Chapter 110

After Doris's testimony, the judge called a recess until the following morning. The Spencer-Rivera family went to collect Emma from Jane and head home for the night. Doris suggested she and the kids spend the evening in Rafe's apartment with Sam so that their moms could spend some time alone together before Olivia and Rafe took the stand the following day.

Doris, Sam, and the three Spencer-Rivera kids headed down the stairs and Olivia and Natalia retired to the living room. Natalia helped Olivia to one end of the couch and sat away from her on the far end. For the first time since the attack, Olivia and Natalia were angry at more than just Frank.

Olivia sighed and leaned back into the couch. She could tell her wife was angry, but underneath that was hurt. She had hurt Natalia by not sharing this with her and she had no clue how to fix it. Especially after the emotional past two days. "Sw-sweetheart?"

Natalia wouldn't meet Olivia's eyes, just stared down at the floor. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?" She asked just above a whisper.

Olivia puffed out a breath and winced when she tried to sit up straighter. "I…"

Before she could answer Natalia was up and out of the room. Leaving Olivia to stare after her. She returned only a minute later with a bottle of water and Olivia's medicine in hand. "Here, you haven't had any since this morning." She stated with little emotion as she reached her hand out to Olivia.

Olivia gratefully swallowed the pills and attempted to smile at her wife. "Thank y-you."

Natalia nodded as she sat back on the opposite end of the couch. "ouch. and Natalia were far s ad"How could you tell Doris and not tell me how you were feeling Olivia? All this time, you keep saying you're okay and assuring Rafe that it's not his fault, all the while you've been blaming yourself."

Olivia reached her hand out to her wife, but quickly realized Natalia wasn't going to take it and slowly withdrew it to lay in her lap. She looked down and then back up, studying the woman sitting before her, so much hurt evident in those expressive brown eyes. "I'm so-sorry honey. I just…" Frustrated with not finding the words, she shook her head and huffed. "I didn't w-want you to h-have to deal with th-this along with everything e-else."

"Oh, you didn't want me to deal with my wife's pain and guilt? You didn't want me to be your partner and face this together? Is that it Olivia? You wanted to handle it on your own. Be that closed off woman I met that can't except help from those around her." Her voice rose as she spoke. Anger becoming the evident emotion.

Olivia matched her wife's tone. "What about y-you Natalia? Huh? H-how many n-nights do y-you go do-down to the p-pond a-and sc-scream to the h-heavens? H-how often d-do y-you sneak o-out of bed to c-cry? You h-haven't s-shared your f-feelings with m-me e-either." Her stutter got increasing worse the more upset she became but she didn't care.

This was important. They had talked to their therapist, to their children, to their friends, but they hadn't talked to each other about what had happened and how they were feeling. Not like this. Their talks had been about Olivia's pain level and Natalia slowing down and not taking everything on by herself. This was the first time their actual emotions about what had happened were being expressed between them.

"Y-you're s-so m-mad a-at m-me f-for n-not tel-telling y-you th-this, h-how I've b-been bl-blaming my-myself, but y-you h-haven't t-told m-me a d-damn th-thing e-either."

Natalia listened to her wife get steadily more upset and her stutter become worse. She watched as anger and hurt warred in those deep jade eyes. Fighting a war inside herself. She wanted to stay angry. To yell and scream and get everything out. She needed to. She needed to unleash the fury she'd been holding in for the past two weeks on someone. But as she watched Olivia fight to keep the pain she was feeling from showing on her face and try to reign in her emotions, to lock them back away so she could speak properly, her love for her wife won the battle. She quickly moved to kneel in front of her love and took both of her hands, bringing them to her chest as she had so many times in the past to calm and sooth Olivia when her anger was boiling over.

"Calm down. You're getting yourself too worked up." She released one of Olivia's hands to cup her cheek and force her to look at her. "Please Olivia. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I know I haven't been very forthcoming about what I'm going through either. I just want you to heal and get better. I didn't want you to worry about me when you're already going through so much."

Olivia looked deep into the chocolate orbs staring back at her. She searched them for any hint of anger still evident, but only saw the love her wife held for her shining through. Taking several deep breaths, she tried to calm herself before she spoke again. She leaned forward, placing her forehead against her wife's. "I'm s-sorry t-too. I sh-should have t-told you h-how I was f-feeling."

Natalia leant in and kissed her wife sweetly before rising and sitting next to her on the couch. She opened her arms in invitation. Once Olivia's head was laying against her heart, she stroked her fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. "You're right you know. I should have been telling you what was going on with me instead of trying to hide it and sneaking off to deal with it by myself. At least you told Doris. I wish it was me, but it's better than keeping it all to yourself."

Olivia nodded against her chest. "We sh-should be t-talking to each other t-though."

"You're right. We should. We're a team."

"A two p-person team."

"Like bad mitten."

"V-volly ball." She smirked as she raised her head to look at her wife.

Natalia kissed her softly. "Nice try."

"Can't b-blame a g-girl for trying."

"No, I can't. I love you Olivia. So much."

"I l-love you t-too. So, so m-much." She leaned up to capture tempting lips and the two soon became lost in their kiss. Not breaking apart until oxygen became necessary.

Pulling back, Natalia smiled at her love and gave her one more peck before settling back into the couch and continuing to run her fingers through Olivia's hair. "I feel like this is all my fault and I don't know how to deal with that. How to cope with what he did to you and how our children have been affected. How can I forgive myself for this?" Tears leaked from her eyes as she finally told her wife what she had only told Felicia.

As much as Olivia wanted to comment on that, wanted to make Natalia understand that none of this was her fault, she knew now wasn't the time. Right now, it was her turn to share. "I feel l-like I brought a whirl w-wind of trouble into your l-life from the moment we m-met and it's only g-getting worse. My past, w-who I was, the th-things I did, that's w-why Frank is doing this. And h-he's right you know. Before y-you, I didn't know how to l-love. Em-Emma and Ava are the o-only ones I truly l-loved, and I didn't do that very w-well when I first met A-Ava. But Natalia, I l-love you. I love y-you so much. I n-never wanted any of th-this. I just want y-you to be h-happy."

Natalia tightened her hold on her wife and kissed her head several times, giving herself a minute to will her tears not to fall and her voice not to break. "You make me happy Olivia. You and our kids, our family, it's everything I ever wanted but didn't dare dream I would ever have. I love you Olivia. Never doubt that."

Olivia turned her head up to look at her wife and Natalia tilted her head to capture Olivia's lips in a quick kiss. Pulling back, the two simply starred at each other for a few moments. There was still so much more to say. So many things they needed to discuss, but not yet. At the moment, they needed to reconnect to one another, to feel the love that they felt for each other in every fiber of their beings.

Shifting, the two slowly moved to lay on the couch. Natalia flat on her back and Olivia laying half on top of her with her face pressed into Natalia's neck. Natalia's arms wrapped snuggly but gently around her slowly healing wife and they just lay there for a while. Soaking up the love so freely given and received between them. They would talk more later, maybe tonight when they were in bed. For now, what had been said was enough. They had shared what was ailing them with each other, and now they were comforting and reassuring one another with something far better than mere words.

Two hours later, that's where Ava found them when she came to see about dinner. A small smile graced her features as she looked down at her mothers. It was nice to see them like this. Although they had cuddled and held one another since the attack, it was the look of contentment on their faces that made Ava think everything really was going to be alright. She had noticed the distance between the two women that they both tried to hide, but she didn't know how to approach either of them about it. She was fighting her own demons in her head. But now, seeing them like this, like they were before Frank shattered their world, she knew, in time, life would go back to normal and their family would be just as strong as it had been.

Squatting beside the couch, Ava gently shook her mom's shoulder. "Mom, mom, it's time to get up."

Olivia stirred but didn't open her eyes, just buried her face deeper into her wife's neck and tightened the arm across her stomach. "Five more m-minutes."

Natalia had woken at Ava's voice but chose to keep quit until now. "You and your five minutes." She kissed the top of Olivia's head and then looked to Ava. "What time is it?"

"Almost six. That's why I came to wake you. Emma's hungry and I wasn't sure what you wanted to do about dinner."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep. How about we order pizza? Maybe watch a movie together before bed. It's going to be another long day tomorrow. Especially for your mother and Rafe. I think some family time is just what we need."

Ava smiled as she stood back to her full height. "I couldn't agree more. I'll go gather everyone else and order the pizza while you attempt to wake the dead." She joked as she grabbed the home phone and headed back towards the basement door.

Natalia chuckled as she looked down at the beauty in her arms. "Olivia, Olivia, I know you're awake. We need to get up baby."

"Mmm mm. C-comfy." She said as she tightened her hold on Natalia even further.

Natalia soaked up the feeling of her wife holding her. For a moment she could almost forget that Olivia was still healing from broken ribs and head wounds. Almost. She kissed her temple and then started to sit.

"I know baby, but we have to get up. The kids need dinner and so do you."

Olivia groaned but took the help from her wife to get into a seated position. "Fine." She grumbled as she slowly rose completely to her feet. Walking was getting easier, but she still needed help, or her walker. She hated it. This was worse than when she was recovering after her heart surgery. All she wanted was to be able to walk on her own and help her wife with their youngest daughter. Help with her bathe again and tuck her into bed. She still had several weeks before that would be a possibility and it was killing her.

Natalia stood as well and helped Olivia into the kitchen where the rest of their family was emerging from Rafe's apartment. Once pizza arrived, the family settled into the living room to eat and watch a movie. After some coaxing, Emma took her old spot between her two mothers. She only stayed for a little while before moving to her new spot on the floor with her siblings, but it was heaven for Olivia, to have her little girl close to her for just a little while.

Once Sam carried a sleeping Emma to her room and turned himself in for the night as well, Ava, Rafe, and Natalia all started cleaning up the mess from dinner and popcorn leaving Olivia and Doris by themselves on the couch. Doris knew Olivia was angry and was simply waiting for the explosion that was Olivia Spencer's rage. When nothing came, she sighed. Anger she could handle; silent treatment was torture.

Natalia came in from the kitchen and glanced at the two, feeling the tension hanging in the air. She made a quick decision. "Why don't you two go out to the porch and I'll make some cocoa and join you in a bit. We haven't sat out there since you were released from the hospital."

Olivia didn't say anything but nodded all the same. Doris stood and grabbed her coat as she headed out into the cold air. After helping Olivia secure a thick coat of her own, Natalia walked her out to the porch and sat her on the bench, kissing her forehead before disappearing back into the house so the two women could sort out their differences.

Doris looked out over the lawn before turning her gaze to her friend. "I'm sorry Olivia. I didn't do it to hurt you okay."

Olivia stayed silent, weighing her words before she spoke. "You sh-should have t-told me." She finally said bitterly.

Doris turned to fully face her. "I know, and I am truly sorry that I didn't. But Olivia, if I had told you what I planned to say, would you have allowed it?"

"P-probably not." She admitted solemnly. "But you s-still should have told m-me. Given me the c-chance to discuss it with N-Natalia."

Doris nodded. "You're absolutely right. I should have. I'm so sorry Olivia. I never want to create problems for you and Natalia. You have to know that. I just…it really was what was best. The jury, they needed to hear how you really feel, right now, not just about your past and how much you've changed, but how this has affected you and how you truly feel." She emphasized the word truly as she reached a handout to set a top her friends.

"I k-know, you're r-right."

"How's Natalia? Is she really upset?"

"Yes, and n-no. She's up-upset that I didn't t-tell her, but at the s-same time, she knows s-she's not innocent e-either."

"And how are you feeling my friend, about what you've found out about her?"

"I'm more m-mad at you t-then her." She looked up towards the stars and back to crystal blue eyes. "Not f-for what you said a-about me, but because y-you didn't tell me a-about her. I understand w-why she didn't want t-to tell me. But y-you should have Doris. S-she's my wife."

"Yes, she is, and it wasn't my place to tell you about her anymore then telling her about you. As you said, she is your wife and the two of you should have been talking to each other from the start." She paused for a moment to get her thoughts in order. "Look Olivia, I know this is hard for you, I know you don't share your feelings easily, believe me, I understand, but the two of you, it's what you do, it's how you work. Since I have known you, you two have always talked about everything. It's what makes you guys work so well. I know this has been difficult, for you and your family, but Olivia, shutting them out isn't the answer. I have heard you tell Rafe repeatedly that none of this is his fault. You plead to Ava to talk to someone, anyone. You tell Emma that sharing what she feels with Felicia is important and will help her. You ask Natalia almost daily how she is and if she needs to talk. It's time to take your own advise my friend. Talk to your wife, and really talk to her. Tell her what's bothering you. Share the burden with her, and I'm sure she'll do the same. You two will get through this, just like everything else you've been through."

"We t-talked. A little. W-we didn't say a whole l-lot, but, it was e-enough, for now."

"That's good Olivia. I'm glad."

"Yeah, th-that connection that we've b-been missing for the past c-couple of weeks…I th-think we are beginning to g-get it back."

"Good. So, we good? I'd hate to lose one of the only friends I've got."

"Y-yeah, we're good. You g-getting soft on me Wolfe?" Olivia asked, bumping the mayor's shoulder, unable to handle serious anymore.

"Watch it Spencer. I am not soft and I'll bury you if you ever try to tell anyone otherwise." Doris retorted, but with a slight smile.

Olivia didn't say more, just lay her head on the mayor's shoulder and looked out over the yard. Doris leaned her head against Olivia's and the two just sat in silence, both knowing that this small act between them was 'I love you.' It was enough for them.

Natalia had quietly opened the main door and stood watching them in the screen door. As she watched her wife lay against their friend, a smile formed on her lips and she closed the door knowing that Olivia and Doris were just fine. She shrugged off the coat she had donned to join them and went to check on the rest of her family.

Natalia first went down to Rafe's apartment to check on the man that she still thought of as her little boy. Not finding him anywhere, she headed back up the stairs and into her and Olivia's temporary room. She slowly opened the door, and there, at the foot of the bed, was Rafe fast asleep with one of Olivia's t-shirts pressed against his face Ava next to him, holding tight to her brother. Natalia grabbed the extra blanket from the chair in the corner and covered her babies, sweeping hair from Ava's face and kissing her forehead before repeating the action with her son. She whispered 'I love you' to them and headed out the door and up the stairs to check on Sam and Emma.

Reaching the second floor, Natalia carefully opened Sam's door, seeing him sleeping peacefully, she closed his door and moved down the hall to Emma's room. Quietly she opened the door and peaked her head into her youngest daughters room. She watched her sleep for a moment before walking closer to the bed. As she neared, Emma began to toss and turn. Natalia quickly climbed up next to her and took her baby into her arms.

Emma fought against her for only a second before snuggling closer against her ma. Natalia's eyes filled with tears as she fully realized that this was what her little girl did every night and she had not been there for her. She knew Doris was there and did all she could for her daughter, but it wasn't the same. She wanted so much to be there for her little girl, but with Olivia still recovering it just wasn't a possibility. Natalia breathed in the scent of her daughter and rested her head against the top of Emma's. She knew in that moment that for the rest of her life she would do all she could to keep her safe and protected. She kissed the top of Emma's head and tightened her hold on the small body in her arms. This kiss was for the fierce protectiveness she felt for her family. It was I promise to do everything in my power to make this better and to never let anything like this happen again.