TW: Transphobia, cissexism, misgendering
Saturday Morning, June 4th (Chatham, MA)
The weather network had called for a cloudy day with a sixty percent chance of rain, but as they drove through the winding roads leading to the church, with the warm sun shining through the windows, Anya couldn't help but be happy for their fortune. Lexa and Costia deserved a sunny day, and she'd always heard that rain was bad luck on a wedding day.
"It's a beautiful day." She murmured, staring out the passenger side window at the trees passing by. "You might not have to use the tents tonight for the reception."
"That'd be a heck of a blessing. Won't count on it, but I'd love to dance with Lexa with the sun setting around us." Costia smiled, steering them onto the road leading toward downtown Chatham. "It really is beautiful, though. Perfect day for a wedding."
"Glad you said it, I didn't want to jinx it." Raven added, reaching out from the backseat and pressing a hand to Anya's shoulder. "Kinda like I don't want to jinx it, but damn, I'm sort of morbidly curious to see if Clarke's gonna stumble around at the reception with her two left feet."
Anya gave a light smack to Raven's hand. "Have faith, Raven. If not in your friend, then in me. I taught Octavia to dance in two days. I've had more than that with Clarke."
"Yeah, but I've seen Clarke trip and fall on her face three times while trying to dance. Not saying you can't fix that sort of special lack of grace she has, but I won't believe it 'til I see it, you know?"
"As much as I'm loath to admit it, Clarke is catastrophically challenged when it comes to moving herself in a rhythmic manner. If you weren't her girlfriend and dance partner, I'd have barred her from the dance floor, for her own safety as much as anyone else's." Costia added, and while Anya hated the more childish expression, she knew she was pouting just listening to them and their accusations.
Sure, Clarke had been difficult at the start, unable to move to a beat or move her limbs smoothly, but Anya had only needed an hour and a few encouraging words to iron that out. Heck, yesterday, in one of their last practice dances during lessons, she'd stopped giving guidance to her girlfriend, and Clarke had continued it near-perfectly, leading her in a basic tango all alone.
The ability had always been there. Clarke just needed help tapping into it, needed the right opportunity to show it. Anya knew that sort of scenario all too well.
"I'll give her the finishing touches on the tango today while you and Lexa are on your little ride-around in the limo. She'll be ready, I promise you that much." Anya stated, hoping her word was enough to assuage any worries.
"And that's not just your heart-eyes talking?" Anya was surprised that Costia's sigh beat her to the punch in responding to Raven's remark. "You didn't see them last night. Cos, Clarke had like, one and a half glasses of wine, and she spent over two hours flirting with Anya in all these adorable ways, and..."
"Thank you for that public service announcement, Raven." Anya rolled her eyes, wondering how the way Clarke looked at her last night, or flirted with her last night, was at all relevant to her ability to gauge Clarke's dancing prowess. "I'm not unable to see that Clarke is far from perfect at dancing. I've told her she would need to improve before I'd dance with her at...well, certain occasions. I'm simply saying she's capable. She only needed guidance, that's all. A little help. Not everyone takes to everything naturally, Raven. Some of us have to put in the work and need a little mentoring."
Just thinking about Clarke's veiled admission yesterday had her heart beating harder in her chest. It was hard enough to fathom, yet the message had been clear if she was to take the woman at her word: Clarke looked forward to marrying her. Clarke wanted to dance with her at their wedding, and was apparently blissfully dreaming of it. Clarke claimed to want to spend the rest of their lives together.
It was all so fast, so intense, and more than a little scary, but at the same time, she'd never been happier, and she was absolutely committed to where her bond with Clarke was heading. Maybe she wasn't ready to get married tomorrow, and maybe Clarke wasn't ready to live up to her words yet either, but perhaps after a bit of a breather, and some more dance lessons, she'd be ready. Costia had told her yesterday that there wasn't a set in stone timeline to these things, that sometimes we had to just take a leap, and Anya believed it. Didn't make it easier on her anxiety, but it did make sense of why she was absolutely ready to take Clarke's lead; she just hoped Clarke wouldn't ask for a few days longer, at least.
After all, there was no harm in buying a little more time; they'd all be heading home after the wedding, and while she and Clarke lived in the same state, they did live a fair bit apart. Weekends spent together, working on their relationship, on learning about each other, acclimating to each other's lives, teaching Clarke to dance?
That would buy her a month, maybe, and in her heart, Anya was pretty sure she wouldn't need any longer than that to be ready. If Clarke asked earlier, she was sure that she'd say yes, but she didn't want to freeze and have to deal with an overabundance of anxiety in such a wonderful moment, she wanted it to be perfect for Clarke, for her love to not have to deal with her anxiety and issues whenever the question was popped. She wanted to be mentally ready enough to have everything go smoothly.
Which is why it helped to know it was possibly coming. Of that, Anya was certain, so she was thankful Clarke's loose lips had given her some notice. Not that it didn't make her want to pull Clarke away every second of every day to kiss her into oblivion, but she had the self control to manage that most of the time. Certainly whenever she'd find herself back at Mrs. Griffin's home, at least, and during weddings.
But lord help her when they'd potentially move in together. She could easily imagine it being hard to let Clarke leave in the mornings for work. Just the thought had her blushing and hoping Costia wouldn't notice and ask away.
Raven let out a laugh, patting at Anya's shoulder. "Well, not everyone's amazing like me I guess. But yeah, I get that. I just can't imagine a world where Clarke's a good dancer, so I'm still gonna hold off on accepting it until I see her with my own two eyes. Then again, I never really thought she'd stop jumping from fling to fling, but she found you, so maybe I really should believe in whatever juju you've got going on."
Anya's heart churned at the reminder of Clarke's past dating history, knowing she hadn't been with Clarke long enough to prove she wasn't just a fling as well. Logically, by Clarke's own words, she wasn't a fling, but by Clarke's track record, it was another story. An unfinished story, but still a story. As sweet as Clarke's words were, as much as she yearned for them to come to fruition, time was the great revelator.
She'd lived long enough not expecting much of anything from anyone, not letting herself completely trust a promise until the very moment it was lived up to. So she'd wait. She'd trust that Clarke adored her, that Clarke wanted a future for the both of them, but she'd wait on Clarke taking a serious step towards making those words into a reality before letting herself believe wholeheartedly in that future, before investing herself completely in that future, before dreaming in detail about that future.
Of course, that didn't stop her from dreaming about the next few hours of wonder with Clarke at her side. About being in Clarke's arms, tasting Clarke's kiss, feeling the music together on the dance floor with her adorable girlfriend.
"On one hand, I'm going to trust Anya about Clarke, but you're not wrong, Reyes. She's got her heart-eyes out in full force right now, and it's somethin' else." Costia reached out and stroked the back of her hand down Anya's cheek. "Honey, we'll get there soon, I promise. You'll have her all to yourself for at least an hour while we double and triple check everything for the ceremony, and get Lexa and I ready."
Anya rolled her eyes again at her friends' antics, as if she could hardly wait the few minutes until they arrived. As if she would suffer in the meanwhile. Sure, she yearned to be near Clarke, to kiss her, but it wasn't as if she was so desperate that she'd jump out of the vehicle the moment they arrive and bolt to her girlfriend. She would calmly walk to her. A brisk walk, perhaps, with each movement deliberate on a set efficient path directly towards her girlfriend, but still walking. She was more than capable of upholding decorum, at least while within sight of others.
What happened away from prying eyes, like sprinting through a private church hallway to the dressing room Clarke texted to meet her in, was no one's business but her own.
"You forget I'll be helping Lexa with her hair and makeup when we arrive." Anya piped up, earning a quick laugh from Costia.
"Yes, because Clarke, professional multi-disciplinary artist, is going to need a writer's hands to get Lexa's brows just so." Costia countered, and while she had a point, it didn't matter. Clarke wanted her there, and Lexa did too, so she would.
"I'll have you know that I give great moral support, Cos."
The laughter that erupted out of Raven had her recoiling a little, needing a moment to realize her error, but by then it was too late to correct it or claw it back.
"More like oral support, am I right?"
She peered into the backseat and leveled her accuser with a glare that she hoped would be strong enough to hold off any commentary on the deep blush adorning her cheeks. "Head out of the gutter, Reyes. Clarke and I...we haven't...I would never do such a thing in a place of worship, especially not at my best friend's wedding."
Raven's grin just bloomed bigger and brighter. "Babe, I was teasing you about kissing Clarke, not going down on her, but hey, if that's how your mind works..."
"Okay, you absolutely went there, she's not that naive, Raven." Costia chimed in, saving her bacon a little bit, because maybe she was a little gullible. Maybe she was a tad naive. There was nothing wrong with that.
Still, it was good to know her intuition had been right in the first place.
"Regardless, I'm not that desperate to get back to her. I can go a few hours without my girlfriend if I want to. It just so happens that, at least for the rest of this weekend, I don't." She asserted, earning a sidelong glance from Costia as the bride-to-be pulled to a halt at an intersection, waiting to turn left onto the road to the church.
"Have you two talked about what you'll be doing once Lexa and I head off onto our honeymoon? Once this road trip's over?" Costia's question squeezed her heart like a ripe Florida orange atop a juicer. She'd purposely left the future as a cloudy, vague concept, with only the barest, most positive traits.
That she and Clarke were girlfriends. That they'd be together, and eventually move in, and maybe even get married if Clarke actually wanted to farther down the line. But even if they didn't, they had a future of some kind together, they'd be happy.
The finer details were scarier, knowing there were a lot of holes in that fantasy future, a lot of things that had to happen to get them there, and she wasn't sure how to bridge the gaps between those points in the timeline. The road trip was always going to end, she knew that much, she'd just avoided thinking of how it'd end.
Would Clarke drop her off back home and then disappear into the night? Would they spend the next weeks at a distance? Could that distance break the bond between them?
Anya gulped hard, the boulder in her throat hardly budging. "That's...a discussion for later. Our focus is on making today the best we can for you and Lexa, we can sort out our personal plans once that's accomplished."
Costia didn't look so convinced, but she nodded regardless. "We're definitely talking later."
"Ah, I apologize, I meant myself and Clarke..."
"...I'm aware. I said what I said." Costia cut in, shooting her a reassuring smile, but even that couldn't shake the feeling that a one-on-one discussion later was non-negotiable.
It wasn't as if she and Clarke were the ones getting married today. Cos and Lexa were, so she really didn't understand the strange amount of attention they'd garnered, but Lexa had always been a bit of a meddler, and Costia often took her lead, so perhaps she shouldn't have been surprised.
Thankfully, it wasn't something she'd have to endure for long, the vehicle pulling into the lot for the church. "And as I said, we'll be a little too busy focusing on you and Lexa today for any of that, but don't worry. Clarke and I will be fine. The only thing you should put your energy towards today is having as wonderful a time as possible."
"What she means is I'll feed you a tequila shot or two, O will do your braids, and she and Clarke will canoodle to the fullest extent while doing Lexa's face and stuff." Raven's rephrasing wasn't entirely accurate, but it wasn't entirely inaccurate either, she supposed. Her friend patted at her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll keep Cos wrangled, you go flounce your way to your inamorata."
Anya rolled her eyes, hand on the door handle just as the vehicle pulled to a stop. "Maybe put the English to Italian dictionary away next time, Raven." She spoke, giving Costia one final smile. "I'm serious...today's your day, Costia, so have fun in there. I'll be over to check on you in an hour, but until then, enjoy yourself. I love you."
All of Costia's intensity melted away, the bride-to-be reaching out to rest a hand on her forearm. "I love you, too, sweet pea. I'll see you soon."
At that, Anya left the vehicle, making her way quickly enough to the church. She didn't run, of course, as doing so would breach proper decorum, and she wasn't about to cause a spectacle on Lexa and Costia's big day. Drawing any attention to herself and away from her chosen family wasn't an option. However, she didn't dawdle, either. It wouldn't do to keep Clarke or Lexa waiting.
The church was quiet, much more so than it would be in a few hours when the wealth of the guests would arrive.
Lexa had always been a bit of a drama queen, and Costia was all too happy to indulge her, so it wasn't at all surprising that today's events were as extravagant and exciting as they were. The wedding definitely fit their style and sensibilities, and they both deserved to have a major celebration full of as much love as they could be surrounded with. They deserved everything.
The sheer amount of family and friends they'd amassed together was enormous, and being able to share their day with them, being able to celebrate their future with everyone close to their hearts, it was the stuff of dreams.
To be truthful, it wasn't anything she'd dared to dream of for a long time now, but between the wedding festivities and Clarke's affections, certain ideas were rising to the surface again. Of course, she'd never dreamt of the scale that Lexa and Costia's big day offered, never in her life had she been under the impression that she had such a large network of loved ones; still, she liked the idea of a dozen or so folks sharing the day with her and her prospective wife, sharing the celebration of their love, of their future.
Now, an impromptu wedding wouldn't necessarily be entirely out of the question with the right person and the right circumstance, but she really did value the romance of the ceremony, the wedding party, the dress, the bouquet, all of it. Maybe she didn't need a church or chapel like Costia did, but someplace nice, big enough to host her small gathering. Maybe one with a nice view, by the water, or a meadow.
If she hadn't lived there for most of her adult life, her home and backyard would be an obvious choice, but a wedding in line with her dreams of old deserved somewhere new, somewhere special, not her cousin's parents' old cottage where she'd endured much of her growing pains and heartache.
Not that a wedding was actually on her horizon.
No, that required a proposal, and while she was more or less all-in, she needed to see that commitment from Clarke. Her own stubbornness and loyalty would see her through the duration of their relationship, but she needed to know that this wasn't just an infatuation for Clarke, that what they had wasn't just a hot flame that would burn down to embers in a few weeks. She needed something other than words to prove that she was different than the people Clarke had dated in the past, and as much as Clarke's loving confession was a fantastic start, Anya was a cautious woman.
There was no telling if Clarke would just get bored of her before a potential proposal. Or, perhaps, afterward, during an engagement period. Anya wasn't sure which possibility was more heartbreaking, as she stepped up to the room Lexa had commandeered as her dressing room for the day. There was time enough to concern herself with those possibilities later on.
She'd wait. Patiently, adoringly, and taking great care to enjoy the present with her girlfriend in the meantime. She'd celebrate her cousin and Costia's happiness today, and see them off to their honeymoon, but she wouldn't dare dream of a similar experience of her own, at least not in any real detail. Not until she had reason to.
Which, in all likelihood, wouldn't be any time soon. After all, Lexa and Costia knew they were perfect for each other for ages, and it still took them over a decade to tie the knot. As much as she wanted them to fit perfectly together, they hadn't been together long enough to find out, and even if they were, there was no reason for Clarke to be any quicker to the draw than Lexa was with Costia.
Meaning she had a long stretch of uncertainty ahead of her, most likely. One she'd do her best to enjoy for all it was worth for as long as it lasted, but still.
Anya took a breath and opened the door, gaze falling on Clarke touching up Lexa's eye shadow, a second slightly glittery brush caught in between her teeth as she worked away.
A brush that, by the near blinding glow from Lexa's chest and collarbone, as well as the light dusting across her face, told her that Clarke gave in to her cousin's aesthetic demands. Which, of course, it was Lexa's big day, so it was only right to do what Lexa requested, but still. It was just a lot of glitter.
"You're glowing, baby cousin." Anya let out, drawing the attention of her favourite girls, though to Clarke's credit, she continued her work. Her smile, however, was even brighter than Lexa's glitter.
"You're just jealous that I sparkle like your favourite monsters." Lexa shot back with an easy grin that Anya matched as she entered the room.
"First, I prefer werewolves and shapeshifters. Secondly, the Twilight monsters aren't vampires, they're weird Mormon undead things with fangs, and they sparkle, and they're nowhere near my favourite." She shot back, moving behind Lexa, resting her hands on the back of her cousin's chair. "You look lovely, though. It's just a shame Costia will be blinded by the time you finish walking down the aisle."
Clarke's laughter rang through the room. "What she's saying is that you're a vision, and you're the only thing Costia will be able to see when you're walking down the aisle."
Anya rolled her eyes and pressed a careful kiss to the side of her cousin's head. "More or less. The glitter will reflect sunlight onto Cos, but even discounting that, tears will stream down her cheeks when she sees how beautiful you look. You'll be great, little one."
"My babe's right, but I just have a minute or two of final touch-ups before you're done, so just stay put for a little longer." Clarke agreed, continuing to work away on Lexa's eyelids and brow.
Anya glanced around for something to do in the meantime, quickly spotting an opportunity. "May I get either of you a refreshment from the cooler?"
Clarke shook her head and stuck out her free hand. "Nah, need you here. Moral support and all." Clarke wiggled her fingers and kept her hand outstretched.
She bit her lip and stepped closer, enough to reach out and take hold of her girlfriend's free hand. It wasn't often that she ever witnessed such open need for affection, especially publicly, but it was a trait of Clarke's that she was really coming to enjoy.
"More like oral support, but you'll take what you can get in the meantime." Lexa sniped with an easy grin, channeling Raven Reyes as her words brought a deep blush to Clarke's cheeks.
"You know it. Now stay still, I'm almost done."
Anya's grip on Clarke's hand grew stronger at the candid admission, the boldness of it all bringing heat to her own cheeks. God almighty did she want to kiss Clarke, but it wouldn't be proper, or helpful, not when Clarke was busy working and Lexa was being prepped for her big day. She wouldn't be selfish, or sabotage what they'd been building together.
But she could certainly wait, and enjoy the feel of Clarke's hand in her own. It was a great day, and it'd only get better from there on out. Of that, Anya was certain.
Saturday Evening, June 4th (Chatham, MA)
From the stabbing sensations along the soles of her feet, it must have been at least nine o'clock, regardless of what time was displayed when she checked her phone. The last six or so hours had been a beautiful, wonderful blur, moving from event to event and activity to activity at a frenetic pace. Hell, she could barely even recall half of what she'd said in her speech as Lexa's best woman.
Fingers crossed that she hadn't embarrassed Lexa or herself too much with that.
Despite it only being fairly early in the evening, the crowd had thinned a fair bit since the end of the ceremony. Most stuck around long enough to watch the cutting of the cake and to grab a bite to eat, but maybe half of the crowd remained.
It certainly made it easier to spot her friends burning up the dance floor. The formal dancing had lasted for a song or two, and then swiftly shifted to more upbeat party music. Ever since, she'd spent a bit more time sitting at her table than out on the floor. It was harder to contain her urges dancing so closely to Anya, so she did what she could to hold herself in check. Maybe it also had to do with not wanting to dance without the structure Anya had taught her, but that was neither here nor there.
The squeeze of her hand, with Anya leaning up against her reassured her that her girlfriend was entirely fine with that.
"They're cute out there." Clarke whispered, peering out at the dance floor at Lexa and Costia.
Anya brought Clarke's hand up to her mouth for a lingering kiss. "It's hours later and Lexa's still glowing."
"That glitter is doing god's work." Clarke laughed. "But Costia brings out a special light in her. With their busy schedules, they deserve to dance as long as they want."
"They're going to be so lost when they're on their honeymoon. Two weeks by themselves? They won't know what to do with all that time, and they're not the touristy types. I can't imagine what chaos they'll get up to over in Italy." Anya kept her focus on Costia dropping Lexa in an exaggerated dip, and Clarke completely understood. Their grace, even in the midst of a fairly racy dance song, was only matched by their joyful exuberance.
It wouldn't be too long before the newlyweds would have to leave for Hyannis to catch their flight, but it was wonderful seeing the two surrounded by loved ones, celebrating their bond and basking in the community they'd fostered together.
It was a beautiful thing.
The only thing that could make things more perfect would be if Anya's relatives had left. Instead, a few of them had stuck around, pretty much stone-faced the whole time. Why they hadn't left was an utter mystery, but she was doing everything she could to keep them out of Anya's line of sight all day long.
They didn't deserve any of her girlfriend's attention.
"Oh, I'm sure Lexa and Costia will figure something out, babe." A waving arm from across the dance floor caught her attention, Raven seeming to be hailing her. "Reyes looks like she might need me for a sec. Will you be okay?"
"Much as I appreciate the concern, I'm not exactly in mortal danger. I'll be fine, darling." Anya gently grazed a hand down her cheek. "Now go rescue Raven so she can stop waving so obnoxiously, I worry she'll strain her rotator cuff at this point."
Clarke glanced back Raven's way and saw her friend had taken waving her down to another level. With a sigh, she leaned over, stole a quick kiss, and popped up to her feet. That seemed to sate her friend, Raven shifting to pretending to reel her in, much to Octavia's disgruntlement.
When she arrived at the other wide of the tent where Raven and Octavia were, O smacked her girlfriend upside the head. "Why do you always over-do it?"
"Please, you love when I over-do it." Raven quipped as she took Clarke's hand. "C'mon Clarkey, I need you to help me out."
Raven dragged her out from beneath the tent and over to the home a few meters away. "Any reason O can't help you?"
"Please, if I asked her to do some work on my face, I'd end up looking like a Viking metal band member. Which would be cool on most days, but it won't fly in this wedding." Her friend's assertion brought Clarke's attention to the suspiciously worn off makeup job she'd helped out with earlier in the day.
Clarke decided to chalk it up from sweat and exertion, given how the dynamic duo hadn't really taken a break ever since the dancing had started. "Yeah, O goes heavy on the eyeliner, I don't think she knows how to take a more subtle approach." She glanced down a bit to gauge her friend's gait as they made their way up the steps of the back porch and into the home. Raven wasn't limping, but there was a stiffness to her movements again. "How are you feeling?"
Raven shrugged. "Took a pain pill an hour ago, so I'm feeling alright. Leg's getting a bit unwieldy, though, so I'm probably done dancing for the night."
"Lasted longer than I did. My feet feel like they've been impaled." She said as Raven led her into a powder room on the main floor. It was only a white lie; her feet did hurt a bit, and she could pass it off as that rather than the persistent urge to hop Anya's bones on the dance floor that'd had her retreating back to the tables.
"Yeah, I wanted to believe in Anya, but I just didn't see that coming. Who knew you could move to a rhythm, let alone do the tango?" Raven said, hopping up onto the counter.
"I'm just happy I didn't fall on my face. Credit to Anya, she practically carried me through it all." Clarke hadn't carried a lot of her makeup with her to reception, but she knew she could salvage what was left of the original look Raven was going for. "Close your eyes, I'll touch up your eyeshadow and liner."
"Doesn't need to be fancy, just good enough to look good in the photos before Lexa and Cos leave on their honeymoon. They'll be leaving soon, so don't take too long or you'll miss getting a slow dance with cheekbones." By the twitch of Raven's eyebrow, she knew her friend wanted to dial up the sass factor, but she knew not to potentially sabotage the work being done and waste time.
It would have been well-deserved sass, though. Even if her feet were on fire, she would love to have one more dance with her girlfriend before the night was through.
"And, uh…while we're here…can I ask you something?"
The sudden shift in tone had her quirking her brow, not that Raven could see. "Of course."
"You're the romantic one out of the both of us. What do you think Octavia would be into? Like, as a special kind of thing." She hadn't really seen the question coming, but it was true that Raven and O's anniversary was coming up in the next few months. It was odd for Raven to go to her for advice, but she'd help if she could.
"You know how much she loves the outdoors. Maybe somewhere new? If you can travel to Austria, they've got some incredibly beautiful scenic areas. If you're looking within the continent, I know O's always wanted to visit British Columbia and see the Rockies." Octavia had a thing for mountainous terrain, and if Raven could take her to a beautiful place with some high altitude hiking, O would melt.
With their anniversary coming up in early October, they'd probably be just in time to catch the changing of the leaves in all their autumnal glory.
"Don't know if I can swing Austria this year, but Canada's feasible. I have been with NASA long enough to have one more week of vacation time this week than I did last year." A slow grin spread across Raven's face. "I think that could be perfect. She's never seen the Rockies."
"She'd love it."
Raven hummed happily as Clarke finished up her eye makeup and moved to touch up her lips. "You have any special plans for when you get back home?"
"I'm just taking it a day at a time right now." Clarke let out, almost as a gut response. It'd been something she'd been thinking of pretty much on repeat, to just stay in the present as much as possible, not wanting to paralyze or overwhelm herself with all the future possibilities. Still, it was impossible not to have some even basic ideas. "Would it make me a sap if I admitted that I just want to spend time with Anya? Any time I can get with her is special, so I just want more time."
Raven's immediate laughter was a bit obnoxious for her liking, but sent a clear enough message.
"Thanks for touching me up, babe." Raven hopped off the counter and checked herself in the mirror. "Want me to return the favour?"
Clarke shook her head. "Nah, I think I'll handle it myself. I'm sure Octavia's getting impatient as usual."
Raven gave her a swift pat on the head, just enough to muss her hair up, and then rushed out of the bathroom, the pitter-patter of her footsteps fading off in the distance.
It was seconds after Clarke had finished her own touch-ups that she heard footsteps return, however, coming to a halt close by at the doorway. "Forgot something, Raven?"
And older thinner voice met her ears. "We need to talk."
"Have you had fun tonight?"
Anya offered a happy hum, watching Lexa sit down adjacent to her as one of Costia's favourite 70's blues songs started up through the speaker system. "It's been a lovely reception."
Lexa nodded and took a sip of her wine. "Better than I'd hoped for, in all honesty."
"Certainly good enough to distract people from losing in their betting pool." Anya said with a laugh. "Personally, I'm glad Lincoln's walking away a few hundred dollars richer."
Lexa gave her a light shove. "May we never again doubt your prowess as a teacher."
She gave a satisfied nod as she thought back to earlier in the evening, of guiding Clarke smoothly around the dance floor, not even a single hiccup or slip from her girlfriend. Proud didn't even begin to describe how it made her feel to know she'd helped Clarke shut down all the dissent and ragging they'd heard leading up to the moment.
Of course, she'd been oh so polite and proper, and had restrained herself, but she yearned to drag Clarke away and spend the rest of the evening kissing her.
It would be inappropriate, of course, but the desire lingered.
Anya peered off over Lexa's shoulder, watching Costia and her father on the dance floor. Cos radiated joy, had been all night, and it was a relief that Lexa's extended family hadn't caused a scene to disrupt her well-earned cheer. Heck, most of the troublesome folks had left hours ago, aside from her aunt Nia. Even then, a quick glance around the reception gave Anya the hope that Nia had left unannounced, not seeing her at the table the woman had practically marked as her own territory over the past few hours.
She didn't breach the internal levees holding her relief at bay, not wanting to get ahead of herself just yet, but it was nice to not have the evil woman within sight. Nia was a bit of a drinker, so perhaps the woman drank herself sick. It was a nice thought that she allowed to linger long enough to scan the area again for Clarke.
Clarke, who was also missing.
It wasn't as if she had issues with object permanence, but she did see Raven over across the way, seated on Octavia's lap, laughing away at some joke or perhaps a bit of flirting. Her panic threshold wasn't where it was when she was a child, but it wasn't limitless.
"Clarke's fine. She can take care of herself."
Anya's focus swiveled back to face her little cousin, schooling her features in case her moment of fear had surfaced. "I'm aware." She stated as flatly as she could, catching herself mid-glance back toward the house so she could make eye contact with Lexa again.
"Mmhmm. Clearly." Lexa laughed. "I know you talked to Cos about it, but how are you doing? Really?"
Anya angled back in her seat, offering a sly smirk. "And here I thought tonight was purely about you and Cos."
"Humour me. We're setting out in under and hour, and we'll be out of reach for a while." Lexa shuffled her chair closer, then reached up to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear. "I want you to be taken care of."
Anya rolled her eyes about as hard as she had all weekend. "Don't be so dramatic! It's not like you're leaving forever, and I'm not helpless."
"Clarke's driving you home?" Lexa clearly wasn't content to let sleeping dogs lie.
"Yep. O and Raven are catching a flight back down south tomorrow, so it'll be the two of us."
Anya knew what the next question would be, and she didn't want to hear it. She certainly didn't have an answer for it. Her mind refused to cross that proverbial threshold and consider what would happen when she got home. The mounting fear of thousands of heartbreaking endings or disappointing Clarke loomed over her, and she couldn't rid herself of the spectre. She shook away the incoming worries as best she could, knowing there was no point in killing the good mood she'd been in all night.
She could see Lexa shift gears. "What would you like to happen?"
"I…um…" It was a question she hadn't expected. What she was scared of, what she dreaded, and what she thought would happen, those were the big ones. She hadn't had time to fully flesh out what she'd hoped would happen, not yet. Sure, Clarke had given a nice hopeful glimpse at a potential far off future, but the next forty-eight hours were a different beast altogether.
Anya bit back her anxiety and focused. It would be a long drive home tomorrow, and her nerves about losing what she and Clarke were building would likely only get magnified by her motion sickness. It wouldn't be the best baseline to work from.
Their road trip wouldn't last forever; while she could work remotely, Clarke had a job to get back to. They didn't live together, or even all that close to each other. It'd only been a few days since she and Clarke had first met, so it was entirely in the realm of possibility that a few more days would have Clarke coming to her senses, that a week apart could see the lustre fade, opening enough room for second guessing. It had been such a whirlwind of emotions from the beginning, and it only made sense for that to move on and leave something else in its wake. Something different.
"Anya, what do you want?"
She hadn't felt the tears wetting her cheeks until Lexa's thumb brushed them away, her cousin tilting her head back up to force eye contact, Lexa's lifted eyebrows probing her to answer.
"I want to be where she is. I don't want to go home." The heart in her chest swelled at the thought, and she knew from the past that it hurt too much when she clung hard to hope. "But that's me being needy. I can't make that decision for her. I can't even ask her, because then she might feel obligated."
"You know I love your cautious pessimism, Anya, but I'm not going to have this woe is me attitude on my wedding day. This is a day for love, and hope, and I'm not going to leave my reception until you have a smile on your face." Lexa asserted, cupping her chin and giving it a little squeeze. "You're dating Clarke. You've had a wonderful night with her, and a wonderful time with her leading up to tonight. Cos and I are going to be heading onto the dance floor for a few more in a minute or two, why don't you grab Clarke and meet us out there?"
It was as good an idea as any, and Lexa really didn't deserve any sort of baggage before heading off on her honeymoon. Anya would do everything she could to fix the situation. At least until Lexa and Costia were safely on their way.
Anya scanned the reception area, making another slow sweep after not finding her girlfriend among the crowd. Clarke wasn't anywhere in sight, and Raven was still with Octavia.
"I'll go find her. I don't want you to worry about me, that's my job with you, okay?" Anya asked, getting out of her seat carefully. "You go see to your lovely bride, I can see she's waiting for you out there."
A barrage of worries gathered at the edge of her mind, only her duty to Lexa holding them at bay as she walked out of the reception and back towards the house. It was the last place she saw Clarke heading off towards, so she hoped her girlfriend was in there, perhaps just taking a moment for herself in the peace and quiet. Clarke being a painter, she figured it was a likely possibility.
Not wanting to disturb such a moment of meditation, Anya made sure to open the door slowly and quietly step in to shut it behind her. The home was quiet as she moved deep in, but not silent, the low murmur of conversation guiding her closer to the front of the house, the distant light from the powder room marking her destination.
"…time, you came to me, to have a conversation with me, so you need to respect my terms. Otherwise we'll keep talking in circles, and I'll have wasted too much time with whatever the hell this is supposed to be."
Clarke's low frustrated voice held none of the sweetness and melody she was used to. She was about to hurry forward when the other participant's voice met her ears.
"I'm trying to keep you from making a mistake."
Her Aunt Nia's voice froze her in place, mere feet away from the entrance to the room. No doubt, the vile woman had ambushed Clarke, the mere thought of it bubbling a violent fury in her chest, one she knew she'd need to stifle before she could enter. She didn't want to commit felony assault on her cousin's wedding day.
"And the only reason I'm still here is because you've behaved yourself today, which is very different than the previous years of you and your people ostracizing and exiling Anya, and keeping her and her loved ones apart. I'd like to believe people can change."
"So would I. You seem like a good girl, a bright girl. Lexa…we all can forgive Lexa, she at least married into another deeply religious family, but…'Anya'…he's tainted. He's fil…"
"Don't misgender her. She's a beautiful woman with an amazing heart, and…"
"They're a freak on the fringe of society, for good reason. They don't deserve the kindness of community. The young children, they don't know better, but when they're old enough to understand, they'll have nothing but resentment for Anya's place in their lives. You have to cut out the cancer entirely." Nia spoke, her words roiling and seething more and more as she continued on. "I had a nephew once. He betrayed his family and the Lord and twisted himself into a monster. You can try to care for that thing, to expose it to the young ones in your life to try to build something, it won't matter. When they're old enough to know better, they'll hate him and his lies, the damage forcing them to know him caused them, the poison they'll have to draw out of their souls. And any who fall under his sway will hate themselves to their core, not because of me or the Pines, but because of him. The selfish, monstrous rot of him will…"
The sound of a heavy thud and frantic muffled words broke Anya out of her hazy, dissociative moment, feeling as if she was young again with her mother's verbal abuse raining down on her, not needing to touch her face to feel the tears dripping off her jaw.
"I'll make this short and sweet because Anya wouldn't want me wasting any more time and energy on you than I have already. I'm going to go out there and be with my wonderful girlfriend. She deserves so much better than you all gave her, and I'm lucky I'm in a place to do right by her and love her like she deserves. As Lexa and Cos made clear, Anya's a part of this family, and while you don't need to like it, you need to accept it."
As quietly as her shaky knees could manage, she backpedaled and found her way into a room that would be best described as a 'den'. Anya slumped down on a small loveseat as her brain buzzed and lungs strained. The fact that she could still focus enough to dig in her bag for her phone was illuminating, having enough mindfulness to tap out a quick message to Clarke before dropping it and beginning her breathing exercises.
Time often got a bit nebulous sometimes in the midst of an attack, but as seconds passed, her aching chest and rampaging heart began to calm little by little, to where she could hear the rapid clacking of heels approaching. By the time Clarke burst into the room, Anya was pretty sure she could probably form a full sentence if she wanted to.
"Anya?" Clarke's eyes scanned her, searching for a source of distress or pain, a glimmer of relief washing over her soft features when it was clear Anya was out of the proverbial woods. "Are you okay?"
Anya needed only to reach out, and Clarke was hurrying across the room and curling up beside her on the loveseat. "Thought I was going to have another attack." She let out, cheeks burning in embarrassment. She knew Clarke wouldn't push her for details, certainly not now at least, but she needed to express herself. She needed Clarke to know. "Thank you, darling. I…I didn't want you to waste your energy on her, but thank you for standing up for me."
"Whuh? I…oh…" Clarke sputtered, swiftly burying her face in Anya's shoulder. "I know you didn't need me to defend you, you're stronger than me, but I just…I needed to let her know that she's wrong. That you're loved. I'm sorry for not taking the high road."
She turned into Clarke and wrapped her girlfriend up in her arms. "Make it up for me with a slow dance?"
"Ooof, my dogs are barking, babe. Would it be fine if I danced barefoot?"
Anya carefully got off the couch and knelt before her girlfriend, gently removing her heels to reveal sore looking feet. "I think I'll take a rain check on that, actually." She said, offering her sweetest smile to try and assuage the clear and present guilt radiating from Clarke. "I promise, I'll never ask you to hurt yourself for me, and I can think of a better time and place for that dance. For now, let's get back before we miss Lexa and Cos' send off."
Lexa wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, of course, but it was enough of a distraction to help Clarke to her feet and slowly guide her girlfriend back to the reception area.
There was no room for negativity or second guessing anymore. She adored Clarke, and she'd have faith that they'd work out, plan or no plan. Whatever their futures held, they'd face it together, forging a new path forward.
Happy Valentine's day, y'all!
This one's the…according to the drafts I've saved, at least…seventeenth iteration. Still not super pleased with it, but it's stewed more than long enough, better to air it out and just commit to something. I hope you enjoy!