Chapter 16:

Elizabeth looked down, taking a deep breath to calm herself. She looked around, hearing the calming sounds of the water nearby, feeling the sun shinning on them, and the cool breeze from the trees. This place was magical and she tried to breath deeply. She thought of the last time someone had asked her for her hand in marriage and how different it had been to this. This was lovely, calm, and planned. The other gentleman had blurted out his feelings, full of passion and a little bit of arrogance, and all she wanted to laugh and cry as she stood before Mr. Rochester, instead of the other gentleman, who at the time she vowed to never accept and now she vowed to never refuse.

Mr. Rochester was still holding on to Elizabeth's hands, unaware of her momentary inner turmoil. Elizabeth lifted her eyes again and looked at him, really looked at him. The truth was that though she did like Mr. Rochester, genuinely liked him, and could see herself happily married to him, her mind could not stop from thinking back of the other gentleman who she knew at that moment, even if took years or even centuries, she would wait for him. If they could not be together in this life, she would wait until the next.

It was not truly a choice—her soul was bound to his. Her mind wandered to a place far from here, though equally beautiful, a place in the north, a home surrounded by trees, and to him, a gentleman who held her soul until eternity.

"I am so sorry" said Elizabeth, watching Mr. Rochester kneeling before her, holding on to her ungloved hand, "I am sorry" she added again, removing her hand from his, "I cannot accept."

Mr. Rochester looked at her and gave her a small frown, holding back a tear, he stood up and with a knowing and weak smile said, "I know, deep down I knew, but I still had to try."

"I do not have the pleasure of understanding you" said Elizabeth, confused at his response. She had not planned to decline him nor had she planned any of this. She just did not know until that moment that she simply could not. She had thought about it, even spoken to Jane about it, but she had no way of knowing until she was given the choice that she realized there was no way her heart could say yes. It was not hers to give.

"I hope I am worthy of such love one day" he remarked wistfully, a small frown on his face, "I wish you all the happiness, Miss Elizabeth." He turned around to go back towards his mother, paused for a moment and then turned to face her once more.

"Mr Darcy's wife passed away a month ago. I heard about it through a fortnight ago" he said, rather formally. He hesitated before speaking again, knowing this information was most likely meaningful to Miss Elizabeth. Seeing her pale face was enough to tell him that that was clearly the case.

"Elizabeth, are you well?" he asked, looking genuinely concerned and stepping forward towards her, offering his hand for support.

"Quite" said Lizzy holding her breath, she raised her hand to her chest, trying to ease her breathing, "Were you going to propose and not tell me?" she now asked, looking at him with her piercing brown eyes.

"When I asked you about him, you never said anything" responded Mr. Rochester, taken aback. He did not feel it was his duty to inform her, nor did he expect her to feel it was.

"What was I supposed to say?" Said Lizzy, forcing her voice to keep calm. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Was she supposed to tell the man who was courting her that she was in love with someone else? With a married man? And he knew, he saw them dancing and had inquired, but how was she to tell him? She was not expecting this revelation—it was all too much.

"I am not judging you miss Elizabeth, truly. I wish you all the happiest as in the world. Perhaps I was selfish in keeping the news from you, though I suspected they would affect you" he answered honestly, now reaching with his hand to lift up her chin so they were now seeing eye to eye.

"It would have not changed my answer" said Lizzy, she said calmly, peering into his green eyes, "If I had truly felt I was able to give to you what you deserved in a wife, I would have said yes and that fact would not have changed it—even if I had found out after giving an answer."

"And I would have settled for you…even if it meant being patient" he said solemnly, "However that is not how things are to be."

"No" said Lizzy, holding back tears, though it would be easier, she thought to herself.

"Should we go back to my mother?" he asked, offering her his arm.

"I need a minute" she answered, giving him a weak smile. She turned around to once again look at the water and try to calm herself—there was so much she felt and so little she could show.

"Of course" he said, bowing slightly. He would respect her privacy.

And with that, he looked at her once more, silently saying goodbye, turned around and walked back towards his mother, who was looking at him with eager eyes. She saw her son's face and Elizabeth's turned back and she knew at once that what they had hoped for was not to be.

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I know this is short but I did not want to leave you in suspense!