The stormy, glowing orb of Jupiter slid out of view for the third time through the trapezoidal portal, plunging the room back into darkness. Now that his mind was clear and the room was no longer spinning, he wanted to meditate. He wanted to do many things, actually, but some of them he dared not think about in any detail. Simply put, he wanted to do anything other than lie awake and stare at the dark ceiling and cope with bewildering thoughts that were intermittently interrupted by lapses in gravity.
He had manually shut out the light several hours ago so they would not turn on and off without warning. It had been more than an hour since the last failure of the gravity controls but no announcement had been made regarding the status of the maintenance. It was still quite cold and he snuggled tightly under the thin blanket, wondering if Amanda was warm enough on the couch.
Amanda. Her drunken words swirled around in his consciousness like smoke, but their meaning was seared into the core of his being. "Is Vulcan mind sex really better than regular sex?"
He blinked, stunned he could almost hear her voice. "Wanna show me what mind melding is like?"
He closed his eyes and held his breath, knowing the words that would come next. "I like you."
More surprising than the revelation that she liked him and would have mated with him if they were engaged in a legitimate romantic relationship was the ultimate acceptance that he liked her also. He had always known he preferred her company, even if their earliest encounters were facilitated by unintentional inebriation. But he liked her when he was sober as well and that was something to consider.
What would it be like to meld with her human mind? What would it be like to feel her human body? He pictured her svelte figure and envisioned the slope of her breasts, careful to mentally depict her nipples with a pinkish tint rather than a green one. He felt the more masculine parts of his anatomy stirring to life and quickly pressed his hand against his growing erection to conceal it, which was illogical since Amanda had her back to him and humans could not see in the dark anyway.
He could tell from her breathing that she was awake. What was she thinking? It was illogical to ponder her thoughts in this way when it would simply be more efficient to ask her, but he did not dare. He was becoming more adept at reading her emotions in a conversational setting but he could not appreciate anything in the silent darkness.
But what would it be like to meld with her? To touch her mind? To feel himself slip away into her, body and soul? She was human. He briefly reflected on Vedek and Mara's unconventional infatuation with one other, then thought of all the humans he'd seen in Vulcan Village and realized such partnerships were probably more common than most Vulcans would admit, even if such unorthodox pairings were almost exclusively relegated to Earth, whose citizens were more open-minded.
Based on his casual understanding of Vulcan and human neurophysiology, he understood that humans lacked the thick midbrain responsible for telepathic activity, so he suspected whatever pleasure derived from an intimate mind meld would be very one-sided. Perhaps that would be nice.
"Sarek?" The sound of his name drifting through the dark room was so quiet he pondered at first if he'd imagined it.
"Yes?" The silence resumed for nearly a minute before he added, "Do you require something?"
"I can't sleep."
"Nor can I," he confessed. "Is something on your mind?" The question was somewhat disingenuous, considering his own mind was quite full.
After another long bout of heavy quiet, she murmured, "It's probably stupid to talk about. I have to spend the next twenty-four hours with you and the last thing I want to do is make things worse."
"For something to be made worse, it must first be bad," he replied, suppressing his feelings of uneasiness. "What has become bad between us?"
"It's not bad. It's awkward."
Now he understood: the human tendency toward embarrassment. "Awkwardness is illogical."
"I would argue it's actually pretty natural to feel awkward following rejection," she replied.
"What rejection has occurred?"
"Were you really so drunk you don't remember?" she scoffed. "I put myself out there and you, well…"
"You believe I rejected you?"
"Of course you did."
"No, I rejected the notion of engaging in intimate acts with you when your judgement was chemically impaired," he explained, stopping short of explicitly stating he had not rejected her.
"Well I'm stone cold sober now," she mused.
"Do you wish to proposition me a second time?" he asked, trying to slow the sudden uptick in his heart rate.
She uttered a high-pitched laugh and stuttered a series of short, breathy syllables. "Proposition? It's not—it's just—it's—"
"Do you want me to mind meld with you?" he probed, holding his breath in cautious anticipation.
"I—do you—I mean—" There was more distress and hesitation in her voice now and Sarek immediately regretted asking.
"Would it be appropriate for me to join you on your side of the room?" he asked.
"This couch is barely big enough for a kid," she laughed. "What if I came to you?"
"That would be acceptable."
He heard the rustling of fabric and the soft thud of her feet on the floor. He sat up and prepared to sit next to her on the edge of the bed, but to his surprise, she threw the heavier blanket over him and was peeling back the covers to slide in beside him. They were laying down together in the same bed and she was shivering. The instinct to draw her closer to his body and keep her warm was powerful but he hesitated to touch her without her express permission.
"Is your mind truly clear?" he asked.
"She sells seashells by the sea shore. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Killer Klingons carefully cruise the quadrant."
"What does that mean?" he queried. "Are those statements some form of pneumonic device?"
She giggled. "No, I'm just trying to show you that I'm not drunk. This is me."
"I see. You are shivering."
"It's what you do when you're cold," she grumbled. "I'm sorry."
"There is no need to apologize for an involuntary physical response."
An eternity passed in the silence that followed and soon, Jupiter came back into view through the portal, partially illuminating the room and casting a hazy glow over the angles of her face. "I'm still not really tired," she confessed.
"Did you wish to do something other than attempt to sleep?"
"I don't know. Maybe. It's really cold and your bed is really warm." She wriggled beneath the stack of blankets and her ankle brushed against his leg. The touch was accidental but it excited him.
"Were you sincere earlier when you asked me to mind meld with you?"
Her eyes searched his face. It was too dark to discern whether there was any color rising in her cheeks but he knew her well enough to suspect that there was. "Yes. I meant all of it. If you don't feel that way, that's fine. I won't—"
"As I explained earlier, I did not object to you," he interrupted. "My only objection was the state you were in."
"Oh. Then do you…want to?"
"Do I want to mind meld with you?"
She uttered a soft chuckle. "Yeah."
"There are different forms of mind melds," he explained. "The one you described, the one I suspect Vedek and Mara so often share, is a highly intimate form of contact typically only done between bonded mates due to its very erotic nature."
She tucked her chin into her chest and drew in a short breath of air. "Oh. Then we don't have to—"
"I did not say I did not want to," he replied. "I only want to ensure you understand what it is. It is very intimate. If we were to do this, it would reveal things about each of us to the other person."
"I understand."
He wasn't certain that she really did. "Why do you want to do this?"
"Partly because I'm curious, but also because I'm curious about you."
"I see," he said, supposing he shared her sentiments exactly. He preferred to ignore the fact that his affair with T'Rea had begun with a very similar conversation, wishing only to think about the woman currently occupying his bed. "As I explained, it is very erotic and you will likely derive pleasure from it, which may be confusing to someone who has never experienced such a thing. I have never done this with a person of a different species and I do not know what emotional toll it may take on you."
"I kind of feel like I'm eleven years-old and getting the sex talk all over again," she muttered.
"If we do this, I want you to be prepared. You need to understand how...personal it is."
"So you really do want to do this?"
"There may be a mental link that persists between us for a time," he continued, ignoring her eager question. "This is a very intimate process and not something to be taken lightly."
"I understand. And I feel like the fact that you're going out of your way to give me full disclosure and make sure I can fully consent means that I can trust you. I meant it when I said I liked you. But do you really want to do this, or are you just doing it to humor me?"
"I…would not be opposed to it," he explained, preferring to avoid appearing overly eager.
"That's not the same thing as wanting to."
He wrestled with his his newfound affection for her and his recent recent feelings about possibly abandoning logic. What he felt for Amanda wasn't new exactly, but openly admitting it to himself was. It was a confusing thing to reconcile that with more than six decades of training in logic.
"I take your silence as a no?" she sniffed.
"I want to."
"Why?" she asked.
"For the same reasons as you."
"Okay then."
"Very well."
"So how do we do this?" she mumbled.
Sarek pulled himself into a sitting position and urged her to do likewise. She wrapped the blanket tightly around her shoulders and shuffled close to him, so close their legs were touching. When they finally dared to look each other in the eye, it was Amanda who spoke first. "I guess go ahead?"
Sarek lifted a hand and gently stroked her left cheek with the backs of his fingers. She trembled.
He pulled his hand back. "You are certain you wish to do this?"
She shivered and let out a tiny laugh. "Yes. Why?"
"You shuddered."
"It tickled. That's all. I'm a little nervous but I still want to do this if you do." She smiled and it was all Sarek could do to avoid thinking how nicely shaped her smile really was.
He twisted his hand into position along her jaw and cheek and she raised her chin expectantly. His fingers traced their way toward the necessary points and then…oneness. Her mind was a chaotic and disordered place and it was so peculiar how she didn't even brace herself for the impact of his mind against hers as any Vulcan would instinctively do, even in consensual contexts. The ease with which he did it alarmed him so much that he let go.
"Is something wrong?" she breathed, rubbing the back of her neck.
He sensed she was mildly disappointed. He explained, "I am not accustomed to melding with a human."
"It wasn't like I thought it would be," she admitted. "But it was nice."
"I only held our connection for approximately ten seconds," he replied. "I stopped to ensure you were still comfortable."
"Oh, yes. I'm fine. It was fine. You don't have to stop."
How peculiar that she was so willing to invite him into her mind. He raised his hand again and softly brushed her cheek. "You may stop me at any time."
She lightly gripped his hand between hers and pressed it against her face. "I admire your dedication to consent but I promise I'm alright and I will let you know if that changes."
He returned his hand to position and after a minute, he could feel tension brewing within her. Her eyes drifted closed and her lips parted to form a small oval. To Sarek, she felt like innocent wonder mingled with incredible sexual thirst. She legitimately desired him and that knowledge felt dangerous. When she uttered a low moan, he tried to withdraw his hand but she gripped his wrist and pleaded, "Please…don't stop."
So he didn't. He continued to peruse the edges of her consciousness, almost overwhelmed by her state of intense arousal. When she reached for his free left hand and began to guide it toward the part in her legs, he hesitated and the whole thing began to fall apart. "Only if you want," she whispered, her eyes jerking back open to reveal wildness and anticipation.
Sarek inhaled a slow breath, sensing he was at the edge of a precipice. He thought to himself for a moment and replied, "I do want to. But not yet."
He brought his other hand up to her face to strengthen the bond between them and it wasn't long before she was quaking in nervous pleasure.
The ecstasy of it was almost too much to bear. She wasn't really sure if they had been at it for minutes or hours, but the one thing she knew was it was like nothing else. It felt like the slowest orgasm building at the base of her skull with pleasurable impulses radiating out in waves down to her extremities. It seemed like the sort of thing that felt too good to be true, something exhilarating and addictive. If he never let her go, she believed she would allow herself to starve to death rather than break away from this to eat. Her intense need of this new sensation was almost frightening.
When it hit, it hit like a thunderous wave. Electrical vibrations of energy and a flood of hormones coursed through her body, starting at the back of her neck and rippling out to her extremities. It felt so transcendentally good it was almost painful; she was dimly aware that she was yelping. It took her almost a minute to come down from the highest high and take stock of her surroundings.
She laughed hysterically and tried to keep from shaking. She sensed Sarek telling her to open her eyes, but she wasn't sure she was actually hearing his voice. When she managed to comply, she saw he was cradling her face and watching her with a careful expression.
Without really understanding why, she leaned forward and gave him a slow, chaste kiss on the lips. He didn't return the affection of it, but neither did he pull away. When it became apparent he wasn't going to reciprocate, she recoiled in shame. "I'm sorry."
"You are experiencing intense emotions," he said in a dismissive tone.
"Aren't you?"
He thought to himself for a moment. "It is an unfamiliar thing, bonding with a human in this way. It was most interesting."
"Interesting is all it was to you?"
"Now that you have experienced an erotic Vulcan mind meld, would you still agree physical sex is more intimate?"
Her mouth fell open. "Was this really just a science experiment to you?"
His response was swift and severe. "No." He slowly released his grip on her face and rested his hands in his lap.
Amanda cupped her hands over her mouth to stifle a laugh.
"Is something amusing?" he asked.
"No, it's just—I'm starting to understand the appeal of Vulcan men."
He cocked an eyebrow and opined, "Males of my species have abilities and value that extends beyond their ability to provide sexual gratification."
Amanda's next laugh was of a more awkward, nervous variety. "Obviously. I didn't mean to offend you. It was meant as a compliment, but—"
"No apology is necessary," he interrupted. "I believe I understood what you meant."
"Did you not enjoy it at all?" she asked. "I get the impression it wasn't nearly as exciting for you as it was for me."
"It was very revealing," he admitted. "I experienced a fair deal of your thoughts and emotions but I did not derive the same pleasure from it as you did. Humans lack the region of the brain necessary to return this form of stimulation."
"You felt nothing at all?" she stammered.
"I felt many of your emotions, which was fascinating."
"But you—you didn't—is there nothing I can do?"
"You should not feel compelled to reciprocate, not only because it is impossible, but also because I understood this interaction would be very one-sided before we began."
"But I didn't know that," she explained. "If I had, I wouldn't have pressured you. Do you want to have sex?" His expression went blank and the longer it took him to respond, the more ridiculous Amanda felt. "You think mind melding is more intimate than sex anyway so what's the big deal?"
"I never actually said I believed mind melding was more intimate. I would argue they are both deeply intimate in different ways."
"So do you want to?"
A flash of something in his eyes led Amanda to suspect he very much did, but she knew him well enough to know he was preparing a logical argument to refuse. "I am aware there have been instances of mating between our species…"
"Sure," Amanda chuckled. "You have met Vedek and Mara, right?"
"Yes. I would be open to the possibility of engaging in sexual intercourse with you, however, I am also aware that natural conception between our species, though rare, is theoretically possible."
"You're worried you're going to get me pregnant?"
"It is a concern."
"I have an IUD," Amanda explained. "Like I said earlier, I've had sex before and managed to avoid ending up with a baby."
"What is an eye-you-dee?" he asked, slurring the letters in a way that made them sound like a single word.
"It's an acronym that stands for...intrauterine device, I think? It prevents pregnancy."
"What is its mechanism of action?" he asked, clearly intrigued.
"Uh, it's this tiny little chip inside my body and I think the one I have works by killing sperm cells and preventing the lining of my uterus from growing thick enough to even sustain a pregnancy," she replied, feeling less sexy with each medical term that escaped her lips.
"Fascinating," he mused.
Amanda wrung her hands nervously. "So, there's that."
"Then I find myself quite out of arguments for why we should not mate," he replied.
She stole a glance at him, amused to find the look on his face was stony and serious. She asked, "So do you want to?"
He gave a small, almost charmingly boyish nod. "If you agree."
She leaned forward and kissed him again, pleased that he seemed to want to participate this time around. His lips pressed against hers and her tongue traced along his lower lip, probing for his. She reached a hand up to cradle his jaw in her hands but he faltered the moment her hands encountered the stubble-covered skin of his throat and jerked away.
"What's wrong?"
"I am—I am not accustomed to people touching my face. In Vulcan society, people only touch the faces of those they intend to bond with."
"Didn't we just do that?"
"We did," he replied, his voice peculiarly strained. "And I do not believe you would be capable of initiating such a bond if you tried, it is merely that I was surprised."
"Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"It is logical to conclude you did not mean anything by it," he replied, doing his best to project confidence.
"Do you not want me to touch your face?"
He took a slow breath. "I do not mind."
She lifted a hand to his cheek to gently caress the pinpricks of course hair forming on the lower half of his face. "I've never seen you with a beard," she said with a weak smile.
"It is customary for followers of Surak to remain clean shaven," he explained.
"Oh."
Then it was Sarek's turn to take the initiative, which he did with surprising speed and force. His mouth was quickly on Amanda's and she found it difficult to conceal her building excitement. When she began pulling her shirt over her head, he paused and gave her a peculiar look. "You are removing your clothing?"
"Uh, yeah?"
"The ambient temperature is quite low."
"You…want to do this with our clothes on?"
"Vulcans are capable of regulating body temperature more efficiently than humans," he explained. "But I thought you might want to retain your clothing, if only for your comfort."
She shot him a sly grin. "I don't mind being cold. Besides, I'll have you to keep me warm."
He sat up on his knees and set to work unbuttoning his own shirt. Jupiter faded from view again, casting the room back into pitch blackness. She was about to ask if he wanted to find some kind of artificial light, even if it was just the flashlight application on her PADD, but his hands were quickly upon her body, running up her bare ribcage as if they knew exactly where to go. What would be the point of saying anything when the thought of exploring him in the utter darkness seemed erotic enough?
When they were finally stripped of their clothes, he pulled the blankets back over them and drew her closer to his body. He felt impossibly warm and for a moment, all she wanted to do was snuggle against him.
"Ah," he gasped.
She reeled back. "What's wrong?"
"Were those your toes?" he whispered.
"Yeah, why?"
"They're very cold."
She snorted. "Oh, I guess I could have kept my socks on."
"Are you certain your feet have adequate blood flow at such temperatures?"
"They're fine," she whispered, searching for his lips again in the dark.
As awkward as it had been to get to this point, everything suddenly felt very natural. His strong arms wrapped around her and soon he was pulling himself on top of her. Amanda almost burned with frenzied need, running her hands along the lines of his torso. The moment their bodies merged together, she uttered a soft gasp, partly at the excitement, but also partly because something felt amiss.
She was off-balance somehow, which made no sense. She flung her hands out to the sides, only to realize the gravity had gone out again and they were floating away from the bed. Sarek grunted in mild frustration. He murmured, "Hold on to me."
He groped for the bedframe and Amanda wrapped her left arm around his upper back, burying her face in his chest to stifle a laugh. When he caught the headboard and tried to steady their position in space, she looked up and asked, "What now?"
"Perhaps we should separate," he replied, trying to untwist their legs from the floating bedsheets. "When the gravity returns, I would prefer to avoid falling on top of you."
"Why don't we just keep going?" she teased.
His response was void of any emotion, except for minor hints of frustration and disappointment. "After the many hours we have spent together studying elementary physics, I leave it to you to explain to me why that is not possible."
Amanda bit her lip to keep from erupting into embarrassed laughter. Why did everything have to feel like such an awkward disaster at all times? "Newton's third law?"
"Explain."
"You're really turning this into a physics lesson?"
"The opportunity presented itself," he explained. "If we remain attached as we are, how does the law of action and reaction effect our ability to mate?"
It was so funny and cringeworthy and even adorable that she felt no choice but to mutter, "If we remain…together, our actions will just counter each other in the in the absence of gravity or resistance."
"Precisely. Now, perhaps we should try to—" Before he could finish his sentence, they both dropped together onto the bed with an unceremonious bounce and quickly became a tangle of sheets and limbs.
A voice crackled over the intercom. "Attention guests and residents, this is Commander Zhang. We have concluded our maintenance checks and all non-essential systems should be fully back online. If you have any questions—"
Amanda stopped listening. She arched her back and stretched her neck and gave Sarek a very tender, very awkward kiss on the chin. She had been aiming for his mouth, but it was too dark to see. He was able to navigate his way to her lips and almost immediately, they resumed the business of exploring one another's bodies with a renewed sense of humor and curiosity.