Sunday Morning, May 29th (Tallahassee, FL)
Clarke stood just outside the hotel, the bag of her purchases resting against her leg as she finished dialing Octavia's number into her phone. Her friend was probably still awake, given Octavia would be trying to shift her sleep schedule closer to one more road trip-aligned tonight, and honestly, she needed to talk to someone. She'd noticed a few missed texts sent from Lexa, but she knew her BFF would be asleep by now.
"Clarke, you should be asleep." Octavia let out immediately upon picking up, not sounding tremendously amused. To O's credit, it was well past midnight. She'd been gone a while, and was up far past any reasonable bed time given her early starts.
"Hey, come on. I grace you with my time and you tell me to go away? I might be offended." Clarke teased, expecting some sort of laugh from Octavia. When she only got a groan in response, she knew something was up.
"Yeah, well, I was basically made to work tonight, too, so I'm not in the best of moods, especially since it's a waste of fucking time and I booked the day off a long time ago. The team can do just fine without me, but captain's orders." Octavia ranted, punctuating her complaints with a sigh steeped in exhaustion. "But I know you wouldn't be calling this late if something wasn't up, so spill."
Clarke took a deep breath and braced for impact, unsure how her friend would respond. "I think I might have pissed off Anya."
"Did she punch you?" Octavia's immediate, blasé response was far from what she'd expected, and had Clarke's mouth gaping for a moment or two. "If she didn't punch you, you're in the clear."
"Well, no, but I basically yelled at her and told her off about...you know...her deal with you and Lexa basically keeping her a secret." Clarke admitted, wincing again for that fiery temper Octavia so often let out when annoyed.
In truth, she'd honestly expected something. Anya hadn't spoken about it since the conversation was dropped early in the ride, and that had fostered some fear in Clarke that the other woman was letting her anger fester inside. She knew she'd overstepped, overreacted, not really understanding the context before attacking her newest acquaintance. Not that she entirely understood now, either, but still.
Clarke knew the parallel her brain had made on instinct to hearing Anya's words, and as with all the other times she'd had the same response, it hadn't been exactly relevant. Anya was nothing like how her mother was back then; the woman wouldn't do to her what Abby did all those years ago. Couldn't, even.
It'd just taken some time to convince herself of that, and in the meantime, she'd probably hurt Anya.
"Well, she didn't punch you. And you'd probably have mentioned if she had an anxiety attack, so I think you're in the clear. Don't worry about it." Octavia noted lazily, as if the possibility of Anya having any kind of attack was an everyday thing unworthy of concern.
"An anxiety attack? I...Lexa told me she's introverted, and I figured maybe she was a little anxious, like, socially..." Clarke blurted out, suddenly unsure of where her footing was in regards to her newest travel-mate.
"Calm your tits, Griff. You've spent, like, two days with her. She's absolutely done her breathing exercises in front of you by now, barring a miracle. She's not, like...on the verge all the time, it's just with certain shit." Octavia relayed, and okay, yes, she had noticed Anya taking a few moments here or there to catch a deeper breath or two. She just hadn't made the mental link between it, and the times when she'd guessed Anya had been feeling uncomfortable or a little anxious. "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know if she's already talked about wanting to make her own first impressions. You're not enough of an idiot to believe there wasn't some fucked up shit that led her to that, so tell me what the problem is."
Clarke let out a sigh, wishing all of this was so much easier and straight forward. "I guess I just...I don't know. And I want to know. I like her, alright? She's interesting. And you know how I get...I'm thorough. I want to know everything."
"So ask her." Octavia yawned out, earning an immediate disbelieving scoff that her friend would actually suggest that. As if it was at all realistic. "No, hear me out. Lexa's kind of Anya's person, okay? And you're Lexa's best friend. Anya considers me family, and you're good friends with me. So right off the bat, she trusts you enough by association. If you've been good to her so far, then chances are, your odds have only improved, so she'll probably tell you something if you ask. It's always been about her being able to be in control, and others not leaking her life stories out. She's not a super secretive person, or anything."
Clarke thought back across the past two days as she nodded along to Octavia's words. Anya had generally seemed tense, perhaps anxious a lot of the time, in hindsight. But some soft probing and the woman would explain what was troubling her. Anya rarely seemed pleased to provide any of the explanations, but Clarke figured if the woman was dealing with anxiety or some related difficulty at the time, which she likely had been to some extent, then maybe it wasn't a sign that telling the truth was inherently uncomfortable.
"Okay, then. Okay...that makes me feel a little better. Because I really didn't want to upset her, O." Clarke added with a relieved sigh, feeling better about the array of possibilities laying in wait across the rest of the road trip.
"Clarke..." She could practically hear Octavia's jaw lock as her name was spoken in clear warning.
"Octavia..." She noted dismissively in return, because Octavia was being too presumptuous. She knew that tone, it was Octavia's 'Don't you dare try me' tone. And really, Clarke had no intentions to do anything that would upset O. She was just a little interested in Anya.
"Clarke." Octavia grit out firmly, bringing a reflexive wince to her face. Because what the hell, why was O so against the idea of her being with Anya. Normally her friends were totally for in-group fraternizing. Hell, it's how O and Raven got together.
"O, come on, really?" Clarke asked, more than a little bewildered at the blatant rejection.
"Really. Clarke, this is a road trip. We're going to have to be stuck together for over a week, I can't deal with you potentially fucking up with her heart. I love you, but you need to think this through." Octavia reasoned, and okay, maybe Clarke could see her point, but the assumption that she wasn't invested in Anya's comfort and happiness across the trip was uncalled for.
"I'm not saying I'll jump her bones, O. Or that I'll try while we're on the road, even. But she's been pretty clear about her penchant for one night stands, so what's the harm..." Clarke started to argue, only to be interrupted by the harsh blurt of laughter, followed by Octavia's signature snort which no one was ever to mention without fear of physical injury.
She let Octavia's laughter trail off, hoping that maybe O could let her in on the joke, because Clarke honestly had no clue what was so funny. "Oh fuck, no... no, Griff. You're kidding, right?"
Clarke leaned back and let the hotel's wall hold her frame up as she frowned at the response. It certainly wasn't an answer. "I figured maybe after the wedding reception, maybe I could see if she wanted a night together. No stakes, you know? She's gorgeous, open-minded, there'd be no real strings attached if she doesn't want there to be, and I mean...I'd like to think I could work my charm enough for her to be interested. I mean, it's basically what you did with Raven."
Octavia was silent on the other end for seconds that must have stretched on close to a minute, so Clarke was reasonably on edge and a bit unnerved when Octavia did speak up, if just in a quiet, hesitant tone. "What even made you think she'd be game, Clarke?"
"Well, a bunch of things. I mean, she gave me puppy dog eyes a few..." Clarke started, only for Octavia to interrupt her with a jarringly loud, frustrated sigh.
"The one night stand shit, Clarke. What made you think she'd be game for that?" Octavia clarified, which Clarke was damn thankful for, since that was a question she could readily answer.
"Oh, she said she's not the kind to let others sleep over and stay the night in her bed, but she let me be her exception. And when I told her I could always bunk with Raven instead of her, she told me she was cool with sleeping with me, and that...and I quote...she 'wouldn't kick me out of bed'. Seems pretty clear to me." Clarke noted with pride, feeling pretty damn pleased with herself that she'd been able to leave such an impression in such a short period of time. It was a decent part of why she'd been so worried about Anya maybe hating her after the incident in the car that afternoon.
"Clarke, you dense pangolin, no. No." Octavia spoke in what probably would have been a calming and soothing tone if it didn't come across as altogether condescending, particularly with O calling her a pangolin for whatever reason. "I'm breaking Anya's code of silence here for both of your sakes, because she'd be fucking mortified that you came to that conclusion, okay? And it'd be worse for everyone if you acted on that."
Clarke's teeth found her lower lip, gnawing away on it as she tried to piece together the thoughts that could mount a defense. After all, it had been so clear, hadn't it? Yet, Octavia was pretty clear in saying she was mistaken. So as Oprah might have asked, what was the truth?
"So...what am I supposed to think, O? You have to give me something!" Clarke argued, feeling her heart plummet into her stomach at the sound of Octavia's fire hall's alarm sounding.
"Shit, I gotta go. Just get your head out of the gutter and talk to her. See you tomorrow, Clarke!" Octavia yelled out above the noise before the call was terminated, leaving the blonde wondering what the hell she would do about Anya.
She'd been so certain she'd pegged Anya accurately, and yet, O was telling her she was way off the mark. Which could also mean that Anya could still be upset with her. That Anya could have changed her mind about sleeping arrangements, even. Would she hate me for sleeping in her bed? Will she freak out again? Jeez...how can I even know, anymore?
With a heavy sigh, she pocketed her phone and picked up her bags, knowing it was long past time to head inside.
Clarke felt she was exceptionally quiet, sneaking into the darkened hotel room, carefully angling herself through a small gap in the doorway and gently closing it shut behind her. As carefully as she could manage in her attempt to avoid making noise, knowing how light of a sleeper Raven was, she placed the bag of supplies directly atop the woman's luggage and tiptoed her way towards the bathroom.
"Clarke...?" The voice came out in a whispered croak, but it still nonetheless stilled Clarke in place as she peered hard at the beds, trying to get her eyes to adjust focus through the lack of light. Eventually, a quick scan of Raven's bed showed her friend was still fast asleep, which led her to look to Anya.
Anya, who was still sat up in bed, propped against the pillows. Even in the dark of night, she could tell the woman's eyes were barely open, the older blonde slightly swaying from side to side. Anya was clearly half asleep, but had also pretty certainly never went to bed, given the state of the sheets and the fact that Anya was sitting on top of the covers.
She...waited up for me? Clarke mused in wonder, allowing a smile to curl at her lips. "I'll be there in a sec, promise." She whispered in return as she grabbed the sleep clothes she'd set out earlier, earning the tiniest of huffs from the other woman.
Not wanting to keep Anya awake any longer than she had been, Clarke quickly brushed her teeth and didn't bother doing anything with her hair. It'd be a horrible mess in the morning, but she'd just deal with it then.
Soon enough, she was clean, changed, and padding back out into the main room, careful with each step en route to Anya's bed. Thankfully, Anya had sort of managed to get herself halfway under the covers, the woman still sitting up against the headboard with her arms crossed, not looking happy in the least.
"I'm sorry." She offered as she lifted up the sheets and slowly made her way under them, trying not to make much noise, knowing Raven would be grumpy if she was woken up past one in the morning.
"S'late, Clarke." Anya mumbled, only shifting down a bit when Clarke had fully settled in. "Didn't answer."
Clarke felt her brow furrow at the sleep-slurred words. "What didn't I answer?"
"Sent Lexa texts." Anya whispered after a lengthy yawn, stunning Clarke by closing the distance and taking her hand, much like she'd taken Anya's the previous night. "You were gone a long time. Florida's evil." The woman added as she shuffled closer and down enough to rest her head on a pillow, frowning and twitching her nose as some hair fell out of her headband.
Despite the fact that her own exhaustion was mounting, it wasn't hard to hear the concern in Anya's voice. It was padded by a heavy amount of annoyance, but that concern was there. She was worried about me...and...wait, that's what Lexa was texting me about? Shit...she was probably up late waiting...well, too late now. I'll send her some flowers in the morning...
"Well as you can see, I'm safe and sound. Sorry for worrying you." Clarke let out softly, bringing a hand over to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Anya's ear. Purely so it'd stop itching her face, certainly no other reason.
"Why'd you take so long? She jus' needed shaving supplies." Anya murmured, eyes fluttering closed as she leaned into Clarke's touch.
Which, well, okay. Her hand was staying put, gently sliding down to cup and stroke her bedmate's cheek. "I thought you might be upset with me." Clarke admitted, wanting to be honest, even if perhaps doing so while one of them was half asleep was less than ideal.
Predictably, she was met with another annoyed huff, and the lightest of smacks to her head before that same arm pulled her in close. "Darling, you're an idiot. I'm upset you could've been hurt. That you'll be sleep d'prived. Don't care about the talk. You wan' control, too, I get it." Her bedmate grumbled in pretty clear anger towards her earlier disappearance.
Even in the midst of being insulted, Clarke felt her heart blooming in her chest like a wildflower at the sleepy woman's term of endearment. She was about a hundred percent sure an entirely sober Anya wouldn't have let that word out, but for now, she'd cherish it along with the fact that Anya clearly cared for her wellbeing, and didn't seem to hold a grudge from earlier.
Clarke swung her legs over Anya's hips and finished what the sleepier woman started, the both of them nestled together, hands entwined and pressed against their chests as she continued grazing along Anya's cheekbones, as Anya's hand lightly gripped at her t-shirt's material covering the small of her back. "Well how 'bout I make it up to you tomorrow, okay? I think we could both use some sleep."
Anya hummed in agreement with that, the woman's long, lithe body relaxing, letting Clarke mold herself further against it as she got comfy. It didn't hurt that Anya was perfectly warm; not too hot that she'd wake up sweating in the middle of the night, and not chilly enough to wake up in her trademark Heat Parasite-mode in the morning. Even in the confusing mess of the previous morning, she'd found herself entirely satisfied with how warm she was, making it pretty easy to get out of bed. Much easier than normal.
Entirely content and relieved that all was seemingly well, Clarke let her eyes fall shut as she curled her available limbs around her bedmate, happy to have another refreshing sleep on the way.
"...and I'm saying no, Raven."
The words were the first recognizable, if fuzzy, thing to seep into Clarke's consciousness, slipping past all the blissfully content sensation she felt permeating her entire existence. Everything was so deliciously warm, and soft, and comfy, and it was a little perturbing to be distracted from it, even the tiniest bit.
"I'm just saying that we need to get on the road eventually. Clarke's a big girl, she made her decision last night. She made her bed." Clarke heard Raven argue, though she was pretty sure she hadn't made the bed. That was the hotel staff's responsibility.
"Yes, and she will lie in it until she's recuperated. Clarke...she planned out more scenic routes for us to travel in to ease my motion sickness and give me something to look at. I can go without today to save time, to give her time." Anya's voice grabbed hold of her attention a bit more firmly, if not because it was so close, but because she remembered Anya was motion sick. The woman had been so nervous about telling her that it was impossible not to help her out.
Clarke cuddled closer to the warmth and let out a happy sigh, smiling when the warmth seemed to wrap even more snugly around her. The gentle intermittent rubbing of her head was also quite lovely.
"And how much would that buy us...a half hour, maybe?" She heard Raven speak, and she seemed more annoyed than upset. Which was a relief, but she was still too loud, so Clarke buried her face deeper against the warmth.
"More like an hour and a half...Clarke wanted to go through some national park north of Biloxi, since I told her I really haven't been to any. An hour and a half out of our way through Mississippi...heading along the coastal highways would save that time. I'm fine with it...it's a Sunday, so by the time evening rolls around, we'll probably be passing New Orleans, and we'll be in the clear." Anya wasn't usually so wordy, but she seemed quite intent on speaking. Clarke figured Anya should be more intent on adventuring and going to parks, or maybe New Orleans. She couldn't help but feel Anya might enjoy that place.
"Clarke's driven just fine on less than a full night's sleep. If she were awake, she'd argue to go as planned, and maybe have me or Octavia take over driving tomorrow so she can rest up and maybe sleep in the car a bit." Raven seemed insistent on matching Anya syllable for syllable, which was frustrating, because they could both be quiet and enjoy themselves a lot more if they'd just be quiet and relax with her. "Look, I'll go get breakfast like you asked. But when I get back, I'm waking her up. If she wants to sleep more, she can make that call herself."
A few seconds later the sharp closing of the door brought her further from the welcoming haze of warmth, where the soft-yet-firm source of the heat seemed to be taking deep breaths. They were soothing to listen to, but a little fast for her style. Especially with how rapid the thumping sound was nearby. "Mmmn, gotta relax."
Suddenly, the calming sensation on her head stilled, that rapid thumping skipping a beat before picking up again. "Shhh, I will. But keep sleeping, Clarke, you don't have to wake yet."
Sleeping? Have I...? Clarke thought to herself as she went to move her hands, only to find them constrained a bit by the familiar tension of the sheets tangled around them. Okay, that makes more sense...
"Gotta get movin', though." Clarke groused, not at all happy about getting up. She was quite content lying atop Anya in her little cocoon.
Her bedmate let out a heavy, exasperated sigh. "Clarke, you've barely had six hours of sleep. You're allowed to rest. We have time." Anya argued, and it was more than difficult to push aside those very valid points.
Still, Clarke had to. Despite her body and her heart being more than content to stay put, her head held veto power. "As much as I love being in this sleep burrito with you, and as cute as you are when you're worried, we have a schedule. O's got a place she wants us to have dinner at, but they close early-ish, so we have to be on time. I'll be fine."
Anya didn't sound at all pleased with that, by the low growl vibrating in her throat. "Then...then Octavia and Raven will drive tomorrow while you sleep in. Raven said you'd allow it, and you need quality rest."
Clarke scoffed at the idea, even if it was somewhat possible. She'd only ever let someone else drive her baby if it was one of Raven or Octavia, and both of those two were there to keep each other in check. "Even if that happened, which...it probably won't...I usually can't fall asleep after I wake up. So what, are you going to carry me out to the car from O's place?" She asked with a laugh at imagining Anya trying to lift her sleepy ass off the bed.
"Clarke, you're a deep sleeper. I'm sure I could carry you out to the car without waking you, yes." Anya noted dismissively, and with such casual confidence that Clarke wasn't sure if her eyes could bulge out any further. She fought the urge to free an arm and feel the woman's biceps again, instead just recalling the first day of the road trip when she'd taken Anya's arm. How strong they felt.
Okay...okay, yeah, I'm totally game for that, actually. Clarke mused to herself as she curled a little closer to Anya. "If you can carry me out to the car, then it's a deal. The mayhem twins will drive the morning leg, and I'll take the afternoon. BUT...I am not that deep a sleeper, you know."
"Clarke, I've been braiding your hair for close to thirty minutes and you only just woke up after Raven and I were being quite loud. I'm fairly certain you sleep deeply enough." Anya contested with a bit of a playful tone, and okay, sure, maybe she took a bit of effort to wake but there was no way Anya had braided her hair without her noticing.
"There's literally no way you braided my hair while I've been in my sleep burrito, babe." Clarke snarked back with a yawn, leaning her head away from Anya's neck far enough to squint up at her bedmate. Wait...she's been awake for over half an hour and she just...let me sleep on her? Shit...
Anya turned her head away, swallowing hard, but not even the dark curtains and the dim lighting could quite mask the redness seeping down towards the woman's collarbone. "Raven was going on about how you hate waking up with bed head, and you'd be in a bad mood for having messy hair all day. I...well, I tried to help. I asked Raven's permission in your stead, because she said she'd done it for you before a bunch of times, and that Lexa's done it for you a lot, so...anyways. I did braid your hair. I'm sorry if I overstepped."
Why does she have to be so adorable so early in the morning? It's just straight up not fair... Clarke mused to herself as she shot a smile up at her bedmate.
"No, no...I probably would be grouchy for a while if you didn't. Thanks...but I can definitely feel my hair's pretty free." Clarke noted, unsure what kind of braiding Anya had done other than knowing the woman hadn't put all of it into a single braid.
"Ah. Raven remembered some braids Octavia used to wear that I've done for her in the past, and she thought you'd look...and I quote...'like a badass Viking bitch' with them. They keep the hair away from your face and I've used a bit of product to minimize the frizz and flyaways from what remains." Anya explained, drawing Clarke's curiosity, having remembered a few pictures of Octavia's hair in braids. 'Fierce' is a word she recalled thinking when she saw them, so maybe she was feeling a bit hopeful at the moment.
A little more awake now, Clarke slid an arm out from around Anya and halfway propped herself up on it, feeling curiously content at how Anya's hold on her didn't really budge. "So...what you're saying is that when Raven comes back, I can tell her I rolled out of bed looking like this." She offered with a teasing grin, letting out a laugh when Anya just rolled her eyes and groaned at her hijinks.
"Oh my god, Clarke..." The woman beneath her let out in a long, exasperated sigh, just as Raven burst into the room, carrying breakfast by the smell of things.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Her astronaut friend asked off-hand as she whirled into the room and placed the trays of food onto her empty bed.
Clarke fought the instinct to pull away from Anya, not wanting to give Raven any hint that maybe she was interrupting a bit of very low-key flirting. However, Anya's hands let go of her, hovering hesitantly over her body for a moment before the woman let them fall gently to the mattress. Anya's face was growing redder, and those soft amber eyes had grown wide, peering off far to the opposite side of the room from Raven, clearly avoiding her.
And, well, okay. Maybe she wasn't the only one with a horse in the race, even if Anya's was clearly skittish as all hell.
"You know, room service exists for a reason, Raven." She noted, though Raven just brushed her off with a dismissive hand wave.
"Apparently they're short staffed. Two of the morning staff are brothers, and I guess one got stabbed last night? So they're both at the hospital, and breakfast's just altogether fucked. I took my chances and asked if I could bring it all up myself." Raven clarified, which she supposed was more than understandable given the circumstances. Can't exactly plan around a staff member being stabbed.
"Poor dudes. Stabbings are no joke." Clarke mused openly, hoping that whoever they were, that their situation would improve.
Anya let out a low huff. "I told you Florida's evil. Hopefully next time you're here, you won't go out alone late at night, again." The woman grumbled, looking not the least bit pleased, but that didn't really matter at the moment.
What mattered was Anya remembered last night, in detail, not just a vague recollection. Which means...she really wasn't upset with me for what I said in the car...I really haven't ruined everything...
"You did, and I told you I got back safe and sound." Clarke said in hopes of smoothing out some of that annoyance and worry on Anya's face. As seconds passed, it didn't seem she was at all effective. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I spent most of it right by the doors of the hotel, talking to Octavia on the phone."
It was a bit of a lie, since she'd driven around aimlessly for a while before then, trying to get her thoughts together. Still, Anya seemed a little relieved by that, thankfully.
"Yeah, I was texting her this morning. It's shit that she had to work overnight, she was just getting to bed around seven." Raven noted, shaking her head, clearly not too happy with the idea of Octavia being asleep more than awake during a good chunk of the road trip.
Clarke nodded in agreement. "I can't believe they called her in. She's going to be awake all night."
"What if..." Anya started to say, before grabbing for her notebook, flipping page by page, before settling on one. "There's another option. If she's going to be awake at least part of the night, we could...well, use that."
Clarke found herself curious as to what Anya was getting at, her own brain drawing blanks. "What do you mean?"
"You're insistent on going by the schedule today because, in part, you want me to see a park, since I generally haven't really experienced any." Anya stated, and Clarke nodded along, since that was the brunt of her reasoning. "Well, we could...we could fast-track to Octavia's today. Spend time at her place. Rest up, maybe stock up on food. And overnight, Octavia could drive to Maryville, leaving us closer to potentially having a full day's worth of time to spend at Great Smoky Mountain Park, and we'd have some food to bring to the park for lunch. Would that not be slightly more attuned to a road trip?"
Clarke felt herself melting against Anya for the woman's willingness to indulge her love for nature. Still, as wonderful of a plan as it was, she had concerns. "But O would need to sleep when we got there, and that's half the day gone."
"Not if Octavia and I do shift work. Seriously, we're both used to power naps and shorter sleeps. She takes the front leg of the overnight trip, I take the second. We get there and both of us take a bit of a rest, but we should get there early enough that we'll be out the door and ready to go by mid morning. You goobers get to sleep all night, and can do the brunt of the prep work before we leave for the park." Raven offered, suddenly making the plan much more plausible, if perhaps at the woman's expense.
"You'd do that? You love sleep." Clarke asked, not wanting to put her own wishes ahead of Raven's wellbeing.
Raven just scoffed and pulled out a breakfast wrap. "For the hundredth time, I hate sleep. But I like being fully functional, which means I need sleep. It's a necessity, not something I enjoy. But we're on vacation, and I don't need to be at a hundred percent to enjoy Mother Nature. And I know O will love the chance at getting out into the woods again."
"So...we're actually doing this? Should I call Octavia?" Clarke asked, happy for the potential change, but it was far too early in the morning to completely believe it without concrete confirmation.
"Sounds like. But as much as I hate to admit it, maybe taking the faster route to O's would be best, so we can give her more heads up. But she's sleeping, right now, so don't call her up. I'll get a hold of her later, closer to when she should be awake." Raven shot back, before fixing her gaze on Anya. "Guess you got your wish in the end. We've got some wiggle room before we leave, now."
It had Clarke vaguely remembering some of the words from when she was drifting into consciousness, how Anya had wanted her to rest. With that in mind, Clarke tilted her head to look up at Anya, who seemed to be expecting some sort of response, though Clarke wasn't quite sure what.
"I'm not going back to sleep. I'm awake now." She stated, laying obvious truths on the table. The slight exhale through Anya's nose, the brief flicker of a frown on those gorgeous lips of hers, it had some more words spilling out. "I can rest my eyes, though. And you still have to carry me from the car to the hotel when we get to Maryville."
Anya stared at her as if she'd spoken a riddle for a moment before offering a snow, cautious nod. "I can accept that."
With the plan practically in the bag, Clarke let herself slump back down onto Anya, arms securing themselves under the woman's back once more as she nuzzled her face into her collarbone again. "Deal. Let me know when twenty minutes have passed."
The sound of Raven chuckling across the room was annoying, knowing the woman was jumping to a number of likely sordid conclusions. Still, Raven wouldn't be Raven if she didn't, so Clarke just let herself relax and rest, letting out a happy hum when Anya's arms hesitantly encircled her again.
Yeah, I could get used to this...
Despite the occasional initial turbulence, Clarke was pretty thrilled about the road trip so far. Sure, it was just in its opening stages, and Octavia hadn't been picked up yet, but everything was going pretty smoothly.
As the hours ticked by, Raven was growing more and more away from her work-self, and into the fun-loving relaxed Raven she knew and loved. Not that she didn't admire how incredible and professional Raven was in her career, but it was so rare these days that her friend could let loose, especially with food. So often, the woman would forget to eat, so it was more than a little relieving when Raven had ordered way too much food at Peg Leg Pete's, and had bought a popsicle for herself at the shop the last time they'd stopped for gas.
The only downside was that Raven could be a bit pushy on music selection, which was why her friend was sulking in the backseat with headphones on, not happy with Clarke's playlists. Even though eighty percent of the music was Raven-approved, apparently the remaining twenty was 'too much' for the astronaut to handle. Clarke, of course, liked a natural ebb and flow in her playlists; Raven, in turn, was more of a lead foot, unable to stand songs where the energy or fun dips for a more easygoing, relaxing track or two.
It was something she felt Anya would agree with her about, though her passenger also had her noise cancelling headphones on, though for different reasons. Anya had taken a more casual approach to her wardrobe today, employing certifiably illegal shorts alongside a well-worn t-shirt that was likely some promotional gift from one of her employers. Which wouldn't have been an issue except that there had been a very enthusiastic fan of whatever product Anya's t-shirt was about, and the young-ish girl had lobbed question after question at her from the table beside theirs.
Anya, of course, had been all smiles and genuinely polite, but as time passed, and as their meal went on in the loud and overfull restaurant, and discussion with the enthusiastic girl kept continuing on intermittently, it took its toll. As soon as the server delivered the check, Clarke manufactured a quick departure for them all, which couldn't have come too soon given how Anya's exhaustion had become more visible, and the woman's hands were shaking like leaves.
From the moment they'd gotten in her SUV, Anya had tossed her headphones on, curled up against the window, and more or less shut the world out.
Which was great, since Anya needed it. Clarke tried her very best not to feel hurt by the distance her two passengers had put up, since that would be selfish, but it was a little hard. She was a people person. As awkward and sometimes iffy as her personal connections could be, she liked spending time with her people, not just around them; it was hard sometimes to feel like that was happening when they were keeping to themselves, no matter the reason.
Still, it gave her plenty of time to think. As it turned out, her mind kept thinking back to the previous night, to her talk with Octavia, to sleepy Anya being all cute and snuggly with her.
God, she really was a total cutie last night...gotta say, sleepy looks good on her. I still can't believe she wasn't upset at me...I mean, I YELLED at her. I didn't even let her explain herself before I freaked out on her... Clarke mused, sparing a brief glance at the beauty in the passenger seat. Not that I entirely take back what I said, it can't be easy living like that, but...that's how she wants it. It sucks knowing Lexa broke her rule in telling me Anya was introverted...and Octavia broke her rule to warn me about the one night stand assumption...
Clarke let out a sigh and focused on the road ahead, a pit forming in her stomach at the realization that two of Anya's most trusted people broke that trust. Shit...how many times have they done that? Does Anya even know? Is that why she was so adamant about it, so maybe we wouldn't do the same? Did...did one of them lead her to this whole system? She did mention being able to forgive...who did she have to forgive?
The series of questions had Clarke biting her lip. She knew what kind of impact secrets could have. How it could fester inside a person and wound them slowly and deeply over time, how it could change a person when everything came to light. Whatever it was in her past, I'm going to do what I can to be someone she can rely on. If she wants to be the one to do all the social grunt work, then that's how it'll be...but I want to be around to help her however I can...
Of course, that all was well and good, but it didn't change that ever since that morning, waking up in Anya's arms, not nearly as curled up in sheets as usual, Clarke had been gravitating to the woman when possible. Not even on purpose; no, she'd accidentally brush fingers, she'd accidentally guide Anya into the restaurant by the small of her back after opening the door for her, she'd find herself lightly pulling Anya into her side of the booth seating without even thinking.
I haven't been the least bit subtle...maybe that's why she's been facing the door this whole time. Maybe it's not just her being an introvert and needing to recharge, maybe...maybe she's just weirded out by me and can't handle me being a total creep. I mean...by now, she has to know I'm into her, right? Clarke thought to herself, brow furrowing as she considered all possibilities. Yeah, if she wanted anything to do with me, she would have said so. I mean...she cares for me...that much is clear after last night and this morning especially, but...I just don't think...I'm not sure...
Clarke was almost too lost in thought to hear the familiar guitar intro to her favourite song. Almost. Thankfully, she clued in once the vocals hit, and was able to switch songs only four words in. Everyone, especially O and Raven, had given her shit over enjoying it; it wasn't often that a favourite song from one's childhood endured to hold the throne in adulthood.
"Why did you change the song?" Anya's voice startled Clarke, jolting the car a little to the right before she corrected. A glance back at Raven showed the woman seemed to be napping, so she was in the clear, for now.
"Oh, uh, I just wasn't feeling it, I guess." Clarke reasoned, though by Anya's suspicious expression, the woman was not convinced.
"Clarke, you made the playlist yesterday. The whole road trip, you've never skipped a song. Which one was that?" Anya probed, not with any accusation in her voice, just excess curiosity.
A decision had to be made, and Clarke felt herself falling to the more open side, hoping for a change of pace. That maybe this time, with this person, someone would understand. "It's my favourite song."
Anya's eyes bulged briefly before moving to change the track back. Clarke aimlessly swatted in the general direction of Anya's hand, which seemed to keep her passenger at bay, if just physically. "Clarke, why would you skip your favourite song, of all things?"
"Raven makes fun of me over it. It's nothing, I just...I love it, but it's just not the time, I guess." Clarke explained, hoping the answer she cobbled together on the fly would be enough for her new friend to accept.
Anya let out a long exhale, lips curling into a gentle smile as she shook her head. "Clarke, most people's favourite songs are somewhat personally embarrassing. They're works of art we often put enough of ourselves into that we can become vulnerable through them, exposed. So often, we put our love into them, and it's reflected back in whatever ways we love best. There's no shame in that, no matter how uncomfortable feeling exposed can be."
"Yeah, well tell that to the people who laugh about it." Clarke offered with a shrug, knowing the reactions from her peers weren't too emotionally damaging, but it did sting sometimes that they laughed at her love of the song. Even if she knew otherwise, sometimes it could feel like they were laughing at the idea that she was worthy of that kind of love. It is kind of sweet of her to say that, though...she really can have a way with words...
"If I tell you my favourite song, will you play yours?" Anya asked, and alright, that was an interesting proposal. As her newest friend had noted, a favourite song was a sort of window into the how other person thought and felt. There could be a lot to learn from a bit of information like that.
"Deal." Clarke shot back quickly, not wanting Anya to take back the generous offer.
Apparently surprised by the immediate acceptance, Anya swallowed hard twice before nodding and staring out the passenger side window. "You can't laugh, though. I have to ask that kindness of you."
Honestly, she would have felt a little insulted if she didn't know the nature of these things. People tended to laugh at things that reflected truths back at them. If Anya's song was anywhere similar to her own, there was a chance she could laugh.
Still, she'd do her level best not to. "I promise not to."
Anya took a deep breath and turned to face her, and Clarke could see the tension bubbling up in the woman's body, see the worry creasing her brow. "'All My Life' by K-Ci and JoJo."
Clarke's reaction was visceral, and it took every scrap of energy she could muster to bottle up her laughter, but there wasn't any left over to contain the broad, growing smile, or the slight shaking of her body as she fought to hold it all together. Oh my god, this is perfect...
Call it the hopeless romantic in her, but she hadn't given up on the kind of love her favourite song sang about. She'd dreamt of it since she was a child, and maybe it was the fact that she'd grown up seeing it in her parents that made it endure. Now, though, now there was Anya.
Anya, whose favourite song was an even cheesier love song. Some part of her was certain to want to reflexively laugh at the woman's selection, but most of her wanted to laugh from sheer relief. That maybe Anya got it, maybe Anya understood, and they could be cheeseballs and talk about sappy shit together, without judgment.
And that would only be possible if she could contain her body's lesser urges long enough to keep from blowing the opportunity before her. "Clarke, stop laughing, you promised not to laugh." Anya demanded quietly, voice as hard and sharp as a dagger's edge.
"I'm not laughing, I'm smiling." Clarke retorted, hoping some playful dialogue would be enough to help her focus and dissipate her response.
"Stop smiling!" The woman whispered harshly, face growing beet red, eyes wrinkling in the slightest way. One Clarke recognized from the previous day, near the tail end of the difficult discussion when Anya sounded more pained and exhausted than anything.
That tiny little twitch sapped all the joy and relief from her body and had Clarke reaching over to place a hand on Anya's thigh. "Babe, I was smiling because I was relieved. I promise. I..." Clarke started, before clamping her jaw shut at the realization that she'd let the b-word slip for the second time that day. She had to contain the gay, at least for now. "Here, I'll play mine." She rushed out, wanting to keep herself from making another obvious slip.
Clarke reluctantly took her hand off Anya's leg and changed the song back to her favourite, letting 'When You Say Nothing At All' start up again.
The song played on with silence from the both of them. Clarke would glance occasionally at Anya, who was just staring with complete concentration at the center console, expression entirely unreadable. She knew Anya liked sappy romantic songs, but she couldn't be sure that genre wasn't a key element.
So when the song ended, Clarke turned her head, gauging Anya for any kind of response. Thankfully, the woman was happy to offer it, even if Anya wasn't meeting her gaze. "That song is beautiful, Clarke." Anya noted quietly, barely audible by the sound of Kurt Vile's 'Hunchback' playing again.
She smiled at the approval, turning her head back towards the road, though it was the slightest movement in her periphery that flashed her attention back just in time to catch Anya discreetly wiping her right eye. It could have been an itch. It could have been some sleepy eye gunk given how little sleep Anya had managed.
The hard swallow following it spoke another story. Clarke had to fight the urge to tease, unsure if that would be well accepted at this point in their friendship, so instead she rested that hand back on Anya's thigh and gave a little rub.
At least until 'Highway Star' hit and Clarke got an idea to lighten the mood. Quickly, she lifted her hand and snatched Anya's sunglasses from atop her head, flipping them over and slipping them on, much to Anya's immediate exasperation.
"Clarke...what..." Anya let out, mouth gaping, eyes narrowing to discern some sort of motive.
She lifted her hand and held up devil horns. "Rock and roll, Anya."
Anya's stare held, the woman only growing more and more perplexed. "What...'rock and roll'? They're sunglasses, Clarke." The woman reasoned, the ensuing laugh enough for her to know Anya was more amused and confused than anything. Which was good.
Happy to have lightened the mood a tad, she turned her full focus back to the road, smiling as she took the turn-off into Lafayette. She was sitting at a light, waiting to turn left when something soft smacked her in the cheek. She glanced to her right and spotted Anya holding one of the powdered donuts Clarke had bought that morning.
"You bought these and haven't eaten any of them." Anya noted firmly, lightly prodding Clarke's cheek with it again. "When we get to Octavia's you're eating it. You're taking a bite before you leave the car."
"Anya, it's not a..." She started, only to have the donut prod at her nose.
"You had a small breakfast. Your lunch was an appetizer. Eat." Anya insisted, and okay, maybe the woman had a point. She hadn't felt tremendously hungry, but she understood the concern.
"Okay, I promise." Clarke answered, happy to see a gentle smile sprouting on Anya's lips. "But you're not getting these rockin' sunglasses back until then."
Anya scoffed and sat further back in her seat. "Fine. I suppose they highlight your smile, anyways."
The entirely offhand compliment had Clarke thrown for a loop, nearly missing the traffic light turning green. "My...how do sunglasses bring out my smile?" She asked, unable to hide her curiosity, both pleased and entirely confused by the comment. She'd never heard anyone make that sort of claim about her before.
"Clarke, your eyes are...like the brilliant reprieve of an afternoon sky breaking through a thunderstorm. They're captivating." Anya let out low and quiet, stealing her breath. Those amber eyes scanning the road ahead weren't enough to keep her from noticing the blooming red expanse across Anya's cheeks, or how hard Anya swallowed after those words spilled out.
The woman wasn't a seasoned romantic poet, and she hadn't fully answered Clarke's question, but that didn't matter. Anya's hands were shaking in her lap, and the woman was breathing deeper, so that meant she was anxious, which meant those words meant something significant enough to warrant that reaction.
Which, well, Clarke had to think that maybe she wasn't the only one who was a little moon-eyed.
"You're sweet..." Clarke spoke, bringing her hand back over to that familiar resting place on Anya's thigh, deciding she might just keep it there until they got to Octavia's.
"Hardly..." Anya interrupted with a roll of her eyes, which brought a startling laugh from the backseat, both Anya and Clarke jumping at the sudden noise.
"Homegirl here complimented your eyes and your smile in one go. Didn't think you were that kind of crafty, Anya. I definitely won't be underestimating you again." Raven added teasingly, before lightly pushing at Anya's shoulder. "Gonna agree with blondie, though. That was sort of tooth-rotting."
"I...I was..." Anya struggled to get out before clamping shut and taking two long, apparently steadying breaths. "I was being nice! I can be nice. I wasn't crafty. Fuck."
Clarke felt a little uncertain from the outburst, but the way Anya's hand bolted up to cover her mouth after letting out an expletive had her thinking the woman wasn't used to swearing. Which, given the woman's slight aggression and anger issues, was a little funny.
Not funny enough to laugh, though. Not when the woman who just complimented her seemed so distressed over it, angry mortification swirling in her eyes. It definitely seemed like Anya could use a bit of a break from conversation. "Raven, just because you're tactless and go straight for the one-liners doesn't mean a bit of flattery and kindness is crafty." Clarke contested, glancing at her friend through the rear view mirror. "Sometimes a chisel is better than a hammer."
"Psh, as if. Every day's hammer time with me, little Griffin." Raven shot back with a smirk, and okay, she loved Raven, but some things just didn't need reminding.
"You realize every time you call me that, I get flashbacks to when you lusted after my mom, right?" Clarke asked as she turned onto Octavia's street.
"As if I wouldn't be the best step-mother ever. I'd be young enough to be the cool mom!" Raven argued with a laugh, which Clarke matched, holding her smile when she noticed one curling at Anya's lips as well.
Clarke shot a glare over her shoulder at her all too jovial friend. "Admit it, you just have a creepy fascination with my mom's hands."
"She's a chief of surgery! Her hands are probably insured for stupid amounts of money. It's not my fault if I have an active imagination and can't help wondering how strong and nimble..." Raven started, only to cut off her rant as they pulled into Octavia's driveway, the residence's owner waiting with a smile at the end of it. "...but you all know that's all jokes and I'm a one woman lady. O's already too much woman for me to handle with any consistency."
With that, Raven shot out of the SUV, shooting a bright smile at O.
"Raven!" Octavia called out happily, walking at a brisk pace to Raven, whose braced leg slowed hers ever so slightly.
"You're a sight for sore eyes, O." Raven announced with a smile, letting out a brief surprised yell as Octavia lifted her up and turned around, walking towards the woman's back yard gate. "O? Octavia?"
Clarke found a smile stretching across her face as Octavia's pace picked up, jogging an increasingly reluctant Raven into the back yard, where Clarke knew the woman had a pool. "Octavia!" Raven cried out, her yells growing in volume and pace before a loud splash drowned them out.
"I have a feeling Octavia didn't take kindly to being let into our plan short notice." Anya noted quietly, still tense, jaw still fairly set and rigid, even with the slightest hint of a smile on her lips.
Clarke nodded along. "Served two purposes. Enacting sweet revenge...and getting Raven in need of a new change of clothes. They'll probably be making out naked in O's room in less than five minutes, so we can take our time getting in."
"Mmh. It's been nearly a month since they've seen each other in person. I'm sure they'd appreciate a bit of alone time." Anya agreed, taking a swig from her bottle of water.
Seeing an opportunity, Clarke pulled the borrowed sunglasses off and held them out. "Think you're owed these back, lady. Do you mind?"
Anya just shot her a puzzled look, but shrugged nonetheless. Deciding to make good on her initiative, she carefully placed the sunglasses atop Anya's head. "I'm not the only one with pretty eyes, Anya. Wouldn't mind looking at yours a little while longer."
"Clarke..." Anya's voice was strained, almost choking on her name, breaths trembling out past her grit teeth and clenched jaw. "Tell me what you're doing."
The question, as intensely spoken as it was, and as on edge as it had her feeling, was one she wasn't sure how to answer. Maybe, just maybe, she defaulted to slightly defensive. "I was complimenting you, Anya. Just like you did with me."
"I told you, Clarke, I was being nice." Anya said with a shake of her head.
"And I can't just be nice, either?" Clarke retorted with a laugh, unsure what Anya was getting at, what problem she was seeing in need of a solution.
"The only person you've complimented that way is me, across this whole road trip so far. I apologize, but that has me feeling nervous. You've been very kind to me, Clarke...it's rare for anyone to consider me the way you have so far, and I needed a way to let you know how I appreciated that. So I voiced some thoughts, wanting to be kind to you as you have been to me. Your compliments, though, I don't know what to think about them." Anya explained at length, burning a hole in her chest at the thought that Anya's words had been empty praise. The remark about her eyes had been a little tacky, but it really was that right brand of sappy-sweet she adored.
"So, what...you pegged me as vain, and so you say a few things about me to make me feel beautiful, and that's all just balancing the scales for you? It meant nothing? Just being polite?" Clarke accused, feeling her throat tighten, the slight burning of her eyes telling her tears weren't too far away.
Anya recoiled at her question as if she'd been hit. "What?! No! I...I meant..." Anya started, only to take a few heavy, almost frantic breaths. Feeling more than a little worried, especially since it seemed she'd jumped to conclusions again and made an ass of herself, Clarke took hold of the woman's nearest hand and gave it a light squeeze.
"Hey, it's okay, babe. Just focus on your breathing, I'm not mad, take your time." She cooed, rubbing her thumb across Anya's knuckles. Which thankfully managed to help enough to calm Anya's breathing enough after about a minute or so.
"I...meant what I said. Everything. I just usually...keep those thoughts to myself. I thought you might like them." Anya let out breathlessly, eyes darting aimlessly across the dashboard, hand twitching in Clarke's light grasp.
She squeezed back, all too happy to hear confirmation that Anya hadn't been lying, that the woman actually did think those things about her. That, at least, brightened her day again, even if it left her wondering what the problem was.
"I did. So what's wrong with me doing the same back?" Clarke asked, feeling a little content to ease this trouble out of Anya now that she knew her passenger liked her, to some extent.
"You...you've complimented me on my appearance a few times. You've called me terms of endearment a few times. You...touch me...often, at that...and in ways no one else does. I've seen it before with others... with Octavia and Lincoln, Lexa and Costia." Anya spoke, voice wavering ever so slightly seemingly despite the woman's best efforts. "Perhaps I'm paranoid, but all of that doesn't add up to just being nice, Clarke. At least I'm not sure it does."
Clarke stilled at the odd choice of words and the strange semi-accusation Anya sort of flung in her direction. Anya had been direct up until now; for her to dance around an issue had Clarke a bit off-kilter.
Still, she was invested. Can't hurt to be direct and lay it out there, if the subtle approach is just going to make her anxious...
"If you're asking if I was flirting with you, I was. As much as I usually prefer to let my body and compliments do the talking, yeah, I'm into you." Clarke admitted, feeling blush adorn her cheeks as she watched Anya for a response.
The sight of Anya's face falling may as well have been a spear piercing her heart. "Oh god...oh crap..."
Clarke swallowed, pushing aside her pain to try and salvage the situation, not wanting to let a friendship slip away. She could mourn their romantic potential later; for now, she'd make this right. "Hey, it's okay if you're not gay or bi. I thought you were, but I was wrong, and that's cool. I just..."
"I'm definitely a lesbian, Clarke." Anya clarified quickly through a shaky sigh, the revelatory words slamming into her like a steel-toed boot to the face on her already wounded, spear-impaled body.
She doesn't like me back...she doesn't...did Lexa tell her all about me? Did she reject me for that? Or is she just not attracted to me? Clarke wondered to herself as she wiped away the opening volley of wetness at the edges of her eyes, turning her gaze out the driver's side window to hide the evidence.
Fighting emotion, Clarke nodded and pushed on. "Okay, I...I can take a hint. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I won't bother you again. I just hope we can still be friends."
A firm tug at their clasped hands drew Clarke's attention, if not her gaze, back to Anya, who was breathing heavily and honestly looked on the verge of fainting. "Clarke, you didn't bother me. It's just... god, it's complicated. I need to talk to Lexa."
The sheer defeat lacing 'complicated' drew her curiosity, Clarke's head swiveling around to look at Anya, who was staring off at Octavia's house, hand on the door handle. And so Clarke stared, at how utterly coiled like a spring her body was, at the hard edge of her clenched jaw that fought and clawed for each breath, at the sheer anger in the woman's eyes as they threatened to spill over.
"Anya..." Clarke began, biting her lip when Anya's mouth opened to cut her off, holding her breath when it clamped shut again.
"I need to talk to Lexa first." Anya blurted out, taking a shuddering deep breath and offering one last quick squeeze of her hand before letting go, turning and hiding her face from Clarke. "IneedtotalktoLexa."
With that, Anya was out of the car, not quite running up the driveway before entering Octavia's humble abode.
It wasn't complete and utter rejection, Clarke could at least digest that bit easily enough, even if Anya seemed off-limits indefinitely. None of that mattered, though, not in the grand scheme of things. It was the blatant fear, the bristling anger, the anxiety that had Anya shaking like a livewire; all of that was truly worrying.
It was what had Clarke shutting off the engine and leaving the vehicle with the container of donuts in hand. And minutes later, with those worries possibly clouding her judgment, it had Clarke following her in.
A/N: Sorry for the delay on this one. Sort of flip-flopped back and forth on some parts of this, and then I learned I had to go to a wedding, which gave me enough anxiety to make writing this fic hard (as they're on a road trip en route to a wedding), given formal events tend to give me anxiety, especially when i don't know most of the people, and there will be large crowds.
BUT I slept most of Sunday and spent the last few hours editing this, and I think I'm alright with it. Again, I'm shifting away from the 'each chapter is a day' format, though it will largely be following that sort of timespan. Like, the next chapter will likely be the rest of this day, and then the whole next day, unless I make some major changes to what I've written and planned out.
Anywho, I hope you enjoyed!