Chapter 136

Olivia, Ava, and Rafe walked into Towers and joined Clara, Isabel, and Natalia at a table near the back corner. Olivia kissed her wife as she took the spot next to her and pulled Ava down next to her with Rafe sitting on the other side next to Isabel.

"Hi sweetheart. How was your morning?" Olivia asked her wife.

"Good. Mama and I walked around town a little and I told her a little about Springfield. Did you get everything done that you needed to?"

"I did, well most of it, I still have one other thing on my agenda."

"Honey, please don't take on too much and stress yourself out. Wait until tomorrow and I'll help you with whatever you have left."

"Natalia, stop. Rick cleared me for full days at work. I'm fine. Besides, my last item has nothing to do with work, but I do need to go back and get somethings together for our trip to St. Louis."

"We're going to St. Louis?"

"Sweetheart, I told you we need to go and check on the progress, Mr. Milson thinks they will be done soon."

"I know, I just thought you were asking Josh to go over first."

"I am. He's going tomorrow, but I thought maybe we could go this weekend so we can start the hiring process next week. If you want to be open by the end of the month, we need to get moving on this."

"I know, I just, Mama just got here."

"I know, so, I was thinking that maybe you, Clara," She glanced at her mother-in-law, "and you, Isabel." She looked over at her, "could join us in St. Louis this weekend. I'm also going to ask Ashley Wolfe to come. She and Isabel need to see the place so they can have a visual of the space while they plan the grand opening, and your mom can see you in action." She wiggled her eyebrows, knowing that Natalia always got her take charge attitude when they were dealing with their construction crew, or their staff. "Emma can come and see the city with Rafe and Ava when they aren't helping us. I can even ask Jane to come if you think we need her for Emma. I'll know more after Josh calls tomorrow. I'm hoping the hotel is done enough that we can stay there but if not, we'll just stay at the one we stayed at the last time we went over there."

"What do you think mama, Isabel, you two up for a little trip this weekend?"

"Oh yeah." Isabel said. "I love St. Louis, and Olivia's right, it would be helpful in planning the opening if I could see the hotel."

"Mama?" Natalia asked.

"Will we be driving or flying?"

"Flying, we usually take the Spaulding jet, but since Phillip is dealing with business overseas, I think I'll ask Josh to borrow his. We really should think about getting one of our own honey. The more we expand the more we'll need to travel and it would be easier if we had our own jet." Olivia answered her mother-in-law while also bringing up the sore subject with her wife.

"We'll talk about that later Olivia. So, mama, you okay to join us?"

Clara fidgeted with the tablecloth. She wanted to go with her daughter and see her working, but she hated the flight from Chicago and was in no hurry to get on another plane. "I, I don't know. Maybe I should stay here, give you some time with your family."

"Mama, this is a business trip, I would really like you to come. Why don't you want to?"

"Oh, I do, I do…it's just…"

"Just what mama?"

"Well, I never flew before the other day, and I can't say I was very fond of it."

"Oh mama, it'll be fine, besides there will be plenty of us on the plane with you." Isabel said, shaking her head at her mother."

Clara thought for a moment and looked around the table. Looking at her daughter and her family, she really had no choice. She wanted to spend as much time with them as possible, and that meant getting on a plane with them in a few days' time. "Okay, I'll come."

"Don't worry Mrs. Rivera. Josh and Phillip both have excellent piolets. There is nothing to worry about. And it's about the same flight time as Chicago. So, we won't be in the air long." Olivia offered, trying to ease the frazzled woman's nerves.

Clara nodded. "I'll be fine. I have a few days to get used to the idea."

For the rest of lunch, they discussed their upcoming weekend as well as some on Isabel's thoughts about the grand opening. Rafe and Ava told their mother's that they both thought two of the applicants they looked over would be great for the GM in St. Louis and they thought they should interview them over the weekend. Getting a GM would be helpful because they could do interviews in St. Louis and send over the best applicants for Natalia and Olivia to look at, lightening the load on their mothers.

They also discussed what Isabel and Olivia had in her office. Olivia making it clear that both Isabel and Clara had a free room at the Beacon for as long as they needed it and Natalia agreeing that storing Isabel's belongings there made more sense than leaving them in Chicago or renting a storage unit.

Once lunch was done, Rafe and Ava went back to the hotel. Ava needed to look over the next quarters projections and Rafe continuing to sift through the applicants for St. Louis. Isabel had planned to hook back up with Ashley in her room at the Beacon so they could start researching company's for food and beverages as well as brainstorm music, decorations, and promotional ideas for the opening. Natalia decided she wanted to take her mother out to the farmhouse and show her their home while Olivia went back to get some much-needed work done at the office.

By the time three o'clock rolled around and it was time to pick up Emma, Olivia was dead tired and her headache had not waned one bit. But it didn't matter, she and Natalia had promised their little girl that they would pick her up from school together and that was exactly what they were going to do.

Natalia dropped her mom back off at the hotel and picked up Olivia from her office. Once the two were in the car and headed towards Emma's school, Natalia realized that something was up with her wife. Reaching across the center console, she kept one hand firmly on the steering wheel and her eyes fixed on the road while the other intertwined with Olivia's fingers.

"Olivia, you okay honey?"

Olivia glanced over at her. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You just seem a little out of it. You sure everything is okay?"

"Yeah."

"Olivia." Natalia chastised, knowing Olivia wasn't being completely honest. "Talk to me baby."

"It's nothing, I just have a bit of a headache."

"Olivia, how long have you had it?"

"Most of the day." She admitted sheepishly.

"Why haven't you gone to lay down, or at least told me so I could help you?"

"I had way too much to do today and you needed to be spending time with your mom."

"Honey, mama isn't going anywhere, I could have made time to help you."

"I'm fine, really. It'll pass. How was your visit to the house?"

"It was good. Mama loved the house and really liked that Ava and Rafe have their own space but are still close to us. She said she always dreamed of having her children close so she could see her grandchildren often. Not exactly what happened though. I mean Isabel was only a few miles away, but Javi lives over three hours from my parents with his wife and kids, and well, you know what happened with me. I hope our kids always stay close to us." She said with a slight sadness to her voice.

Olivia squeezed her hand as they pulled into the pickup line at Emma's school. "They will sweetheart. I don't think any of them can imagine being very far from us."

"I hope you're right."

"I am, and even if they do venture out, we will have our own jet soon, so we will be able to see them any time we want." She said with a smirk and a wink.

"We'll talk about it Liv, I never said yes to that."

Before Olivia could utter another word, the back door was opened and a very excited Emma was climbing in. "Mommy, mama. You really did come get me."

"Of course, we did Jellybean. How was school?" Olivia asked with a smile.

"It was awesome. We made bird houses. They have to dry over night, but we get to paint them tomorrow and then we can bring them home on Friday so we can hang them before spring. Can we do that this weekend?"

"Em, it's still a little too early. We still might get more snow and we wouldn't want anything to happen to your bird house, but we can put it up somewhere safe and hang it next month." Natalia told her.

"Okay mama. Can we have a movie night on Friday and then sleep in your bed and make banana pancakes on Saturday morning?" She asked excitedly.

Natalia smiled at her daughter in the rear-view mirror as she pulled out of the school's parking lot. "I would love that sweetie, but I'm afraid we have to go to St. Louis this weekend so we can see if our new hotel is ready to open."

Emma's bottom lip stuck out and started to tremble. "But, but" Tears started to stream down her cheeks and Olivia spun in her set, reaching back to take her daughters hand. "I don't want to be away from you again."

Olivia glanced at Natalia before looking back at her little girl. "Oh Emma, we aren't leaving you, you're gonna come with us, and Ava and Rafe too."

"What about auntie Doris?"

"Well, I'm going to ask Ashley to come with us, and your aunt Isabel, but I'm not sure if Doris will be able to, she has a lot of work to catch up on."

"But I don't want to sleep without her."

"Em, you slept at your daddy's without her last night, and you haven't been sleeping with her every night at home."

"But last night I had a bad dream and I called her. She asked me to stay with Beth but promised to come get me if I needed her. It took me a long time to go back to sleep with only Beth and I was tired today. And at home I can get in bed with her if I want to, even though she doesn't always sleep in my bed. She can't come if I'm that far away."

"I know baby, and I'm not saying that Doris can't stay at the house anymore, but maybe this weekend you can try and sleep with me and ma, or with Rafe or Ava."

"Does auntie Doris want to leave me?"

Natalia pulled the car over in an empty parking lot and placed it in park, quickly getting out of the front seat and crawling into the back with Emma behind the driver's seat and Olivia doing the same on the other side.

"No sweetie, Doris does not want to leave you. She will stay with you for as long as you need, just like she promised. We just thought you might want to spend some time with just us. And, we have a surprise for you."

Emma's face lit up at that. "A surprise, really?"

"Yup." Olivia said. "And I think you'll like it."

"What is it?"

"You'll just have to wait and see. And I'll ask Doris if she can come with us this weekend. I bet she would like the time with Ashley anyway."

"Okay mommy."

"Okay. You ready to go to the hotel and see your surprise?"

"Yes. I can't wait. Come on mama, get in the driver's seat. Let's go."

Natalia chuckled as she got out of the back seat and back into the driver's seat, Olivia staying in the back with their daughter. With a shake of her head, she put the car back in drive and took off toward their hotel, Emma chatting excitedly about what her surprise could be the whole way there.

Once they reached the hotel, the trio entered the elevator and then made their way to just outside Clara's room door. "Okay Em," Natalia starter. "I want to tell you about your surprise before we knock."

"But then it's not a surprise."

"I know, but I think it's best if we tell you before we show you." She said, glancing at Olivia who nodded.

"Okay. What is it?"

"Well, it's not an it, it's a who."

"Well then who is it?"

Natalia chuckled and knelt down before her daughter. "Well, it's my mama. She came here from Chicago to see me, and now she's going to stay here for a while."

"Really! You mama is here?" She asked excitedly.

"Yup. She sure is."

"If she's your mama, that makes her my grandma right?"

Natalia looked over at Olivia again, who nodded, before turning back to their daughter. "Yes, yes she is."

"Can we go in and see her now?"

"Yes Jellybean, we can go in now." Natalia stood back up and knocked on the door, taking Emma's hand and looping her other arm around Olivia's waist.

Clara answered the door and looked first at her daughter and then at the girl bouncing beside her. "Hello Natalia, and this must be little Emma."

"Yes mama, this is our youngest. Emma this is my mama, her name is Clara."

"Hi." Emma said somewhat shyly, a rare thing for the usually outgoing child. She had been excited when Natalia first said her mom was there, but now she didn't know how to act. When she asked about Javi at dinner with Isabel, Olivia had acted like she did something wrong, she didn't want to make that mistake again. "You're the lady from last night."

"I am." Clara said with a soft smile as she stepped back and motioned for them to come in. "Come in, let's sit down and chat for a while. Isabel said she was quite busy with that Ashley girl. Will Ava and Rafael be joining us?"

"Not at the moment. They both have some work to finish up." Olivia answered. "We thought it would be nice for Emma to have a chance to get to know you, and maybe this evening you and Isabel would like to join us for dinner at the farmhouse."

"I would enjoy that very much. Natalia and I picked up the fixings for one of my famous dishes earlier."

The four went into the common area and sat down. All three adults at a loss for what to say. Natalia cleared her throat and decided someone needed to speak. "Emma, why don't you tell my mama about your school day."

Emma looked at her ma and then her mom, seeing both of them nod eased her anxiety about saying something wrong. "We made bird houses."

"You did." Clara said enthusiastically, sensing the child's unease. "That sounds nice. Did you get to decorate them?"

"Not today, they had to dry after we glued them, but we get to paint them tomorrow."

"Well that sounds wonderful, I bet yours will be the best one."

"I don't know, Julie is a better painter then me."

"Then perhaps Julie will help you paint yours too."

"Hey, I never thought of that. Your smart Natalia's mama."

"Thank you dear. I bet you're very smart too."

"Mommy and mama say that I am."

"Well, they are both very smart ladies, so you must be."

They continued to talk for the next hour and a half, mostly about Emma and school. Eventually Natalia ordered up hot chocolate and cookies for Emma and coffee for the adults. It was nearing five when a knock came. Clara answered and Isabel walked in and they were joined shortly after by Ava and Rafe.

"Mom, I need you to look over the projections tomorrow morning for me please. I think I might have made a mistake somewhere." Ava said as she took a seat on the floor in front of her mothers.

"What do you mean? Are the numbers low?" Olivia asked, always worried about her business.

"No actually, they are higher than I've ever seen them. I had to have messed up somewhere."

"Oh? I'm sure you didn't but if it will make you feel better I will take a look at them tomorrow."

"I told her they are right. We have been booked at nearly ninety percent and have like eight events and parties coming up. I think Greg's head is going to explode with how much he has going on." Rafe said, looking pointedly at his sister for doubting herself.

"Rafe, I'm telling you I had to have done the math wrong or put in a wrong number somewhere. We're projected to over double what we did this time last year."

"Seriously?" Olivia questioned. She had tried to stay as on top of things as she could, but Natalia refused to allow her to over work herself until Rick cleared her for full workdays and she hadn't had a chance to really look at the numbers since she'd been back.

"Honey, I haven't sat down with the figures yet, but from what I've seen, and with how booked we've been and are set to be for the next couple of months, I have no doubt that Rafe's right. Chicago is just as booked as we are here. Andrew had to hire an assistant for the banquet manager since they have so many events and they are at over ninety percent as well." Natalia offered.

"Are you serious? I haven't had a chance to look at anything really. Mostly been answering emails and trying to get things back to normal around here. Chicago is really doing that good?" Olivia was astonished. She had hoped her new hotel would be as successful as the Beacon Springfield, but to hear it was doing better than expected just blew her mind a little.

"Yeah baby. Both of our hotels are doing amazingly well. I haven't seen this hotel this booked ever. We are almost completely booked this month and heading into next month and Chicago has bookings set through April."

Olivia's eyes went wide. She really needed to get her head completely back at work and she needed to have a conference call with Andrew as soon as possible, if for no other reason than to check in with him and congratulate him on doing such a wonderful job. She also needed to make time to go up to Chicago soon since they hadn't been there since the opening.

"That's amazing. I'll give Andrew a call in the morning, just to touch base with him. I know you and Ava have both spoken with him, but I'd like for him to hear from me as well."

"I think you should do that. He is doing a really great job. He did have to fire one of the maids for stealing product, but he handled it well and hired a replacement quickly. And before you ask, he called and spoke with me before he did anything."

"Good. I'm glad he handled it. Has he been having the weekly staff meetings with upper management?"

"Yes, and he has sent me copies of his notes. He also has his monthly lower-level staff meeting set for Monday. I told him we would be in court so to just fax or email me his notes and one of us would get back with him if we had any issues or questions."

"Thank you sweetheart, for handling all of this. I told you that you would be a natural as co-owner, just like you were as my assistant. You were always meant to be much more than a maid."

Natalia blushed at the compliment. "Thank you Liv. You were the first person to ever really take a chance on me and I am so grateful."

"Are you now? I seem to recall having to almost die to get you to take the job in the first place." Olivia said teasingly.

Natalia playfully swatted at her wife. "Is that how you remember it? Because I believe I was just about to accept your offer when you rudely decided that breathing wasn't necessary."

"Had to get your attention somehow."

All Natalia could do was shake her head and kiss her wife's cheek. "You are incorrigible. Now, let's get outta here and go cook dinner. I don't know about you but I'm starving."

"I agree. Come on gang, let's skedaddle." Olivia agreed, standing from the couch, and motioning for their children to follow suit. "Ava, did you and Rafe drive separately or ride in together?"

"We brought Rafe's truck. Emma, wanna ride home with me and Rafe?"

Emma jumped up and down, always excited to get to ride in her big brothers truck. "Yay! Can I pick the radio station?"

Rafe chuckled and swooped her up into his arms. "Of course, you can, you are a way better D.J. then Ava or our moms anyways." He said with a wink at his big sister.

"Hey." Ava protested, lightly hitting him in the back of the head.

"Alright you two, let's at least pretend we are mature adults until we're out of our hotel please." Olivia chastised but couldn't help but smile as she watched Rafe and Ava swat each other back and forth, Emma joining in from Rafe's arms.

"Sorry mom." Rafe mutter just as Ava sheepishly said, "Yes ma'am."

Natalia looped her arm through Olivia's and leaned into her lover whispering in her ear. "Like you're any better my love, I swear you're the biggest kid of them all."

Olivia chuckled as she whispered back. "Shh, don't tell my secrets." They both laughed as Olivia hit the button for the elevator. "Are you leaving your car here and riding home with me or are we taking both cars home?"

"Hmm, I think I'll ride with you. I've missed you today. Mama and Isabel can either ride with us or take my car."

"Mmm, I've missed you too. It's weird not seeing you for most of the day after so long of barely being apart."

"I know what you mean. We'll get back to normal baby." She stated, giving Olivia a chaste kiss as the elevator opened to the lobby. "Mama, do you and Isabel want to take my car back to the farmhouse or would you rather ride with Olivia and I?"

"Whichever is easiest mija. I haven't driven in many years so it makes no difference to me with whom I ride with."

"Well, I for one wouldn't mind riding with my nieces and nephew in the cool car, so I think you're stuck with the old ladies over there." Isabel said, biting back a laugh at the feigned look of offence on both Natalia and Olivia's faces.

"Hey, I'm cool, and I am far from old young lady. You better watch yourself." Olivia said, holding back her smile as she tried to look seriously affronted.

"Yeah, yeah" Is all Isabel offered in return as she darted to hide behind Ava, Rafe, and Emma, cackling as she did so.

"You better control that sister of your Mrs. Spencer-Rivera." Olivia said to Natalia as they exited the building and headed for their cars. "Rafe, remember to drive safely and we'll see you at the house. Emma, don't annoy your brother while he's driving."

"I will mom." "Okay mommy." The two said together.

"I'll keep a watch on 'em mom, don't worry." Ava said as she nudged her brothers shoulder.

"Alright. Mrs. Rivera, we're over here. You got to ride in Natalia's SUV, now you get to try out my sweet ride."

Clara shook her head and smiled as she climbed into the sleek car after Olivia clicked it unlocked. "This is a lovely car Olivia."

"Thank you. Wait until we get going. Smoothest thing I've ever been in, and I swear I'm not actually a car person."

"She's not lying, she drove a two-thousand-three Altima forever. I'm pretty sure she only upgraded to keep me from refusing to except the SUV she bought me."

"She might be correct in that statement. What can I say? It was a good car." She shrugged.

The ride back to farmhouse was spent with the three discussing their upcoming weekend as well as Natalia and Olivia going over what they needed to complete over the next few days. Before Olivia even got the car in park, Emma, who had become more like herself around Clara by the end of their time together that afternoon, was bounding over to open the door for Natalia's mom.

The seven made their way into the house with Natalia and Clara heading to the kitchen to start on the Arroz con Gandules they had picked up the supplies for when they went to the farmhouse that afternoon. Emma working on her homework at the table behind them. Since Olivia said she needed to speak with Rafe, Isabel and Ava decided to go out to Ava's apartment until dinner was ready.

Olivia took Rafe's hand and led him slowly up the stairs to her and Natalia's room. Sitting on the bed leaned up against the headboard with her legs outstretched, she motioned for Rafe to join her. He climbed up and sat next to her, their hands joining as Olivia prepared to speak with her son about how he was feeling.

"Son, are you ready to talk to me about how you're feeling?"

"What do you mean mom? I'm fine."

"Oh? So, you're feeling nothing about the appearance of your aunt and grandmother in our lives?"

"I've already talk to you about Isabel. You know that I haven't forgiven her yet, but I'm trying. She's really kind of cool, I just need a little more time. I mean, I know she was only fourteen, and I know that she didn't really have a choice back then. It's more that she never tried to find us before, after she left home. But I guess I get it. She didn't know if Ma would want to see her and I can see how she would be scared to even try and find her, especially with how her dad reacted."

"Yes, that's true. I believe she did what she thought she had to. What I'm more interested in is how you're feeling about your grandmother."

"Can we not call her that? Please. I'm not ready for that. She's not my grandma, she's just some lady I just met a couple days ago. She's nice and everything, but she really hurt Ma and she wasn't a kid like Isabel, she was her mom, she was supposed to be there for her."

"I get that. Do you think you'll ever be able to move passed that, even if you can't forgive her?"

"I don't know mom." He looked down at his lap, tears gathering in his eyes as he thought about what had truly been bothering him.

Olivia reached out for him, cupping his cheek, and gently turning him to look at her. "Hey, what's going on bub? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not." He stated stubbornly, yanking his head away.

Olivia let out a breath, trying to remain calm and not let her hurt feelings at him pulling away from her show. She knew he was just trying to protect himself from whatever was hurting him on the inside. "Hey, come on Rafe, you always talk to me. Please tell me what's wrong."

Rafe shook his head and sniffed. He was so ashamed of himself and her didn't want his mom to be. "I can't…"

"You can't what bub?" When she was \ met by silence, she urged him to please talk to her. "Rafe, no matter what you're thinking, we can get through it together, but not if you won't talk to me. Please son." She all but pleaded with him.

"I…I'm…" He sniffed again and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "I'm no better than they are." He said, standing from the bed and pacing as his thoughts raced. Once he started he just couldn't stop, he needed to get it all out and he knew Olivia was safe. "I did the same thing they did. They wanted her to give me up, a part of herself, her family. They wanted her to give me up in order to stay at home and be a part of her family and ma couldn't do it. I was her son and she wasn't going to give me up. She stood by me through everything I ever did, she never gave up on me no matter how bad I messed up. Clara didn't do that, she didn't stand by her kid when she made a mistake, instead they just threw her away. The kicked her out because she wouldn't give me away and I did the same thing to her." He was sobbing by the time he finished.

Olivia had moved to the edge of the bed, wanting so bad to reach out to him but knowing she couldn't, not yet he needed his space while he got it all off his chest. "What do you mean bub? How did you do the same thing to her?"

His voice rose slightly with the anger he felt at himself. "You mom! They tried to make her give me up, to give away a part of her family, a part of herself and I did the same thing. I tried to force her to give you up. I told her she had to give up you or me. I tried to make her give away a part of herself just like they did. Because you are mom, I see it, and I saw it then too and just didn't care. You are a part of her, you're her other half, and I tried to do the same thing they did. I told her she couldn't be my family unless she gave you up and that's what they did. They told her she couldn't be a part of their family unless she gave me away. I'm just as horrible of a person as they are."

Olivia couldn't stop herself any longer, she sprang to her feet and enveloped her son in her arms, holding him tightly as they melted to the floor together, Rafe clinging tightly to his mom while he sobbed into her shoulder. Olivia rubbed his back with one hand and ran the other through his curly hair, dropping kiss after kiss to his head and temple. Murmuring soothing words of love as she did.

"Shh baby, it's okay. I'm here, and I love you so much Rafe. Shh."

It took several long moments for Rafe to calm, although he was still crying and clutching her like a lifeline. Olivia knew he would be able to listen to her now. She kissed his head again and continued her ministrations as she spoke.

"Rafe baby, you have to listen to me. Okay?" At the nod against her shoulder, she continued. "It's not the same son. I know you think it is, but it's not. You are her son; you are not her parent. Kids get to mess up, over and over again, and their parents are supposed to be there for them. They are supposed to forgive them, support them, and love them through whatever consequences their actions cause. Just like your ma did for you, over and over again. Even when you wanted her to choose between us, she still loved you. That's not what her parents did. They chose to leave her pregnant and alone. They chose to make her suffer completely on her own. They didn't support her, they didn't forgive her, and they didn't love her through it. Your ma would never abandon you the way they did. She loves you no matter how many mistakes you make. Just like I do, and we always will. Rafe."

Rafe sniffed back a few more tears and wiped at his face again, sitting up a little straighter but still keeping his head on Olivia's shoulder. "I know, that's why I feel so bad. No matter what Ma has always been there for me, always loved me and supported me. She worked extra jobs to pay lawyer fees and God knows what else, and how did I repay her for that, I did the same thing that they did. The thing that changed her and hurt her so bad. I know she has forgiven me, because that's just who she is, but I hate myself for it. When she came back, after the retreat, she didn't tell me I couldn't be a part of her family for being such an ass. No, she told me I had the choice to be in her family or not. She wanted to be with you, but she wasn't choosing you over me, and she wasn't kicking me out of her family, even if she should have. She just loved me, like always. She was trying to give me the family I had always wanted, the one she always wanted for me that we didn't get to have with Gus, and I was so cruel to her. And now she's doing the same thing with Clara and Isabel, just forgiving them, and moving on like the last twenty years didn't happen. Like they didn't just throw her out and pretend like she never existed. How can she do that mom? How can she just forget about everything they did to her?"

"Oh Rafael, my dear sweet boy. Is that what you think? That she just forgot? She didn't forget Rafe, she will never forget, but she has forgiven them. She forgave them a long time ago I think, and she did so because that is just who she is. She doesn't know how not to forgive and move on. It's a part of her wonderful personality. But don't think any of this is easy for her. She's struggling too. She doesn't know if she's doing the right thing. If this is good for you and your sisters, or even for herself. She feels guilty for wanting to have a relationship with her mother, and do you know why?"

Rafe shook his head. "No."

"You my son. She feels guilty because although it was Louis who tried to force her to give you away, Clara didn't even try to stop him. She feels horrible that she wants a relationship with someone that would have stood by while she gave you up to be raised by someone else. She feels like she's betraying you somehow. Like she should make her leave because you are so much more important to her then they are. Your mother has such an amazing ability to forgive, but not when it comes to her children, not when it comes to you. She would never forgive someone that hurt you, or you sisters, in anyway, and she feels like that's what Clara did. She hurt you by attempting to have you be raised by someone else. Someone who isn't your mother, and she's so conflicted about that. She doesn't ever want to do anything that hurts you, Rafe."

"But she isn't. I mean, I guess I get it, why she feels that way, but, I don't feel like Clara hurt me, I feel like she hurt ma. She couldn't hurt me since I wasn't born yet, but ma, Ma was forced from her home. She had to drop out of school, and until you, she worked so hard and so often. Did you know there were times when she didn't eat? She didn't so I could. She thinks I don't know that I didn't notice or that I believed her when she said she ate earlier, but I knew. I knew she went hungry sometimes, and I knew she went without so much. When she was sick she just suffered through it because she couldn't afford to get herself medicine because my diabetes meds cost so much. She never even had aspirin and would go to work with headaches all the time. She gave up so much for me, to make sure I was taken care of, and Clara and Louis did that. They caused her to have to live that life. And even though it would have been different finically, I still tried to do the same thing. I tried to make her live with that missing piece of her heart that losing you would have caused.

Ma was so broken and so sad, for almost my whole life. She tried to hide it, but I saw it. She was so sad cause she didn't have friends and she didn't have family and cause my dad left. Even when we came here and she found Gus, she still had that bit of sadness in her eyes, but not when she was with you. When you're around, she has this light I have never seen before, she still does. I see it every time I look at her. You make her complete, like really complete, in a way no one else ever could. And you make her confident, and strong, and just so much more then she allowed herself to be. I knew it then; I saw it then. Even when I was in prison, I saw that light in her eyes whenever she came to visit me, especially if you were with her. And I tried to take that from her. I remember, when I told her she had to choose, I remember watching that light completely fade from her eyes, I hurt her, just like they did mom. I snatched the light, the happiness away from her. That's why it's so hard with them here. They remind me of just how awful of a son I am. They make me see how bad I hurt her, and how much I don't deserve her forgiveness. I don't deserve her."

Olivia tightened her hold on him. Her heart breaking at hearing her son say he didn't feel deserving of him mother. She peppered him with several more kisses, trying desperately to make him understand just how special he is. "Oh, my sweet boy. You are so deserving of her. You are the best son anyone could ask for. She has shown me so many things you've made her over the years, told me story after story about you. You are her heart Rafe. She made room for me and for Ava and for Emma, and she loves us all, but you Rafe, you are her light in the darkness. You were her sole reason for living for so very long. There is nothing you can ever do in this life that will make you undeserving of her, of her love. And there is nothing you can do that would ever make her not want you. She will always want you as her son. Just like I will. I am so blessed to have you as my son Rafe. We may have had our problems at the beginning, but I am so thankful that you forgave me, that we are where we are now. You are the son I didn't even know I wanted, but I can't imagine my life without you. I love you so much Rafael, and I thank my lucky stars every single day for you, for your ma, for my girls. I know how you feel Rafe. I have committed so many sins, done so many things I wish I could take back, but I can't. And although I can never make up for them, I can never take them back, I can move on from them. I can accept the forgiveness that has been given to me by those I've hurt and I can move on.

As for Clara, I might not agree with what she did, but I do understand it. At least I think I do. She was a scared woman who didn't know what to do. She has been taught her entire life to be obedient, first to her father, and then to her husband. She never worked, never lived on her own, and she was afraid that she couldn't. Like I said, I don't agree with her decisions where your ma is concerned, but I get it. She had to do what she thought was best. Javier hadn't left for the army yet, and Isabel was still just a child. She had to do the same thing I did. I may have given Ava up for a plethora of reasons, but one of them was because I had to think about Sam and Marissa. I had to keep a roof over their heads and food in their mouths. A baby would have made that impossible. I wouldn't have been able to work as much as I needed to in order to care for them. A baby would have cost so much money, and childcare would have cost even more. Sam was in preschool and Marissa was in school. I was able to work during the day and then once they had dinner I picked up some night shifts too, I couldn't have done that with a baby.

I think Clara did the same thing. She knew she couldn't take care of three children and a baby. She didn't even think she could take care of herself. She had no idea what would happen to Javier and Isabel if she left them alone with Louis, and she didn't know if she would be allowed to ever see them again. She was faced with an impossible decision. Lose one child, or lose two, possibly all three. So, she didn't make a choice, instead she stood by her husband and let him make the choice for her. What she did may not have been right, but it was what she felt she had to do. She was backed into a corner and fell back on what she had always been taught, honor thy husband. And maybe it was all for the best. I know your mother lived a very hard life, she had to work and fight for everything she had, but it all led her here, to this family, and I can't say for certain, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't trade this for anything in the world, just like I wouldn't.

I'm not asking you to forget what they did to her, because you never will. We never forget about the things others have done to us, but we can forgive them, and we can move on from the hurt. Just like your mother has forgiven us both time and time again, we can forgive those that have wronged us, and those that wronged her. Do you think you can do that? I know it's not going to happen overnight. These things take time, but we can start to move forward now, and in time, I know you will forgive them. Because you are her son, you are all the best parts of her and the best parts of Gus, and you will forgive them. You will because it's in your nature, just like it's in hers."

"I can try mom. Like you said it will take time."

"The first thing you need to do Rafe, is forgive yourself, because she has and I have and there is no reason that you shouldn't. We have this amazing family Rafe, one I never dreamed I could ever have, but I do. A big part of that family is you Rafael Spencer-Rivera, this family doesn't work without you."

Rafe smiled a little as he lifted his head from her shoulder and finally looked at her. "Thank you mom. I love you, and I'm gonna try."

"That's all I can ask. I love you Rafe, more than I can even put into words."

"I know. And you're a pretty great mom. I know I messed up a lot in the beginning, but, thanks, thanks for being my mom."

Olivia pulled him into a tight hug. "There is nothing to thank. It's easy be your mom because you are the greatest son I could ever ask for. And don't you ever think that you don't deserve this family. That you don't deserve her. We all deserve each other Rafe. I love you, and I love our family and I never want to know what a day without you feels like."

She kissed his head, his temple, and his cheek, trying with all her might to make him feel her love. Feel how so very deserving of this life he was. She kissed him over and over again, each kiss a desperate attempt to heal what was broken inside her son, and maybe to heal herself a little as well.