Disclaimer: I do not own Storm Hawks or Slayers.
Why You Never Let a Mazoku Cook
"All done," Xelloss chimed as he set his soup on the table, "I hope you'll enjoy it. I've been planning on making this dish for centuries."
Although the Mazoku was happy about his accomplishment, the Storm Hawks (with the exception of Junko) were not. When he had volunteered to cook for dinner, Aerrow had hoped that it would be a nice change of pace from having Piper make dinner all the time. That and it would have probably kept Xelloss out of trouble. What he didn't expect that the food he was serving was going to look like something out of a toxic waste dump.
"Now, you see why we don't let Xelloss cook," Lina said as she and her friends stood a reasonable distance away from the safety hazard. Oh yeah, they did warn him about how Xelloss' cooking skills were the pinnacle of catastrophic. But they did say it was one time and he didn't feel that a timed cooking contest was enough evidence to condone his cooking. He should have probably reconsidered.
Xelloss, of course, was unfazed by their stares of disgust and continued to smile. "So, who would like to try it first?"
"Oh Oh! Me!" Junko volunteered as he grabbed a spoon and was about to dig in. No one objected for fear of his health. After all, he had eaten things that would make a normal person sick. His digestive system may be able to handle some questionable dish.
Scooping up some of the soup, the wallop slurped it up in one gulp, smiling afterwards. So far, he was still alive and he looked like he like it a lot. It was a few seconds later that Junko froze before fainting.
The others stared in horror, seeing his body lie still. There was no way that the wallop was now a stiff. His friends had seen time and time again the strength of his iron stomach. A few seconds later, Junko sat up straight, looking fully revived, and asked, "May I have some more?"
While everyone else was relieved, Xelloss was mildly surprise by the wallop's action. "Huh, I thought I put enough Lupinis extract."
Stork gave a glance over the Mazoku and sarcastically replied, "I'm afraid to ask what else in there?"
"Oh, there are a couple of arachnoids' legs, some gorgon's tears, a pinch of blasting powder for taste, oh and I cook some broth from a mixture of Black Gorge moss and thick sludge from the swamps of Terra Gruesomus…" As he listed off the soup ingredients, everyone began to get sicker. No wonder how their friend looked like he was deceased.
Aerrow, not even thinking about it twice, spoke up, "Alright, someone please get the soup out of here." Without haste, both Finn and Piper grabbed the pot and started to head for the cannons, with Junko following after them to get some more. Usually, the sharpshooter would complain about these types of jobs. But he was willing to do the deed if it meant not staring at deadly concoction anymore.
Xelloss feinted disappointment as he watched his hard work get taken away. "Ahh, but I worked so hard on it too."
Lina, who she and her friends knew him well enough to see his tricks (mostly), patted Xelloss unsympathetically. "Yea, yea, save it when you actually make something edible."
Meanwhile, below the Condor, Commander Chicken Feathers (or whatever he was calling himself was nowadays) was gloating to himself about his latest plan as he and a small squadron flew. "Yes, with this sneak attack, I shall defeat the Storm Hawks and then, everyone will have to acknowledge me and stop calling me Commander Chicken Feathers!"
"Hate to break it to you, Commander Chicken Feathers," a Talon spoke up, ruining his ridiculous fantasy, "But it looks like that the Storm Hawks are doing something on the side of the ship."
"What! Have they found out about my sneak attack?!"
"Hold on, let me check." The Talon then took out a spy glass and looked up, "… Well, it doesn't seem they notice us. In fact, they look like their dumping something overboard."
"Oh." Chicken Feathers blinked in confusion before going back to gloating, "In that case, I will be the one to finally defeat those Storm Hawks and then I-ll-!" Before he could finish, he got drenched from above. Both his armor and uniform were now soaked in the questionable substance that smelled more horrible than the track beast cages. Well, that was putting it mildly.
The commander looked annoyed that he was covered in a sludge soup, accidentally licking up some of it off his face. A second later, his face turned green before he started flying away, post haste. The other Talons looked on in confusing and then followed after him. It must have been a bad dish.
Author's Notes:
I can assure you that Chicken Feathers getting dumped by Xelloss' unholy concoction is pure coincidence. The Storm Hawks didn't see him when they threw it out… Can't seem to catch a break.
Just so know, I'm working on my main projects (slowly but surely). But this kind of popped up in my head and I wanted to write it down. After all, I did write about Xelloss being the Colonel's new cook. It was only sensible to do the Storm Hawks next, especially Junko.
Well, the holidays are coming. I hope you guys have a happy celebration.
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