with dread, as before a fight, some sort of fear…

The window clicked as it slid open and her heart leapt as she spun around. Instead of a Dragon Slayer, a naked man slipped through. "Hey, Lucy," he greeted.

"Gray! What in the hell—where is your underwear?" she cried, covering her eyes. He gave himself a cursory glance but quickly waved it off.

"I've gotta talk to you."

"Can you put something on first?" He sighed and took the knitted blanket from her couch, wrapping it around his hips to give himself some sort of decency. "What kind of emergency is it that you're barging into my home at eight in the night and stark naked?"

"You don't have to be so antagonistic," he grumbled as he took a seat, as if he wasn't barging into her home at eight in the night and stark naked. "You and flames-for-brains have been acting strangely at odds lately."

"Then why not talk to him about it?"

"What? You think he'd just give up and spill his guts to me like that?" he snorted. "For someone so simpleminded, he most often tends to be a mental steel trap—impossible to cave."

"I wish I could see in his mind one time," she grumbled, crossing her arms under her chest. "Since his little vacation to Dahlia, he's been a little…weird with touching me. As in, he avoids it whenever possible." Gray raised an eyebrow.

"Really? I mean, I wasn't paying much attention, but I assumed he always had his hands on you." She flushed a little at his wording and huffed.

"It's just the way he is." Gray gave a sigh that said I brought myself into this situation, might as well finish it and gave her his signature flat look.

"I'm not the fondest of jumping into other people's relationship situations, not like Mirajane, but considering that Natsu's my best friend and you both have been thrown since this whole thing started, I want to ask: why did that Sorcerer's Weekly thing bother you so much?"

"I don't know," she answered. "Honestly, I don't. But, seeing as you're Natsu's best friend, can you tell me why it bothered him so much?" She feared his answer, that it would confirm her suspicions.

"I don't believe I'd be right to say," he said coolly. "It's Natsu's business, after all."

"Of course," she sighed. "But can you tell me one thing?" He raised his eyebrows and she cleared her throat, staring at her feet instead of him. "Did I…hurt him?" He didn't miss a beat.

"Of course you did." The remark was as sharp as his icy sword, and Lucy's heart stuttered.

"I…I'm going to talk to him. Right now," she said after a moment, retrieving some sandals from under the bed. She looked over her shoulder at Gray, who was heading back through the window. "Where are you going?"

"Well, I'd walk you to his house, but I've gotta find my clothes before someone picks them up," he said. "I can't afford to lose another outfit. But I hope you and Natsu can resolve your issues now, because I hate playing the middle man." He disappeared, and Lucy thought that despite Gray's words, Natsu must have told him a fair bit of his own thoughts.

I never wanted to hurt him, she thought, searching for her housekeys. I never did! I just didn't want people to see Natsu and I in that way, because… And because of that, I made him run away, and now he will barely touch me and he's hurt and he's been hurting quietly and it's my fault. Tears built in her eyes and she covered her mouth to hide a hiccup. "What kind of Celestial Mage am I, trampling over our relationship like that? No, what kind of person am I?" She wanted to go to Natsu right away, but the same problem from earlier remained: she had no idea what to say to him.

"I can't say some magic words and make things go back to exactly how they were," she murmured, staring at her window. "That's something no magic can do."